Smart hose

My mom says its a good idea sometimes to write down stuff, even if nobody else sees it. She says its a great way to get your thoughts organized, and boy do I need to do that, so here it goes.

My life just got turned upside down, and I'm still processing.

But I should begin at the beginning, as my English teacher says.

My name is James Micheal, I'm twelve, and I live in Sherwood Park, a small town just outside of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

Several years ago, I started noticing I was ... out of step with my peers, especially the boys. But what was going on became a little clearer a few months ago when my class did a bit on sex ed, mostly focused on puberty.

I realized that any day I could get hit by testosterone, and start becoming a man. And I also realized I didnt want that to happen.

That given my choice, I'd rather become a girl, and then a woman.

But I was too scared to do anything about it. Not that my mom would be some kind of monster, I'm sure she would come around to the idea, but I've looked up the stats. For every girl like Jazz Jennings, there are dozens, maybe hundreds who arent as lucky.

It can get pretty bad out there for trans folks. And even though Canada is better than some places in the world, doesnt mean there is no risk of really bad stuff happening to me.

So there I was, between a rock and a hard place, too scared to try and be a girl, too scared to even say that's what I wanted, yet knowing if I didnt do something, and soon, I'd look less and less like a girl and transitioning, assuming I found the courage to, would be that much harder, maybe even impossible.

Then things changed.

My mom got called into work this morning, even though it was a Saturday, and decided I was old enough to not burn the house down while she was gone, so I was on my own for a while.

I puttered around on my computer for a bit, got bored with it and went to my mom's room to nap.

I hadn't planned on stealing her clothes, I promise.

I had planned to do was lay on her bed, under her pink comforter, and imagine waking up a girl.

But then I saw on her dresser a box marked "Smart hose 2.0 beta test"

I had heard of Smart hose - seen the ads for it. It was supposedly this revolution in pantyhose technology, durable enough to never get a run or a hole, and guaranteed to fit any body shape.

And I swear to God, the box called to me.

I went over, opened the box, and pulled out the material, which seemed way too small for the job, but still I went over to the bed, got undressed, and started trying to put the hose on.

And the hose finished the job on its own.

Before I knew what was happening, it had covered not only my legs but everywhere below my neck.

At which point I passed out ...

Which is where I was when mom came home.

She rushed me back to her work, which was the company responsible for Smart hose, and they started trying to figure out just how much trouble I was in.

After they tested me , they said that there was no way to get the stuff off me without hurting me.

Then they said the material had actually gotten under my skin, and was changing me.

Which they swore to my mom shouldn't be happening.

Scared I was gonna die, I told mom about the girl thing, and she just hugged me and said she had her suspicions but waited for me to say something so as to not plant any ideas in my head.

About a half hour ago they realized that the stuff was doing its best to make my wish come true - it was turning me into a girl.

And my mom just left to go talk to the science guys who made the material again, giving me the chance to write this out, and try and put my feelings into order.

Except I'm finding that pretty hard. On the one hand, becoming a girl sounds wonderful, but what about my life? My school? Will I be kept locked up, will I have to come up with some fake explanation so I can return to some kind of normal life?

Right now, the only good news is my mom has assured me I wont lose her, no matter what else happens.

I suspect I'm gonna need her support, and any help I can get ...

End