Baby Talk

"Connie, come in! Yes, Mary will be ready shortly, she's just putting Junior down. How are you? Good to hear, dear. I can't believe its been a year since you were able to come up this way. Me? Well, in all honesty, I could be a lot better. What's wrong? Its kind of personal .. Okay, you twisted my arm. See, up until last year, I was a normal guy. I had a good job, and a fantastic wife, and things were going great. Then one day my wife says she's skipped a period, and she wants to take a pregnancy test. Its positive, and we celebrate, and I was thinking I was the luckiest guy on the planet.

Then things got strange.

Mary had morning sickness something awful, which I'm sure you heard about. But what you may not have heard is I got sick at the same time. For a while it was like a contest to see which one of us needed the bathroom more, and it was not a good time. I went to see my doctor, and they can't find anything wrong with me.

Then Mary started having cravings, and to my great surprise, whatever she made for herself, I ended up eating half of it. She would get a little ticked at me for doing that, but lucky for me, she would soon forgive me for it. I couldn't seem to help myself, whatever she craved, I would crave too, and it really bothered both of us.

Finally her morning sickness stopped, and I started feeling better too. I went back to work, and life seemed to return to normal, until one of my female co-workers, who knew Mary was pregnant, asked me when I had got the sympathy belly.
I asked her what that was, and she told me it was a fake belly a man could wear to simulate being pregnant, to help him understand what his wife was going through. I laughed and said she had found me out, but I was very concerned, since I wasn't wearing any kind of padding.

I checked myself out in a mirror, and I could see my belly had grown almost as much as my wife's had. I went to the doctor, got a checkup, and got him to give me an exercise routine to help me lose the weight, but it simply didn't work. No matter how healthy I ate, I kept gaining weight.

Then Mary started retaining water, especially in her ankles, and within days of her, I started retaining water too. By this time the strain on our marriage was incredible, and I started to fear I was going to lose her. I felt like I was less in control of my emotions, having crying jags every so often, and I started sleeping in the spare room.

We made up, and I was laying beside her when the baby kicked for the first time, and I got a chance to feel this little movement with my hands, like most other expectant fathers. However, unlike most expectant fathers, the next day I started feeling a kicking in my own stomach, and I rushed myself to my doctor's office.

He said it was probably sympathy pains, and not to worry about it, so I went back home, and told Mary. Having a name for it helped us both a lot, especially me.

Then the big day came. Mary's water broke, and we rushed to the hospital. I stayed by her side for several hours, and then I felt horrible pain of my own, and barely had time to call for a nurse before I collapsed.

When I woke up, I was a father, and I cried with happiness just like Mary did. Then Mary took Junior to her breasts to feed him for the first time, and as soon as she was done, she looked at me and told me my shirt was soaked. I was more worried about the fact my chest hurt, and we got the doctor to examine me.

That's when we finally clued in to the fact I now had breasts. And more than that, I was producing milk, which is why my chest had been hurting. The doctors were debating what we should do about that, when Mary handed me my newborn son, and told me I should take advantage of the situation, and feed him.

It was like no other experience I have ever had.

They sent us home with matching breast pumps, and Mary lent me one of her nursing bras. We also stocked up on nursing pads as well, since we apparently needed twice the amount a normal heterosexual couple would.

For a while after, things were great. We shared all the baby duties, and found ourselves growing closer together than ever before, right up until a couple of days ago.

What happened? Well, you see, Mary is talking about having another baby and I'm a little worried about it.

See, I don't think I could handle being left out. What if I don't get to share in the experience this time around?

What? You're sure I will? Oh I hope so, I hope so! Anyway, here's Mary, I won't keep you two from your girl time together.

Take care now, and we'll talk when you get home, Mary. I think if you're ready for another, so am I.

We'll figure it out when you come home, hon. Have a good lunch.

Bye.

Fin.