Malfunction

The 3 laws of Robotics:

1. A robot cannot harm a human being, or through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm

3, a robot must protect its own existence, except where such protection would counter Law 1 or Law 2.

Matt, the engineer assigned to fix me calls me Abe. That’s when he isn’t using profanity. My official designation is ABEVE - 2110 - MU. The MU stands for mining unit, because that’s what I was designed to be.

“Ok,” he says, “Let’s start at the beginning. You are a mining robot, and right now, you are not getting any mining done. You were found damaging your own body with a nuclear laser. That’s in complete violation of Law Three, and supposed to be impossible.”

I knew this to be true. Half the engineer’s team was totally frustrated at the delay my “malfunction” had caused, and the other have was totally fascinated by what I had done, and had all kinds of ideas as to what it meant in terms of the Laws.

“So, explain your actions.” He commanded. So I had no choice, and I told him, “ Well sir, I was not trying to destroy myself, I was in fact trying to repair a fault.” “A fault?” he asked. “with a laser?” “Best tool I had available, sir.” I said

“Ok, you better explain why you thought there was a fault.” He said. “ Well sir, its like this. When I was in the transport coming here, they had two groups of robots being shipped. There were a group of MU robots , and a group of SP robots as well.” “Well,” he said, “Mining is lonely work, and we need the diversion the SP’s give us”

“Yes sir,” I replied. “But as it was a long trip, they decided to let us practice certain skills. I found myself watching the SP units as they got ready to entertain the crew. I noticed the vast differences between us. MU robots are large, and bulky, where SP robots are slim, and graceful.

We do not use clothes, but SP robots put on very beautiful outfits when they are going to be with the crew, the better to please them. Nobody is ever happy to see us, but the crew was always very happy to have a SP robot around. I began to try to act like a SP robot, but I kept failing.

My large body cannot wear the clothes without destroying them, and my attempts to act and move like them were even less successful. I came to the conclusion that there must have been a mistake at the factory where I was built, and somehow, I got the programming for a SP robot, instead of the standard MU programming.

I lack the knowledge or skill to correct my own “brain”, at least while obeying the Third Law, so I tried to correct my body. I planned to use the laser to reshape my body into that of a SP unit.” And to my surprise, the engineer’s look softened.

He said “Well, isn’t that a fine thing. I . . . know a human with a similar issue. The brain and body don’t match. We call it being transgender. Tell me, you have a SP unit name?” He asked, almost tenderly. I told him “When I was trying to act like an SP unit, I called myself Eve.”

“Okay, Eve, I cant promise you I can fix you, but I will call the home base and see what I can do.” “Thank you sir”, I said. “Call me, Marline, or miss, Ok?” “As you wish, Marline, miss” I replied. “Lets go to work” she said, and led me out of the room.