Well, at the end of a trying day, I got some good news.

Okay, so I feel like an idiot. The reason why the TV didn't work was that the power bar wasn't plugged in.

On the other hand, this means I dont have to get a new TV, so yay?

Had an appointment with the doctor, and he wants to book me for surgery on my foot as soon as possible. He talked about it being a "fibroid mass", and mentioned the possibility of getting a biopsy on it once its removed to be sure its not cancer.

Now, why couldn't I get that on my male bits instead ?

Ah, well.

I guess what little fan-base I have has given up on my writing. My last story "Somebody's knockin'" and my latest poem "Lie to me" both are lacking in comments. I know I'm not the wonderful author Tels or Bailey Summers or Drea (or almost anybody you can mention on this site) are, but still ...

Well, I had my ultrasound on my foot, and I am more confused as to what's going on than ever. I started to sweat when the technician called someone else to look at my results, and all this other person would tell me was there was a possibility it was "scar tissue" and gave a Latin name which meant nothing to me.

So now I have to wait for a MRI scan, which wont happen until May, and then see the specialist.

Our system is free, but it sure takes a long time to get anything done ...

Ah, well.

What's a life without pain?

You can thank Kylie for the cool image that goes with my latest story "Scavenger"

Give her a round of applause, folks!

I find myself wondering why I feel so fragile. Is it that in taking of the male mask I am more vulnerable than I have ever been? Is it that I am now on hormones that equal what a teenage girl deals with? Is it that trying to deal with both my gender issues and my abuse I dont have a lot of emotional strength left for anything else?

I don't know, but the truth remains - I am more sensitive, more fragile now.

So be extra careful in handing me, okay?

Found an interesting documentary on gender identity and those who cross or blur the lines between the genders:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIoVXMFI5Tw

I have a question about the Christmas contest. I know its supposed to be about 3 wise men, but would 3 wise women be acceptable?

After I read Katie's latest blog, I wondered if I should apologize for my writing too. I seem to have the opposite problem than her - I cant make my stories long enough. Someone on fictionmania described my last story "Case file" as "more of an elevator pitch of a story than the full story".'

I have what I think are wonderful ideas in my head, but when I write them they end up being postcards instead of major motion pictures ...

So my apologies to all.

Well, tonight I go to my brother's birthday party, and its expected that some of my relatives will be there who have never "met" the real me. So I am a touch nervous ...

ah, well.

Well, I wanted to talk about some positives about being trans, but last night I ended up fighting nightmares of rape basically the whole night. Probably triggered by my trying to write my autobiography, stupid me.

I will survive, but this isnt the way I wanted to start my day...

Ah, well.

Question for you all. If you were a pre-op male to female trans person, would you be comfortable using a woman's locker room? For example, before and after a gym class? I know my answer, but what do you guys and gals say?

You ever notice it sometimes feels like once one thing goes great, a bunch of other things start going great as well, and when one bad thing happens, it opens the door to a bunch of badness?

WARNING: WHAT IS TO FOLLOW IS A FRANK DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE. PLEASE BE CAREFUL READING ...