dorothycolleen's blog

Update on my foot

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Had an appointment with the doctor, and he wants to book me for surgery on my foot as soon as possible. He talked about it being a "fibroid mass", and mentioned the possibility of getting a biopsy on it once its removed to be sure its not cancer.

Now, why couldn't I get that on my male bits instead ?

Ah, well.

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Had a flashback yesterday

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Well, on Sunday after church, I had another session with my pastor's wife, and had a flashback during the session. In my flashback, I saw myself during the abuse being photographed by my rapist. A flash from a camera, going off again, and again.

Needless to say, I was a little upset about this.

But thinking about it this morning, I found myself being able to say "Screw my rapist. He doesn't own me. So he took pictures. I don't belong to him."

So maybe this flashback ends up being a step forward.

I can hope so, anyway.

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Did all my fans disappear?

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I guess what little fan-base I have has given up on my writing. My last story "Somebody's knockin'" and my latest poem "Lie to me" both are lacking in comments. I know I'm not the wonderful author Tels or Bailey Summers or Drea (or almost anybody you can mention on this site) are, but still ...

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Men and Flirting

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I have said before that some outfits can improve a man's appearance, and last night at work I got a good example of it. One of my supervisors was wearing a western-style dress shirt that flattered him nicely, and once I finished berating myself for noticing, I decided to give myself a break on the subject.

But it did get me thinking about flirting with men, and having a man flirt with me.

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Okay, so now I am confused

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Well, I had my ultrasound on my foot, and I am more confused as to what's going on than ever. I started to sweat when the technician called someone else to look at my results, and all this other person would tell me was there was a possibility it was "scar tissue" and gave a Latin name which meant nothing to me.

So now I have to wait for a MRI scan, which wont happen until May, and then see the specialist.

Our system is free, but it sure takes a long time to get anything done ...

Ah, well.

What's a life without pain?

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Thank Kylie for the picture on my latest story

You can thank Kylie for the cool image that goes with my latest story "Scavenger"

Give her a round of applause, folks!

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Fragile, handle with care

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I find myself wondering why I feel so fragile. Is it that in taking of the male mask I am more vulnerable than I have ever been? Is it that I am now on hormones that equal what a teenage girl deals with? Is it that trying to deal with both my gender issues and my abuse I dont have a lot of emotional strength left for anything else?

I don't know, but the truth remains - I am more sensitive, more fragile now.

So be extra careful in handing me, okay?

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Ended my night at work in tears

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Well, things didn't go terribly well at work last night. I ended up actually sobbing from pain as my shoulder, my privates, my face, and my foot competed to see which one was gonna hurt the worst.

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A question about the Christmas contest

I have a question about the Christmas contest. I know its supposed to be about 3 wise men, but would 3 wise women be acceptable?

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Jaci is gonna laugh at this one

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Well, Jaci is gonna laugh at this one. Writing my autobiography has reminded me of a very strange incident. I was still in grade six, and I was on my way home from school when I saw some of my usual tormentors, but this time they had friends. Friends on bikes. Friends with knives, chains, and baseball bats.

I ran for my life, and somehow managed to get to my door ahead of them. I called the police, and decided I would do something rather stupid - I opened my door and told them the police were on their way.

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Should I apologize too?

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After I read Katie's latest blog, I wondered if I should apologize for my writing too. I seem to have the opposite problem than her - I cant make my stories long enough. Someone on fictionmania described my last story "Case file" as "more of an elevator pitch of a story than the full story".'

I have what I think are wonderful ideas in my head, but when I write them they end up being postcards instead of major motion pictures ...

So my apologies to all.

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The birthday party was stressful but okay

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Well, yesterday was an adventure, all right. First, we were later getting going than I would have liked, then a train kept us waiting for 10 minutes, and then I lost track of mom, so by the time we got there we were both seriously stressed. But the actual event was nice, and one lady complimented me on my pigtails. Other than my relatives using the male name for me, it was a decent night.

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Light at the end of the tunnel?

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I have been thinking about my nightmares the other night, and I think I see the silver lining. See, unlike most of these instances, I was able to do something inside the dream.

I fought back.

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Nightmares

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Well, I wanted to talk about some positives about being trans, but last night I ended up fighting nightmares of rape basically the whole night. Probably triggered by my trying to write my autobiography, stupid me.

I will survive, but this isnt the way I wanted to start my day...

Ah, well.

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locker room question

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Question for you all. If you were a pre-op male to female trans person, would you be comfortable using a woman's locker room? For example, before and after a gym class? I know my answer, but what do you guys and gals say?

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when it rains?

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You ever notice it sometimes feels like once one thing goes great, a bunch of other things start going great as well, and when one bad thing happens, it opens the door to a bunch of badness?

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Need help understanding people

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Well, last night I had one of those occurrences that make me wish I understood how people interact with each other, and I'm hoping you guys will help me.

To make this fun, lets make it a quiz:

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Thinking about death (WARNING, MAY TRIGGER)

WARNING: WHAT IS TO FOLLOW IS A FRANK DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE. PLEASE BE CAREFUL READING ...

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Had a nice conversation with Sigh last night.

I had a nice conversation with Sigh last night, and I just wanted to thank her publicly for talking with me, and tell everybody she is a sweet woman who I am glad to consider a friend.

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