I lit a candle for my brother in church today.

My day started with me in tears as I went to church, because as it is Father's day, I found myself missing my dad something awful.

Well, we got some bad news here.

Last night, I dreamed that my brother was dead. So this morning, I had to call him, just to hear his voice.

That's not too weird, is it?

If you are interested, I've found an interesting article on being trans and being a survivor of sex abuse:

http://www.firelily.com/gender/gianna/childhood.trauma.html

Just a question for you all. I am considering publishing here the speech I will give at church on Sunday, and I wonder if I should do so as a "story" or a "blog"?

opinions?

As most of my long-time readers know, I try my best in this blog to be as honest as I possibly can, in part to make up for the amount of lying that was part of my life before. That isn't always easy, a lot of the time I'd rather talk about something "safe" than bring out the tough stuff that's going on. Like, for example, discovering I did the double-look at boys, that was not easy to write out for public consumption, to say the least.

Sadly, I'm faced with one of those moments again

well, yesterday I went to the doctor's about my foot, and my 2nd worst fears have been confirmed. My worst fear was that it was cancer, which it isn't, but my second-worst fear was that they would tell me there's nothing more they can do for me, and that's what's happened. Apparently, they don't think surgery is a good choice because the risks of nerve damage, so basically, I can try to stuff a pad into my shoe and hope that helps, and otherwise, I get to just live with it.

Ah, well. with my gender issues, I already knew I wasn't gonna ever be pain free anyway ...

well, I have a rough draft of what I want to say in church on June 8, and I would really like some opinions on it. If you're interested, please send me a private message.

I just finished reading a book called "But inside, I'm screaming". Its the story of a young reporter who has a breakdown and ends up in a mental hospital, and the story is about her slow journey back to mental health.

You wouldn't think that would be a good story for me to read, especially as I have been fighting depression all week, but her learning how to love herself even if she isn't perfect was inspiring to me.

I can recommend the book to anyone.

Well, I just got home from my group therapy session, and once again, I am in tears.

Well, I have a new favorite book.

Well, today is my fifth anniversary here on Big Closet!

Well, I had a dental appointment yesterday, and I am in pain, but at least its over with.

Well, apparently, I have very stubborn testosterone.

If anybody is interested, I have created a Big Closet Fan page on Facebook

Here is a link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1418685195068872/

check it out, and join, if you wanna!