dorothycolleen's blog

A boy named Jennifer?

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Well, last night at work was rather interesting. For the last while I have been working on and off as night maintenance at work, and last night they asked me to train a new person for that job. When I met him, I was slightly curious to notice that his name tag said "Jennifer", even though he was not in any way feminine.

I asked him about the name, and he said his father had given it to him, and giving female names to male babies happened quite often in his country, the Philippines.

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I'm in shock

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I'm sitting here totally shocked. I've been talking to Jaci and she told me that she's been talking to my mom, who apparently told her that she "didn't raise me as a boy." She went on to say she didn't force me to be a girl, either she just "raised me to be Dorothy." I really don't know where to put this piece of information. I'm ... just ... stunned ...

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A funny moment at the car shop

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Had a funny moment yesterday getting an oil change for my car. I was waiting in the lounge when a guy came in with a clipboard containing paperwork and a set of keys. He saw me, and continued to look around the lounge, and realizing I was the only one there he looked rather confused.

Finally, I said to him, "Is that for my car?" He looked at me, looked at his sheet and asked tentatively "T...Todd?" I smiled and nodded and he gave me the keys.

It seems clear to me that he saw me as a woman to the point he couldn't believe my male name belongs to me.

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Do tears heal?

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I was re-reading "Belle of the Ball" and when it got to the chapter where Belle's dad recounts being treated as if he was a trans girl when he was a kid, and all of a sudden, I started weeping.

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Posting the last chapter of my autobiography today

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Well, for whoever is interested, I'm publishing the last chapter of my autobiography today. I may put it as a whole on fictionmania, I'm not sure, but otherwise its time to move on to other projects.

To those who have read it, I hope its been interesting.

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Feeling better

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Well, I'm feeling much better today. Not only has the pain in my stomach subsided, but I got to spend an hour at Erin Payne's house, and got licked to death by her two dogs. Who knew the cure for depression was a couple of fuzzy little critters?

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Not my best day today

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I'm trying to keep a lid on the "drama queen" stuff, but I do need to let you guys know I'm struggling keeping tears in check today. I don't know if its the flu I'm fighting, or the fact I think I strained something in my stomach at work last night, or the fact that I forgot I was supposed to go over to a friend's for supper last night and am beating myself up over it, or if its my hormones or if it's my bipolar thing, or if its a combination of the above, but I'm not doing well right now.

All hugs, good wishes, and prayers are appreciated.

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Re-reading "Sweat and Tears"

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Been re-reading "Sweat and Tears" by Steff the Cyclist, and despite some graphic descriptions, its one of the very best stories about male sexual abuse I have ever read. Fortunately, most of her stuff is much happier, but if you can hang on through the darkness, Sweat and Tears is a amazingly well written read.

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I love having long hair

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I love having long hair. I love the way it moves, the way it feels, and how feminine it makes me feel. Unlike many people, I never dared having long hair when I was trying to be a boy, so all of this is new to me. Maybe someday, the novelty will wear off, and I will be tired of pushing it out of my face, but until that happens, I am gonna luxuriate in my long hair, and be so grateful I took the chance on letting it grow.

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Pain

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I am in some pain today, and its worrying me a little.

First, my right knee feels off, and I've had trouble supporting my weight (not that my weight is feather-like, or anything).

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Mis-gendering

Just a question. If someone used the wrong pronouns regarding you, how would you respond? I went out for supper tonight and got called "sir" several times before my server seemed to have a change of heart and called me "Ma'am".

What would you have done?

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Going to publish my autobiography here exclusively

After thinking about my autobiography carefully, I've decided it will be made available here on Big Closet only. Sorry if that disappoints, but I have to try and balance my daughter's privacy vs my need to tell my story.

I'm going to publish chapter 1 today, and post a chapter every other day until its done, for those who do want to read it.

Huggles to all.

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"You're worth it"

"Just remember, you're worth it."

That's the message my pastor wanted me to take away from my makeover day.

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"Barbie" day today

Well, I am excited and nervous about today.

Why, you ask? Because today is "Barbie" day - I got invited to come over to my pastor's house for a makeover.

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Saved by the J.L.A.?

The title of this entry is "Saved by the J.L.A.?", and I'm sure someone reading that would wonder what was going on with me lately. I can see someone saying, "Geez, Dorothy. A couple of days ago you were talking about being rescued by Capt. Kirk from Star trek, and now you're saying a bunch of comic-book superheros saved you?"

But hang with me, it'll make sense.

See, I have been really struggling lately because I accidentally opened a mental door to one of the more dark areas in my brain, and seeing the amount of toxic sludge I have built up made me feel ill.

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Got my 2nd shot of Cortozone today for my foot

Got my 2nd shot of Cortozone today, and I guess that's it. The doc said I could get one more, but if this one doesn't do the trick, I may have no choice but to either live with this thing on my foot or see about surgery.

Meanwhile, I had a tough night of struggling with God, so please forgive me if I'm not my bright-eyed self ...

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Dreaming of being pregnant

okay, twice in the last two days I have had dreams involving me becoming pregnant. In the first one, I found myself in Bible times and am blessed by a priest of God and told I will have a son. In the second one, I was possessed by a female ghost that somehow resulted in me becoming pregnant.

I am not an expert on dreams, and I know dreams dont always mean much, but two dreams in two days might mean something. One answer could be that I "give birth" to my stories, so maybe I will have a "son" that way.

Or maybe it means nothing at all, who knows?

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