Well, today I wanted to share a dream I had during my move.

In the dream, at first I found myself in a classroom, and a drill instructer of a teacher was making a boy parade in front of the class because he had come to school previously in ripped pants. We were to sacastically applaud the fact that today he had chosen to wear pants without a rip in them.

Then I looked down at myself, and at first I thought I was wearing red pajamas, so I thought I would be next to be humilated, but the instructor ignored me, and instead clapped his hands together.

Well, according to my account feature, I've been here for "5 years 12 months", so I guess its happy anniversary to me?

I am very grateful I found this place. Its given me a chance to read good stories by great authors, to try my hand at writing myself, and to make some wonderful friends who I cherish.

My thanks to Erin, Piper, and all those who work behind the scenes to keep this place going.

Well, just when I thought I could start to relax after the stress of the move, I have a new anxiety to deal with.

See, my new landlord has given my mom and I a tenancy agreement form to fill out, and as it is a legal document, I'll have to put my legal name down, basically outing myself to him.

So I am trying really hard to not dwell on the possiblity of him freaking out over it, but I'm not succeeding all that well ...

I am really struggling with the fact I am finding dudes attractive now. I think it would be hard enough with just the fact that I never found them interesting before my transition, but my past sexual abuse is making it much harder.

Not sure what to do, honestly.

Life can go on, I am back online

I am really stressing over this move.

Hormones and age have sapped what little physical strength I had, and we aren't going to have a lot of help moving. I think this might be the worst move I've had yet, and that's saying something ...

Today is an amazing day - its the birthday of that amazing author, fantastic friend, and wonderful woman, Jaci (AKA Tels)

Everybody, give her a birthday huggle!

Got called in for an extra shift last night so I'm physically tired.

Then instead of being able to sleep I found myself wrestling with God, so I am emotionally drained.

Spoons ... I need spoons ....

Sighs.

Ah, well.

As the new week begins, I've discovered that I had a number of subjects I have meant to talk about recently, and rather than make a week's worth of tiny blogs on each subject, I figured I'd combine as many as I could in one blog. Fair warning, there is no connection between any of the subjects ...

Just for fun, here is a top five list of ways they could screw up Avengers Age of Ultron

Number 5 - Entire cast replaced by CGI

Number 4 - Ultron does a really bad Darth Vader impersonation

Number 3 - Hulk spends movie riding the rides at Disneyworld

Number 2 - Climax involves game of "go fish"

and the Number 1 way they could screw up Avengers Age of Ultron is ...

two words - "Cap nipples"

There you go, your giggle for the day ...

Every once in a while, I get an insight into myself, and even though its not always good, I think its important for me to share it.

As they say, confession is good for the soul but bad for the reputation, so here goes ...

To give you some context, let me tell you a story.

A few weeks back my brother and sister in law were over, and my sister in law got talking about using excuses when dealing with my behavior. I agree with the idea, taking ownership of my behavior is a good step, so I am gonna do that for one area right now.

Well, the last couple of days have been filled with anxiety, and last night I finally put together why.

It goes back to an article on Facebook which was about child abuse, and the idea of making a Valentine's day card for your younger self.. I thought it was a really good idea, and was going to work on making one for the 7-9 year old me, but I didn't realize how much I was triggering myself until my anxiety was at Defcon 5 and you could almost hear the robot from "Lost in Space" going "Danger, Dorothy Colleen, Danger!"

I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile the last little while.. I think it was in part due to stress because of Sharon's health situation (which added to the pile of stress I've already been dealing with.) And in part because I've been triggered by the 50 shades of grey discussions.

You might say "Dorothy, the movie is about bondage, how does that trigger you?"

Recent events on Facebook have got me thinking, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the difference between my online self and my offline self.

I think the word you'd use to describe the online me is ... uninhibited. She (and forgive me for using third person here) giggles a lot, huggles just about anybody, acts silly to make her friends laugh, makes friends easily, has even flirted with people, and probably overshares her personal stuff.

I just finished a very interesting book called "Trans-Sister Radio" by Chris Bohjalian. Its the story of a single mother and teacher who falls in love with a man only to discover he's transitioning to female, and the fallout that situation causes for her, her daughter, her job, and her ex-husband who decides to bring their story to radio. Its not a perfect book - it spends a little more time talking about the surgery than I was comfortable with, but its a very interesting bit of fiction, especially by a cis writer. I recommend it.