Life can go on, I am back online

I am really stressing over this move.

Hormones and age have sapped what little physical strength I had, and we aren't going to have a lot of help moving. I think this might be the worst move I've had yet, and that's saying something ...

Today is an amazing day - its the birthday of that amazing author, fantastic friend, and wonderful woman, Jaci (AKA Tels)

Everybody, give her a birthday huggle!

Got called in for an extra shift last night so I'm physically tired.

Then instead of being able to sleep I found myself wrestling with God, so I am emotionally drained.

Spoons ... I need spoons ....

Sighs.

Ah, well.

As the new week begins, I've discovered that I had a number of subjects I have meant to talk about recently, and rather than make a week's worth of tiny blogs on each subject, I figured I'd combine as many as I could in one blog. Fair warning, there is no connection between any of the subjects ...

Just for fun, here is a top five list of ways they could screw up Avengers Age of Ultron

Number 5 - Entire cast replaced by CGI

Number 4 - Ultron does a really bad Darth Vader impersonation

Number 3 - Hulk spends movie riding the rides at Disneyworld

Number 2 - Climax involves game of "go fish"

and the Number 1 way they could screw up Avengers Age of Ultron is ...

two words - "Cap nipples"

There you go, your giggle for the day ...

Every once in a while, I get an insight into myself, and even though its not always good, I think its important for me to share it.

As they say, confession is good for the soul but bad for the reputation, so here goes ...

To give you some context, let me tell you a story.

A few weeks back my brother and sister in law were over, and my sister in law got talking about using excuses when dealing with my behavior. I agree with the idea, taking ownership of my behavior is a good step, so I am gonna do that for one area right now.

Well, the last couple of days have been filled with anxiety, and last night I finally put together why.

It goes back to an article on Facebook which was about child abuse, and the idea of making a Valentine's day card for your younger self.. I thought it was a really good idea, and was going to work on making one for the 7-9 year old me, but I didn't realize how much I was triggering myself until my anxiety was at Defcon 5 and you could almost hear the robot from "Lost in Space" going "Danger, Dorothy Colleen, Danger!"

I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile the last little while.. I think it was in part due to stress because of Sharon's health situation (which added to the pile of stress I've already been dealing with.) And in part because I've been triggered by the 50 shades of grey discussions.

You might say "Dorothy, the movie is about bondage, how does that trigger you?"

Recent events on Facebook have got me thinking, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the difference between my online self and my offline self.

I think the word you'd use to describe the online me is ... uninhibited. She (and forgive me for using third person here) giggles a lot, huggles just about anybody, acts silly to make her friends laugh, makes friends easily, has even flirted with people, and probably overshares her personal stuff.

I just finished a very interesting book called "Trans-Sister Radio" by Chris Bohjalian. Its the story of a single mother and teacher who falls in love with a man only to discover he's transitioning to female, and the fallout that situation causes for her, her daughter, her job, and her ex-husband who decides to bring their story to radio. Its not a perfect book - it spends a little more time talking about the surgery than I was comfortable with, but its a very interesting bit of fiction, especially by a cis writer. I recommend it.

Well, yesterday, I was able to get a counseling session at the Edmonton Pride center, and I found it very helpful. I talked with the counselor about my current stress, my past, my faith, and my transition. Best of all she seems really well versed in trauma and how it impacts a person. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to see her, but I'm going to do everything I can to get better.

Since I started publishing on Big Closet, I have managed to produce at least one piece every month with one exception.

However, that streak is in jeopardy now.

The piece I was working on based on a nightmare is too triggering for me right now, and the other story I had started, "Solomon's test" has its own problems. Mainly that I am afraid it might be too close to the current story "Shortcuts", insofar as both stories are about a bet between cosmic forces and a person getting super powers.

I'm really struggling with my latest story. Anybody want to take a look, and make suggestions?

I had posted on facebook about my poem, and I got this comment from Bailey Summers:

"Dotti's actually a very skilled poetry authoress I think she should send some into some of the national laurate programs."

Guess who's blushing?