dorothycolleen's blog

Dream sharing time

Blog About: 

Author: 

Guess what time it is?

Its dream sharing time!

Well, my latest was very different. In the dream, I was invited to a church event at someone's house, and going there, I found no one I recognized. I stayed for a while, but I felt so out of place among strangers that I eventually left and started walking around the city to clear my head.

What made it really interesting to me was my reaction to this circumstance. I didn't cry, feel sorry for myself, or anything of the kind. I passed it off as some kind of mistake, and basically let it go.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I feel stuck, and scared of moving forward

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay, I'm starting to feel frustratingly stuck in terms of my transition. For some reason, I cant get over the hump and take care of my legal name, or wear makeup in public, or lose enough weight to get surgery.

Its like somewhere in my brain something is saying "Look, you've been lucky so far, why push it? Its safe where you are, and you could get hurt if you go further."

I guess I'm just a big scardy-cat.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Frustratingly fragile

Blog About: 

Author: 

I was gonna talk about funerals and other fun topics, but I'm concerned about my emotional state. I am starting to worry my anti-depressant isnt working very well any more, as I am getting very fragile for no reason I can think of.

Ah, well.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

My father's day gift

Blog About: 

Author: 

I got to spend Father's day with my daughter for a few hours today, and as a gift she gave me a little figurine. Its an elephant dressed as an angel, with a pink robe, pink trimmed wings, a halo, and a pink heart as a shield.

Does my daughter get me, or what?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Presenting ... Dorothy's 5 Star Blanket Fort

Blog About: 

Author: 

Ok, since its been a rough week, lets start the weekend with a smile, as I present ...

Dorothy's 5 star blanket fort!

Yes, this blanket fort has everything for those occasiions when you need a break from the world. Its got soft blankets (in your choice of colors), several stuffed animals to cuddle , a pillow to rest on, and a compartment full of your favorite comfort foods/treats.

So next time, you need to get away, chose Dorothy's 5 star blanket fort!

And now back to your regular program ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Why am I so fragile right now

Blog About: 

Author: 

Okay, this is gonna be a bit tough, but I think I need to share this.

I figured out why I've been struggling so much with the PTSD the last while.

As always happens, there were a bunch of factors that contributed to it.

First, I was fighting a bit of a cold, and there's nothing like being under the weather to weaken the defences psychologically.

2nd, I had a depressive episode, which also weakened my defences.

3rd, I happened to read about a sexual assault in the news that really hit me hard.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

A big thank you to all who sent hugs my way

Blog About: 

Author: 

I really wonder what's going on with me lately.

For at least a week, I was dealing with grief and depression periodically, and then I had the worst PTSD attack I've had in quite some time.

I feel a little better now, and would like to thank all those who sent me messages of support.

Huggles to everybody

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

the effect of holding a baby

Blog About: 

Author: 

I had an interesting experiance last night. I went over to my cousin Terry's place, and I got to hold her granddaughter, who is not two yet.

And I had this wonderful feeling of peace come over me when I held her.

Tension I didn't even know I was carrying dropped off me.

Anybody else get this kind of reaction?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Got a nice compliment

Well, having had success with sharing "Dear God", I thought I would share something else with one of the people at my church.

So I sent him a copy of "The hem of His garment". His response?

"Dorothy, what a powerful and amazing story. I was riveted and moved. You wrote this? Wow!'

I might just start a happy dance ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

okay, I think I might be crazy

Blog About: 

Author: 

I am not sure, but I think I may be losing my mind.

now before you get yourselves upset by that statement, let me explain, as best I can.

See, for the last couple of months, every once in a while I have had a sensation that either means I'm becoming delusional because I read too many comic books, or a sign that something very weird is happening to me.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

under repair, please be patient

Blog About: 

Author: 

you know, when I first went for help about my abuse, I really didn't expect much. I hoped I would figure out if there was a connection between my abuse and my gender issues, and maybe I'd learn how to cope a little better, but that was all. Same thing was true when I first started thinking about transition - I fully expected that I'd hit a brick wall, and have to settle for being Dorothy online only.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

sometimes, you got to feel the feel

Blog About: 

Author: 

I had an experiance at work last night that I want to share, but I'm struggling to find the right words.

So bear with me ...

It started with me struggling with my PTSD before work. I was already shaky and not doing well by the time I had to go to work, and the awful feeling continued to build as my shift went on. Finally, frustrated, I asked myself "Just what am I feeling?"

The answer came back "Grief. Grief for what was lost."

Finally, in desperation, I decided to simply let myself grieve for a bit for what was taken from me.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I need help finding a story, please

I am trying to find a story, and my brain is farting on the name. It involved a Batman-like superhero who could teleport in shadows who gets turned into a girl only to have it revealed he was always trans on the inside.

Loved it, loved the humor, the feels, but I cant remember the name, or the author, or if she will ever finish the story

anybody?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

I made my boss tear up today

Well, I managed to make my boss tear up today.

See, I had my poem "Dear God" published in a free newspaper my church gives out, and to celebrate, I took a copy to my work and showed the store manager the poem.

She teared up, and asked if she could hug me ...

In honor of this achievement, I am going to post a link to the poem below:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/18321/dear-god

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

more good news from Canada!

Blog About: 

Author: 

Two pieces of good news from Canada!

First, Parlament passes a bill to protect trans people:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/commons-approves-transgender-r...

Second, the Canadian Football league now has its first openly gay player:

http://www.theprovince.com/sports/Michael+first+openly+draft...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

victory in Edmonton for trans girl

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, its been an interesting week for trans people here in Edmonton, as the news has been full of stories about a young trans girl who was being denied the right to use the girl's washrooms at school. Since the school is run by the Catholic church, who aren't big fans of us, it seemed that they were going to force the girl's parents to take them to the Human Rights court, a process that would take years. But one of the trustees for the school district spoke out against the policy, and now the school has backed down, meaning the girl will be allowed to use the girl's washrooms.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

pictures of the past

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, we have finally got pictures on our walls, so my mom is happy.

Many trans people would be a little upset at seeing pictures of themselves pre-transition everywhere, but honestly, I find I don't mind all that much.

The boy I was raised as is a part of me, my history in boy world helps shape the woman I'm becoming, so why should I be ashamed of him?

Just my thinking, what's yours?

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Some good news!

Blog About: 

Author: 

I just got a phone call from my church. They would like to use my "Dear God" poem in a newspaper they hand out around downtown Edmonton, or possibly something original, if I can do it in the next couple of days.

Needless to say, I'm honored ...

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

A strange dream

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, today I wanted to share a dream I had during my move.

In the dream, at first I found myself in a classroom, and a drill instructer of a teacher was making a boy parade in front of the class because he had come to school previously in ripped pants. We were to sacastically applaud the fact that today he had chosen to wear pants without a rip in them.

Then I looked down at myself, and at first I thought I was wearing red pajamas, so I thought I would be next to be humilated, but the instructor ignored me, and instead clapped his hands together.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

A hard blog to write

Blog About: 

Author: 

You know, doing this blog, I've noticed that some entries are easier for me to write than others. In today's case, its super hard, so please be kind.

I had a good conversation with my pastor Tuesday. First we talked a little about the meltdown I had at church two Sundays ago, then we talked about a number of subjects including my past, my present, and my hoped for future.

It was in regard to the last that she wanted to give me some ideas to think about, especially in two main areas of concern.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

5 years, 12 months

Blog About: 

Author: 

Well, according to my account feature, I've been here for "5 years 12 months", so I guess its happy anniversary to me?

I am very grateful I found this place. Its given me a chance to read good stories by great authors, to try my hand at writing myself, and to make some wonderful friends who I cherish.

My thanks to Erin, Piper, and all those who work behind the scenes to keep this place going.

Click Like or Love to appropriately show your appreciation for this post:

Pages

Subscribe to RSS - dorothycolleen's blog