So this was my Christmas day.

Worked until 7 AM, came home, slept, woke up to discover my mother was sick and I was getting sick, so the two of us spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch together watching Dr. Who.

I've had worse Christmases ...

Just got back from my appointment with PTSD councilor.

Main theme of the session? Take back the power.

In the last little while, I've read two very different stories where a character who is struggling with PTSD gets help from a dream.

That has got me thinking, could there be something to this idea? Could a dream really help someone like me heal?

And if so, does anybody know a dream walker who could come to my aid?

Because honestly, right now I'm just trying to hold on until I see someone about the PTSD on Dec. 22 ...

I found a possible helper for when I struggling with bad memories - humor.

After a conversation on bulling here on Facebook, I went to work and started struggling with PTSD. Fortunately, I had help - a very funny book that made me giggle several times reading it.

So by half-way through the night, I was starting to feel better.

Anybody else have something that helps them get through PTSD moments?

in the aftermath of my meltdown, I have been able to work backwards and see the warning signs - in the week leading up to the attack, I had been dealing with a situation that had eroded my confidence and increased both my anxiety and depression.

Then I fell, breaking a towel bar in the process, went to work, and managed to last until I started having serious pain in my arm before I totally lost it.

Maybe knowing how this started can help me short circuit the next meltdown ...

Just wanted to give a public thank you to Erica-Jane and all the people on the BC chat who helped pull me out of my down. And to everyone who sent me a message of support when I needed it.

You guys are amazing.

Huggles to all!

I feel a lot like Frodo did at near the end of "The Lord of the Rings" when he said, "I have been wounded by bite, sting, knife, and a long burden. Where shall I find rest?"

Well, its TG day of remembrance today.

So if you cant go to a service, take a moment and think about those we have lost this year. The murdered, and those who took their own life because they saw no hope.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of us today.

I got a phone call from one of the ladies at my church yesterday.

I've missed the last couple of weeks, and since the last time she saw me I was in a lot of pain and struggling with flashbacks, she was very worried about me.

So I made her a promise, that should I start to feel like harming myself, I would call her first.

Just letting everybody know that I will be dog sitting starting tomorrow till Saturday, and i might not be on much or at all.

So everybody be good and take care of yourselves while I'm gone, okay?

It was a little hard to come up with a third thing I like about me, but since I managed, I will continue my list;

I like that I believe I have made a small difference for tans people with my lecture, and with my openness online.

I think by sharing my story, my struggles, I have helped a few people understand what it means to be trans, and encouraged them to be compassionate to those who have this struggle.

It may be only a tiny ripple in the pond, but who knows where that ripple will spread to, and that's not nothing.

One thing about me I'm happy with is the fact that I refuse to live in a bubble.

I have friends who have different viewpoints on religion, politics, and just about everything else. I read and listen to news sources from both the left and the right.

I think its a healthy thing, to be able to consider different views on things. Sometimes, I've even changed my mind or at least thought "that was a good point".

I'm not saying this to brag. Anybody can do this, if they want to.

Every once in a while, the things I want to talk about in this blog are hard for me to actually get out.

Sometimes, its because they are from a dark place, sometimes, they are embarrassing, and sometimes, I just dont feel like I have the words.

Today's blog is a little of all of the above, but let me try anyway.

I was laying on my couch, watching tv, when a commercial for a product to help men get an erection came on. It was one of those where an older couple is doing stuff together, then they begin to PDA, and the announcer tells how good the med is.

Well, tomorrow I get a physical and I am super anxious about it. Last year after my exam I came home shaking and crying, and I am already pretty shaky as it is.

If you could spare a prayer or a hug or both, that would be nice ...

Kinda a bad news/good news deal.

First the bad news.

Read the wrong story here, and since have been paying for it with flashbacks.

Good news is I have an appointment Oct. 31 to speak to a doctor at the Leduc Mental health clinic, so help may be on the way ...