I had a super crappy day. So much so, that I am gonna ask for something I don't like to ask for.

I'm asking for compliments.

Anybody?

When I was in Jr. High, I thought the way to get popular would be by taking part in sport, so I signed up for a long distance race that would have my school competing against other schools in the city.

A week before the race, I broke my wrist, but I decided to run anyway.

It didn't go well.

In fact, I finished last. so far behind that several of the other runners lapped me.

On Monday, I got to participate in an interesting study on speech.

They put sensors on my body, and recorded me talking about a video, and what they created on the computer looks like a stick figure with my voice.

They plan to show this to people, asking them if they can determine if I am male or female based on my voice and the movements of the stick figure.

When they get their information, they plan to use it to help trans women pass better in terms of their speech and body movements.

I am very frustrated. After a pretty good day with only mild pain, I was heading home when I got a flashback while driving. Thankfully, I was able to keep control enough to make it home without getting into an accident, but it still bothers me that even after 6 years of working on this, I am still vulnerable to flashbacks without any obvious triggers.

Sighs ...

In honor of Remembrance day, here is "In Flanders Fields",

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM
The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM
By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place: and in the sky
The larks still bravely singing fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead: Short days ago,
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved: and now we lie
In Flanders fields!

Another pain filled day, and I discovered I really walk funny. My right foot sometimes goes from side to side rather than say back to front or front to back, and when that's not happening my right leg is going in some completely other direction than my left one.

To make things even more stressful, I came home to discover my dog is limping quite badly too.

I have had a stressful week.

Issues regarding family (I cant go into details) have caused a great amount of sadness (and stress), Sharon has apparently injured herself and is currently not able to work, and two different news articles have really brought me down.

I have a question.

You know those symbols for male and female?

The ones that look like a circle with a cross below it (female) or a circle with an arrow pointing up at an angle (male)?

Does anybody know what they are actually called?

I'm just sitting here, having realized that if I hadn't sabotaged myself, I might have had totally transitioned by now.

By delaying my name change, I cost myself more than $ 4,000 which would have come in handy for paying off my car and putting myself in a position where even if i wasn't able to work for months after surgery I'd still be above water.

Ever manage to have a really good moment and a really bad one at the same time?

I managed that today.

I was doing my rounds, when I suddenly realized I couldnt see the keys I use on the job.

I panicked, and left my cart and ran to the men's bathroom, which was the last place I remembered using the keys.

I went inside, and a guy standing at the sink said, "Ma'am, I think you're in the wrong bathroom."

I turned interesting shades of red, retreated, and checked my cart again while waiting for the bathroom to be clear.

Okay, I need help remembering the name of a story.

It was a Whately story, about a girl with gadget powers, who was forced to make weapons for this guy, and when rescued, went to Whately with a lot of trauma and even wanted a UV armband.

Anybody know what I'm looking for?

Well, I am breathing a sigh of relief. I got my physical done, and it did NOT have to include any invasive tests.

My doctor says considering my overall health, assuming my bloodwork comes back okay, I can skip getting stuff shoved up places I'd rather not be touched.

Whew ...

There is a great picture I've seen on the net, of a dog sitting in front of a computer with the caption "I have no idea what I'm doing."

Why mention this?

Because that's kinda where I am with my stories at the moment.

I have no idea where the stories are going. I have no idea what's gonna happen next. I'm just hoping at the end they're halfway decent and readable ...

My muse has gone all roller coaster, and all i can do is hang on for dear life ...

I am due for my annual physical, and if the last couple of years is any indication, I will end up being seriously triggered during the exam.

hugs, prayers, and good thoughts appreciated.

"Watch out for the Lady, Mommy"

That's what a tiny tot said, and in case you couldn't guess, I was the "lady" in question.

It may not seem like much, but every "lady", every "she", "her", or "Ma'am" give me a little boost that helps me a great deal.