I learned something last weekend.

On Saturday, my brother and sister in law came over, and hung up some more pictures for us.

They had found some pictures of my mom at her wedding to my dad, and some ones of my dad with us as kids, as well as many more.

One of the pictures they found was of my graduation, which prompted a conversation about my grad dance. I had gone without a date, but thanks to two friends, I walked out of the dance with a pretty girl on each arm.

you ever feel something and not know you are feeling it?

I did today.

I went to group therapy, and as I talked about what was going on, with tears running down my face, the facilitator stopped me and said that I sounded angry.

Up until that moment, I didnt realize that was what I was feeling.

I was angry. Mostly at myself, for my poor decisions that have hurt me and those who care about me, but angry, nevertheless.

Then on my way home, I had a bit of a PTSD moment, just to add to my fun for the day ...

Ah, well.

Well, it was an interesting night last night.

First, I started the night with a big I hate my boy bits moment, but before things could go too bad, my boss made a point of encouraging me and telling me I am awesome.

This proves a point I've made before - even a small act of kindness can make a huge difference for the person receiving it.

Second, I got some good news on the therapy front. I was contacted by a therapist, and he recommended I go to the Leduc hospital, as they apparently have a mental health unit that does free counseling.

I made a mistake in my story with the name of Lady Astarte. Its fixed now, thanks to those who PMed me

Well, I went to the hospital today, but I didnt get a full visit with my doctor, but I was able to get an appointment with him for tomorrow morning. He said very likely they will increase the dosage on my anti depressants, in the hope that will also help with my PTSD attacks.

not a good night last night.

Had a really bad PTSD attack, and at the end of the night I was in a lot of pain.

Then I found out I didnt get the job I applied for.

sighs ...

Well, I had the kind of day that reminds me of why its worth it to skip sleep and go to church on Sundays.

Not long after I arrived at the church, my knee decided to start hurting like crazy, which set off my PTSD. So one of the ladies went and got me some painkiller, sat me down in a comfortable chair, and held me for almost a half hour, stroking my hair and telling me I was safe.

I am very grateful for her, and for all the people there who tried to comfort me today.

Is it time for Alberta to ditch the Catholic School Board?

That is the question that is being asked in the wake of a horrible display of immaturity by the Edmonton Catholic School Board Trustees at a meeting on Tuesday about how best to accommodate trans students. Supposed adults elected to the board yelled over each other, called each other names, and said horrible things about trans kids.

So now, we can hope that in the cold light of day people take some responsibility, show some maturity, and try a little kindness towards trans kids.

My depression is a liar.

Here are just a few of the lies it tells me.

1) I am a failure. - This is the one that hits me most often. My depression is always ready with a list of my failures, when the truth is as long as I am still trying, I havent failed yet.

2) The darkness is permanent. - When I in that state, its hard to remember there is always light ahead.

3) I am helpless. - Very much not true. I can do many things to help myself

I know that today is a day to remember sadness, but just for a moment I would like to focus on some of the good things that happened 14 years ago today.

First, the bravery.

The firefighters who ran into a doomed building, the police who tried to get civilians to safety, the passengers of the 4th plane who attempted to re-take it and prevented it from hitting its target, there were a lot of people who were very brave that day.

Secondly, the kindness.

In a really bad place emotionally and spiritually.

Prayers and good vibes appreciated.

Okay, here is a bit of a giggle for you all.

When I got my tire replaced, I was told I would have to come back in to get something done after 50 k or so, so when I woke up this afternoon I phoned about making an appointment.

Now, because I had to sign legal stuff, I was using my male name when talking with the guy.

Except that when he was talking to me on the phone, he called me ma'am.

Apparently, my voice is feminine enough that he ... slipped up, as it were.

Not that I mind ...

Giggles.

Well, I am back connected again!

(Does a happy dance)

There have been a lot of cases of sexual assault in the news lately, and as a result I've been hearing a lot about ''closure". In most cases, its referred to in relation to whether or not an abuser can be charged with a crime.

Sadly, that's not an option for me, so the question becomes, can I still get "closure" if I cant watch my abuser be locked up for his crime?

I think I can.

Doing what I'm doing now, slowly healing, becoming stronger, getting support from my many friends, praying and writing and living my life.

That's my plan, at any rate.

Just so nobody worries, I wont be around much the next while, between packing, moving, and (hopefully) hooking up in the new place.

Take care of each other, and take care of yourselves.

And have some huggles to give you warm fuzzy thoughts till I get back!

HUGGLES!