dorothycolleen's blog

"A sickly sweet as a German white wine"

"A sickly sweet as a German white wine and just about as much body."

That was a review I got on Fictionmania for my story "False Positive"

And people wonder why I prefer to post here....

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Another poem from Kylie

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Here is another poem from Kylie:

I could say I love you as much as the sun is bright
But it is much too dim

I could say I love you as much as the winter is cold
But is much too warm

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Connection between flashbacks and life stress?

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struggling with flashbacks all of a sudden. I wonder if there is a connection between being stressed for other reasons and how frequently I relive my rapes?

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losing my lunch

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Well, apparently, my tummy has some firm ideas about what it likes, and cooked lettuce and stringy ham definitely dont make the cut. For the second day in a row, I ended up throwing up my supper because I was trying to eat more healthy.

Not good.

Not good at all....

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A poem Kylie sent me

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Kylie sent me this beautiful poem, and gave me permission to share it:

When i think of you, I smile
Because you are so wonderful

When I think of you, I laugh
Because you are so amusing

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Being trans and a survivor of sexual abuse

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During the debate of the California law allowing trans kids to choose which bathroom to use, a Christian leader talked about how all these "sexually confused" kids were more than likely victims of sexual abuse.

And ever since, I've been struggling with coming up with the proper response to this.

I want to write an essay about being trans and being a survivor of sexual abuse, but I doubt I have the needed skills to write an objective essay, especially when I seem like the perfect example of what they're talking about.

Ah, well.

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"But its pink!"

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I seem to have acquired a "voice" whose sole purpose is to make me as girly and feminine as possible. For example, when I am at work, and I see some item that's been painted pink, I end up having an argument like this:

"We should get that. Its pink!"

"Cant afford it."

"But its pink!"

"I have one just like it."

"Not in pink!"

"Its not even something I can use!"

"But its pink!"

And on and on it goes.

I blame Jaci for this voice. Its gotta be her fault ....

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Need some help with the Jaci/Dottie stories

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I've had a couple of people ask me about putting the Jaci/Dottie stories in chronological order, and I think its a good idea, but I'm not sure how to make it work. Part of the problem is I struggle with the "weight" thing, and part is that the stories are done by more than just me, so I cant get into say Jaci's stories and edit them so they fall in the right places.

Help, anybody?

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imagine .... a little girl ....

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Imagine ... a little girl ...

yeah, she has a growth between her legs that has led to her being given a male name, but she's as girly as any girl born with a double x.

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feeling suicidal? reach out for help!

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There are a number of us here who at one time or another have felt suicidal, and several of us who are survivors of one or more actual attempts.

But let me state the obvious.

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Just had a shocking conversation

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I just had a shocking conversation with my mom. I was on the phone with Jaci, and apparently my mom remembers me coming home from school in a dress at age 13 and doing a little twirl for her. For some reason, this is making me tear up ...

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bathrooms

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was reading an interesting story here, and one of the issues the main character went through was struggling with bathrooms - they looked female, but identified male, and didnt feel comfortable using the girl's facilities, especially for gym class.

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Re-watching the movie "Labyrinth"

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I'm re-watching the movie "Labyrinth", and it occurs to me how necessary it was that the protagonist be a girl. I mean, the whole movie only works because its a girl doing the adventure. What do you think?

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Hiding behind my weight and facial hair

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I wish that being trans was my biggest problem. I'd be darn new home free now. Instead I get to try and deal with both PTSD and a boatload of mental problems as well. For example, my friend Jaci and I were talking and I mentioned that I hadn't shaved in days, giving me a pretty scruffy face. She asked me why I hadnt shaved, and I told her it was for the same reason I struggle with the idea of losing 40-50 lbs. In both cases, its to protect me from the notice of men.

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breakdown breakthrough

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Well, last night I had a bit of a breakdown/breakthrough. I was talking with Jaci (Big surprise, I'm always talking with Jaci, or Kylie, or Ruth ....) and I asked her if she thought I was a fragile as she had told my mom I am, that if I dont move forward toward SRS something really bad would happen to me. She said, "you've had several breakdowns talking to me on the phone, and they are getting worse. The last couple it took both me and Ruth to get you stable again. So yes, I think you're that fragile."

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Christian women role models from the Bible

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I have been reading my Bible during my breaks at work, and trying to focus on the women, to see how they handle situations, how they interact with other women, with men, and with God.

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