Well, last night, my supervisor came by and told me she wanted me to motivate my fellow workers in finishing as fast as possible. I giggled, but she said she was serious, she wanted me to do this. I asked her, "Why me?"

She said, "Because I like you."

Well, what the heck could I say to that?

Well, you guys can thank Jaci (AKA Tels) that I'm still here. I woke this morning feeling completely numb. Nothing mattered, nothing had any meaning of any kind. As I went through my morning routine like a zombie, I came to the conclusion I had to quit being Dorothy, since I had lost my family and my daughter didnt want to be seen in public with me. I dont know how long this would have lasted before I would have done something drastic, but fortunately, Jaci was online, and agreed to phone me.

Well, with all the confusion I had at my house yesterday, I forgot to mention it was Tels' birthday, So Happy birthday, sis!

Just got back from watching the movie "The Host". Its an awesome movie, I can really recommend it. Most days, I dont feel like I'm like Melanie the human female, nor like Jared, her love, but like Wanderer, a stranger in a strange land, wondering if there is any place she can really belong ....

Its my daughter's birthday today. She turns 13!

Well, after church today, I was invited out for coffee with the pastor and a couple of the members of the church, and I got a chance to show them my poetry, and read to them "Dear God", and "A Psalm of Dorothy"

They were blown away.

A couple of them actually teared up.

They asked, begged, for me to send them links so they can have permanent copies, and to pass them on to some places they think would be interested in them.

Pretty neat, yes?

I finally had to admit to myself I'm scared to go further in my transition. I was talking to Jaci, and I actually started crying when all this anxiety and fear of surgery came bubbling out of me, and even changing my name legally scares me. Be that as it may, since its not likely that the Blue Fairy isnt likely to come visit me and turn my bits into their female equalivants, I have only the two choices - go forward, or live with what I got. And I honestly dont know if I'm capable of option two ..

Ah, well.

Okay, last night I had a pretty strange dream.

Just heard the verdict in the Steubenville rape case. As I feared, a slap on the wrist for the popular football players, and no justice for the victim. Trying really hard not to let myself get lost in anger ....

Had a bad day for flashbacks last night. I think that if I had known what horrors were locked in my head behind the door marked "Dorothy", I would have never been brave enough to open it up. I've gained the girl I was before my rape, but the memories of what happened to me are almost more than I can bear ....

But thanks to my wonderful friends, I live to fight another day

Had a very scary moment last night. I had gone to pick up Sharon, and drove her to her 2nd job cleaning a doctor's office. I was still kinda hurting and tired from my ER adventures, so I stayed in the car and figured I'd have a short nap.

Unfortunately, as soon as I fell asleep, I was partially woken up by something shaking me. Then I realized it was me shaking me - my muscles were doing this spaz thing like I was being shocked, and I couldnt seem to wake up enough to make it stop.

Having to take a day off from work because I felt like I had strained my stomach muscles gave me a lot more time to read today, and looking at some of the fantastic work that's been produced here I can only reach a couple of conclusions.

One is that Erin and her elves have created the most amazing place I can imagine, and we who get to enjoy their work should remember to be grateful, and show that gratitude however we can - contributing to the hat box, or even just making sure we dont make things harder for them with our blogs, stories, and comments.

Had an interesting conversation with a girl at work. She described with great gusto her love for zombie-killing, and of course I immediately thought of my little story (which you can find here:)

Thanks to a story by Bailey Summers, I've been thinking about my dad. As most of you know, He committed suicide when I was 5 years old. They call it "depression" but somehow, it just doesnt seem to cover this total inability to see himself as a person of worth. He lived his last few years as if all the blessings in his life were stolen property that would be taken from him as soon as he was caught with them ....

I know this struggle in myself far too well. Too many days have started or ended with me feeling like I was getting an "F" in life .....

Well, I finally got off the pot, as it were and got the forms so I can get my birth certificate, which is the first step in getting a legal name change. It had felt like such a permanent and serious step, it took me this long to rev up enough courage to go for it ....