Well, you guys can thank Jaci (AKA Tels) that I'm still here. I woke this morning feeling completely numb. Nothing mattered, nothing had any meaning of any kind. As I went through my morning routine like a zombie, I came to the conclusion I had to quit being Dorothy, since I had lost my family and my daughter didnt want to be seen in public with me. I dont know how long this would have lasted before I would have done something drastic, but fortunately, Jaci was online, and agreed to phone me.
She pushed me until I finally could start crying, and then it was like I couldn't stop, I wept and wept until I was exhausted, and then she went through what was happening to me. See, before, if someone hurt me, they actually were hurting Todd, a mask and armor I wore. Now, I'm without that armor, and I feel much more vulnerable to even the slightest signs of disapproval. Not to mention, that she pointed out my chance of survival as Todd is pretty much nil, that I am a woman, whether I want to be or not, and trying to fight that would only hurt me until I wouldnt be able to stand it and do something drastic.
So, once again, my thanks go out to Jaci.
Big hugs, sis.
Comments
I am very glad Tels was there to help you Dorothy
and she is right. You cant just quit being you. Life is about living and helping others. What good are you to yourself if you cant be you?
Being yourself matters. You cant help others unless you first help yourself.
Once you do that, then proceeding forward with life becomes a challenge - a challenge to overcome life's struggles and make each day memorable. One step at a time and overcome the challenges to live, make your life better, and help others.
And that is what we are here for, to help one another and show them the path.
Only you can decide whether or not to walk that path. If you do decide, you wont be doing it alone.
Sephrena
Thank God....
that tels was online and available to help you. You are very precious, Dorothy. Please remember that.
Hugs,
Mark <3
Yes...
Dot, you ARE precious! Never forget that! And it's DOROTHY who is precious! Todd's only value was as a reasonable shield for Dorothy until she was ready to take on the world herself.
Since that shield is gone, you ARE ready. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't even let YOU tell you otherwise!
Hugs,
Abigail Drew.
Very glad you are still here.
Very glad you are still here. I understand what you mean about how much more life hurts without the protection of the Todd facade. I am so glad you have had the strength to be yourself. I agree with the earlier poster - I had a friend who said that the best way I can help my child is to be myself. My son is young - 11 and he's been teased at school over the years because of me.
It is a hard path but in my belief, like some of the other comments - not a choice - we go forward because we must. If I am not speaking out of place, consider TG Bigcloset community (and friends) part of your chosen family, who cares very much about you (not Todd but the real you).
Sounds like Jaci helped a lot today.
Hugs.