One of the big differences between the genders is socially. I mean, as a socially awkward guy, while I had problems, I got a lot of forgiveness just because guys arent expected to be as socially aware. But an awkward girl is in for trouble, and that's where I am now. I spent so long in Guyland that I missed a lot of how a girl gets socialized, so I find myself not sure how to act around people.

Makes me wish I had a girlfriend or two to help me integrate better into female society, and sadly, online friends, while nice, arent quite enough.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those who think of themselves as both or neither, I wish to have your attention for a few moments, so that I can publically sing the praises of a talented writer, a tireless champion of both the trans community and of victims of sexual abuse, and a great friend of mine, miss Andrea DiMaggio.

I'm working very hard to finish off "Jake goes for help", and its not easy stuff. So hold my hand while I go down this little dark road, okay?

Our dear fellow writer Jaci (AKA Tels) was feeling a little down, so I'm hoping this cheers her up a bit:

Thank you, Jaci.

Well, I got good news at work last night. My transfer has been approved, and Feb. 15 is going to be my last day at my current site, and then I will get to move to a site much closer to where I live. My car will thank me, as will my wallet ...

I just wanted to apologize for the fact I haven't finished "Jake goes for help" yet. Real life is kicking my behind, including spending more than 12 hours in bed yesterday and still feeling tired today.

Hope to have it ready soon. So sorry.

For the 2nd time, I had someone assume I had been married to a man. As the last time this happened, I didnt correct their assumptions, but I feel different about it now. I feel guilty, that I lied by not correcting him. I always wanted to pass, to have people assume I'm a woman full stop.

So why do I feel so guilty?

Had a conversation at work with Aurella, and I was grousing about my lack of progress lately with my transition, and she said. "Oh please. I've had SRS, and I can wear a skirt and pigtails and still get called 'Sir.' You met my mom, and just yesterday she referred to you as 'the woman who came over once'. You cant complain about your progress."

I was taken aback, and said, "But ... I wasnt trying to be feminine."

I used to keep a secret, and yesterday I kept a secret.

They were sort of the same secret - That I'm transgender, but how I feel about it is totally different.

Well, last night I tweaked my knee at work. Hurt like a bear and had to call for help as I could barely stand.

If anybody happens to care, I just wanted to post an update on the writing of "Jake goes for help",

Well, I got a message from Jade telling me Kylie is alive, in her words "no thanks to you." I dont care. She can blame me for not picking up on the clues if she wants to. Kylie is alive. That's what matters.

Well, its possible that something good has come out of what I've been posting about my friend Kylie. A friend got a hold of me, and confessed to having struggled with suicidal thoughts over last weekend, and we talked for a long time, and I told her to go to the hospital even if the feeling had passed. She said she would, and thanked me for being there.

Does that balance the scales of my failure with Kylie? No. But if she follows through, I'll feel a little better about it.

Went to my 2nd all day group session at the Grey Nuns Hospital today, and it was really good. One of the more interesting things was an exercise in grounding where we each took a piece fabric and focused on it, looking at the color, any patterns, how it felt to touch it, even what it smelled like.

It was a very interesting exercise, and I might use it in the future when I'm having a flashback....

Well, I feel like a dope.

My friend Kylie got a hold of me tonight, and asked me if I wanted a laptop. When I tried to talk about how much I missed her, she just said "Dont get too attached."