here is an interesting article on being trans:

http://www.autostraddle.com/im-a-trans-woman-and-im-not-inte...

Well, I had a productive day off today. I cleaned my room, getting rid of 1 bag of garbage and 1 bag of clothes and accessories for goodwill.

Feels nice.

That's how long I've been at this site, according to my profile.

So happy anniversary to me!

I dont know when it started, but I found myself thinking about Kylie while I'm at work. I can picture her face, hear her voice, remember things we've said to each other, and its .... Oh lord, I am in loooooove ....

2 big moments happened in the last couple of days. First, on Saturday night one of my co-workers asked if I wanted to go with a group from work to the new Star Trek movie when it comes out. This is a big deal, because its the first social event I've ever been invited to as Dorothy.

The other moment happened today. As part of prep for a possible move, I took the last of my male clothes to a local charity, and it felt like the last goodbye to Todd, which is about time, I think.

Both good steps forward, dont you think?

I was reading Gwen's post about being horny post-op, and it seems like ironic timing. This afternoon I woke up rather ... randy myself, but unfortunately I dont have the right equipment to Jill off, and touching the stuff I got is like ... ick.

Ah, well.

my copy of "She's not there" has arrived!

I'm reading, and I'm having a bookgasim!

I have been thinking a bit about dreams lately. I know that dreams may not tell you much about your past or your future, but I think they sort of point to where you are at the moment.

Today is not going to be a good day for me. I have an endocrinology appointment at 11 so I'm going to get next to no sleep, I forgot about the blood test I was supposed to have done before the appointment and need the results asap, and generally, I feel like a dope for forgetting about this.

Ah, well.

Had an interesting conversation with my store's HR person last night, and she mentioned that when it was announced I was coming to the store, a few people came to her unsure how to address me as my trans status was known to them. She said "Well, her name is Dorothy. How would you address someone named Dorothy?"

The person said they should use female pronouns.

The HR lady said, "then do that for this Dorothy. If there's a problem, I'm sure she'll say something."

Gee, when you put it like that, it sounds so easy ....

As my life seems to be heading in a positive direction, I face a strange fear - a fear of success. I think its basically, that any situation you're in, if you're in it long enough, starts to feel like "home", and leaving "home" becomes scary, even if "home" is something horrible. So the idea of actually being a successful adult is kinda scary for me.

Been thinking about my brother a lot the last couple of days. Because I'm the kind of person I am, I can put myself in his shoes a bit, and I dont look good from that angle. I mean, he pretty much had to take over for my father and look after me at an impossibly young age, he did his best by me, and then after I got married and he probably hoped things were on their way up, I went and failed to pay my mortgage, leaving him hurt and having to clean up my mess.

I happened to catch on the radio the story of Rehtaeh Parsons, a young woman in Nova Scotia who was raped and had pictures of her rape shown around her school, and how she has committed suicide.

I was talking with Kylie today, and she mentioned that she talks about me with just about everyone she knows - her therapist, her floor monitor, her friends - and when she does, she blushes. I find this idea, that the thought of me making someone blush to be hard to wrap my head around. But there you have it. Neat, no?

Sometimes, I wish I was a better writer. I have good ideas, but not as good at getting them out. For example, I made a series of stories about an organization called "Vision Spring", that appears to the outside world to be a charity that helps Gay, lesbian and trans people, but is in fact a group of people who have magical control over one of the traditional elements - Earth, Water, Fire, Nature, Light, Darkness, and the Air.