Not every fallen soldier meets his end on the battlefield. Many come home, bringing wounds too deep to heal with them that eventually take their life.

Not my best night last night. First, I was talking with the other person who has had SRS, and while she didnt want to discourage me, she pointed out that most of the girls who have the surgery have higher incomes and jobs that dont take as much physical strength.

While I was still struggling with that, I made some mistakes in putting stuff out and it frustrated both me and my supervisor, which isnt what I want to do considering I'm counting on a reference from her when I go to transfer to a closer store.

A while back, I wrote an entry that went something like this - "I've read a lot of stories here about a boy who becomes a girl, and when he sees the new person he's become, he's amazed (or even aroused) about how good he looks. Well, I dont live in one of those stories"

Apparently, I spoke too soon.

I was getting dressed this morning, and I had put on a cami as another layer in the cold weather, and happened to glance at my reflection.

Then I looked down at my chest, and back at the girl in the mirror, and actually swore.

I'm ... beautiful.

I just got back from taking Samantha's mom home, and had to talk about this amazing moment.

Last night, I was in the back when the old song "You sexy thing" came on the radio, and for a moment, I was filled with confidence. I was able to say to myself, "I'm female, I'm fantastic, and yes, I am actually sexy."

I just .... strutted for most of the rest of the shift, and wow, does that feel good ....

Got a great compliment last night. I was able to arrive a little early, and there was a new staffer from the evening shift having a late break in the back room. We got to talking, and I mentioned that I have a daughter, and her next question was, "And your husband?"

Obviously, she assumed I was a genetic girl, who had mothered my child.

Felt very, very nice.

Pretty cool, no?

I posted a little something on Facebook, and I quote it here:

To my fellow Christians:

My sister-in-law sent me a message regarding my post on being attracted to men, and I think I need help understanding what shes saying. Here is the quote:

Just wanted to pass along my prayers for everyone in the path of the storm, I pray you all come out in one piece.

Well, yesterday I had a bunch of night terrors that pretty much wrecked my sleep, so I was very tired last night when I went to work.

Then things got worse.

I dont want to sound like I dont appreciate my online friends, but I really wish I had a girlfriend I could go out for a coffee with. Its my day off work, and I really feel lonely, and there isn't a lot I can do about it.

Ah, well.

When I first went on the 'net, I joined a chat site called IMVU, and met some wonderful people there.

I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately, and its got me thinking about a story I wrote called "I am nine years old"

Here is a link, if you havent read it:

Well, I just got back from seeing my family doctor, and things are finally moving forward again. He'd been waiting for the results of my bloodwork, and with that now arrived, he faxed everything to the gender specialist, and I go on to the next step, trying to lose the weight.

He's sent information to a medically supervised program, and when they get back to me, I can really get going on it. Not going to be easy, because he wants me to lose around 50 pounds, but with determination and perseverance, I can make it.

Yesterday I talked about being in the company of another trans girl suffering with a lack of confidence in her looks, despite the fact she is really good looking, and last night, it was like God decided to drive the point home to me.

I sat with some other girls at work on our lunch break, and listened as one talked about her struggles with her appearance, and how even now as an adult she sometimes finds it an issue.

And this is a genetic girl and a rather pretty one at that telling this story.