Been thinking about my brother a lot the last couple of days. Because I'm the kind of person I am, I can put myself in his shoes a bit, and I dont look good from that angle. I mean, he pretty much had to take over for my father and look after me at an impossibly young age, he did his best by me, and then after I got married and he probably hoped things were on their way up, I went and failed to pay my mortgage, leaving him hurt and having to clean up my mess. And then not long after that I announce I'm not just going to give up being a guy, but that I was never a guy, and he must feel like he never knew me at all.

Having him upset with me, disappointed in me, creates an ache in me I cant seem to fix, and if I have one wish, its that sometime before we die he can tell me those 4 little words: "I'm proud of you."

Ah, well.