Bridges 40

Chapter 40

*Before…

“Oh…”
“Yeah Oh…and my wife is more important to me than a shift.”
I’m blushing. “Cass…god I love you.”
“I love you too Mrs. Chase.”

*Then…

She’s leading me by the hand to her room and opens the door and grabs the do not disturb sing and slips it on the outside and she starts to kiss me as she shuts the door.

My hands are actually shaking with excitement as we kiss and I’m taking off her things and…

Okay…I’m getting to strip a RCMP officer out of her uniform and her gear and that is so incredibly sexy a thing.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 27

*Before…

I think it helps he can really actually dance some too, he’s not as self-conscious. I’m having a really good time too and then something happens.

M.J. looks at me. “C’mon lets go to the bathroom.”

And Amber and Toni and Becky are going with us and I stop at the door…oh…oh this is big.

And scary.

I’m freezing up because dressing and dancing is one thing this, this is something else altogether.

*And Now…

What a good boy…Chapter 25

Chapter 25

I get up after a few minutes and head over to where Jamey is sitting and ease down into the seats. He looks over to me and he smiles ad blushes. I grin. “Looking at the pretty?”

“I uhm…” He’s turning red.

“Hey as a V-boy and new to the whole with guy’s thing too I’m seeing the same kind of yummy.”

“I…Oh damn Tracy…I can’t help it, you and me…it was so good I see them and I’m wondering and I’m not sure I want to.”

“It’s a trip.” I nod and sort of lean on his shoulder. “I was so on the fence about being attracted to you.”

“Me…?”

“Yes you, you’re a beautiful boy.”

Fizzy

Love hearts have just a bit of that soda in them so when they are eaten they fizz. I love that feeling, even the taste I still do. I like those little ‘Lotsa-fizz’ candies too and pop rocks are fun and I even like those paper candy discs called UFO’s that were filled with fizzy powder.

But nothing beats my Love hearts.

Why?

It’s the first candy that I ever had that was something meant for me.

The real me.

X-Why-Me… Chapter 17

Chapter 17

*Before…

Emily grinned back. “My mom does want to get to know you more we could have supper and an in house date.”

“In house date?”

“I found out we can watch that Buffy show on Net flicks together.”

“It’s a date then.”

……………………The bell rang to get back to classes, and they all got up and left together as a loose sort of group but one that was trying to be there for each other.

Emily smiled a little and took Kira’s hand once they were clear of the crowd. “Walk you to class?”

Kira smiled at her. “Please that’d be really nice actually.”

*And Now…

Sweet Dreams-54 “It’s only a flesh wound.”

Chapter 54

*Before…

Ooooh ick.

I know surgery is gross and after surgery is gross but there’s red and there stains and there’s swelling and stitches and stuff. They’re checking all of that and the redress everything and I can’t help it as much as I’m grossed out and embarrassed I’m fascinated too.

It’s gone…like completely gone and everything else too.

It’s a lot to process right now but at the same time past the sort of shock to all of it is this little feeling of yay?

Of yes…finally.

*And Now…

Masks Chapters 22 and 23

*Before…

It’s tricky to get the white gauzy stuff to sit right and to fight with it on the sewing table but I just get it done around supper or rather when Mom’s watch goes off.

It looks good now…kind of this shiny blue top with a white gauze shirt that trails down to mid thigh and looks like Alice in Wonderland from like Disney and a little like the movie and at the same time sort of like a ballet costume too.

With the stockings and the slippers and the right way to wear my hair.

I’m grinning.

This, this will look awesome.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 20

*Before…

Okay, I feel better now…I feel more grounded and more like myself than I ever had. We do facials and mani-pedi’s and I’m surprising them in just how much I know.

Hey when you’re a girl, you’re a girl and if you’re like me and actually like hair and make-up and the girly stuff the stealth or not odds are you’re going to know it even if it’s your first times. I’ve lived a hundred thousand little girl snippet lifetimes already.

I want the whole thing, I need it.

I’m going to…

M.J. comes in with popcorn and Aunt Els is putting on Season one of Gilmore Girls and we sip all together in this pile on the bed in the bag on the floor and pillows and comforters.

This…so much this…

*After…

Masks Chapter 19

*Before…

Jenn’s like. “Can I help? Looks pretty neat to learn.”

Mom’s like. “Sure in exchange you can show up some dance steps and help the girls learn how to dance and it wouldn’t hurt me or Elsbeth to look like we’re not all dated.”

Mary Jane squeaks. “Please! We have a dance this weekend and I’ve only been to a few.”

I blush and admit. “I have no clue how to really dance like a girl.”

Mom’s looking at me a bit, her head tilted. “Stephanie?”

It’s this, all of this and I just…I just can’t hold it in anymore…

“This is me Mom, I’m a girl. I always have been…… I’m Transgendered.”

And everyone just stopped…

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 17

*Before…

Actually I’m close to squeeing and girling out and hugging him but just the way he’s acting this…him saying that and calling me his…

Baby sister.

I’m not going to push it. He’s trying.

I let go of her hand and look at him and give him a thank you smile. But I wasn’t ready for the I love you sis look back…it’s shy and he’s likely in really new turf.

But it’s there.

He takes the waters and heads through the kitchen doors. “We’ll be studying in the living room okay?”

“Sure Bro…Love You.”

“Love you too sis…” He leaves quickly and Jenn follows this smile there like she’s surprised and proud of him.

I’m proud of him too.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 15

*Before…

Mom gives me another hug. I like hugs, and Stephanie is getting more of them than Steven does. I sigh into it…hugs are important. Hugs keep you from flying apart sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like I’m flying apart all the time.

She lets me go and gives me this smile that’s sad, sweet…just kind of different. “I’ll see You after school Steph.”

Yes she stressed You…like me…not Steven.

Yay?

I’m not sure just what to think about that?

I clean my face and brush my teeth and slip into bed. Ohhh…softer sheets, nice thread count and the smell. They just smell nice, like baby powder and dryer sheets. I leave my light on…I want to be able to see all of this whenever I open my eyes tonight…it means that much.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 13

*Before…

We’re just packing up when my phone rings.

It’s mom.

“Uhm Hi.”

“How’s the makeover session?”

Oh yeah she sort of…well she thinks I’m playing dress up.

“Good it’s all so different than what I’m used to.”

“Well tell your Aunt and cousin to come over with you we’re doing spaghetti.”

“Okay…. it might take me a few to get changed.” Dammit, just dammit …Yick.

“No come as you are we need to have a family meeting about this anyway.”

Gulp…

*And Now…

Sunshine…Part 8.

*Joel…………

I was pretty broken really when I take the time to look at things after all has been sort of said and done with the research and stuff.

I’m actually lucky and thankful for the memory wipe too because without that taking off the edge I’d likely have gone nuts with everything that I’ve lost family wise and that I can’t do that I used to do.

I’m still pretty sure that even as blunted as it all is that alone I’d work myself into a bad place with all of the thinking that I’d do.

That I’d really, really dig myself into a hole with the why’s and what ifs.

That’s why when I roll over most mornings I marvel at where I am and who I’m with.

Sonya.

Masks Chapter 10

*Before…

I’ll confess that I want to be that girl that these guys are singing about. I don’t say it out loud but I would love to be the girl getting sung to and just like holding myself in a happy hug while someone is playing something sweet to me.

I hold back on going full on girl with them and yet…yet I’m actually being included now thanks to M.J. and partway through the bus ride we end up lacing our fingers together and squeeze each others hand once in awhile.

It’s the best morning I’ve had in a long time going to school…maybe ever.

She looks at me and smiles and adjusts her hand and we hook pinkies together all the way until we get to the bus stop at school.

I can’t stop smiling.

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 8

*Before…

“You’re welcome honey…You’re my niece I love you.”

I squeeze her really hard and she does back. One of those hugs that gets right there inside of you right where you usually don’t get hugged but need it the most in.

I head home and it does really suck going back to being Steven but this time…this time it’s different.

The real me that girl sealed away in that drum curled up in the dark.

She got hugged, told she was loved.

And inside my dark place that’s like me suddenly having someone give me this emergency candle and I have a little bit of light there in this dark place.

Candles can be amazing right?

*And Now…

Masks Chapter 6

*Before…

I’m partly excited and I’m partly bracing myself to be jealous and I go with her upstairs.

I feel better than I did…opening up and helping each other even if it’s not all the way it’s helped, the clothes are helping heck being in an exclusively female home helps.

I’m not into the spiritual stuff that much because I can’t it’s guyboden but there is a female energy to the house.

I…okay M.J. bedroom door has these little tole-painted flowers around the old moulding for the door and she has a dream catcher hanging there in the middle of the door. It’s cool already.

*And Now…

Can Dreams Come True?…Part 7

I’m still trying to figure things out.

How he is, how that must feel.

I sort of get it but.

He’s a girl that’s never been a girl but she…he’s not transgendered?

Okay one thing’s pretty clear and that Ryan seems way, way more together than me.

It’s actually kind of nice in that way.

I lean back in the chair I’m in and sort of hug myself and think and I’m still doing that when he comes back and he looks at me.

“Josie? You okay?”

Masks Chapter 4

Chapter 4

*Before………..

I try a brave girl smile at her…yes girls can smile differently, they have this whole range of stuff that’s guyboden for me to do.

I’m scared actually but I say it anyway. “Girlfriends.”

Mary Jane shakes pinkies with me again. “Girlfriends.”

I really wish I could happy cry right now. It almost fees like my heart’s beating for the first time all over again.

*Now…………

Lead Shoes-18

Chapter 18

It’s good that he’s in a better mood after all of that as we head to the Bowl ‘N Wash and I go around the back way. There’s lots of room and stuff and while like I said it’s not a bad area out front there’s usually a bunch of kids out there to smoke and smoke up or drink.

It’s the “rebel” teenager stuff kind of place but I park the van out back and we head to out front from there.

I slow down well I can’t really go fast in my crutches anyways but I wait and see if I can see her out front and she’s there.

Masks Chapter 2

Chapter 2

*Before…

He actually passes me a shopping basket. “Go and fill your boots we’ll make this a cool Halloween and a homecoming for them okay.”

“Anything?”

“Anything Bud.” ….Bud…there’s another one that just is…ick but I let it go. I start getting stuff there’s this little spark of an idea that’s forming in the back of my head about me actually being me this year.

Well not really me but not Steven.

I just need to convince my parents to let me go out by myself this year.

*Now…

Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 43 & 44.

Chapter 43

*Emily…………

I never, ever really though about myself as a lesbian before. I’m not really sure that I am either but after the long session of girl talk with the rest of the girls in the house about my night with Jamie and there was a lot to talk about like.

How great looking she is…actually most of us agreed on that even if there was a few of the girls that were kind of jealous.

Yeah jealous…I even admitted to it too. I’m a big girl; I’ve never been the skinny girl ever. Not even in like back as far as the first grade. I’ve done the diets and the binges and tried working out.

Okay going to the gym and stuff helped a lot but there is always these girls there that are the gym rats that make you feel like crap and that you’re some fatty invading your space. Hell even Curves back home was like that. It’s not supposed to be but it too was invaded as a women’s only gym they could go there without getting hit on.