Sweet Dreams-54 “It’s only a flesh wound.”

Chapter 54

*Before…

Ooooh ick.

I know surgery is gross and after surgery is gross but there’s red and there stains and there’s swelling and stitches and stuff. They’re checking all of that and the redress everything and I can’t help it as much as I’m grossed out and embarrassed I’m fascinated too.

It’s gone…like completely gone and everything else too.

It’s a lot to process right now but at the same time past the sort of shock to all of it is this little feeling of yay?

Of yes…finally.

*And Now…

It’s so, so friggin embarrassing.

I’ve been in here a few days and I’m healing up okay but it’s not the post surgery stuff from the removal but it’s….

There really should be a book.

The Art of Zen and Vagina Maintenance.

See where I went there?

I have a Vagina.

And yeah that still with a capital v since it’s a pretty new thing.

And well I’m not even sure that pretty is the right thing either.

I mean yes…awesome, great and whoo-hoo I’m off the fence line of what the fuck am I?

But oh my god or goddess maybe since I’m talking about my Vagina.

Yes I’m saying that word a lot.

I have one.

Me.

Who before all of this thought I was a dude.

But I never really could fit the dude stuff.

I mean yeah cross dressing sort of punk kid and stuff sure but going from William Hunter into Hunter Williams for big time real it’s.

Even if I never fit and this is what I wanted it’s still.

Holy cheese I have a vajay-jay!

Do real girls, okay do other girls sit in the bath and stare at their stuff. I mean I know that trans-girls might but it’s such a thing.

And It’s apparently all good down there end stuff only the fact that I can’t have kids because of my whole intersexed deal and not having the egginess.

They’re still not sure about me having a period or not.

I haven’t had one because of my hormone levels and that’s why I hadn’t like had complications from that all my life but now I’m on them…and not just the prescribed stuff but while I’m in here I’ve been getting shots too.

I hate, hate, hate needles.

But their not sure since no tubes and no ovaries so there’s no eggs to attach to my uterine walls and that might mean that I don’t but it also might mean that once things get all started I still might do that thing where girls pass or slough their inside out.

Yeech….

Oh if that happens that’ll be great.

And then there’s the other stuff.

Cleaning lessons and wiping…they felt that they had to tell me how to wipe…as in after…well actually after both.

Okay from what I have learned for Jen, Cindy and April is that I can get a UTI that will make me feel like I want to curl up in a little ball and have someone run me over with a tank.

And then there’s this mornings lessons all about dilation.

“You want me to stick the what in the where!?”

Uh-huh it seems since I was closed up by Mom-nature until I get acclimated to being female and stuff I have to do these same things that post op transgirls do to get themselves in shape.

Yup it’s dildo reverse internal corseting.

With multiple sizes.

Whoo-hoo! “So I get to masturbate with permission from my doctor?”

I think I’ve been driving some of the staff a little crazy.

Surgery does not fix your head. (Crazy face.)

And as much raunch and stuff and the sex and stuff I’ve seen in the world it’s really still embarrassing having the sex talk about sticking the what in the where.

I get out of the bath and pat dry and I’m being careful of the stitches or sutures or whatever and then it’s this dab of antiseptic cream on it and then apply the bandage.

I’m still kind of sore and I will be for awhile yet but even with the bandage for pubes when I look at myself it’s.

It’s actually kind of cool.

Yes, I’m happy with the whole decision and stuff. I mean like I said I’m finally off the WTF am I fence.

Okay panties are next and these are the first pair I’ve had on since my surgery and had the catheter taken out.

They slip on and up and up and there’s this whole sensation as they settle exactly where they should be.

Oh…okay I’m just going to… I shake my but with the whole happy dance thing.

Alright I have no ass… buttless without chaps here and well I have the hips of an anorexic gymnast but I don’t care I do a little booty-boogie right up until there’s this twang from doing a little too much. “Ow my cooch!”

Alex falls off my bed where he was folding my things to put in my tote bag. “What!”

I snerk.

“I think I upset my coochie, remind me that dancing after surgery is a bad thing okay?”

“Dancing after surgery is a bad thing honey.”

Mental squee…Alex made a joke.

He’s actually been really good the last few days and stuff I mean he’s gotten my school work and he’s gone to work and all the other stuff that he has to do but when he’s not doing that he’s been here with me.

And really…and I might be noticing it more and more with just what we went through with the stuff at the graveyard and this but he’s different with me then he is while we’re with other people.

Part of me kind of want’s him to open up like that to others like that so they can see the amazing person that he can be but…I also want to keep him to myself too.

I start getting dressed and stop in the mirror to check myself out and stuff. I look different now. I’ve got no make-up on and none of my usual stuff and my hair is still holding up from the styling that it got from my time out with April.

Ash blonde…blue eyes and minus the scars I don’t look too bad really. I have no real curves as of yet and I’m told I’ll likely still be curve-lite for most of my life but that’s okay it’s what I’ve been for nearly all of my life so.

But honestly another thirty pounds wouldn’t hurt me.

Yeah thirty, I’m just getting past the one twelve mark now and I’d like to see myself around one forty. I mean that’s not that heavy and I’m actually kind of tallish for a girl at five seven or so.

I don’t want to be super skinny…I’ve been mortally skinny most of my life from just not having.

I will say this the food is not as bad as they say it is though for the last few days I have eaten some stuff that I wouldn’t have figured they’d serve in a hospital. Like cheese cake.

Actually it’s yogurt cake…and from what I heard it’s just Greek yogurt with Jello in it. Yeah like real jay-e-el-el-oh Jello in it and the stuff’s sweet enough to make it not like sour and bleah to something kind of yummy actually.

And it’s like really easy to make according to the girl from the kitchen so maybe I’ll make some sometime and take them to school since it’s like really light and low calorie.

The curvy wenches have to worry about that stuff.

Y’know if I get teased for being curveless I know exactly what I’ll do and that’s bring a great big bacon cheeseburger to school and eat it in front of them.

I kind of smile at that because honestly the thought of it is still pretty novel that I’m not where I used to be.

It’s like a whole other dimension honestly.

I get my bra on and put in my inserts.

Hmmm?

That feels a bit tight and tender.

I slip it off and do the poke, poke with my finger and then I feel around with my hand and there’s some thing there?

Under both of them and they’re not tender but the feeling is there, like noticeable.

Oh…I think I’m getting my boobs.

Cool.

I adjust my straps a little and put my bra back on and that feels better and I do a side profile look in the mirror.

Nope, you can’t see them yet but they’re there. I’m pretty happy about that actually. I really do want at least some of the whole defining girly thing.

Not The defining thing but it’s so culturally there and I think I’m social adapting to what I should have been.

Anyways at least I’m in a pretty good mood as I get dressed the rest of the way and slip into some leggings and a nice skirt that April had bought me.

And that stuff…wow.

While I’ve been here April and I have done some serious shopping online for stuff like clothes and all of that and some of it’s arrived already and some it still coming.

I’m so not used to having things.

Not without someone ripping something else away.

It’s a really nice skirt too one of those mid calf length ones with the taper that sheaths your legs and hugs your butt and it’s this nice deep grey with those really faint stripes that you see in like business clothes. I slip my blouse on and it’s just a nice one, blue my favorite colors other that red and black. But this is this really nice sort of sky blue satin that has this look to it like there’s some almost white shimmery creamy color to it…okay that might be the satin.

I have soooo much to learn about non-street clothing.

I put in my earrings and my necklace, do my belt and line up the buckle to my buttons and I pad out to see Alex watching me with a smile on his face.

“What?”

“You look nice.”

“I look really different, I feel it too without my usual make-up and colors and stuff.”

“Well you can change back anytime you want to, I love you anyway you are Hunter.”

“I know, but I AM going to college and I AM taking your dad up on his offer and I kind of need all the practice I can get between now and then.”

I get my boots and they’re one inch wedges that are calf high and they’re the perfect companion to the leather coat that I have.

It’s another online purchase and it’s not formal or anything but it’s a coat and not a leather jacket and it matches the boots and it really makes my blouse look pretty awesome.

Alex is double awesome because he smiles and stands there as I put my hand in him to steady myself as I put my feet in my boots and that’s just such a boyfriend thing right?

And then he helps me into my coat.

Like I said very yay he’s so awesome kind of thing.

No, no wheelchair out of the hospital, that’s actually a TV thing. There are only so many wheelchairs and they don’t actually spare then for people that can move on their own pretty well.

I’m still getting used to it being gone.

By no means was I hung or anything but it was there and it not being there has changed the way that I move and can move.

Alex escorts me down to the car and we take awhile since I do stop and thank a few people for making this an as no-suck experience as possible and then we drive home.

It’s been close to a week actually since I’ve been home and that’s what it feels like.

Home.

“Home.”

“Glad to be home?”

“Yeah….” My voice is getting thick with feelings. “It just kind of hit me Alex…this felt like I was coming home when we pulled in.”

“You are home.”

“Yeah…but I’ve never felt this before in my life.” (Sniffle.)

I’m kind of trying not to cry but when Adam and April come out with Jen and Cindy and some of the others from school…here…here for me and then there’s the Welcome Home Hunter Banner in the garage as the door’s opening.

I can’t help it I start crying.

Oh…oh…wow…these hormones are strong!