Sweet Dreams-21 … Sunday so Sweet.
Chapter 21
I think I’m in shock or whatever the hell that you’d describe it. I sort of passed out after I had this huge screaming match and fight out in the driveway with and I just lost my control and said things that I shouldn’t have said to him, admitted to him and gave him lots of information to do me some real damage.
Which I think that I partly knew and that pushed me over the edge into nervous fucking breakdown land. It got too much and things got…
Was I imagining things?
Did ADAM…actually carry up the stairs and pass me to Alex?
Of course I’m only really thinking this now that I’m kind of back from the edge, and the crying’s stopping. My head feels kind of spacey and I’m a little bit queasy. I know it’s super messed up but it’s like living with some kind of constant pain all the time and suddenly it’s gone? You almost feel so good that you don’t feel right.
What the hell am I talking about? I’m here a boy but so not a boy like most that I’ve ever known curled up into Alex’s arms and pulled into his chest in a little black dress and bra and panties and stockings all made up and perfumed and… and…
I don’t mind it. I like it, I like being pretty instead of just punker, I like seeing there’s some kind of person here under all the bullshit that I’ve been through.
God I love the way that he’s holding me.
I don’t care if I’m some tranny or some fag but Alex has me pulled into his lap and those huge powerful arms are holding me gently against him just like they’re shielding me from all the stuff in the world that can hurt me.
Who wouldn’t love that?
I do, even just sitting here and breathing in his scent with my eyes closed and just soaking in these moments of safety…real safety. I can feel the powerful emotions running through my and do that little racy sweet pounding heart beat thing that just hurts so good so right inside I almost can’t understand it.
I’m scared of it too after the things that I said, screamed at Adam in our fight.
I’m scared of it because even here there this part of me that’s actually pretty raw, and pretty messed up and pretty sure….pretty sure that I really don’t deserve this, that I really am not good enough for Alex.
I mean when I really take that hard look at myself and just how much he doesn’t know about me. Why in the fuck would I really thing that I deserve to be loved at all.
Happy endings don’t always happen.
Real fucking life they almost never happen.
Girls like me if even that’s what I am don’t get the prince charming happy ending stuff.
We don’t.
We don’t.
I want my happy ending!
I want somebody to please love me!
Please?
Please love me, I’ll be good…I promise….
“Hunter…”
“Hunter….”
Alex’s voice and I fight to see him to open my eyes and stop just stop. I want off this sick fucking ride in my head.
Help me…
I feel his lips touching mine and there’s just nothing in my whole life like being kissed, being kissed by Alex and I feel his lips, they taste like him. I’m serious there’s more to a taste to a kiss past the taste of skin, there’s just something more.
It tastes so good, feels so good that trace of his shaved stubble starting to re-grow he’s so gentle too but demanding…no…seeking, searching when he kisses me like this and I swear the way that my head’s been feeling, the storm of emotions that’s here and trying not to be drowned alive by the quicksand my family left inside…it stops… Alex kissing me made it stop and it’s like that Evanescence song Bring Me to Life…
It does feel like that in away when I open up my eyes and I get to stare into those deep, coffee chocolate silky brown eyes of his. When you get this close to him you can see those little hidden flecks of other colors there, lighter tones almost like amber but kind of like gold.
And then there’s the hair all messy and sexy now hanging down and framing his face and I’m looking and that all I see when I open my eyes and that’s Alex…My Alex.
And I feel that feeling again and I can’t help but lose myself in just…just…him…you know……………………ow…my heart.
I really do feel it as he’s looking at me.
There’s worry there.
No one’s ever given a shit before.
There’s wonder there.
Who has ever had someone look you in the eyes like they’ve seen color for the first time?
I don’t even feel it coming but the way that he’s looking at me makes these huge tears pour out of my eyes and run down my cheeks and I’m almost blind from the water works.
Then he kisses me again and I arch my body needing it up into that kiss just like some one hit me with the paddles and went Clear!
I wasn’t even expecting the words.
“Hunter…Hunter it’s okay…I’ve got you, I Love you.”
Oh we fucking lie to ourselves don’t we?
We say that we don’t need it, that love’s just some bullshit and all the people we see hooked up are just lying.
That we don’t need love.
Lies, just really great big stupid lies.
“Alex….”
“Yeah?”
“Say in again…”
“Hunter…I Love you.”
“Again… just please agai…”
He kisses me cutting me off and it’s long and deep and the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever known in my life. “Hunter I Love You, I Love you, I Love You…” he…he…actually very quietly sang all three of those I Love you’s to me.
……………. (Glomps, sniffle, sobbing...) ……. “Oh Alex I love you too!”
“Thank you…Thank you so much for loving me Hunter.” And I can see there’s tears there in his eyes too and there’s that only Alex kinda sorta smile there and it’s there just for me.
He kisses me again and I kiss him back and it’s fevered, needy, loving and passionate and the more that he kisses me the more of the stuff that’s been trying to pull me under from the fight just goes away and the more that I’m coming to life and feeling better, stronger and more like myself.
More like the me that I’ve always supposed to have been and that’s Hunter, Alex’s girl.
His one and only.
Forever and Always his Hunter.
“Alex…”
“Yeah…”
“Take me to bed…make love to me.”
He smiles at me not the half smile but that hidden real one he keeps hidden away under lock and key, the sweet boy vulnerable smile and I fall a little deeper in love with him and he carries me in his arms like I’m some paper doll and he’s kissing me the whole way.
I won’t get into the nitty ewish parts but I’m still in my stockings and my lingerie but my dress is rumpled on the floor with his clothes and we’re face to face and kissing as he moves my panties aside and Alex sinks into me.
It hurts but less than before and at the same time the look of pleasure and bliss on his face just fills my heart with this feels so right, I’m making him feel like that and the pain lessens and I kind of fall in lust with the feeling as he is deeply inside of me and I’m adjusting to the feeling of Alex inside of me again and that delicious feeling of his body heat invading me.
He moves inside me and it changes slowly but surely from this hurt that’s not a hurt to this sensation that unless you’ve have someone making love to you and moving inside you you’ll never get. And then it’s just plain good and good gets better and before long I’ve wrapped my stocking legs around his waist and I’m moving with him and the pleasure is so good, better, even more…
I feel like I’m melting inside and the pleasure hits my both as this spike of cumming but then this implosion like all the pleasure centers in my body just erupt and start to flood my nervous system and I’m crying out and Alex moves my bra cups and my inserts aside and he takes a nipple in his mouth and it happens all over again but so much more intensely than I thought could happen.
It happens again when I feel him cum inside of me and it feels just beyond perfect, something inside me was aching for Alex to do that.
It’s like when you hear of people just seeing a kid and the woman gets that whole maternal switch flipped in her head. It’s that kind of thing Alex reaching his orgasm in me, with me flipped this switch that just said this was absolutely right.
Every single time it happened.
We did and tried a whole lot of things just caught up in the moment and by the time we were both spent I have never felt sore like that before, or as good or as boneless and naked finally we end up spooning as the birds begin chirping outside in the before dawn thing they do and he pulls me close and slips his arms around me.
I can feel his smile on the back of my neck and the little kisses as he makes his way to my ear.
“I Love You, I Love You, I Love You…”
I think I’m going to like Sundays.
Comments
Lies
{{We say that we don’t need it, that love’s just some bullshit and all the people we see hooked up are just lying.
That we don’t need love.
Lies, just really great big stupid lies.}}
Thank you Bailey!
Hugs
Grover
Thanks Grover!
I was really trying to capture Hunters voice and that to me just wrote out as heartfilled, heartbreaking 15-16 years old girl.
I'm Glad that you really liked this.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Words...so healing....
I want somebody to please love me!
Please?
Please love me, I’ll be good…I promise….
“Hunter…Hunter it’s okay…I’ve got you, I Love you.â€
It's okay. Acceptance...unconditional simply flat out romantic demonstration of unconditional love. This really hits me hard every time. Simply beautiful and moving. Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
I know, just how often have we all said that?
If now just wanting someone to love us, to wanting someone to love us as we really are. I think stuff like this strikes a chord in all of us.
Thanks so much for the great comment Andrea:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Glad to see Alex pulled her
Glad to see Alex pulled her back from the abyss, also nice to see Hunter accepting HERself, looking forward to more.
Great story as always, thank you Bailey.
Lizzie :)
Bailey's Angel
The Godmother :p
Given the night and the stress and then the fight.
It was really easy to feel Hunter going to that place where just because of how she's lived. and Hunter loves her so much that he just had to reach out to her and pull her free of that darkness and into his embrace.
Thanks for commenting Lizzie:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I think I understand Freddy Mercury's Lyrics more now
Until you have Love it is this,
"I just gotta get out of this prison cell, Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord! Oh Lord, Somebody - somebody, Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
That crushing hopelessness is lifted by three words from someone who cares "I Love You" and you get addicted to hearing them, reading them. knowing that someone feels the same aching need and you can fulfill it.
"Can anybody, Find me, Somebody to, Love..."
When you do... words can fail... thank you Bailey, for finding those words.
teary hugs,
Diana
Oh Goddess Honey:)
You picked the greatest tune to explain the feelings behind this chapter. I absolutely loved this Moon, it just fit so well and if there was a song that'd be in the Sweet Dreams sound track this'd be it.
I'm so loving this Diana, Thank you:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
*sniffle*
*sniffle* Beautiful. Just beautiful. I think to say anything more would spoil it. Thank you.
"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Thank you So Much Jemima:)
I still absolutely love comments like these.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
well said...
it looks like the others have said it pretty well.
great chapter, great story.
thanks
Thanks Lonewolf:)
It still means a lot to me that you keep reading and commenting on my stories so much, it really means a lot that you do this. I look for your name when looking to my comments just like so many others who honestly help keep me going.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Sweet Dreams 21
Wow, you got a perfect trifecta.
Hunter's despair after the emotionally draining fight with Adam, fueled by knowing she gave up some info that he could use as ammunition against her, and from feeling she's not worthy of Alex's love (or anyone else's) because of the low self esteem of growing up in an abusive household.
Then her elation when Alex reminds her how much he does love her...
Followed by the satisfaction of awesome all-night lovemaking.
*sigh*
Dang, it made me want Alex to make love to me too! And I'm not into guys...
*hugs*
Lees
Sigh yeah I love writing stuff like this Lees:)
it's just the mixture of drama and longing and love of romance all jelling into the story. I'm super glad that you enjoyed it so much Lees.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Sad and beautiful at the same time!
The poor girl feeling she has to promise to be good and the nice boy saying showing her that it's not necessary. Thank you, Bailey. Anne
Thanks Anne:)
I try for my story chocolate effect bittersweet in the nicest way with just the right hint of salty tears.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
More...
... please? Pretty please with sniffles and sweet romance on top?
My brain is blank after that... My emotions running this way and that...
Can't wait to hear what happens next. So much seems to have changed overnight, with Hunter, Alex, Adam and April. What will we see now that morning has come, and everyone has a chance to really process what just happened?
Thanks for this great chapter, hon
~Super Duper Happy Huggles n Stuff~
Jen =]
There'll be more coming Jen.
How can I refuse such a request. I've got 22 started now.
Thanks for the great comments:)
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I just have to give up tonight....
....But i dont want to... Reading you stores is such a awesome way to pass a day... The book thing is true people like me who received 50.00 last may do read a lot and we as know how to be online with free internet Why dose the step mom remind me of Jessica Rabbit: I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way?
some of my fav lines
its not my fault its my brain on hairspray
“Never, I’m still getting used to actually having food around to eat Jen. People see poor kids starving in Africa and it’s sad and shit but there’s kids living the American Nightmare instead of the dream less than a half hour drive in any direction.â€
...Cinderella? Hey Aren't Glass Shoes for Hookers?
Well i am cold so i need to snuggle in my blanket (why is it so cold in Illionis in sept?).
Love and Hugs Hanna
Love And Hugs Hanna
((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))((((((((♥)))))))
Blessed Be
Thanks Hanna:) It's sadly true to the state of things isn't it?
Like Hunter said...more or less get in a car and in 30 minutes you can go from the American dream to cold hard hungry reality. Been there....
Please, please take really good care of yourself and stay warm and safe for us:)
*Love and Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Unexpected acceptance
Hunter has been abused for so long that she expects to wake up from a dream she didn't know she's held for years, to be loved and accepted for who she is.
Every time it seems her dream will come true that drugged out step crap's voice rattles around in her mind, making her doubt her being where she is now.
But that drugged out step crap's voice isn't nearly as strong as the three words Alex says to her when the darkness threatens Hunter, I love you.
Never having had actual love in her life scares the crap out of Hunter, causing her to wonder when she'll get kicked again just for grins. Alex isn't in much better shape, and like Hunter he too wonders when his dream will end.
These two people have found what they've needed for so long in the other person, an acceptance for who they are and not what they can get by using the other person. They each fulfill a longing that both have missed out on up to this point in their lives, an offering of unbridled love for the person they are with.
And in that offering they have also given April something she has needed since she married Adam, the need to be wanted. And, in those three starting their group hug, they've reached out and grabbed an arm of a reluctant Adam. A man whose been hurt just as bad as Alex and Hunter.
Others have feelings too.
Medical care
I know completely off topic their is a part of my mind the goes freely where it wills, I'm thinking of transition.
Seriously
I could comment on every single chapter, they are so wonderful. But I think you would get tired of reading them all in such a rush, what with 71 chapters and all. Before long, I'm going to have to go out and buy even more tissues, in spite of the fact I just bought a box today!