Sweet Dreams-62

*Before…

Alex takes the zipper of the jacket and he does it up and zips me all the way up as far as it would go and I’m teased in my body and inside too…I mean that was actually funny. And I’m laughing because it’s just awesome.

“I take it that’s a yes then?”

He gives me another kiss and then he walks to the Café where he has to work and I watch him go and it’s such a nice sight.

And the kissing and The jacket thing and I’m actually happy again and I actually skip a little on my way to work and hopefully I can dish about Alex and me over a cuppa with the boss.

*And Now…

It’s a really good and really still odd feeling with being okay and being happy too and it’s enough that when I get to the doors of Hali’s shop I stop and I check myself out in the reflection of the door glass.

Skinny and blonde with an almost really young figure if it wasn’t for my height and Alex’s jacket just so huge on me and I’m smiling.

Me, smiling and really I don’t look like me as I’ve really known myself for most of my life and that’s actually a good thing.

The bad’s not ever going to fade away but I’m so different now.

Happy.

With someone.

Someone that I’m in love with.

Well…it’s still surprising to me really because I’d literally been raised to not think that I’d be deserving of love or worth well…much of anything and that’s all getting stripped away and beaten onto headstones and bathroom stall doors and I’d literally fought and bled to get here.

I deserve this, I deserve my life.

I take another big inhale of the jacket and it’s really not that powerful in like physical terms but the smells and the whole psychological stuff behind me and Alex’s jacket is enough to make me feel the zing.

I’m coming in and I’m hanging up said jacket if the little side office just as the kettle is starting to boil and Hali’s ringing up a customer and I’m making the tea right now and I kind of like the idea that I’m actually learning to brew a decent pot or a cuppa.

It’s not what one would really expect from a girl with my background really.

I laugh as she puts her sigh over that cash. “Gone for a cuppa, take your time shopping or if you fancy a cup come by the office.”

No one’s ever actually come by the office for a cup but it’s still funny all the same and the people that shop here that read it do stop and slow down afterwards and take their time shopping.

It’s also neat working here too since Hali gets things from India or from England and she shares them with me while we have our tea. She’s trying to show me new things and I think that likes doing that too. There’s somethings I’m not keen on as they say like some of those spiced tart sorts of things even if they’re plum or something like that and then there’s chocolates.

English chocolate and American chocolate are really different.

Today is a cashew butter filled one with sesame and it’s amazing it’s like chocolate and peanut butter went to a fancy modeling school or something.

And I like sesame, I like those Danish sort of candy wafers in those little blue packages and my favorite bagel is a plain sesame seed bagel.

This has this crumble of sesame candy in the cashew butter fudge and it’s all in milk chocolate and there’s this dark chocolate drizzle on there for decoration and it matches with the sesame’s almost caramelized tastes.

We have our little break and then we’re back to work and I’m sorting and running the cash while she’s actually doing repairs and alterations.

That’s a big draw here with Hali’s place is she keeps wrecked stuff she gets in the deliveries and she breaks it all down and she will do alterations on things that you buy from her to fit you or some measures that you give her and she’s good at it.

Like trained seamstress good. But here in the states you never see most people even think of it. There’s like almost no call for something like that in a mall where really in my opinion there should be a seamstress /tailor in a department store.

Why the heck isn’t there like an alterations department?

It seems sort of like a cultural thing here and she even has an ironing board for the clothes and she even does these things called iron-ons.

She gets them from out of country but I guess they were quite the thing here too like back in the eighties and earlier and all. I actually think that I remember some of the red-neck skinhead cousins wearing stuff like that.

It’s fun to work here too because she’s always doing stuff including making new stuff from the old stuff.

She’s actually passing me some new creations and I’m digging out the price tags. “You look like you’re absolutely glowing today Hunter what’s up.”

“Alex hopefully.”

I’m grinning and so is she. “He’s a guy most of them are ready Hunter.”

“Well he’s waited and it’s been long enough and I’m ready, I’m more than ready.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah you know that whole dilation thing?”

“Oh yeah you called it the what in the where right?”

“Right well the what in the where is acutely becoming not Alex and I miss him.”

She grins and shoves me in that light playful way. “So you want the who in the where then.”

“That would be the case nudge, nudge, wink, wink.”

Hali bursts out laughing. “Say no more!”

I end up grinning and laughing with her and we actually end up talking about guys and well that’s actually mostly her since my total interest in guys and me was Alex and that porn store guy that was kinda sort of almost.

And it’s fun for me because I like the whole English way that she has of speaking and they have a lot of great just everyday expressions.

Wanker, Tosser, Punter, Git, Prat, Nosey-Parker, In the bin I love all of them and it’s funny just how many of her ex’s fit into a lot of those terms and how so many of them end up in the bin.

I still think Wanker’s my favorite.

It’s like a posh way of saying Numbnuts.

I finish out my shift and head out to meet up with Alex at his work and it’s interesting to see him doing the whole barista thing today and he’s in the café shirt and he has his sleeves rolled up and I have to admit it is just kind of wow.

I have like these thin and slender arms and I know that I’m not like a guy or even was actually all biologically one being intersexed and stuff but I kind of get that little girl hit of big strong guyness from Alex and seeing him like that and it makes me feel girly.

And that’s an actual thing for me because as much as I ended up being intersexed and stuff I wasn’t raised that way and I wasn’t treated that way and even though I sort of acted all kind of borderline queer and heavily punker I was pretty much of the mindset that I was a guy.

Geeky and skinny but I was a guy nonetheless.

So there are still moments of me having this like ghost of William’s past and of who I was and then who I decided to be.

I was trans before I learned all of the ins and outs of what I was physically and I’d made the choice to transition before I knew.

So in reality I’m still trans, still going from Will to Hunter.

And I still get to see Alex for who and what he might be to me from outside the whole bio-female experience. But as I’m becoming a girl or me or whatever is really happening like technically and all.

It’s a very kind of steady sort of Oh experience with little things to notice and little revelations about being a girl that honestly I think that get lost if the whole background noise that some girls have and stuff in just being who they are.

Alex’s forearms and the way the muscle flexes under the skin and that wired and odd sort of neat way that he kind of straddles that whole boy to man thing with that sort of worker student youth deal all counterpointed with the fact he’s as big and as strong as he is.

P.S. Guys there’s really good reasons like this that women like seeing you in actual dress shirts and sleeves and not just in t-shirts.

Alex with his hair tied back neatly and wearing this medium color blue with grey stripes and him wearing nice dark creased jeans that don’t hang off of his butt. All of that with the barista apron on and the sleeves rolled up it’s just.

Sigh…

And I smell the jacket again for good measure.

I mean I’ve been with Alex a while now and we’ve been through so much already and we’ve done things but this is all sort of me appreciating him for exactly what he is.

And it’s a little bit amazing as it’s happening really.

Honestly and it’s sort of poetic but I feel like now that stuff’s like biologically resolved and stuff I’m like a bud that’s slowing opening herself up to being a flower.

A little bit more happy, a little bit more free and seeing the world so differently now even though it’s the same world that it’s always been.

I walk over to the counter and he smiles at me. “I’m just about done and going to clean the machine do you want a coffee before I do that?”

I beam at him and rock back and forth on my heels a little. “Do you have to ask?”

He starts with the fancy coffee making and I watch and it’s actually kind of really satisfying to do this…just watch and be that okay, just like actually okay that I have the random kind of happy inside that lets me rock back and forth on my heels.

Seriously when life hammers you hard and all the time it’s just like you never have the energy of spirit to do something like that even if you’re not thinking that you’re doing it.

I love the way that coffee smells with that high pressure kind of spray through the tight packed grounds and Alex is Alex and he went through the beans and he picked a few out that he didn’t like. He’s picky when it comes to stuff like this and it’s actually I think a lot like his dad really with that sort of have to have things just so.

Adam it’s language for like legal stuff and Alex it’s visual in things he sees and the things that he draws and paints and all of that.

I love the fact he makes my milk for me and mixes it just right with half whole milk and half almond milk because it’s like got stuff in it that’s good for me and then he adds a shot of heavy cream in it to bump the richness back up and he does the nozzle steamy swirly thing and by the time he gets it where he wants it he had the coffee done and the has the big mug-bowl and then her pour and then he does the whole other pour to make the design thing and he passes me my really lovely big coffee and there’s a set of angel wings on the foam design.

“Hey that’s new?”

He nods and sets biscotti on my saucer and then starts cleaning up. “I’ve been trying different designs with it. There’s a book of them and I actually figured when I get to college if I can do a lot of the cool designs I might have a better chance of getting a job.”

“Cool, I love this.” I sip a good three sips and I take the biscotti and I seriously dunk it and let it sit some so it soaks and gets soft. I mean my teeth aren’t bad but I have seen not bad teeth from people where I’m from break and break easily on some extra hard stuff and yeah I’m paranoid about it.

Coming from the land of the really poor and the drug pipe teeth it’s a thing for me. It’s one of those little privilege things people with steady cash never think about and that’s teeth, they get it done and fixed and often with like dental plans and all of that stuff but if you’re lower middle class and south that’s a thing that’s there…a lot.

Which gives me an idea and I take out my notes and I jot some more stuff down.

The biscotti is good though. It’s still kind of a bready texture to me which isn’t bad but it’s just like if a cookie was a breadstick and had some chocolate in it and almonds.

That’s another shift for me. I like nuts, like nut other than peanuts. See we really never had them home and stuff but I’m trying them not and I like most of them. They have a really white chocolate chip and macadamia nut soft cookie here that are to die for.

And looking around they’re out of them.

And the brownies here are really great too with there being lots and lots of icing in them and swirls of stuff and like flaked salt. That’s the kick ass thing about indie places that bake they have much better stuff usually than the chain places.

Alex gets done and check out and takes a bag of day-ends with him and we usually don’t do that too often so it must be something that I like or that he likes and we get our things and head to the car with him making a stop at the drug store in the plaza for a few minutes and I sneak a peek into the bag.

They’re biscuits and a few scones and a few croissants which is cool though the scones look funky with multiple colors and all that in them and they aren’t white they’re sort of a turmeric color?

Alex comes out and I hold one up. “Really?”

He nods. “They’re vegetable garden scones and they have things in them like you’d see in a vegetable cracker.”

“Why, I’d just eat the veggies.”

He kisses me and we start walking. “Uhm because I like them and they’re not for you really I know that you’re not into that stuff.”

“I can tolerate it I drink that juice gloop stuff you make all of the time.”

“But you’d rather have the salad?”

I nod twice. “But I’d rather have the salad.”

We get into the car and the veggie talk has us do a quick stop in at one of the grocery places and Alex gets some more veggies both frozen and fresh and some more of his vile nasty cottage cheese and then we head for home.

It’s strange though.

I mean it’s a good strange but it’s strange because for all the hints and the sexy talk and stuff we get home and we put our things away and get changed into our going nowhere clothes (I’m in no bra just panties and one of his jerseys.) and we have some of the homework things out and Alex kisses me and he starts to make supper and I’m helping too.

It’s so just normal.

Alex is cooking steak and it’s just one piece but like really think and he has it marinating it like olive oil and steak spices and fresh garlic and a bunch of other things and a little bit of tomato juice.

Apparently a little bit of moisture is needed for the steak spices to kick in unless you’re like going to wait a long time.

And we do a salad.

I’m really simple with salads these days I like iceberg lettuce it’s simple and easy and just give me lots of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes and some small zucchini’s and I like the yellow ones and then everything else is like a bonus.

Alex just has those in it and the kernels that he cuts off of three ears of sweet corn that he bought today and I actually like that because their like little popping juicy croutons.

And he makes salad dressing and I kind of like his take on pepper ranch. He just takes store bought ranch dressing and he puts it in the food processor and then there’s like a lot of fresh ground pepper he adds to it and a squeeze of lime and then he takes out one of the jalapenos he has in the fridge and he chars the skins off by holding it to the stove burner and once the skins are off he tosses it in seeds and all.

It’d likely be too hot for me if it wasn’t ranch or if there wasn’t all the veggies too to like cool it off but I love that flavor and it altogether is way better than any salad dressing I’ve usually had and there’s enough left over for making lunches.

Supper’s just actually really good with the salad as like the main and Alex seared off that great big steak and it’s like boneless and he did it medium and sliced it all up after grilling it and we just had the platter covered in a lot of the salad and the steak on it and the dressing on both and we eat at the coffee table sitting on the floor with the cushions there and the table pulled right tight and me leaning on him and us just eating off the platter as we watch Comedians in cars getting coffee on Crackle.

It’s actually pretty good and it’s so much better than nice to actually just lean back into the whole crook of Alex’s arm and just be held.

That kind of thing, to actually be able to have that contact is so nice.

We go from eating to doing our homework together and even though we’re not taking anything together we help each other out and still are pretty much leaning on each other while we do that.

Honestly I could do things like this forever.

But then we’re done or rather he’s done since I’m actually taking some things that takes longer and he goes and he takes out a few of his pieces that he has done and he sets a few aside and he shows me some of them and they’re like a few of the waterfront park downtown and there’s one of what looks like the neighborhood but from like make up on the roof and then there’s one of me.

I still can’t get anyone liking me well enough to sketch or draw me much less paint me and this is a watercolor of me but me post-surgery and in the hospital.

I bite my lip before saying. “That’s pretty personal. I might get accused of the whole pity vote or something.”

He looks at me. “I have others that’s just like the most recent of you.”

I can’t help it I mean I’m here and we’re living together and sleeping together and all this stuff and he’s making me blush at the thought of him actually spending time and like effort to do that. I mean it’s really a huge thing and has me feeling that whole ow my heart thing.

Do you know how long it takes to learn to draw or paint? How much real time that takes and effort, and Alex had done more than the first one that I’ve seen and this one.

It’s kind of I didn’t know how much I wanted this feeling ache that runs through me with this.

And now everything else can weight because there is something there to the whole feelings and emotions and all the guy and girl physicality stuff because I’m happily aching emotionally over this and then it seems to just sink deeper into me until it sort of becomes this whole emotional into physical want for him.

Pointed nipples and the blood rush of things to parts that I’m still really getting used to having and that groanful need below that’s building and I’m ready, I’m really, really ready and I get up and I walk over to him and I almost stop and cry and the one that he shows me instead with my in the tire swing they have here that they don’t use and my hair’s loose and I’m texting…

You have to really, really watch someone to get stuff like that right?

He was more looking for my decision on which one and I wanted him to use and I take it out of his hands. “This one.” Then I set it aside and I wrap my arms around his neck and I tip toe up and kiss him really long and deep and over and over until he gets it and clues in.

He kisses me back and it’s hot and passionate and it’s getting really…really like he wants me. Like he’s gone without and he sort of has really and he’s really getting into it.

I slip my hands down over his chest and the old t-shirt he’s wearing and feel the heat of him and that so very solid firmness of his body under my touch and I take him hands and I break the kiss and I start walking backwards to the bedroom with him.

Alex takes me to the bathroom and I go with it and he starts the shower and he has the bag from the drug store and he has stuff for the shower like this nice shower wash stuff and we get undressed and slip into the water together.

And oh…oh my; a shower that is leading to sex is a whole different thing than us just showering together like we sometimes do.

My skin gets those little thrill bumps as his hands wash me and caress me and there’s this smell that’s so soothing to from the Shea butter wash we’re using sort of coconut and earthy too all at the same time and he’s taking such great care to wash me in all the right places and there’s this whole point I feel his really thick hot hardness pressed into me and rubbing and sliding against the soapy wetness and the shower puff that he washed my mound with gets replaced by his hand and then well there’s him rubbing me and it’s wet and slick and then there’s the water and the soap and fingers.

Fingers tracing and touching labia that are healed and alive and fresh and sensitive…I get a thrill charge that just runs up through my insides and make me do this needful kagel over and over until he slips fingers into me.

I cry out. “Oh!” But it’s a piercing Oh and it’s pleasure and surprise and then there’s this entirely new and atomically sexual sensation of life, of fingers and knuckles and the pads of those fingers as they touch my inside in this way plastic just can’t.

Touching, gentle strokes and feather like massages inside of me in this way that I could never dream of feeling so good but right there along with the good so right.

My brain had thought about sex and like the mechanics of what I’d be doing and I just couldn’t like get there in my head as what I was going to do and move when we did it and life just takes over, pure instinct and pleasure and passion and the want for more as I ride his hand.

When it comes I know what it is and I had a two handed bent and arched death grip on the shower caddy as I have my first non-plastic orgasm and it rocks me hard.

This is not the potent rush of over and over again white hot pleasure heat from before and it’s not that secondary feeling that I used to have. This was a thunderstorm inside of me and all my muscles doing the tensing and clenching are the thunder inside of me and my orgasm flares like bright, bright lightning in a storm lighting all of me up from the inside.

The Alex turns the water off and he reaches for the towels and he dries me off and that becomes this whole other thing.

This unbelievable thing with soft terrycloth and that drifting over my skin just enough to pick up the water on me and he’s being so…he’s using it just like that on purpose.

I gasp and cry out a little less hard but so amazed by the feelings as the towels little tiny fluffy parts caress in almost slow motion over my breasts and my nipples and they puff and crinkle and get as hard and as needy as I’ve ever felt them and as soon as that cloth passes over he replaces it with his mouth.

“Oh, oh, oh fff…fuck Alex…” God I wanted to be more original than that, I really did but it’s just what comes out.

Part of my brain wants to go into all that dirty talk and a bigger part of me doesn’t and I sort of meet the two parts in the middle and I moan loudly and I pull his head to my chest and I’m crying because it feels so good and that’s when he picks me up and he carries me to the bed his mouth busy and making me so incredibly happy that I’m a girl.

There’s a lot of release in not just accepting who you are but when you can has those moments when you’re happy you’re you.

And there’s a thrill that can’t help but to run through me too when he lowers me to the bed once he’s on it and it’s all strength. I know I’m small but I feel like I’m so much more than small I feel this almost visceral thing that’s actually so girly feeling to me.

Oh I know that’s such a friggin cliché thing and I know that there’s girls that say that they don’t feel girl things too and get all pissed at trans people for saying stuff like that but…really in no other set of circumstances would this be happening.

No one’s picks a guy up and then carries them like this or lays they down so incredibly and it’s just that I can only describe it as this makes me feel like I’m so very, very special and treasured.

I don’t know about gay relationships and stuff so yeah I feel just.

I feel like a princess.

And okay with Alex doing things to my breasts and then him going down it’s definitely not a PG-13 fairy tale.

And oh…oh he’s going down.

He’s.

I hip arch and cry out at the touch of his lips and he might have done this before or he might not have but he’s there and so are his hands and he parts me open and I feel lips and kisses and then the trailing of Alex’s kisses along my folds.

Oh and when he uses his tongue.

I moan and I cry out and I fist the sheets and I writhe it feels so good.

It’s like when you’ve had a day from hell and you crawl into nice fresh sheets and sort of wriggle to get comfy but also from the just plain pleasure of such a simple thing.

I move like that times a million or it feels that way.

Thunder and lightning rolling through me lighting Hunter’s soul up inside of me and showing me so many intimate things about myself.

The feeling of rightness and completion as strong as the purely physical things. All those things that had plagued me with my weird gender stuff and my odd feelings and sheer WTF about me and my sexuality are like getting sort of sorted and burned away.

When you’re one thing and that’s what you were told is right and it’s never felt right…and even just off you get that what’s wrong with me in your head.

And all my life I had that all buried into all of the other shit going on with me.

And then you have something like this.

Okay I’m lucky, I had stuff to work with but I think that all the post op girls like me must feel this too. This sort of profound experience of Finally and feeling right.

Add sex into that and love and a relationship it has me crying as much as I’m cumming.

God bless estrogen and multiple orgasms.

Alex takes me to my second on the bed and I’m panting and laugh-sobbing and then he’s there and he kisses me and that’s decidedly off given where he was but the tender and the over and over again in those kisses really had that go out of my head and then he’s.

He’s there and it is slowly and painfully good, great even inch by super-hot throbbing inch of him sinking into me.

Alex is not plastic.

He’s huge and hot and there’s this sort of perfect give too within that hardness of him that only flesh can have and then there’s even as wet and ready as I am this friction too that’s so perfect.

And yeah I’m stretched and he’s careful and he takes his time with me and it’s actually a good thing Alex is wound the way he is and has that whole self-control thing because if he wasn’t careful I would have been hurt by this.

I don’t know if other girls that have been with Alex have had this experience but he’s well aware of his size.

There’s details I guess I could go on about but it was just pretty much what you’d expect from sex but not what I expected and I know I had multiples and I know I cried out and made lots of noises and I know that I need another shower because even with him taking his time we got sweaty and I went from feeling like a princess to feeling like something much different and much more wild.

And Alex was amazing, there was touching and kissing and foreplay in between things like he was using those things to keep from going off too soon.

And the talk.

Alex is quiet by nature really and soft spoken but to hear little whispers of… “You’re amazing.”
“So beautiful, so brave.”
“Oh…oh Hunter…so deep, so sweet…tight…”
“Move for me, let it go, cum for me Hunter, dance in my arms angel.”

He doesn’t go there usually and as sex talk it’s kind of tame but it’s beautiful sort of all at the same time too.

And he filled me…and then he filled me again…hot electric essence.

Yeah I know corny as hell but it didn’t feel like just him having two orgasms inside of me it felt like more than that tonight.

Then we’re done and we’re both as spent as the sky after a rainstorm and there’s almost that same feeling too.

You ever stand outside and get completely drenched and weather the cloudburst and there’s this moment when the world sort of stops and it’s all something.

Still, quiet and almost elemental?

The right after was just like that…maybe thirty seconds long but it was just.

Perfect and it actually took us more energy than I thought it would to pull of the covers around us and to spoon together and drift off.

I fall asleep with Alex’s hear beating against me back and his arm wrapped around my waist and fingers sleepily tracing over my navel and his breath in my hair.