Sweet Dreams 14 … Help Pinch Me!

Chapter 14

I’m kind of numb as Alex is driving us from his place to school. He’s going a little fast for me, I’m a bus girl, it’s what I grew up taking. I’m not used to being in a car much less one that’s going kinda fast.

Oh shit…I just said I’m a girl.
And I’m scared because my boyfriend is driving too fast.
You ever have one of those face-palm moments.

His dad got him pissed. Me I’m freaked because I’m having visions of fancy tables and nice looking people and gorgeous women and I’m just me.

Like I said, this is my life and not pretty woman.

I’m relieved that we arrive in school in one piece and Alex seems to have something still there in control…no that’s not exactly true. Alex is all about control. I’ve help him when he’s cried, I’ve seen him nearly tear the back door off a school bus. No Alex is all about control as he’s with it enough to open my car door for me.

Yeah I know, I’m not going to say it to him ever…ever…but he gets that from his dad.
More to mull and obsess over.
Wonderful.

I still feel really hyper-weird to after Alex and I had made love. I’m sore and in a good way I think…yeah, it’s. God it’s hard to imagine, to even admit to even now that Alex did that to me, took me, and it scares the fuck out of me because it changed me. I’m not the same person that I was before that. I’m not that different but it’s a path I can’t unwalk.

He takes my hand and smiles at me and there’s this look in those dark eyes of his needing this. Needing us…….ME……..That’s what’s really frightening. Just the thought of someone needing me like that.

And I love it.
I want to be loved, I want to be needed.
I just want another soul curled up next to mine in the dark places.

And somehow, by some miracle Alex happened to me.
Where I come from there’s not that many happy endings.
I though I’d just be like the rest of the trash kids.
Just though I’d only have an ending.

I get shaken out of the heavy stuff floating around in my head when we go up the few steps from the parking lot to the quad and Alex wraps me in his huge arms and pulls me back against him and he just holds me tightly. It almost hurts a bit he’s that strong and big, he’s got a foot plus on me and he’s well over twice my weight in muscle and just plain mass.

He’s got his face buried into the back of my head and he’s smelling my hair and he’s breathing the smell of me in. There’s something powerful about that too. Something good.

I lean back into him and instantly kind of feel this bulge of him starting and this reminder of what we did comes back to me again in this really pleasant way. I feel Alex needing me even just to hold onto for awhile and that.

That was there when we were together last night, this morning.

I just stand there and soak it in. The strength in him, the attention, the love. I start to tear up a bit thinking that someone might actually love me and that I don’t have to look that deep inside anymore to know I love Alex too. I was so scared that part of me was broken. I asked that question all my life until now.

We all do I think and whenever we do it hurts.
It cuts deep.
What about me is so fucked up and broken that nobody loves me?

I don’t ask that now.

Nope now I’m just trying to figure out how not to fuck this up and trying to see what Alex see’s in me. It’d be nice to see that for myself.

I smile though at what he’s doing and I put my hands over his. “Mmmm, just a bit harder Alex…”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t, I know hurt remember.”

“Yeah…” His voice is husky raw with emotion and he does he squeezes me enough that it does hurt. But life’s full of pain and some of its good. I’ll be able to feel this moment for hours. I’ll trade a little soreness almost kind of bruising for the reminder of sun shine, blue sky and Alex holding me like I’m the most important thing in the world.

It’s only a few minutes but I imprint them into my soul. He relaxes his grip and I turn still in his arms but it’s a sort of shimmy turn. I put my hands into the waistband of his jeans and yank him to me and stand on my tip toes and kiss him. I mean I really kiss him like…like he deserves to be kissed. Hot and deep, long and slow and filled with as much I love you as I can put into things.

He kisses me back and I swear time stands still, the world around me just drops into the background like we’re color but it’s just black and white. His hands slide down to my butt and he caresses them squeezes holding me like each hand is palming a football or something and I sit into it. I rest part of my body weight into his hands and there’s this thrill that sort of shoots up my spine into my brain and I swear kissing him is making me high.

It just sort of goes like that until I’m sitting my body weight entirely in his hands and he’s just holding me there in his hands like I was a feather, it makes me feel…small, but in a good way, protected because Alex is so strong. I’ve gone through so much physical abuse it’s just …..to feel this safe.

He pulls me up even higher and I actually at one point am hanging onto his rock hard biceps and there’s no way I can get my hands around them, it just kind of find purchase in the rock hard curves of tanned muscle feeling the power in those muscles, in him is like this electric thrill that sucks away at my breath while it fizzles in my brain.

God…?
I want to fuck again?!

Oh course that’s when one of the staff comes out and she starts pointedly coughing at us until we break it up.

This is high school remember no long PDA’s allowed. We wouldn’t want the students to have lives of feel like human beings.

Actually part of me is cool with this. I need to cool my brain down and stuff right? Right….
Oh wow…

We go in holding hands, fingers interlocked and there’s this spark back in Alex’s eyes. I still feel high, like there’s just something worth being bouncy over and I’m not sure why and there’s this smile that keeps popping up, then every time I turn to look at him that spark’s there and I’m remembering last night…but differently yet again in this…oh….and the sounds that he’s made….calling my name…him wanting me still, now…it’s all there in his eyes.

It’s almost like bouncing as we hit the quad and the others and apparently there’s some kind of female fucked detector I didn’t know about because there’s all this giggling and I’m getting hugged because apparently it’s obvious to them that I got some last night and they’re including me in this weird kind of ritual like I’m suddenly part of the them.

Just like I’m one of the girls.

~Tonight on National Geographic Explorer we look at the mating rituals and habits of the species known as the North American Yuppie Female, This is Hunter Williams and apparently I’m being taken as one of the tribe.~

It’s a little strange that I’m rescued from the estrogen herd by the queen bee herself. I’m getting a coffee at the counter when Jennifer comes up and gets one too.

“Congratulations.”

“Huh, what?”

“I know that look, the feeling after Alex.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“Oh? He tell you?”

“That’s really none of your business Jen.”

“I guess not, not anymore. What can I say Hunter, I’m jealous. I really don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why he’s with you and not me.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“I mean, I look the way that I look and you’re…well face it Hunter you look like you should be a few grades behind us.”

“Well maybe it’s a personality thing; I seem to remember telling you you’re quite the bitch Jennifer.”

“No argument here, I am.”

“Then what’s this all about, you coming over here and giving me shit.”

“I didn’t mean to. Honestly…You and Alex have seriously messed up everything I thought my life would be going this year. I’m still kind of…..I’m not used to losing Hunter, not to someone like you.”

“Gee fucking thanks.” I move away trying to get away from her before she’s wearing my coffee and getting expelled.

Of course she follows, typical so self absorbed she doesn’t get the subtle hints to fuck off. I turn to tell her off and she’s just standing there not even looking at me now but looking at Alex who’s talking with the others and even smiling and sort of laughing. He looks at me and smiles for real, one of those make the sunshine come out just for me smiles. I can’t help but to smile back.

“That’s the fucking part of this I hate the most Hunter. Alex has never once looked at me the way that he’s looking at you right now. I almost hate you for that, almost…if you weren’t one of the only people that calls me on my own bullshit I’d be plotting to rip your heart out and use your blood for lipstick.”

“Uhm gee, that was vivid thanks…I think.”

“No, I mean it Hunter. Congratulations, Alex deserved better than me if I’ve got to be totally honest with myself and betters’ turned out to be some mouthy skinny bony assed punker chick. I hate that it went down like this between me and him like the way I caused it too. I am happy for you two…sort of but that just me needing to get over myself.”

I look at her and she’s looking at me and I get it. I get where she seems to be coming from. I know myself, tall, skinny, built like a girl really just without all the curves, scars in places still some faded bruises but nearly gone and then there’s Jennifer.

Tall leggy and so hot you could weld off her body. Full big breasts what are just about perfect, tanned skin, trim waist, curvy hips and a perfect ass and she lost out to me. She comes from a reality where that doesn’t really happen. And yeah she just admitted it was buggy the shit out of her and that we’re weird kind of friends because I don’t take her crap, but I don’t treat her like crap either.

I’ve no fucking idea why the hell I’m even doing this…everything about me and her back home would have been enemies. I’m not sure where the handshake came from but we were shaking hands.

Here I though girls and women didn’t do that but hugged instead. I think they do for the most part, its most of what I’ve seen. This just feels different? Better? Bigger in a way. It’s also nothing like a guys handshake that’s a whole other thing but this was gentle, firm and real.

I can’t even really put it down to what it really meant. Maybe it’s that uncommon it is something nebulous. I’ll have to ask Hali about that. And about maybe some lessons for tomorrow night…

“What’s wrong?” Jennifer’s giving me this very perceptive for a blonde look. I’ll have to watch that. Apparently you can’t have lower than a B average and stay on any teams here. So she’s not exactly the dumb blonde either.

“You want to trade lives tomorrow night?”

“Not really why?”

“Adam ordered but didn’t order us to attend a family dinner with one of his clients.”

“So?” she looking at me; fishing for information. I give her the finger with a sip of my coffee.

“So….I’m not exactly a super model, and I’ve never been to anything like this before in my life.”

“Ever?”

“Never, I’m still getting used to actually having food around to eat Jen. People see poor kids starving in Africa and it’s sad and shit but there’s kids living the American Nightmare instead of the dream less than a half hour drive in any direction.”

“So, you really weren’t bullshitting about some of the things you said then.”

“No…” I don’t know where that came from either but that little word came out hurting and strangled as my throat closed up around all the feelings and my eyes burned.

~Don’t You cry, don’t you fucking cry you little shit, I’ll give you something to cry about!~ It’s him, the step-shit, Cliff’s voice in my head and there’s a memory of pain in my foot as I swear I can feel him sinking the safety pin into the bottom of my foot.

“Hunter?” Jennifer touches me and I shake out of it trembling. “Are you? No you’re really not okay are you?”

“Not remotely but thanks for asking.” I kind of reply lamely. I’m feeling raw and exposed right now and I don’t like the feeling.

“Have you called anyone? Told anyone?” I’m getting the feeling she’s leaning that way.

“No, it doesn’t matter anyway. My Step-shit beat the hell out of me and left my in our place for dead. My mother helped him because she’s a fucking junkie and has been all my life. They took off because he’s got two strikes on him already and who the hell knows where they are. I’m fine; they’re gone and out of my life. Look Jennifer this gets out and wham I’m tossed into the foster care system and that place is just as bad a hell hole as prison is.”

“But they’d take care of you?”

“Like fuck they would. I’m not some kid from around here that had something tragic happen to their folks. I’m a junkie hooker’s kid Jennifer and the system that you’re imagining just tosses us into the hellholes were we belong. I’d rather sleep than have to keep one eye open waiting for one of the kids in there to decide I need to be taught just how things work or the pedophile they got running the place sneaking in for his grope and tickle.”

“But there’s laws against that sort of thing Hunter?”

“Yeah and whole the hell is going to enforce them. I say something and the other kids who are too scared not to platy ball with the shit running the house says that I’m lying and the complaint gets tossed. And I’m reaping payback.”

“This shit really happens?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck…I know she’s one of these sheltered rich kids who think that life’s supposed to work a certain way when in reality life for the most of us is just that harsh and fucked up and cruel and cold.

I’m really fighting the urge to smack her and lose my shit.

On the plus side being pissed has stopped me wanting to cry.

“Look Jen, I’m okay. I’m free and clear. I’m an emancipated minor now and that means legally I can take care of myself. I love that you actually give a damn even though things are the way they are between us over Alex and me.”

“Are you sure?” She actually does look like she gives a shit. Something real on her face actually kind of changes her look. I better watch myself, Jennifer as a real person might just give me some serious competition.

“I’m sure.” I give her a hug.

Dammit, I am turning into one of them. I’m hugging all cliché and stuff. I see her best friend Cynthia come over with this confused and concerned look on her face.

“Is everything…..?”

Jennifer looks at me. “Yeah everything’s Copasetic.”

“Uhm…okay. C’mon you guys we should get ready for class and stuff.”

I have my books, I have my lunch, the bell hasn’t gone yet, but in the world of girl that is secret code for hitting the bathroom and retouching everything. And yes I actually get drug along.

It turns out that I’m actually not that wigged out at being in a bathroom full of hot nubile teenaged girls. I mean I’m still in this place where there are a couple of them are doing things for me and yeah…if I wasn’t in this relationship with Alex I’d be so into that. But then there’s this whole other part of me that just…I want what they have. The curves, the way the walk and the boobs. I’m not wanting something like Jennifer’s those perfect DD’s that’d either end up crippling my back or making me prone to falling over face first front heavy but kind of like some of the more athletic girls have.

It’s not like driving me nuts but there is this part of me that really, really just wants to be Hunter. As they say like fer real.

Y’know some thing though, I’ve been dressing like me for so long in that gender queer, kind of punker boy-girl way for so long actually I’m a lot better with make up then the are for the most part. I’m actually a bit jealous of some of the high end stuff they have and end up doing some touch ups and fixing the look on a few of them including Cynthia. She looks really nice once there was a bit less around the eyes and stuff and not so heavy on things.

I got hugged several times by the girls I helped. (Sigh)

Okay, it kinda sorta feels okay not to quite be the outsider.

We’re heading out as the bell rings and on our way to homerooms for registration when Jennifer looks at me. “The Stepmom.”

“Huh?”

“Talk to the Stepmom. Look she want’s to do right by Alex and he’s never really given her a chance because she’s Adam’s little trophy wife. But that’s a good thing in your case.”

“How’s that? Alex can’t really stand her.”

“Well there is that and she likely knows it too, and no matter how money grubbing she might be it has to hurt after awhile. Her helping you gets a lot of things going for you.”

“Like what?”

“One, you make her the alpha female just by coming to her for help, that’s a point towards you in her books and she has sway on Adam.”

“She does?”

“Oh yeah, as hot as she is yeah she can influence him a lot. And he likes it that way. Anyway…two, you’re giving her a chance to do something nice for Alex through you. Three, they don’t have any other kids, getting her to help you shop and whatnot will be a treat for her, she loved shopping with me. Four, she’ll be grateful because you will come to her and you will say….”I need your help, I don’t know anything about these fancy things like you do and I didn’t want to do or wear anything that’ll mess up your night.” See saying it’s her night makes it all about her. She loves the ego stroke; she’s actually a nice lady Hunter just keep in mind she’s me…in my thirties without you around to kick my ass.”

“It seems awfully manipulative though.”

“Yeah…..Adam won’t be expecting you to play ball in his court, it’ll really mess with his head.” She actually got this gleam in her eyes.

It’s odd, I really hate most people like Jennifer, they are scary human beings but I don’t know. I mean she’s really being an evil manipulative bitch and I still like her. Maybe it’s because she’s sort of my evil manipulative bitch?

“Okay, okay I’ll give that some serious thought okay. It’s better than the blank space in my head about the whole thing.”

Goddamn it! We hug again when we have to go to different classrooms.

***

I actually do think about it for most of the day actually or at least until I get until lunch. I go down to the cafeteria and the quad saying “Hi!” to Todd and his friends joining them in the line getting my coffee. I need my coffee; it’s helping me with the whole quitting smoking thing.

Between the thing sorta fight sorta not with Jennifer this morning and the whole bomb dropped on us by Adam did I ever pick a shitty time to stop smoking.

I meet up with Alex and we leave the quad for the parking lot because it’s not seen as school grounds and that’s I guess sort of where you go when you have an S.O. and want to have some together time. There’s a bunch of us all hanging out around the cars on the grass listening to tunes out of Alex’s car stereo and eating and making out.

Yeah…somehow it got to this point where I’m lying out on that blanket he had wrapped me in the night Alex rescued me but instead of that misery I’m lying on my side and we’re feeding each other food between these kisses.

These really good kisses that make this bubbly boiling happy feeling in me that just. I’m not sure what it is…but it’s that it’s good…better than good. There’s this part of me that just gets to be in this…place, on a real lawn, smelling the grass, the few dandelions and feeling the warm clean sunshine on my skin until it sinks into my bones.

It’s a waste of part of my lunch hour but after a few really good kisses and the food out of the way I put my face into Alex’s chest and god help me I was breathing in the way he smelled like he was this morning with me. Alex smells like…skin, but soap too and musk, male musk but not in that funk that a lot of guys have but in this way, that musk kind of makes things good? Think good leather, coffee, pipe tobacco, sawdust, good fresh earth…guy in all the best of ways and it winds into me, soothing my heart, charming my brain and I fell asleep there waking when he shakes me just before the bell.

It’s just enough time to go with the girls to get straightened up and there’s some teasing amongst all of us and I admit with them eventually. “I did fall asleep smelling Alex. I’ve never really smelled anything like that, like him…I’ve never really been kissed, I’ve never really had anyone that makes me feel that safe.”

I don’t know where that’s coming from. Me opening up with them. I’m not just doing my hair touch ups and make up but I’m touching then up too and…and hugging people and just…It’s not me.

But sitting in computer class I was thinking on all of this stuff as I was working. It’s me, though it really is me. I mean Hunter. I’m allowed this right? I’m allowed to be happy right?

I loved falling asleep like that. I mean it was like just for twenty minutes but it felt like two hours, maybe more? Have you ever slept without stress? Can you picture breathing in that air, him and the outside even breathing in the sunshine and just so loved and safe that all of the bullshit went away. I never had until today.

It’s a good thing that I’m a computer geek. I can do the stuff in front of me and think in the way that most people do other things while listening to the radio. I just kind of hit this zone I slip into and it’s a good thing with everything on my mind.

I’m even still in that good mood as I get out of class and head out to the football field to watch the Friday night practice. There’s a game next Friday and I see them really pulling out all the stops tonight. It’s even more interesting than usual because they’re going over stuff on a bunch of laptops and the AV club’s there recording it and putting stuff up so they can see things as the coaches go over things and tear apart what’s wrong. I actually pay more attention than I usually have.

Alex moves like nothing I’ve never seen. I mean there’s athletic and then there’s seeing him move. He’s so fast and to see him run stairs, or dance through those tires or hit that tackling sled thing with a two hundred pound guy on it and drive it back ten feet in a rush of power…he’s breathtaking.

I swear I can feel my skin, all of it and I’m achy, inside and out and just hot…hot and bothered and turned on. I get the girl into the guy’s thing. There’s this something so….about how primal and powerful Alex is but the way he is with me, the gentleness he has in him.

I don’t really watch the cheerleaders this time.

I wait around after while Alex is in the showers and I talk to a few people while waiting. Like what they’re going to do this weekend and tonight and of all things I’m in a conversation about make up and tattoo’s and piercing when Alex comes out from the showers.

Ow…ow…my heart.

He’s walking out in that big glide that wild animals have and he’s just in faded jeans and a t-shirt but he’s still sorta damp it clings to him like another skin. It’s me, it Hunter…and I can’t help but to find him beautiful.

Oh yeah guys can be beautiful. And not the girly boy model way but, more like the way you’d look at a great big powerful animal or a muscle car….he’s big, buff…oh…and he walks up and pulls me into him by my waist and kisses me.

There is just this thing about being kissed. There’s this softness in him that says, I love you, I treasure you, I’ll protect you and its right there with this intense energy, this vibration or something that says I want you.

He smells like he did at lunch only better, he’s cleanly shaven, and he’s got just a bit of aftershave on. He’s a less is more guy, I can’t taste what he’s wearing as he goes by. No, there was hints of this…citrus, earth and woody tones…and his own scent, shampoo hints and I can feel these big strong hands holding me around my waist and just…he just…Alex just kept kissing me.

“Let’s go out, or do you have to work?”

“No…Hali closes at four on Fridays because she wants to have her weekends….”

Wow, it was hard to formulate that thought…. “Y...Yeah, I could go out…on like a date?”

“Yeah like on a date.”

“Okay…”

***

We get home and Alex goes to go change and I grab some of my things and I hit the shower I slap the cold cream on first to get a start of the make up and shit…shit…shit…this is the first date of my life.

I hop into the shower and get cleaned up, use some Nair and clean away what little amounts of body hair that I do have. Shampoo my hair and condition it then look through my kit I go a little different tonight and I just straighten it and get all the color out of it and try and go for that long straight haired Nordic look. It’s in my bloodline on mom’s side, it turns out to be pretty easy, my hair tends to be straight naturally but I haven’t left it along for years so it’s still a bit of a surprise at how good it looks. I lotion and powder and spritz on a little bit of Glow by J-Lo which I shoplifted awhile back before I met Alex. I slip into this nice black angora sweater that’s too big by a little in just the right way and get into a pair of panties and these black vertical crochet tights on under a black short skirt someone had made from military combat pants.

I’ve got this sort of artsy rebel chique thing going on. I go light on the make up, just a hint of eye shadow in a very light blue non metallic and a good touch with another blue with the eyeliner and just a bit of mascara I really make sure it’s light too I often make sure there’s no clumps and the brush is really clean before I go the mascara route. Lipstick I just go with this nice shape called nude peach that’s kind of just a bit darker in a touch of red way than what they call flesh tones, a little clear coat and I step back and put on a smile.

Who’s looking back at me is so much different than the me that I’d grown used to seeing. I mean I’m still me, still a little punker but so much more Hunter than Will.

I slip on some of my cheap bracelets that’ll go with it and pop in my earrings a little steel stud, a steel small hoop and these little black carbon stone Egyptian cat heads in black. I’ve got three piercings in each ear so that’s why all the earrings, I just kind of want to look good. I add a cheap steel dream-catcher necklace on a black cord I got somewhere.

I guess that’s it. I slip out and I hear Alex go “Hunter?” I look over to him in the kitchenette and he’s got this look on his face.

I blush. “What?” as I’m slipping my feet into my calf high boots.

Us girls are so messed up. Yes I said Us Girls… He’s seen me naked, and here I’m nervous about him liking the way that I look. See? Messed up, you’d think once you see each other naked it’d make some of this stuff easier.

“Wow…you look beautiful.”

There are times when you can just look at someone and know whether or not that a line like that would be bullshit or not. Alex isn’t just looking at me but he’s staring at me like no one has ever looked at me before….no one has told me something like that before.

It’s really nice to have somebody actually thing that you’re not just some waste of space.

He comes over and gets my jacket and holds it open for me to get into and it’s nice but kind of something strange. So much of my life has become like that. Scary, exciting and strange but in a good way. We head downstairs and he opens the car door for me and I slide in and smile at him. Like I said, strange, strange but nice.

We leave the house and take a fair number of side streets I’m not familiar with here in these kinds of neighborhoods. And we get out of most of the early evening traffic and we head into the city itself and we end up at this place called Armstrong’s.

I see a few familiar cars here and stuff. I’m a little nervous because this is kind of looking like one of those teen places, a kind of hang out spot.

Alex parks and get’s out and opens my door for me and helps me even get out, well get up out of the car and we head inside. It’s a big place one of those bowling alley meets roller rink with a separate area for the arcade and a dance floor. There’s some adults and some younger kids there but it’s a lot of kids right around our age group. I see a lot of them from our school and our group.

Wow, I have no idea how to do this? I’ve never actually hung out with people before. Alex leans over. “Hungry?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I’m almost too nervous to eat. He leads us over to these tables that are where everyone else is sitting and we take out jackets off and there’s another round of “Hi’s” and “Hello’s” and I get complimented on my look by the girls that I know and sort of been hanging around with and a few compliments from the guys that we know mostly on the football team and I’m getting stared at buy some of the others like I was the last gazelle in Africa. That doesn’t go over so well with some of the other girls and I get a good chunk of those; Who the fuck is she? looks from some of those ones I don’t know and again there’s a buzzing about me and Alex being together.

I hear a few whispered snippets of them bagging on me either my hair, or my clothes particularly my skirt. More than once I hear… “skinny bitch…” in some of those snippets.

I’m not sure whether to be hurt or amused at the whole thing. I’m not used to the attention though. I’m more than happy once our jackets are off at a table with friends to get up and go with Alex to the take out section for the place and stand in line waiting to get some supper.

Alex wraps his arms around me while we’re waiting in line, of course getting more looks sent our way. “You okay Hunter? We don’t have to be here.”

“No…I mean yeah I’m good it doesn’t really bother me yet.”

“Yet?”

“Mmmn, yeah I expect the more used to life like this the more invested I might get in what people think.”

“You’re not that freaked out?”

“Oh I’m freaked, kinda uncomfortable because I never really done anything like this. Home hanging out was at a street corner either selling drugs or ass or both, and of course there were always the alleys and crack houses.”

“Yeah…sorry.” He hugs me tighter.

“Don’t be, you saved my life and my heart I think.”

“Hunter….” He mumbles this sweet kind of embarrassed guy sound and buries his face in my hair and kisses my neck. God I’m like a cat getting her ear scratched and I lean right into that.

We step up to the counter and order our food I get something called the extra cheesy quarter pounder…never had anything like it…just a big burger all uneven and hand made with some cooked onions on it but two cheese slices of just well regular cheese and one of something called pepper jack? I get everything on it which is mayo, relish, mustard, ketchup and the lettuce, tomato and a pickle….It’s huge. Alex orders two plus we get a basket of fries and onion rings and two strawberry milkshakes.

I’m getting stared at even by the ones that know me and I see a lot of bottles of water and “light” food around a lot of the girls, the cheerleaders are a bit more normal because they really can burn that stuff off but well over three quarters of the girls here are doing that whole weight conscious thing.

I actually can’t keep the smile off my face as I bite into the huge burger and get into this race/fight between me and the burger and the increasing pile of napkins and the juices and stuff running out of it. I get into this thing where Alex and I are taking turns wiping bits of juices and grease off of each other.

***

I Love dancing!

I never really thought I would. I got pulled by Alex out to the dance floor after I played a few video games and firmly establishing myself at least as a partly geeky chic. It was strange at first dancing when I really never did it before but slowly I loosened up and began to just get into this place…I know it because I seen my Mom go there when she was high. She used to dance all the time when she was high. If she hadn’t fell down that hole and became who she is now she’d likely have been a great dancer.

I guess it’s in the genes. I feel that beat hit my skin and sink into me after awhile and I can’t help but to move, shimmy, slide just let the sound of the music wash this huge amount of stress and bullshit I didn’t know was piled on that thick until I’m shaking it off.

And Alex…he’s so smooth, athletic in the way that he moves and as I touch him, bump and grind and shimmy I can feel him doing the same, partnering, touching, so just hot. They say that girls equate dancing to sexy and…and…God I want him to peel me out of my clothes, I want to feel that hard body of his and to receive all that power and grace of movement just focused on me.

I dance until I get sweaty, and drink lots of water and I’m off to the ladies room with a bunch of the other girls. Pee, wash, deal with the make up and shine, helping some of the girls with their make up going “Do Me!” which in our endorphin boosted states has us giggling and yeah I was giggling right along with them.

Third time in there I’m showing some of my moves and learning a few more and Jennifer’s there with Cynthia and there’s a weird surreal moment where we’re showing each other some moves and touching each other and laughing and actually kind of friends? I know it really has a lot of the sheeple confused. I should be, we should be enemies….according to their logic at least.

The place is a lot more fun than I thought and I totally have a good time, even better when I take a dance break Alex and I spend it kissing. I can’t help but have wandering hands feeling the way that I’m feeling…and feeling it more and more as we dance and when were not dancing we’re kissing and talking a bit with friends? Yeah? Friends?

It just get’s to be too…much? I’m kissing Alex deeper and deeper straddling him on his lap when I put my forehead to his and stare into those gorgeous eyes.

“Take me home Alex, please? Take me home and make love to me.”