Sweet Dreams-21 … Sunday so Sweet.

Chapter 21

I think I’m in shock or whatever the hell that you’d describe it. I sort of passed out after I had this huge screaming match and fight out in the driveway with and I just lost my control and said things that I shouldn’t have said to him, admitted to him and gave him lots of information to do me some real damage.

Which I think that I partly knew and that pushed me over the edge into nervous fucking breakdown land. It got too much and things got…

Was I imagining things?

Did ADAM…actually carry up the stairs and pass me to Alex?

Of course I’m only really thinking this now that I’m kind of back from the edge, and the crying’s stopping. My head feels kind of spacey and I’m a little bit queasy. I know it’s super messed up but it’s like living with some kind of constant pain all the time and suddenly it’s gone? You almost feel so good that you don’t feel right.

What the hell am I talking about? I’m here a boy but so not a boy like most that I’ve ever known curled up into Alex’s arms and pulled into his chest in a little black dress and bra and panties and stockings all made up and perfumed and… and…

I don’t mind it. I like it, I like being pretty instead of just punker, I like seeing there’s some kind of person here under all the bullshit that I’ve been through.

God I love the way that he’s holding me.

I don’t care if I’m some tranny or some fag but Alex has me pulled into his lap and those huge powerful arms are holding me gently against him just like they’re shielding me from all the stuff in the world that can hurt me.

Who wouldn’t love that?

I do, even just sitting here and breathing in his scent with my eyes closed and just soaking in these moments of safety…real safety. I can feel the powerful emotions running through my and do that little racy sweet pounding heart beat thing that just hurts so good so right inside I almost can’t understand it.

I’m scared of it too after the things that I said, screamed at Adam in our fight.

I’m scared of it because even here there this part of me that’s actually pretty raw, and pretty messed up and pretty sure….pretty sure that I really don’t deserve this, that I really am not good enough for Alex.

I mean when I really take that hard look at myself and just how much he doesn’t know about me. Why in the fuck would I really thing that I deserve to be loved at all.

Happy endings don’t always happen.

Real fucking life they almost never happen.

Girls like me if even that’s what I am don’t get the prince charming happy ending stuff.

We don’t.

We don’t.

I want my happy ending!

I want somebody to please love me!

Please?

Please love me, I’ll be good…I promise….

“Hunter…”

“Hunter….”

Alex’s voice and I fight to see him to open my eyes and stop just stop. I want off this sick fucking ride in my head.

Help me…

I feel his lips touching mine and there’s just nothing in my whole life like being kissed, being kissed by Alex and I feel his lips, they taste like him. I’m serious there’s more to a taste to a kiss past the taste of skin, there’s just something more.

It tastes so good, feels so good that trace of his shaved stubble starting to re-grow he’s so gentle too but demanding…no…seeking, searching when he kisses me like this and I swear the way that my head’s been feeling, the storm of emotions that’s here and trying not to be drowned alive by the quicksand my family left inside…it stops… Alex kissing me made it stop and it’s like that Evanescence song Bring Me to Life…

It does feel like that in away when I open up my eyes and I get to stare into those deep, coffee chocolate silky brown eyes of his. When you get this close to him you can see those little hidden flecks of other colors there, lighter tones almost like amber but kind of like gold.

And then there’s the hair all messy and sexy now hanging down and framing his face and I’m looking and that all I see when I open my eyes and that’s Alex…My Alex.

And I feel that feeling again and I can’t help but lose myself in just…just…him…you know……………………ow…my heart.

I really do feel it as he’s looking at me.

There’s worry there.
No one’s ever given a shit before.

There’s wonder there.
Who has ever had someone look you in the eyes like they’ve seen color for the first time?

I don’t even feel it coming but the way that he’s looking at me makes these huge tears pour out of my eyes and run down my cheeks and I’m almost blind from the water works.

Then he kisses me again and I arch my body needing it up into that kiss just like some one hit me with the paddles and went Clear!

I wasn’t even expecting the words.

“Hunter…Hunter it’s okay…I’ve got you, I Love you.”

Oh we fucking lie to ourselves don’t we?

We say that we don’t need it, that love’s just some bullshit and all the people we see hooked up are just lying.

That we don’t need love.

Lies, just really great big stupid lies.

“Alex….”

“Yeah?”

“Say in again…”

“Hunter…I Love you.”

“Again… just please agai…”

He kisses me cutting me off and it’s long and deep and the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever known in my life. “Hunter I Love You, I Love you, I Love You…” he…he…actually very quietly sang all three of those I Love you’s to me.

……………. (Glomps, sniffle, sobbing...) ……. “Oh Alex I love you too!”

“Thank you…Thank you so much for loving me Hunter.” And I can see there’s tears there in his eyes too and there’s that only Alex kinda sorta smile there and it’s there just for me.

He kisses me again and I kiss him back and it’s fevered, needy, loving and passionate and the more that he kisses me the more of the stuff that’s been trying to pull me under from the fight just goes away and the more that I’m coming to life and feeling better, stronger and more like myself.

More like the me that I’ve always supposed to have been and that’s Hunter, Alex’s girl.

His one and only.

Forever and Always his Hunter.

“Alex…”

“Yeah…”

“Take me to bed…make love to me.”

He smiles at me not the half smile but that hidden real one he keeps hidden away under lock and key, the sweet boy vulnerable smile and I fall a little deeper in love with him and he carries me in his arms like I’m some paper doll and he’s kissing me the whole way.

I won’t get into the nitty ewish parts but I’m still in my stockings and my lingerie but my dress is rumpled on the floor with his clothes and we’re face to face and kissing as he moves my panties aside and Alex sinks into me.

It hurts but less than before and at the same time the look of pleasure and bliss on his face just fills my heart with this feels so right, I’m making him feel like that and the pain lessens and I kind of fall in lust with the feeling as he is deeply inside of me and I’m adjusting to the feeling of Alex inside of me again and that delicious feeling of his body heat invading me.

He moves inside me and it changes slowly but surely from this hurt that’s not a hurt to this sensation that unless you’ve have someone making love to you and moving inside you you’ll never get. And then it’s just plain good and good gets better and before long I’ve wrapped my stocking legs around his waist and I’m moving with him and the pleasure is so good, better, even more…

I feel like I’m melting inside and the pleasure hits my both as this spike of cumming but then this implosion like all the pleasure centers in my body just erupt and start to flood my nervous system and I’m crying out and Alex moves my bra cups and my inserts aside and he takes a nipple in his mouth and it happens all over again but so much more intensely than I thought could happen.

It happens again when I feel him cum inside of me and it feels just beyond perfect, something inside me was aching for Alex to do that.

It’s like when you hear of people just seeing a kid and the woman gets that whole maternal switch flipped in her head. It’s that kind of thing Alex reaching his orgasm in me, with me flipped this switch that just said this was absolutely right.

Every single time it happened.

We did and tried a whole lot of things just caught up in the moment and by the time we were both spent I have never felt sore like that before, or as good or as boneless and naked finally we end up spooning as the birds begin chirping outside in the before dawn thing they do and he pulls me close and slips his arms around me.

I can feel his smile on the back of my neck and the little kisses as he makes his way to my ear.

“I Love You, I Love You, I Love You…”

I think I’m going to like Sundays.