Masks Chapter 16

*Before…

She kisses my cheek before heading off at a quick pace with Rachel in tow and I’m like…huh…she kissed my cheek.

No girl’s ever done that outside of Mom.

Yay?

I’m feeling something, I just don’t know what.

M.J. Hip bumps me and mouths. “Lez?”

……………..!

I turn beet red.

Ohmigod my face is hot.

*And Now…

I swallow and follow Mary Jane giving her the angry ‘Ooh you rat’ look and she’s grinning and walking backwards as we head inside and to our lockers.

I open mine and switch stuff in and out and I check my face in the little mirror I have there. Okay good the red is starting to fade.

Yeesh….it’s not like Amber kissed me kissed me and I’ve never had that happen to me before.

Mary Jane lean thumps beside me her books for her classes in her arms. “You like her?”

“Oh my gawd, jeeze she kissed me on the cheek and I turned red…I’ve never been kissed before…”

“Still haven’t.”

“Exactly don’t you read too much into this…I have enough problems okay?’

She raises her hands. “Okay, okay I’m just teasing you. C’mon you should’ve seen the look on your face.”

I’m blushing again some I can feel it. “I was not expecting that, I wasn’t expecting to get kissed.”

“I know and like I said it was just teasing.”

I start walking because we still have homeroom and they do attendance and stuff she’s with me since she’s headed the same way. “Mary Jane?”

“Yeah…?”

“What do you think that she meant by that?”

“By the kiss?”

“Yeah….”

“I don’t know you actually knew Amber more than I do at this point.”

“I know but I just don’t know. I mean did she do it as a thanks, or was she excited and it’s something that she does or does she like ‘Me’ and have no idea who I really am and was like just taking advantage of the chance to like take a chance of her own?”

I take a breath and M.J.’s staring at me and then she’s smiling.

“What?”

“You just girlied that one right out of the park.”

“Huh?”

“Only a girl could have pulled off that level of complex multi-tasking what-if’s in the same breath.”

I blink a few times and blush again but I’m grinning some myself. “Really?”

“Yes…really.”

She’s smiling and I smile back and we hug and head off to our own places and I feel better from just that much but still sort of confused a little since that really didn’t answer any of those questions that I asked and I know that I might be overthinking all of this stuff but I can’t help it.

She kissed me.

Okay it was on the cheek and she could have been all excited and stuff because she sure sounded like it but then again it could just be Amber.

I actually don’t really know any of the girls in my school that much except for Liz and that’s mostly because Liz was sort of stalking me to be her trophy boyfriend.

No thanks.

Yick.

And there’s another question.

If she kissed me then what the heck would she do if she ever found out about the real me?

I know some of the other girls like me are lez and the stay under their masks and hide all their lives in the closet but I’m so not sure if I can survive a life like that.

I’m not sure that I could lie to a girl I was in love with if…if I liked girls.

I mean lying to them all of our lives?

Sigh…just great big complicated sighs.

I’m too young to have all this stuff in my life!

The dance stuff comes over the announcements and the stuff for the contest prizes with a few more added by others I think there’s like ten in total and ranging from Dad’s donated prizes to free rentals from one of the video places here in town.

And that’s got the buzz going after the announcements an after first bell and I head off to math listening to the guys who are kinda meh about the dance since they’re teen guys and a dance is just something to kinda sorta maybe be around girls and the girls.

They’re in excited panic mode. They’re excited because as the middle school we don’t have a whole lot of dances compared to the high school kids and there’s a contest too but more importantly its Ohmigawd there’s only like four days until the dance and its clothes, hair and costumes but it’s also dates.

Dates are a big thing when you’re a teen girl.

While it might not be boyfriend and girlfriend stuff it is this whole semi right of passage thing and it is this kind of girl power social hierarchy thing too.

Teen girls have this kind of need to have this sort of pecking order.

Okay teens and people do in general but it’s kind of like all the points that you have in middle school translates into how high school will be for you.

And I’m excluded out from all of it which sucks.

I want to go to the dance and I want to go as myself.

I get through math without too many distractions and then off to computer class and that I’m actually good enough at that I get the stuff that we’re doing done. It’s site surfing to get information without using wikis and being able to back up the information that we find.

It wasn’t too hard to look up stuff for Niagara Falls.

So the rest of the class I’m web surfing and I’m looking at stuff for Halloween but not just for the contest but for the dance too.

I actually have some pretty good ideas for my costume for the contest and Halloween but the dance.

God, god, god…and goddess too I suppose really.

I want to go to this so much and just have fun but can I do it?

Can I pull off going as me for this dance? I mean it’s a costume dance and stuff and I could but then what the heck would I say about actual Halloween and would I even ‘blow peoples minds’ like I’ve sort of been saying that I wanted to.

I’m looking at these pretty things in some online catalogs and store sites all the way to morning break.

I head to my locker and I meet up with Mary Jane and Holly Stonehouse and we head to the cafeteria for break.

Liz sweeps past us talking on her headset phone like she’s the queen bee and Dana Calder and Sarah Doncaster her two little sycophants are trailing in her wake. She turns a corner and does this flick of her head and I’m eating hair.

Sputter, sputter…

“Yick jeeze Liz use enough product.”

She turns and she looks at me and at M.J. and she gets this bitchy look on her face.

“You shouldn’t be stalking me then Steven.”

“Oh please I cannot even get close to the level of masochism that would be required for something like that besides between Uh and Huh your plate’s pretty full.”

They are all looking at me with this look of both anger and confusion.

I should’ve known that was over their heads.

Liz whips herself around again and stalks away. “What-ever.”

Dana and Sarah follow and their total retorts were to stick their tongues out at us.

Mary Jane quips at them. “You shouldn’t do that you look like lesbians with hard-ons”

They Eeep and slap their hands over their mouths and heel click off after Liz.

I roll my eyes. “Wow they really need to get lives.”

Mary Jane does that tippy-toe girl thrust up and says. “Uh…Huh!” in this high pitched ditzy voice.

“See…you got it.”

“Well Der, then again my brain actually works.”

I grin and we slip into the cafeteria and are waved over by Becky and Rachel.

We get some cookies and share them and I have to have milk with mine just because they’re best that way and we talk about the dance and who might be wearing what and Becky’s going to play her complexion up and maybe go as Pocahontas and Rachel is actually thinking of going as super-girl since she apparently can get her hands on a killer costume.

Mary Jane’s eating and she’s doing that still thinking bit while she chews and she shrugs I’m not sure yet there’s not a lot of like choices for red heads.

Becky’s like… “The girl from Brave?”

M.J. frowns… “Been like done to death by other redheads.”

Rachel grins… “You really want to knock them dead?”

We’re both looking eyebrows raised.

She smiles. “Jessica Rabbit.”

M.J. groans… “That’s just as bad isn’t it?”

Becky nods. “But…the dress.”

Rachel points at M.J.’s chest. “And you have the boobs.”

Mary Jane blushes. “That’s kinda of not what I want to exactly be know for in this school. I always get nailed with that.”

Randy goes past. “Get a blonde wig and do Dolly Parton.”

The girls all throw wadded up napkins at him and he grins with this guy shrug.

“Hey am I right Steven?”

“Oh no keep me out of that pot of sexist trouble.”

“It’s not sexist she could do it and it’d be fun.”

Mary Jane crosses her arms in the female powering up the scornatron way. “Fun?”

“Yeah you can do all that fake southern stuff like ‘kiss my grits’ and ‘ain’t you sweet’ and all that funny hee-haw Dr. Phil stuff.”

“No…..thanks.”

I tilt my head and look at her bite my lip. I then lean over and whisper in her ear.

“Madhatter….like Johnny Dep played.”

Her eyes go wide. “Oh yeah that would so work!”

Becky’s looking. “What would?”

We both carouse. “It’s a secret!”

Okay this is getting fun again.

I’m so going as Alice.

And I don’t care what they say; I can say that it was a practice run for Halloween.

The bell rings and we’re off to classes and the whole English then Woodshop…I’m once again wishing that I could go into Home Ec. across the hall even more so when I hear the girls all excited and laughing and asking their teacher if they can work on their costumes.

There’s a cheer that she must of said yes.

Aaargh stupid boy life!

It takes me awhile to get into the groove of class and sanding actually helps. I do that a lot helping Dad and there’s just something so serene or at least soothing about feeling the smooth wood and I actually love that smell.

Art’s next and my mood gets a bit better when I have that with Becky who is her usual chatter box as we work she’s actually just painting her stuff then she’s looking up Pocahontas and the looks and other stuff for her costume and I’m making more pumpkins and I lean over her shoulder. “Hey can you keep a secret?”

“Sure!” She looks at me her eyes all lit up.

“Can you look up costumes for the Alice in Wonderland movie?”

“Yes sure….oooohhh…cool. M.J.’s gonna need a wig though Alice is a blonde.”

“Mad Hatter isn’t though he’s got sort of red hair.”

She clicks onto the links and brings stuff up and her head whips around and her mouth makes a big O.

I take my hand and push her jaw back up into place. “Shush, it’s a secret remember.”

“But…”

I look at her and she squirms in her seat then settles and grins from ear to ear. “Ohmigawd this is going to be so cool!”

The teacher lets us confab and look stuff up and we bat ideas back and forth and even check out some cosplayer stuff. There’s a lot of girls that do female versions of male characters and there’s some seriously cool ideas.

I take out my own laptop and copy the links and the pictures down before I paint all my pumpkins and let the rest of them dry. I’ve got like two dozen made so now just the stuff inside and a cutting out the faces and a spray of varnish to make them shiny.

I look at Becky. “I figured of your buckskin problem.”

She really wanted to get as close to a real look as she could for her costume. She perks up. “Oh?”

“Shammy cloth.”

“Huh?”

“It’s really kind of felt like but you look and feel it it’s kinda got that texture.”

“But they’re small and yellow.”

“We can dye it but we have a whole bunch of them over at the boat garage and they’re pretty big like towel sized.”

“Oh, that might work but would it be okay?”

“Sure, I’ll bring them in tomorrow ad then you can sew them up in Home Ec.”

Then it’s talking about the look she’ll be going for and like the cut of her top and that stuff until they ring for lunch and we head to the lockers and I get my food and then head to meet the…

Do I sit with the guys or try and sit with Becky and them?

I see M.J. and she’s got her tray and she looks at me. “C’mon lets go sit and talk with the other girls.”

“You sure?”

“Aren’t I supposed to be asking you that?”

I shrug and head over with her to the table where Amber, Rachel, Holly and Becky are plus Toni Fletcher and Bree Saunders both are a grade below us but are on student council with Amber and they’re taking the dance.

Toni’s one of the few black girls in town and she is definitely shy but has that whole super cute earnest thing too. She’s also a little Loli girl too which looks great this time of year but she sort of gets flak for it too the rest of the time.

Loli is that Japanese style that’s kinda sexual but it’s more on the street level of dressing in sweet or gothy was that’s kind of fancy and sexy. Toni’s one of those slender girls that fits right in the body type but I’ve never seen that many black girls into it.

Which is likely the point.

She’s actually got this veil sort of hat and a vest that does the sort of push up thing for her small boobs giving her a little bit of cleavage and the rest is this long almost peasant kind of skirt that looks like slaves might have worn.

Kinda a Loli sexy voodoo save witch thing.

I like it and sit after M.J. and smile at her. “Nice look.”

She bushes and she almost looks at her food and the other girls like help a boy talking to me!

“Uhm…Uhm…thanks…”

Really shy, but I get it.

We’re really white around here with like maybe less than ten percent minority kids and heck most of them are either Asian or East Indian/Middle Eastern decent.

Her thing is her mask, we all wear them.

“It’s okay I’m harmless see?” I take out my food. “Vegan lunch.”

Rachel’s sliding closer sniffing. “Really? Oooohhh most guys are like Ooog need raw meats.”

“I’m not most guys.” I’m not a guy period actually.

I don’t let it get to me as I mix the salsa salad thing up and I add my almond slices and dried cranberries to it and take out my chips.

Rachel’s looking at me with puppy dog eyes. I turn the bag to her ad she takes one and scoops up some and eats it. “Mmmm…tank woo, dif ibs rea goof.”

“Don’t talk and eat it’s not lady like.” I say. I’m grinning because it’s kind of a joke and I set Becky and M.J. off coughing.

Toni nods sagely like it’s a given.

I grin at all of them and we just spend lunch talking about the dance and music taking about decorations and play lists and stuff. I suggest some stuff that gets some looks and I’m a little defensive. “What? Feist is a good singer?”

“You listen to her?”

“Yeah, I like girl bands too. Besides her song *I Feel it All* is pretty cool.”

Rachel nods. “So who else you like?”

“Lots of stuff actually even the really girly stuff isn’t too bad really.”

Toni’s making a face. “Yick.”

Ohmigawd someone else who says that!

Oh and I got my Yick from Danger Girls, I so want to be Abbey Chase. It’s a great comic very Tomb Raider meets Indiana Jones and all mixed up with like The A-Team but really for girls.

I think it’s for girls even though it’s kinda drawn for guys.

We talk all the way through lunch and head off together as the bell rings and the guys are looking at me and I just give then a smile and a shrug.

Let them think what they want, I had a great time at lunch and it felt like I’m fitting in a little bit more.

Oh and my veggie-fall-salsa it goes really, really good with Doritos Sweet chili heat flavor. M.J. bought a bag and it was devoured.

Actually I ended up sharing out two thirds of my salsa stuff. It’s a good thing I packed that apple.

It’s Science then Gym, Science class isn’t so bad we’re sort of covering biology but the plant stuff and Mr. Jackson’s pretty cool he’s actually showing us how to not buy veggies. You know there’s some that if you plant the stems or cores they’ll keep growing like celery and lettuce?

I think it’s cool I’m going to do some of these up to grow in the sun-porch.

Gym…Well it’s Gym class and I subject myself to the abject horror of changing and then the whole thing of going out and doing the exercises and stuff. Then it’s a quick soccer game with mixed teams.

I suck at soccer.

I’m a hockey player and there’s this whole habit of keeping my feet on the ice that doesn’t lend well to me doing much with the ball.

Mary Jane’s actually not bad but even with her sports bra on she’s pretty bouncy. She get’s lots of looks and then there’s Liz.

As much as I don’t like her she’s really, really good and Dana and Sarah work well with her and somehow they landed on the same team.

And they play rough too.

All those tricks where you’d get flagged or carded and stuff they pull and Dana gets me in the shins good twice in a fight for the ball. She’s kicking and being really nasty because she’s a girl and I’m a boy…and she’s really playing that to the hilt. I almost get girl-mad and be a bitch back.

Almost I really would like to be a girl and give back as good as she and Liz and Sarah are giving out.

There’s a yell at one point and I see Sarah go down holding her shin and my Spidergirl senses are tingling and I see while the teacher’s busy checking her there’s a skirmish for the ball and Liz hit’s Mary Jane with a hard sharp elbow to the boob making her cry out and drop holding her chest.

That effing bitch!

Oh if I could I’d have my claws out!

Liz zips past me on the field and I honestly try to block her and we’re kind of dodging each other.

“Jeeze Liz what the hell!?”

“She shouldn’t be in my way.”

“You planned that.”

“Prove it, fuck what the hell did M.J. ever do to you?”

“She’s stuck up and thinks she’s all that.”

“Like hell she does I know M.J. better that you do and she’s nothing like that.”

“It’s her own fault.”

“Why because she’s better looking than you?”

“She…is…not…better looking than me!”

She dodges past me and I even try and jump in her way but she’s actually better than me.

“At least her’s isn’t surgical!” It’s a cheap shot sure but it’s actually true. Liz has already had work done. She was good looking and cute but her grade five nose isn’t her grade seven nose.

Noses don’t shrink and get all pretty petite.

That’s another reason I just…Aaargh…she’s being given the right body and she was even good looking and she still has the whole money and okay from her folks to get to be even prettier.

And it’s just wrong too that’s just too young for that crap.

M.J.’s there and she extends a hand and pulls me up. “You okay Steven?”

“Yeah, you?”

“No…ow, the scunt really whomped me hard.”

“Ouch…sorry.”

“I’ll live, hey the bruises might add to the costume contest look right?”

“Yeah good point, still…I’d trade you y’know.”

“Yeah I know Steph.” She says it quietly and there’s a smile there.

It’s not long after that we’re in the showers and getting changed and just…Eeew, Eeew, Eeew…I really need to shower and stuff after my shower and stuff.

Then it’s after school and then the bus ride home.

That’s a running bitch session on Liz ad her two cronies. M.J. and I are the only targets. Elizabitch is that girl that will do all the dirty tricks she can to control the situation and to be the center of attention.

Worse even more with other girls.

She’s one of those over achieving social climbing people that pegs you as an enemy just because she Might…and the key thing is Might lose something to you if she thinks that you might be better.

Thinks.

Though that word is kinda iffy applied to her.

It’s not nice with us either, we’re not really being nice in talking about her and stuff. The B and C word are used and I know that in the great grand ideals of being a girl we should be all love and hugs and stuff but we’re girls.

And we’re human.

And it’s Liz.

I mean when she didn’t like Becky showing up at school in sixth grade after a summer away and she grew her hair out and got the whole Tiger-lily thing she has now she’d “lost” her wallet that had all the cash she made working all summer in it for new school clothes.

No one can prove it was Liz and them that did it but Liz was the first one to say stuff like. “Aaaw didn’t the welfare check come in?”

And people drew the word “Squaw.” On her locker in sharpie market at school that year.

Just the tip of the ice berg with her and her bunch.

Even with her and her friends getting picked up by cab while we waited for the bus with them giving us these Ha! Looks and them taking off to go shopping at the malls.

So yeah it was kind of a bitch session and I’m included since I refused to go out with her securing her with a trophy boyfriend.

Nope, nope, big boatfuls of nope.

I hate my guy junk but I don’t hate in that much.

Rrroar…I know…I’m just.

Yeah.

You don’t pick on my best friend.

You don’t pick on my friends.

We get off at Mary Jane’s and head inside and I flop on the couch and sigh.

“Yeah I sooo get that. I’ll be ready as soon as I get my things okay?”

“M’kay.” I have my face in the couch and it smells good.

We’re going to my place because that’s where my things are and Aunt Elsbeth doesn’t get off really in time for supper so we’re kind of doing stuff family style. Plus there the other stuff we have to do too for the contest and the party we’re throwing and homework.

It smells so good and the vibe of the house is so awesome that I really very nearly fall asleep.

It’s M.J. mumbling “Ow…my tit.” That wakes me and makes me giggle into the couch. I’ve heard breasts, boobs, ta-tas but she’s the first girl I’ve ever heard say tit.

“What?” She asks.

“You said tit.”

“So? It’s what they are.”

“They’re breasts.”

“They’re mine I can call them what I want and when it hurts like this its tit.”

“I’d still trade you.”

She shoulders her book bag. “I know, C’mon the sooner we get to your place the sooner you can take off the Steven suit.”

That get’s me up and on my feet in a hurry. “Ready.”

M.J. doesn’t laugh instead she just smiles and takes my hand and we head off after locking up.

We’re the only ones home when we get there and we make coffee and Mom left a note for what to do for supper saying she’s at a commission job and I get us coffees and M.J. gets her computer out and I get my stuff and wash off the day and wash Steven off of me.

Then it’s getting Me back on.

I lotion and powder and spritz then tuck and slide into my panties with this grateful sigh. It feels better tan good to fit right and my bra is next and I just get into one of the tee-shirts that Mom gave me and it’s just this cute old Fanta grape soda shirt and I fit into one of her skirts and it’s this long mid calf hippie/peasant one sort of inspire by Toni and I fasten a belt since it’s just a little loose and then my hair.

M.J. comes in and she helps me get my hair clipped in and after awhile I feel someone and Billy and Bobby are in the doorway watching me.

Billy… “Ick dude in like stinks in here.”

Me… “Oh like I just adore the noxious clouds of Axe.”

Billy… “I’m a guy, it’s guy stuff not this…this…faggy stuff…”

Me… “It’s girl stuff not gay stuff.”

M.J. quips. “You know William not liking the way a girl smells is kinda gay.”

Billy… “Eeew fuck, no…fuck!” He shivers and I’m looking at Bobby who’s usually the bigger ass.

“Problem?”

“Why? I just can’t get why…I mean…You’re such a weird little shit.”

I flip him the bird with my free hand while bent over the sink.

He looks like he’s going to get mouthy and I hold up a finger…a different finger… “Uh-uh don’t mess with the person making your food.”

“You’re cooking supper?” He blinks.

“We’re getting it started.” I straighten and start checking my hair and fixing it. “Want to help?”

“Nope got shit to do.” He hits Billy in that c’mon way and they start to leave except Billy stops and holds a finger up and fills the air with a ffrrting ripping sorta wet sound before heading off.

Oh bastard I can taste it!

“Yick!, you’re fucking sick!”

M.J. says… “Jesus there’s something g wrong with you!”

He leaves laughing. “Three egg rolls and a burrito for lunch bitches!”

Him and Bobby leave elephant herding down the stairs and making tons of noise before they slam the front doors.

(Cough-gag.) “Yeah they’re headed down the street to Conner’s to play Halo or something shit to do my butt.”

Mary Jane’s like. “Actually I think he did. That was gross.”

“Yeah try living with it.”

“Uhm…nothanks.” She says really fast.

We get our things and head down to the kitchen and I get my books and lap top set out on the nook table and so does M.J. and we start getting stuff out to get supper started.

Zucchini and eggplant and the leftover spaghetti sauce and the ground beef and the roaster and we slowly start slicing stuff while doing our homework and listening to music and doing it together.

Mark comes in with this Japanese girl with that long striking hair and a cute Firefly tee-shirt and jeans and these big glasses. Not thick but big, cute rather that those sleek cook frames.

He gets some waters for them both and looks at me. “Jenn this is Stephanie my baby sister, Steph this is Jenn.” He kinda does the awkward guy shoulder thing and she smiles and extends her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Same, really the same.” I smile.

Actually I’m close to squeeing and girling out and hugging him but just the way he’s acting this…him saying that and calling me his…

Baby sister.

I’m not going to push it. He’s trying.

I let go of her hand and look at him and give him a thank you smile. But I wasn’t ready for the I love you sis look back…it’s shy and he’s likely in really new turf.

But it’s there.

He takes the waters and heads through the kitchen doors. “We’ll be studying in the living room okay?”

“Sure Bro…Love You.”

“Love you too sis…” He leaves quickly and Jenn follows this smile there like she’s surprised and proud of him.

I’m proud of him too.