Masks Chapter 25

Chapter 35

*Before…

I look in the mirror and he’s there and he’s just not…I take a breath and shift my weight and adjust my posture and stuff and yeah…It’s not me.
I take out a sheet of paper from my note pad in my drawer and some tape and I draw a 6 on it.
Six days…counting today six days before I’m taking of the mask and being done with all of it.
I head down stairs and I can smell breakfast bacon cooking and I see a pair of M.J.’s styling calf high boots at the door and I smile.
I actually really missed her yesterday.
And she’s here first thing and she’s not a morning person so she’s here for support.
I really love her for that.
Okay maybe today’s going to be alright….I cross my fingers and then head into the kitchen.

*And Now…

I smile as I see her it’s a little achy inside because she’s just so…She’s so Mary Jane and awesome that she’s making me really feel things again.

I mean she has that body which I know is like a pain and stuff for her a lot of the time but at the same time she has her hair in this seriously shiny cool looking fall and it’s all straight and add that with a great touch of make-up and this really sweet sweater which of course gives her sweater boobs.

I am so far away from sweater boobs it’s almost a joke really. And the rest of her outfit is just as awesome really with these rust colored cords that just offset the brown of her sweater and still sort of play well with her hair and then well I mentioned her cool boots.

Sigh…

I go over and I hug her and she hugs me back and she looks at me. “You okay?”

“Yeah, it’s first day back blahs.”

We separate and she passes me a coffee and I take a grateful sip and mom just kind of looks at me and she shakes her head. “You’re too young to like coffee that much.”

I take another. “It’s not and energy drink and it’s not pop.”

“True but there’s caffeine in it.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Stephanie…” She’s looking at me and I’m smiling because she’s doing that mom correcting thing but she used my real name and she did it right off the bat.

“Mom…” I grin at her.

M.J. Snickers and mom sets down some pancakes. I like pancakes and mom does those small but thick and really fluffy ones and I add just enough syrup to mine to taste while Mary Jane pours it out in like a flood.

“Whoa…sugar much?”

“I haven’t had real maple syrup since before we moved out west.”

“What? Why not?”

“Mom doesn’t like it.”

I look at my mom who’s chuckling. “She doesn’t eat sausage either.”

I start eating. “There’s a story behind that?”

“Maybe.” She grins.

I roll my eyes and gesture to M.J. with my fork. “That means it’s something juicy or something and she doesn’t want to tell us just tease us with it.”

“Maybe.” She grins again.

We actually have a bit of a laugh at that and I forgo seconds after my two to get my lunch together and I grab some arugula and a pear which I slice up and then cut into strips and some other stuff and make a salad and add some of the pumpkin bits that have been spiced and candied to it and some walnuts and I make it plenty big too in case some of the girls want some of it. Then it’s a couple of bottles of water and I fill my travel mug with coffee and get my things and Mom comes over and she gives me a hug as M.J.’s getting her stuff and her boots on.

“You going to be okay?”

“Maybe.” I give her a bit of a grin.

“Honey…”

“Mom, I have to be don’t I?”

She gives me this super serious but really heartful look. “Absolutely not. You and how you feel and how you deal is more important than classes.”

I hug her really tightly. “I’ll deal, I’ll deal and maybe it won’t be so bad who knows.”

“I’m proud of you kiddo, you’re really brave.”

“Thanks Mom, I got it from you.”

“Me?’

“Yeah you and dad, you’re both all kind of brave to be good with me being this way I mean people will talk and stuff.”

“Well to hell with people, You’re my daughter let them try and talk smack about you.”

I tighten the hug. “I gotta go before you make me cry and I don’t want to go to school all blotchy and red and stuff.”

“That’s my girl.”

I grin and head into the foyer and meet up with M.J. who passes me a tissue once we’re outside and headed away from the house taking the paths. “Thanks.”

“Yeah well I heard you and your mom and her being all sorts of awesome and figured you’d girl out and cry some anyways.”

“Uh-huh she really is kinda my hero.”

“Well hopefully the fit won’t hit the shan and things will be okay today.”

“Yeah…the dance and stuff…”

“Yep.” She reaches over and hooks pinkies with me and we get to the bus stop and wait. It’s kind of nice jerk-wads not there but some of the girls are.

“Where’s Yick?”

Emily looks at me. “Suspended for a couple of days for that stuff in gym I guess.”

I nod and we drink some of our coffee and Emily’s still looking at me.

“What?” Okay I’m nervous, the weekend could have given some of them time to think and sometimes people that were supposed to good with it change their minds.

“You look weird.”

(Gulp) “W..what?”

“You look weird, I mean I know it’s like just me and like stuff but like after the dance and like stuff you like kinda…”

Yes, it’s Emily and she’s one of those girls that says the stuff that teenagers sometimes say…but I ignore the barrage of Likes and…

“Kinda what?” Wow, I’m…I’m almost afraid to ask.

“Well you kinda look like when a girl that like y’know goes like all crisis butch and stuff and she like dresses down and cuts like all her hair off.”

Blink, blink, blink…

I stop and look my clothes over and I’m wearing full on normal Steven-wear.

But a couple of the girls are sort of looking at me and nodding. They’re not really in the sort of circle we have going but some of them are nodding.

Anna Holmes says… “Yeah like no offense Steven but after you’re Cinderella thing at the dance and stuff and all that and seeing you know and stuff you don’t really come across as like the gay dude…more like a baby-dyke.”

“Anna!” I sort of squeak and I turn red. Okay it’s not the gay thing but it sort of is?

I mean, am I really passing as a girl?

Even though it’s sort of a kinda butch girl lez look?

I think that they think that they’re sort of having fun with it and there’s some giggling and stuff and Emily looks at me with her eyes wide and she has that oh crap look and she mouths to me as we’re getting on the bus. “Shit sorry I like effed up huh?”

“No…we’re good, it’s just I’m not out yet.” I say quietly to her as M.J. and I take our seat and she sits close to us.

Mary Jane’s looking at me and she snerks.

“What?”

“Nope.” She's giggling.

“Wadda ya mean nope, what’s so funny!?”

“Nope, not telling until the others are here.”

I’m tempted to grab her and like tickle it out of her and stuff but that’s not really something that I can like do really as Steven so I shoot her a miffed look and I sort of pout as we go through the different stops and we pick up the other kids and soon Rachel and Amanda and Amber are there and we make room for Toni too.

And then I’m blushing as M.J. and Emily are recapping everything and they’re looking at me and studying me and now that I have cover I reach over and give M.J. a pinch.

“Ow!”

“What dammit tell me?”

It takes a few more and a set of wriggling fingers into her side and she squeals really loud and bursts out laughing.

“Fuck! No, no, no…okay! Okay! Stop it Ellen!”

Ellen?... “Ellen?”

“Yes!!! Now stop it or I’ll pee!”

I stop but we’re all laughing and stuff and it’s pretty awesome to do that and yeah some of the other kids are on the bus are doing the whisper thing and stuff like me in a dress at the dance and me being gay and stuff…not like hateful but that kids talk and stuff.

Hey as long as it’s like just chatter gossip and stuff and not mean it’s okay. I mean it’s not like I can remotely change or stop them from doing it.

I wipe my eyes and look at the girls and I hold my chin up. “Hey I’ll happily be Ellen DeGeneres.”

Rachel looks at me. “Really with like the whole lesbian thing and everything?”

I nod, I sorta mean it but actually I’m not sure on the lesbian thing for real but to actually be a real girl plus…

“Okay…look she smart, she’s funny and she’s rich but also have you seen her wife?”

There’s a few chuckles but one of the non-group girls close by asks. “But I thought you’re gay?”

“Gay, straight, bi, lesbian you just got to admit by anyone’s standards that Portia is a seriously beautiful woman.” I say looking at them.

There’s some nods and stuff from them and my friends and the rest of the bus ride is actually us all talking about the TV show.

Situation handled and everything’s cool.

Until we get off the bus and head into school and I’m getting a whole bunch of looks and stares and glares from a few of the nasty kids and I see the principal and some of the others at my locker and there’s scrawls on it in black permanent marker with “faggot”, “assmonkey”, “tranny”, “froot”, “cocksucker” and even a “you’re dead”, “get off the team” and “watch your back” written on it.

Honestly I was expecting this…part of me really did and I walk over to where they are and I look at the principal. “Am I in trouble?”

“No, no but if you want to call your parents and go home…”

“Do I have to?”

He looks surprised. “No…no not at all, but I do have to call your parents and you should come to the office until they show.”

“I’d rather just go to class sir.”

“Okay…well we’ll send for you then?”

I nod and look at the locker. “Do you need that still on there?”

“No, not unless you or your parents want us to call the police.”

I shake my head no. “It’s school, I don’t fit the binary…unless they actually do anything then they’re just being assholes.”

“Steven…language.”

“Sorry sir. But can I remove it?”

“Alright we do have pictures of it. But just so you know we’re taking this more seriously than you are. Bullying is a serious matter.”

I nod. “Totally it’s bad stuff it kills people even but it’s not going to stop me from being me.”

He looks shocked and he looks like he wants to talk more and also he’s sharing looks with the guidance counselor and stuff.

“Uhm…well…I will see you when your parents get here.”

“Okay sir.”

They leave and I turn around and all my girls and some of my other friends are still there hanging out and stuff and so are some of the guys on the team.

Toni passes me some tissues and a bottle of nail polish remover. “Here this worked the best when it happened to my locker.”

She’s not shouting but she’s strongly saying it and she’s doing it in this whole tough proud thing even if she’s this short little Loli-girl.

I nod, I do the same as her and mentally shift my big girl panties in place and take the stuff and start wiping away the hate stuff like it’s nothing, like it means nothing.

I think this is the right thing to do.