Masks 47

*Before…

I smile at him. “You know if you feed her coffee you’re going to get claimed by her in some way.”
He grins. “Oh I think I can deal with that.”
I shrug and get up. “Okay…you want to meet my friends; you get to meet my friends. On your head be it.”
I lead the way with him laughing behind me. “Oh I’m going to like you girls.”
You…girls…was that including me?
Was he?
How?
Does he know?
Does he see through this mask that I’m wearing?
Are there people that can do that?
*And Now…

I’m a bit sheepish coming over with Greyson and they’re all looking and grinning as we come over.

“Girls...this is Greyson, Greyson this is the girls...uhm…”

They all start introducing themselves and he actually starts shaking hands which I think wins him points with Amber and Rachel and Mary Jane too when he’s not greeting her boobs but her.

He get’s further points by sharing food.

Then we’re talking about Elizabitch because well...Greyson just had to ask when he seen her coming in with her little entourage. “So what the hell is with her?”

It starts with the near universal eye-rolls from us and if there’s one thing that gets us going it’s that part where we’re reciting her whole lists of preppy-offences.
The cabs to school everyday and acting like it’s a limousine.

Getting take out delivered to her the same way.

And actually as we’re going off on that we’re literally watching her and her entourage getting stuff from Starbucks from the cab and then they’re catwalking it showing everything off.

From clothes to make-up, to just everything.

And y’know I hate being so mad at this and so shallow at being so jealous but part of me is. Because not just the way that they’re flaunting stuff but how they get to be so girl...even if they’re shitty people.

Parts ache that I don’t have with longing as they strut through the place sucking on their straws and leaving a trail of pumpkin spice vapors.

It’s hard not feeling hard about them being them everyday and me not being me at all.

But there’s not much I can do about any of it right now so it’s just watch them just strut.

It…

It just feels like so much of stuff is just waited or taken for granted like by girls like Elizabitch.

I really shouldn’t call her that.

Greyson looks at me leaning over. “Last cookie.”

I blink because I was kind of out of it there for a minute. “Sorry what?”

“Do you want the last cookie?”

“Uhm...sure?”

I take it but there’s this smile in his eyes there when I do and just this overall friendliness that has me blushing.

I eat but look at him. “You know that people are going to think you’re gay or something hanging out with me.”

He shrugs putting the container away. “Like I care, It’s like not the dark ages and people are out and coming out all over the place.”

“Not here, not really.”

He looks around and says. “Ten percent.”

I ask him around me trying to catch bits of crumbling cookie. “What?”

“Ten percent of folks I read somewhere where some place on the gay, lesbian, bi, pan, trans and all that stuff.”

“Pan?” I ask that because him mentioning trans gave me like a mini heart attack.

“Pansexual, it’s like where you just sort of find the folks attractive and don’t care a fig about orientation or like their gender and stuff.”

I look at him. “How’s that not Bi?”

He watching the other kids. “Bi folks sort of kind of go for the norms, either or not all of them but the like two ends of things and not so much the in between stuff.”

I shrug and say honestly. “I don’t get it but that’s kinda what I was told in therapy.”

Toni pipes in. “Therapy?”

Greyson makes a face. “My dad’s idea. He was great until I broke up with my girlfriend and dated Sean.”

Toni nods. “My folks too plus internal racist homophobia.”

We’re both looking at her and she kills her coffee then she say pulling air quotes with her hands. “You can’t be gay, we’re black.”

He’s laughing and nodding. “Uh-huh like dad freaking out when I dated Betty Stonehouse, she was three grades ahead of me and our infamous tranny kid.”

I winch. “I hate that word.”

I get looks sort of from my friends and they’re not bad, they’re not even surprised looks not even from Amber or Amanda. Heck Amanda didn’t even look up from her phone.

Actually Lucy’s looking at me and her eyes were big and she has both hands over her mouth and she red as a beet.

Greyson just nods. “Me too but that was the sort of attitude dad and some of the kids at school had. He was really less than happy when I came out in therapy as Pan.”

Toni nods. “H’yup.”

I’m still looking at Lucy who slowly lowers her hands and takes one of mine. I take her’s and we squeeze ours together.
I ask her. “You okay with this?”

Lucy’s nodding. “I’m just happy...I’m never with the okay kids, just alone or with the bullies all around me.” She bites her lip. “I feel like safe, I never had that in school.”

Amanda still texting says. “You’re still not safe, Toni will hit on you and I’m an axe murderer.”

She does the sniffly smile. “I’ll take my chances.”

Toni hug/leans on her sitting beside her. “Welcome to Kimba corner.”

Greyson’s laughing but the rest of us don’t get it and then the bell’s ringing.

We all finish our things and get up grabbing books and packs and we all head to the halls and this time...this time I’m not all alone as the other girls are doing the last minute bathroom thing before second bell.

I look at Grayson who’s looking at me.

I say. “Thanks for the cookies and for like other stuff today.”

He nods and offers me some gum as he’s popping two tabs free. I take some and he looks me over.

“Y’know even not out, you kinda make a cute butch girl.”

I almost choke on my gum.

“What?”

Grayson looks at me. “I think you’re cute, and I kinda want to let you know before everyone else knows if you come out.”

“What why?”

“Because, I want to ask you out when you’re ready.”

“............”

Mary Jane is suddenly there. “In town date or like out of town date?”

Grayson looks surprised too.

I manage to squeak out an. “M.J.!”

He’s looking between us and he says. “I thought she was cute on the bus so yeah anything she’s good with.”

Mary Jane says. “Friday night?”

“Sure, I’m pretty sure mom’ll be good with it.”

My mind’s still running in wait! What! Circles with him saying her thought me...She...was cute on the bus.

Me...She...her…

They were still talking when second bell goes off and I’m just still pretty much super shocked and all.

He’s headed off looking at his school map and I’m looking at Mary Jane.

“What just happened?”

She looking smug hands...well fingers sort of hooked into her faux pockets and says.

“You my girl might just have a date for Friday night.”

I’m staring at her and she slips in and gives me a one armed hug.

“Not bad girl he’s pretty cute.”

I…

A date.

I’m not sure I’m even into guys but a date...to sort of feel...possible...like things and good things could happen for me.

M.J. passes me some tissues as I’m smiling and crying all of a sudden.