Masks Chapter 40

Chapter 40

*Before…

Dad nods. “Well here’s thanking those that look out for us and we’re thankful for the things we have both on the table and around it and guys…we’re thankful to the ladies for making everything aren’t we?”

There’s a chorus of thanks and agreement and Becky’s beaming and then we all start passing food and plates and Mom starts us off by asking about our days.

Dad…he looks happy like this is the way it’s supposed to be and Mary Jane’s all content looking too with this sort of want/need/missed this expression and I get that and Becky actually has the same expression only a bit more wistful looking and it reminds me that there’s a lot going on and not more than likely with my friends and I really do have it pretty good.

*And Now…

I like supper here at home it’s one of those things that was okay before and stuff with the boys being the boys and Mom and I having to like endure it but the numbers are way more balanced now with Mom and Aunt Els and Mary Jane and myself so they’re behaving better by a whole lot even if it’s not all that formal and stuff there’s nice conversation and there’s pleases and thank you’s and there’s talking and stuff.

Like really talking and yeah it’s mostly about school and stuff but there’s no TV with dinner and I have always liked that.

We have some music playing and it’s usually something kind of mellow not like classical and stuff but like CBC radio 2 or something like that and it’s just that kind of a thing.

Atmosphere I thing they call it.

Becky’s having a great time too as we’re talking and passing things and she’s eating a lot of everything. Well like not a lot of everything but she’s definitely trying most of it and having a good time.

Rob and Will are a little overly Axe-scented tonight as I thought that they might be and yeah they are definitely staring at Becky and her looks and her curves even if she’s my friend and she’s younger than they are.

I tap my knife handle a bit on the table to get their attention and cough at them a few times before they sort of stare at me with that whole guy blocker “What?” look until Mark goes to get some more ice water for the table and he gives them that older brother whack in back of the head. “Watch where you’re watching you two.”

Yep, right out loud and in front of everyone there and even if it’d embarrass Mandy a little, it waaaay more embarrassed the two of them.

Becky blushed but she smirked a little bit too.

We sort of traded looks between me her and M.J. and there were some smiles and it’s in that whole like tried and true girls and boys way.

Okay that was, that is pretty cool and stuff.

I really like actually feeling like I’m not just me…because really I’ve been me in my head and stuff like all of my life or like most of it and all. it’s the fact that I’m me and that I’m visible and I have a life and stuff now that’s really cool that I can have people say Stephanie and actually mean me.

It’s really cool and I’m savoring it even these little things like shared looks between girls about boys…Even if they’re my brothers.

We’re talking about school again and the poetry we’re going to be studying and the math stuff and other things when Mom and Aunt Els start talking poetry too.

It’s like this whole sort of impressive thing where they’re talking about all these poets and these women writers and stuff and they’re quoting stuff to each other and everything.

Okay my Mom’s an artist and I was sort of kind of getting that she went to college for that and I know Aunt Els was into all of this sort of new age stuff but they’re doing this whole thing where they’re almost quote riffing and it’s so neat.

Maya Angelou….

"Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean."

"Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage."

Louisa May Alcott…

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead."

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."

“Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us-and those around us - more effectively. Look for the learning."

Bronte…

"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind."

You ever been in one of those moments where the subject gets passionate and the people are like really into it and you can feel that sort of energy from them kind of filling up the room?

It’s so that.

Mom looks at me and smiles and she and Aunt Elsbeth are pouring more wine for each other and she’s saying. “Audre Lorde was awesome too a great woman and so not the pop singer you hear on the radio and all of that she had stuff to say.”

I’m like…. “Like what?” I’m kind of swept aloft…the mood makes me feel all real and sort of empowered like the stuff we’re talking about reaches in past my shell self.

Mom actually answers. “Well there’s this one and it really applies to all of us but it really says so much for you girls especially at your ages.”

She takes and sip of wine then says. "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."

Oh…oh my… There’s something in that that sounds so damned right…maybe because that’s so much like what I feel that I have to do.

Define myself before the rest of the world does it for me.

Even when it’s time to clear the table we’re listening as they’re talking about that stuff and women bands and books and what some of those things said in the books and the music and it goes into dessert which is awesome.

I feel like we’re learning so much…and we’re just talking a riffing?

Poetry is a lot more interesting when you actually get who the poet was and what their life was like and you kinda see them as a person and then all the poems aren’t just words that someone wrote down a long time ago and stuff but they were real feelings, things that they had to say about the life and times that they lived in.

Dessert is really good too it’s a sweet cornbread like a sort of shortcake and instead of the pumpkin stuff like we usually have we have this sauce that’s made from Cape Gooseberries which are these things that dad buys that are covered in this papery leaf and the fruit is orange and they taste amazing…kinda tart and sweet in this really good way and then there’s kumquats too which are oranges if oranges were like cherry tomatoes and those are both like quartered and cooked in like sugar and water and some honey to make the syrup and we have that with whipped cream to go with it and the berries and the fruit are that different it’s like what makes it a treat and everything and the cornbread is just like its own sort of sweet and there’s no sugar in the whipped cream actually and you get this sort of corn cake buttery thing going on and the sauce which has the honey which like goes with the cornbread and then just everything else.

And one of the best things with this is Mom made Becky and Mary Jane and I our own Pot of tea for this.

Not pop or juice or milk but milk if we want it with a cup of tea.

Steve wouldn’t have I’m pretty sure and M.J. I think is used to it by the way that she’s handling everything but like tea and dessert is a big sort of thing to me and definitely for Mandy too.

When she’s not shoving a fork of dessert in her mouth and rolling her eyes as she’s enjoying the food.

I look at her after my first few bites and a drink. “So supper was alright?”

She goggles at me. “Alright!? Are you kidding me? I’ve like never had stuff like this for supper ever and this dessert is like amaaaaazing.”

M.J. nods. “They have serious food here like all the time.”

I shrug. “My folks I guess didn’t have it growing up or that’s what they told me.”

Becky nods. “I’ve so the feels, my house still doesn’t have it.”

Mary Jane and I are looking at her.

She blushes but shrugs. “My parents are part of the whole microwave and instant stuff generation and everything.”

Mary Jane nods. “Truthfully Mom and I’d be in the same boat between her working and school for me and everything.”

I grin. “Well I’m pretty sure that you guys are like permanent meal time guests and stuff.”

M.J. looks down and she rubs her stomach and grins. “Excellent.”

We all burst out laughing together which again is such a thing that I can like hardly get it into words and stuff and we get up from the table and we hug and we were going to get to the dishes when Will and Rob come for them and Rob grins.

“Mom said you girls were going to do a study session together so we got this this time.”

I look at him and blink a few times. “Okay, this time I’ll return the favor sometime.”

Rob looks at Becky.

“Heck no.”

“What?” He’s trying to put on this whole innocent look.

I poke him on the end of his nose. “You’re not hitting on my friends, beside…”

“Besides?”

“Besides you look like a puppy that’s making eyes After he made a mess.”

He pulls his face back and snorts and covers his face. “What!? No I…Eeew no!”

And that’s set’s us off laughing and giggling and Rob’s heading into the kitchen yelling at Will who’s laughing too and we can hear him yell. “Owned!”

We get our things and we head to the living room which is sort of like this kind of common area but we don’t use it a whole lot for other than company and stuff. Mom has her studio and Dad has the den and us kids use our rooms most of the time so the living room is for like when we have guests.

It’s got a couple of big comfy chairs and there’s a big sectional couch there too and this sort of matching TV table that’s in an L shape that dad made that has drawers in it and stuff and there’s the fireplace and we have a big flat screen TV on one of the walls and shelving unit that dad built for it that matches the TV table and that has like the speakers and DVD and DVR players and our movies all in it and the like.

I plug my MP-3 into the stereo there and put on some music as we take out our books and we start to work and study and stuff tackling English first and the poetry stuff while we’re still all kind of freshly feeling it and everything from the whole collegey thing that Mom and Aunt Elspeth we doing and everything.

We have to read a few from the ones in our books and there’s like ten and we have to read like three and pick one and then write our interpretation about it.

Which I hate, I hate it like book reports because it’s dumb to get graded on your opinion. But you still do and Beckyy finds that part really hard because she doesn’t know what to do or what to write when it comes to that kind of stuff.

I finish mine and she and Mary Jane are looking at me. “What?”

Mary Jane… “You’re done?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

Becky… “Wow…that was fast and you still have good marks?”

I nod… “There’s a trick to this stuff.”

They’re both looking at me.

I pick up the text book and show them the questions that they sort of have at the back of the chapter.

Becky’s like. (Groan) “We have to do those too!?”

“No, they weren’t even assigned but that’s what they want to see as the whole essay opinion thing, these answered but just like not in a list.”

They’re both looking at the questions and frowning with the tense WTF face.

I smile and take out my pen and yank a sheet of loose-leaf free of my binder. “Look we just write our answers sort of in like a loose paragraph and then you just kind of try and read it like a paragraph but filling it in to make like sense instead of having a list of answers for the questions in the book you look like you’re hitting all the points that they want you to hit.”

Becky’s eyes get wide. “Oh that’s so cool that’s like a super neat trick.”

M.J.’s like. “So…they really don’t want our answer?”

I shake my head. “Not really they want the book stuff but not the book stuff.”

“What’s the point of asking us to write our opinions then?”

I just shrug. “I don’t get it either but they grade well on this kind of stuff.”

M.J. Rolls her eyes and she sits back and starts reading and Becky’s writing and she looks actually excited.

Hey, I’ll take that and she seems to be excited about doing homework and then we go from that to math and I have Algebra it’s not that it’s hard but it just seems to be a waste of time to me if you’re not going into like a math heavy job.

Sigh…heck I’m not even really old enough to have like a part time job or anything right now.

It’s Social studies after that and that’s I guess kind of like a sort of mix between like some history class and geography and everything, it’s actually one of the subjects I really like.

And it’s not just work either we’re listening to music and we actually sing along to some of them that are stuff that we like and it’s a real like grins moment between us and it’s even a bit girl spazzy sit dancing and some air guitar.

Heck yeah girls play air guitar.

We’re actually having a great time and hanging out even after getting our homework done and once that’s all done though we’re up and dancing.

I love the grins that the other two girls have when we’re doing this and it’s actually really surprising when Dad shows up and watches us for a little bit.

He turns the music down and I look at him and he head nods towards the clock on the wall and it’s eight he smiles. “I’m sorry to break up the party girls but it is a school night.”

Becky looks at the clock. “Wow…that went fast. I should get home.”

Dad looks at her. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“Uhm that’s alright I can bike home myself it’s not far sir.”

“Well it’s getting dark and I want to meet your folks.”

She’s looking at him and does the big gulp. “You do?”

Dad nods. “Definitely.” But he really wasn’t answering it was more like he was informing her that this was already going to happen.

She nods and sighs. “Yessir.”

I look at her. “We can come with.”

She looks nervous. “You guys don’t have to.”

I look at her and slip over and give her a hug. “Hey it’ll be okay it’ll give everyone two targets instead of like one.”

Mary Jane says. “Three, safety in numbers from the whole parental scrutiny thing, cause that happens when they start talking.”

She bites her lip and she nods. “Okay.”

I smile my own little shaky smile. “Besides I kinda gotta go, I want to kind of have people like actually meet me before Halloween.”

“What’s going on with Halloween?”

“Uhm…I’m coming out.”

Okay Becky’s jaw drop was worth it.