*Before…

It’s great to get smiles from them all when Mary Jane and I make it down and that helps too.
Mark offers me a bit of a piece of just fried bread he’s been eating.
“You feeling better? Everyone said you were pretty down.”
I eat and between chewing and swallowing little bites I nod. “Yeah, hockey practice was hard, just being at the rink was kinda hard today.”
He gives me a hug. “Well I’m glad you’re feeling like you again. You’re not the same when you’re trying to be Stephen.”
Okay...okay that was really nice to hear.
“Trying to be?” I ask.
Mark nods. “Yeah trying and failing, after starting to get to know my little sister, you are usually in shades to tolerating it to miserable in boy drag.”
I give him a hug and a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks Mark that actually helps a lot.”
He smiles. “As long as you’re feeling better sis.”
Then Mary Jane says out loud as we’re all gathering at the table.
“Oh she’s feeling better she has a date with a boy for Friday night.”
I’m like. “M.J!!!”
And everyone just stopped doing everything and they’re all staring at me.

*And Now…

I can’t help it I’m blushing and I’m as blushing as I was when Greyson was flirting with me.

And it’s not like I can hide either though I’m looking at everyone at the table and I’m a little scared too.

I’m looking right at Dad the most and he has this look on his face.

Then he says. “A date?”

Mary Jane nods. “With a boy, a cute one.”

Dad looks at her then at me.

“A date...with a boy?”

Mom says. “That’s the usual way dates go with boys and girls honey.”

Dad looks at me again and he looks at Mom and he gestures at me. “A Date, Stephanie’s too young to be dating!” He sounds way more concerned than mad. “You know what teenage boys are like.”

Mark is looking at me. “So where are you two going?”

I’m still sort of floored.

Part of me was kind of scared that this would be like the thing that tipped Dad’s tolerance of stuff going on with me.

“We were thinking a group date, going to the mall and the movies.”

Mary Jane nods. “I’ll be going to and I have a date with Toni.”

Mom waves dad off. “A group date honey see, they’re being safe.”

Dad sputters. “She not ready!”

Mom says. “And neither was I or you, none of us were ready to start dating and we were really bad at it.”

Dad’s all like. “But...but…”

Mom kisses him leaning over the table and she does this this where she is literally sort of petting his beard scruff. “And I love your butt honey it’s cute.”

Dad looks at me and does this heavy sigh. “Okay but I’m driving you kids. I want to meet this guy and I want to meet Toni again too.”

Mom grins and gives me a thumbs up behind Dad’s back and sits back down and grabs some more salad or rather cleans it up from being leftovers and she asks M.J. “Isn’t Toni the little black lesbian girl?”

Mary Jane nods. “Yeah she’s the anime and lolita fan.”

Mom nods. “That’s the asian cartoon and comic stuff. I’ve seen it around.”

Mary Jane nods. “Yeah I’ve never really gotten too into that stuff, there wasn’t too much of that anywhere that I knew of in my old school. Well not with the girls there was of course some stuff I think with some of the eeew edge of the geeky guys that like wanted cartoon tentacle girlfriends.”

I can’t help it.

I crack up at the WTF looks on Mom and Dad’s faces.

I honestly think they have no idea what some of that stuff is.

I have watched anime because well stuff like Ranma and other anime was like fantasy stuff for me without it like getting all gross and stuff.

Plus like I think a lot of trans girls there’s that Magical Girl fantasy where they transform and I think a lot of us wanted to be that.

I know that’s what I kinda daydream about when I watch stuff like that.

Mom says. “How about you two go and do your homework and we’ll tackle the dishes so that way you girls can hang out some and maybe look up what you’re going to go see and think about what you’re going to wear and where to go to eat.”

I look at Mary Jane and she looks at me and we both get up and run upstairs to my room laughing and yelling. “Thanks Mum, Love you!”

We do blaze through our homework first well math and science and things even though I’m slower with my handwriting because I’ve been faking that for so long too.

Seriously when you hide being trans, being a girl you hide even the fact that you practiced writing in what I call Loop. You know that cursive where it’s like all cute and stuff.

Like all the other girls did.

I’m not used to writing in my notebooks as myself.

And I’m going to, I’m like so done with being someone I’m not.

I can’t even.

Once we get the homework out of the way I get changed into my nightwear and I feel better and M.J. and I turn on some music and we get online looking at the mall’s webpage and then what’s playing and stuff and what’s in the food courts and in between laughing and giggling and talking things over and trying on clothes and mixing and matching looks we’re dancing.

I have my own download mix and everything with all the girl rock and pop and hip hop that I actually like but could like never.
I like a lot of Canadian singers too like Alannis and Avril and like uhm...Jan Arden? But Carly Rae Jepsen and her song “Call me maybe?” is like awesome and so is like “I really, really Like You.” and “The Kiss” are like my songs and i really love her stuff.

I like upbeat stuff in general and even when I’ll like being Steven I tend to listen to or listened to stuff like Bruno Mars and guys like that.

So we like dance and dance and practice and stuff and laugh and just have fun until Mom and Aunt Els come up and they join us and they play some of their stuff.

Okay like it’s older but some of it’s like fun like that “I like big butts.”

I don’t have a big butt or at least not right now and we listen to stuff while having hot chocolate and hot crossed toast.

That’s raisin bread toast with a cream cheese icing on it instead of like butter.

It’s actually really yummy if you use homemade icing. The boughten stuff is okay but it’s like too sweet. Cream cheese icing should still be like sweet but first it really should taste like cream cheese.

It’s more than fun, it’s literally more than I hoped and it’s me being the daughter mom never got to have and it’s the reverse for mom too and with Aunt Els and M.J. it’s like bonding too and fixing their relationship but with us there to keep things from being too awkward.

And it’s like that whole woman’s sense or something but I can feel it, like the healing or something.

We hang out for like an hour and Aunt Els looks at Mom. “You want to do a ritual before we go home?”

Mom shrugs she’s not really into wicca and witchcraft and stuff like Aunt Els is. I mean Mom’s like a hippy and a whole professional artist and stuff which is cool that she got to do that but I’m interested in this.

Mom looks at me after shrugging. “If I won’t bring it down sure why not?”

Aunt Els grins and we head downstairs and she gets some things out of her car in a box and she asks Mom to get a shovel and we go out to the back field and get off the property.

We dig a hole and save the sod and we run around and we gather some dry wood and twigs asking if we can have this and we’re supposed to listen to see if we’re told no. Aunt Els goes to the culver for water and stones from running water and she lines the hole with them then adds the twigs and she gets us to light a candle each.

And she does this whole like prayer thing where we ask for kindness and wisdom and strength from like The Goddess and Diana and Artemis and we offer up to the fire bread crusts and dried sage and lavender and olive oil and honey like just drizzles of a little of each and things and we thank the Goddess and the Divine and stuff and she waits until the twigs and stuff are done and she puts it out with water that ran without man.

It was all kinda over my head and it was really strange but it was still something that was just the four of us.

A sort of Sisterhood thing over Moms and Aunts and Cousins.

And I was part of it.

I kind of really feel that the most.

And I swear walking back up the yard in my bare feet and the really cold dew sort of making things extra wide awake it just sort of felt super real.

We saw Aunt Els and M.J. off and Mom and I hugged and I dried my feet off before setting my clock and getting ready for bed.

My dreams were amazing.