Masks Chapter 42

*Before…

He looks at Dad and they guyshake and there’s that tactile Guylepathy going on between them as they’re doing whatever mysterious thing that Men do when greeting and accessing other men.
I’m like lost about that because hockey or not all I’ve ever really been every able to do is like fake it.
And almost like he read my mind…Becky’s Dad looks at me and then at my dad.
“I thought you just had boys.”

*And Now…

I’m staring at him and it suddenly really scary.

I honestly didn’t think this stuff through did I?

Dad…

“Nope, three boys and a scared shy daughter.”

Becky’s dad looks at me, looks at dad and there’s more Guylepathy going on and the tension’s really thick or it feels like it to me.

Becky’s like… “Dad…”

He’s like looking at me again.

Then he nods at me or dad I can’t tell which. “C’mon in…Becks the bedroom door stay’s open.”

I blush because well.

Even if no, he’s thinking that…

M.J. speaks up. “Wrong child sir, Becky thinks Stephanie’s brothers are cute.”

He makes a face.

I make a face.

Becky’s mom says. “Brothers are cute, Grant has a cute brother.”

Becky’s dad looks pained.

I try a shy smile.

I see him look at me again but I still can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“Rob you want a beer?”

“Naw I’m driving but I’ll have a coffee if that’s no trouble.”

I hear Becky’s mom hidden away in the kitchen. “I’m putting a pot on now, you guys come on down and you girls go have fun.”

I look at Becky and she takes us to her room as Dad sits and Becky’s dad sits and they do that sort of big guy sitting thing. You know where they just sort of sit lean but they just seem to be so big, like statutes of masculinity.

Yeah…Nope, I know that I can’t do that.

I’m not even sure if I can fake doing that.

We head down to Becky’s room which is really small compared to what I’m used to but it’s actually super cute and there’s so much here that is the me I wanted to be. To grow up like with the toys and there’s all these things like Polly Pockets, Barbies and some other dolls that look like Barbies but with like other clothes and some are native looking.

Her mom’s very not native looking so I’m thinking that Becky get’s it from her dad’s side.

“Are you and Rachel related?” M.J. asks.

“Cousins, we share a great grand mother.” She puts her book bag on the top of her bed then sits, it’s actually a bunk bed and she has it like a place for clothes, stuffies and her books and it’s kind of cool with like x-masy colored lights tucked up it the top and she has a sort of curtainy set up in the front and back too and lots of cushions which she’s tossing to us.

Mary Jane’s more used to this and takes two and she sits on the floor since that’s sort of like the only real space there in her room.

Well she has a small table with a chair shoved in under her window but pulling it out to sit would actually take up a lot of room.

I look at her ceiling and it has like all these tiny wire hooks but with like necklaces and earrings and stuff there for decoration but there’s also a few toys like Winxs there on fishing line? There’s also posters of like boys on the walls and things from magazines with stuff like Shawn Mendes and the band Fun and a poster for Beastly and The Hunger Games and Rhianna and Sixpence none the richer and then there’s this cool almost brocaded wall-paper and stuff.

“Cool room.” I say.

Becky grins. “Thanks, it’s totes too much I know and like small but I tried to like do stuff with it.”

I shrug. “Beats a boy’s room, I like this, you’ve got like real you history here.”

She looks at me. “Yeah…I don’t even like know how bad that sucked.”

I look at her. “It’s suffocating Becky, it’s like being buried alive sometimes with everyone you know only sort of seeing you and all these other people out there all saying everything you feel’s wrong or that you don’t feel the way you’re feeling.”

“Assholes.” She says and she moves and pulls me onto her bed and hugs me.

It’s pretty cool and it’s very boob-pressy and I might be a girl but I’ve not been like exposed to boobs like up close and touchy that much.

It’s just another thing that’s not there but it’s still kind of fun and it’s a girl friend as friends thing that just get’s better as Mary Jane joins us and we’re sort of doing this tickle thing which Becky started…and then we’re laughing and hugging then we’re all laying together sideways on her bed with out legs hanging off and staring up at the Christmas lights.

Becky’s like. “Thanks for being cool guys.”

I’m like… “Guys…boo, I’m not a guy.”

And she’s like…. “I know. It’s like just a figure of speech y’know.”

Mary Jane snerks… “Like y’know…totally just a saying.”

We all burst out laughing and giggling and we sort of kick our legs and shout. “Toa..tal..ly!”

Then we hear Becky’s dad. “What the fuck was that?”

Not like angry like but like he’s got no clue.

And we were silent for a second before we all burst out laughing.

It was such this whole cool space of time because the lights, the three of us, this whole tight girls together thing and it’s us so close together and holding hands and just being three girls.

And it feels good.

It feels weightless.