*Before…

It’s doing all this stuff and having a few more drinks as we’re doing it and talking and it’s Terri’s turn as she talks about some cool people she met and that a couple were girls and that mixed in her head with what I was going through and doing and she figured out that she’s… “Maybe Bi or like Pan or whatever.”

After things are done we’re having another round of drinks then grandma says.

“Why don’t you go and change so we can spend time with Robin?”

I swallow my tea and schnapps. “Are you sure?”

I look at her and Mom and then Dad and Grandpa and they’re all nodding and Terri smiles at me. “C’mon Robin let’s go and get you changed.”

*And Now…

*Before…

I look good, I look really good and I help the others do things as does Shy and by the time we’re all done we all look really, really good and we’re all charged up to go out.

Some of us packed bags and I definitely did with one of my hockey jersies wrapped around thick socks and some black leggings and two extra pairs of panties all for later and for just in case.

But right now I’m in this little red plunging dress with spaghetti straps and some black stretchy flats.

The cabs we called all come and pick us up and drive into town.

We’re all going to different places and parties so we start splitting up and Cheyenne and I head with some of the older girls and some of the local girls and other visitors to a nearby house party.

*And Now…

Erin gets to speak with the commander and makes a career changing decision that changes her duties immediately.

Through the adventures of a dreamer best friend and a returning sister.
Jack becomes Jill as they find themselves through a new vocation.

Ingrid sort of pushed it a bit too hard and she’s hit that whole wounded animal mode and she just curls up on the couch and Giselle just sort of watches and she likely wanted to climb in there with her but Ingrid literally has her back to us and herself buried into the couch.
Giselle’s world weary little hurt sigh’s kind of heartbreaking.
I pick her up. “C’mon sweetheart you come with me and we’ll take a nap.”
She gives me this sad and hurt and sleepy nod and plants her face in my shoulder.
Her little fingers are wound into my shirt just too hard.
I use my phone and I text Holly to tell Tay because he’ll never look at his phone right now and I set the alarm and slip into bed with my daughter and roll to my side cradling her and pull the sheets over both of us into the best snuggle I can manage.
I love my daughter...I love her so much it hurts when she hurts.
I really want to be the best mom that I can be.

Not doing anything else, not caring about how her hair looks and I can feel the girls kind of wtf over that and some are a little turned on and don’t get why...okay one of my cousins definitely gets why and being tuned in now I can feel Cheyenne’s mind on the almost guy track of food.

I head out and see Shy talking with Mom and they’re into it and making some kind of sauce not sauce? It’s green and it’s got lots of olive oil and there’s vinegar and I’m thinking cilantro and garlic but they’re talking and taste testing together and Shy’s dipping pieces of baguette in it trying it out and adding things like lemon zest to it and some squeezes of juice then whipping it up again.

It’s good to see them talking and chilling out.

Little steps.

Jem… Chapter 202

Jem…Chapter 202 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

Jem… Chapter 201

Jem…Chapter 201 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

*Before…

We pass through the gates and they down close...arrows from above rain down only aiding our fighters and us, those they stepped off to save and buy time watch as the four of them cut every last Goblin and Warg sent after us.
Every last one.
I’m crying because… because they did this, because somehow they did it and they won and hurt or not I’m falling to get out of the wagon and running to meet them.
“Hawk! Nicole!”
I jump and land and hit Jessa who hugs and she holds us both up and Nicole.
Nicole has just gotten past the gate and she’s turned her Squire’sknight around and she raises her hand and I hear her yell. “Close the gates, close them all!”
Jessa and I limp to beside her and look at where she’s looking and it’s down the hill at the remains of the town and while we were fighting the Wargs and their Goblin riders the Hobgoblins rode their troops back down to where they had their encampment.
And there’s a line of troops marching with the riders and we can see the heavy shapes of huge forms in the distance.
We just stand there watching them coming in as the Keep’s doors and gate close and come down.
We slowly turn and the place is full, people have evacuated to here as best as they could and all around our ragged band of fighters and rangers are scared people, the old, the frail, the young.
I say it without even thinking about it. “Light and The Gods, We can’t fail here.”

*And Now…

Jem… Chapter 199

Jem…Chapter 199 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

Jem… Chapter 198

Jem…Chapter 198 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

*Before…

Ingrid actually comes down too during it all and she takes over just doing the cash for me actually doing a good job and knowing how to use the debit machine and all that stuff and I smile at her.
“You okay to do this?” I ask.
“Yeah, I need to do something to get off my ass instead of just feel sick and being stoned to get by.”
“That’s helping you though.”
“I want to try okay, I don’t want to be a freeloader and I’m lonely.”
Taylor says. “Good, welcome, you have customers!”
She and I laugh and we keep going.
We have to get her a stool after a bit but she’s good after that and Giselle ends up sticking close to both of us and out of the way. She looks at me and at her mom like she’s trying to get what changed, what got better or how.
I know Iggy sees it, feels it too and I can see her trying.

Trying’s all I can ask for.

It’s a start.

*And Now…

Thing is that yeah there’s lots of people and you’d think you’d not be able to pick up someone coming at you but that’s actually wrong.

It’s like unless they’re trying to jump you on the sneak you can hear them taking those steps at you.

Ask folks that’ve been in real fights, there’s something that translates from attitude and intent into steps.

I turn and see Anika and Kathy plus someone I don’t know stalk/stomp waking right at me.

And that was just stupid as someone punches me in the head from behind with something metal that hurts! Not like the impact hurt but the fucking thing bit me!

I hear them laughing and I reach back and there’s blood and I pull a fucking staple out of my scalp.

*And Now…

*Before…

It’s still a good day.

I’m wearing a cute outfit with black leggings and some nice but comfy actual shoes and not sneakers and a used pleated almost tweed skirt from the store with these really cool big buttons instead of the whole zipper thing and I’m wearing a black Iggy-Pop wild one t-shirt and a zip front hoody that’s one of Alex’s workout ones from the football team as my jacket and I’m in normal make-up actually just even pretty tame style for me and much more of an April taught thing and some simple jewelry.

Not too high end but not too punk give someone a hard time and not too goth to off put the preps and yet still rocking enough to rock the t-shirt and the retro skirt.

And with Alex with me and us actually still kind of still feeling the whole morning workout and all of that we’re getting looks and I take a drink of my coffee and start actually talking to people and it’s kind of great as I’m even actually remembering names as I introduce Alex who everyone seems to know anyways and yet we’re still a sort of mystery couple.

Terri and I get changed and we head off to the spare room and she’s been using that while she’s been living here and it shows with all of her stuff that she’s picked up since being here and we set up a bed in a bag which is pretty cool and loads better than a sleeping bag on the floor and her and I stay up for awhile watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on her laptop.

I fall asleep after the second show.

It’s not too bad a show and kinda rough and raunchy but that doesn’t bother me. It’s just after leaving camp and coming home all in the same day and all the shock and stuff with my family and being full from supper I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

My dreams sweep me up in visions of Moon lake and of being Robin in my hometown and no one knowing that I’m...was Rob but I’m just the new girl.

*And Now…

Touch Starved

Touch starvation is actually a thing. The term for it that’s emerging in medical/psych circles is “skin hunger”. We as humans are meant to be much more social- and especially physically social - than we actually are, and most North Americans in particular are often touch starved because the casual, platonic contact that often happens between friends in other places just. Does not happen here.

It stops for so many of us “boys” when we’re pretty young. There’s this point where touch and care and comfort is either labeled creepy or gay.

Especially gay.

He’s looking between us and he says. “I thought she was cute on the bus so yeah anything she’s good with.”
Mary Jane says. “Friday night?”
“Sure, I’m pretty sure mom’ll be good with it.”
My mind’s still running in wait! What! Circles with him saying her thought me...She...was cute on the bus.
Me...She...her…
They were still talking when second bell goes off and I’m just still pretty much super shocked and all.
He’s headed off looking at his school map and I’m looking at Mary Jane.
“What just happened?”
She looking smug hands...well fingers sort of hooked into her faux pockets and says.
“You my girl might just have a date for Friday night.”
I’m staring at her and she slips in and gives me a one armed hug.
“Not bad girl he’s pretty cute.”
I…
A date.
I’m not sure I’m even into guys but a date...to sort of feel...possible...like things and good things could happen for me.
M.J. passes me some tissues as I’m smiling and crying all of a sudden.

*And Now…

*Before…

I sit back further into the couch and pull my legs under me. It’s more comfortable that you think only it’s just one of those really coded gender deals that guys or non-femme guys aren’t socially allowed to do.

“I’m actually still thinking of all the stuff ahead Dad. What is home going to be like or feel like and I kind of like being Robin but I have no idea how going back to Rob’s going to feel and then there’s school and town and the grandparents and just me trying to walk back into my old life and there’s just so much that’s changed about me.”

“Like being Robin?” He asks.

I nod and pull a small couch cushion in front on me and I hug it. “And the fact I like me, her, I like being Robin and that when I’ve been Robin I’ve met a guy and talked and danced and stuff and it was so much not the end of the world.”

*And Now…

Jem… Chapter 190

Jem…Chapter 190 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

Jem… Chapter 188

Jem…Chapter 188 by Bailey Summers Copyright © 2013 Bailey Summers All Rights Reserved.

*Before…

Nicole gets one too but it’s a massive thing called an arbalest.

I look at her. “Are we expecting a dragon?”

She shakes her head. “No but a ship or ships perhaps.”

It seems like a lot until she and Taylor are talking and I get the idea.

Nicole doesn’t fire; she uses her Squire’sknight to pull the bow back to reload in moments if need be and with Taylor firing it takes on a whole other significance.

Jessa’s the easiest with mostly getting a sharpening of some of her things as well as a travel quiver pack like Taylor she just gets a lot of extra arrowheads.

Then we’re out and headed to meet up with the twelve squad of soldiers assigned to Nicole and again I’m a little awed at her getting the responsibility and Lady Marybeth is meeting us with her apprentices and a healer’s wagon.

Then we do a final check before we head to the Iron Rhino’s docks and we get loaded to go which takes hours and I actually help and not just let the porters or the troops do it.

It’s late or rather really early in the morning when we pull out with the iron rhino on the first run out west of the day here.

I should be tired and exhausted but this is the best that I have felt all week after all the things going on in my head and I’m standing leaning on the doorway of our car looking out as we’re passing through the city and building up speed more and more.

*Before…

Mom shudders. “Eeeeeww...Gin’s gross.”

Aunt Chris laughs at her. “That’s a reaction that speaks of a story, you’re so going to tell us right?”

I’m looking at Mom and so’s Terri and Mom’s looking at us and has this look on her face. “Holy...you two look so much like you’ve always been sisters.”

I look at Terri and she’s looking at me and she has that looking at me harder like she did before I left.

I step up and hug her. “I’m not sure about so much but I learned that I really want to get to know my sister a lot more…”

She hugs me back and she sniffles. “Me too!...I...I actually missed you when you went away for the summer…”

*And Now…

*Before…

We start walking in and I keep hugging her but I shift so it’s the girlfriend around the waist hip to hip walking together thing and we get a few feet before her eyes show that she’s realizing that we’re walking like that and she gets this look in her eyes that has all her smile lines in play and she starts back up walking with me and she even seems a little bouncy.

Uh-huh...Okay Mom’s really getting she’s just meeting Robin.

And I’m kind of excited to because this is Mom that Rob doesn’t get to see.

*And Now…