Breathing… Chapter 6

*Before…

Terri and I get changed and we head off to the spare room and she’s been using that while she’s been living here and it shows with all of her stuff that she’s picked up since being here and we set up a bed in a bag which is pretty cool and loads better than a sleeping bag on the floor and her and I stay up for awhile watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on her laptop.

I fall asleep after the second show.

It’s not too bad a show and kinda rough and raunchy but that doesn’t bother me. It’s just after leaving camp and coming home all in the same day and all the shock and stuff with my family and being full from supper I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.

My dreams sweep me up in visions of Moon lake and of being Robin in my hometown and no one knowing that I’m...was Rob but I’m just the new girl.

*And Now…

I’m not used to sleeping in but the bed-in-a-bag is actually comfy and after everything yesterday and traveling and the time difference sleeping in feels actually pretty good.

The dreams were...well sort of good but also sort of really unsettling too in a way because part of me wanted that.

I don’t think that going back to school as Robin in my small town’s going to fly either.

I can imagine and well not quite likely imagine all of the hate that i could get if that was going to happen.

And then there’d be the blowback on my family too.

I layed there for the longest time it felt like after there was enough light coming into the room to wake me up.

Just curled on my side sort of hugging part of the sheets like a body pillow and turning that over and over in my head.

The dream and the consequences and all those forbidden thoughts of what if.

And the thing is I’m still not sure of it, if I’m anything or this is just all me trying to escape me or figuring things out because of other stuff.

Terri wakes up and she looks over at me and she smiles even as she rubs her eyes.

“Morning.”

I sit up and stretch some. “Morning back.”

She gets up and makes the bed which has me raising my eyebrows. Terri looks at me. “Hey, not my house so…”

“Fair point.”

I roll off my bed and do the same and Terri looks at me. “Gym?”

“Pardon what?”

“There’s a gym in the basement I use it a lot before I have to do anything and before my shower so….you coming?”

“Uhm...okay.” I find some of my clothes that will work for Robin working out and Terri actually does the hair in a bun and no make-up thing and she stops in the kitchen and makes two smoothies with Carnation instant breakfast and some cocoa powder and other things and we share half a banana and half a granola bar before heading down.

It’s not bad not like a real gym but there’s a bowflex and some pink plastic covered free weights and a bike and a treadmill and a jump rope too and we actually work out.

I’m surprised too since that’s not something that Terri even did home and well neither did I really but I did more like physical chores and well messed around in the weight room at school like half the guys did. We don’t get full use from it since it’s usually like the domain of the sports teams and stuff.

Terri put on the TV that’s down there and we watched or rather listened to videos on Much Music while we worked out pretty hard for a half an hour. I let her do all the stuff she wants and I go with what she’s doing.

Light weights, running, biking, and jumping rope.

We actually have fun doing the jump rope thing because I think I last did that like in kindergarten?

Not really a boys toy even back then.

We use a bunch of baby wipes after we’re done and head upstairs again and I’ll admit it still was a work out and she looks great.

I can tell this is part of why she looked so different when I seen her.

And yeah...maybe part of me is jealous.

I have to ask though. “So why the change and the working out?”

Terri looks at me. “I want to look better.” She shrugs. “Aunt Chris does this stuff all the time and she got me into it too with her.”

She looks at me. “I want to be popular Robin, I lived in Halifax all summer and you were off in Ontario I want to come back and not just be same old Terri.”

I nod and she’s staring at me.

I look at her. “What?”

“Normally you’d have gone off on me like being shallow and stuff.”

I shake my head. “Not now. Heck no, I get wanting out, and not just like out from home but like out from who we sort of have been going along with being.”

Terri gapes at me and then she blinks and smiles. “Can I keep you? Seriously Robin...this mean a lot, part of me was expecting you to go back to being Rob and with all of that stuff that Rob used to bitch at me about.”

I blush. “Sorry, yeah I could be an asshole sometimes.”

She holds up her hands . “No...no I was kinda just like you said too sometimes. Living here and seeing new stuff but really getting to know Aunt Chris and seeing the huge mountain of bullshit and pain she’s been through...I get things a whole lot more about being privileged and stuff and kinda about starting to do stuff instead of talking about doing stuff.”

We head into the kitchen where Mom’s sipping coffee with Aunt Chris and there’s lots of toast made and some bottles of homemade jam that are awesome and I end up asking about that and talking with Aunt Chris about it.

Lemon peeling and whole lemon sliced marmalade using like two kinds of lemons and there’s just a little vanilla in it so it actually has this hint of like lemon pie.

Green tomato jam which is big chunks with sliced bits of oranges and then brown sugar and cold orange pekoe tea as the liquid.

We talk about camp and me working in the different places and then Terri who worked with Aunt Chris at the salon place she was working at for her day job.

And then Dad’s there and we make plans for the day to go out and see more of Halifax since we’ve never seen it like the touristy things and we head off all together.

After we get showered and changed.

We stop off at the salon and meet folks and Mom gets her hair done and Dad gets a cut but something newer and not from the barbershop in town.

I get Aunt chris with the tanning stuff to help me get rid of my tan lines and things and get it all evened out and covered up professionally before I head home. I also keep my long hair but just a trim and a few highlights that will look good for Rob.

Then it’s a few other places like the boardwalk which doesn’t have a lot going on it’s just we’ve never been and it’s just cool to go to and see and shop or well mostly window shop since a lot of it is touristy stuff and it’s really expensive.

But we do have fun and we do laugh and carry on and take some pictures.

Seeing Mom and Dad walking and holding hands and things in pretty cool too.

I can appreciate that kind of stuff more even when they get all PDA and stuff.

Then it’s shopping.

Mom and Aunt Chris literally have this list of places that they want to go to and literally have it all on Aunt Chris’s tablet and Dad drives us around and while I’m interested there’s only so much that I can really let myself get into because I’ll be going back to being Rob.

But on that note Terri and I shop for Rob like two girls shopping for a guy and that helps.

It actually helps a lot and in more than one way too.

As Rob I knew what I liked and what was comfortable but I never really got that whole thing that some of the preppy sort of guys did with just like knowing what was good looking or cool looking with like clothes and things.

Turns out there’s like a formula for all of that with like matching this and that and a good watch and good shoes because girls look at shoes and belts but a watch...apparently there’s a whole thing with that too that’s considered sexy.

And then there’s them helping me with shopping for a whole new bathroom kit for Rob and better soap and shaving cream and things that are nice and not overpowering. Mom and Aunt Chris are like really helpful with all of that with that mature woman’s perspective on it and both Terri and I learn something with all of that.

I do by some things for me as Robin. I’m not sure how or when I’m going to use them and it might just be only home or back at Moon Lake.

But I get them anyways.

It’s a good day...I’m really kind of privately doing the roller coaster between scared of what’s coming and being angry that I have to change and scared that I don’t want to change and what that even means and sad too when I think about either changing or how messed up I feel about all of this.

We stop at Aunt Chris’s place again and drop things off and go and change again and we all take off to have supper heading out to King of Donair.

Yeah it’s something we all like and again one of those things that you have to travel to get when it’s really good like they do it. Home is okay but it’s not going here and after we really stuff ourselves there we head to the mall to go and see another movie that we wanted to see while we’re here.

Mom and Dad go see something by themselves and yeah they look like they’re going to do more than just watch a movie and Terri and Aunt Chris and myself we go and get our snacks and we settle in.

Tomorrow...likely it’ll be time to put being robin away tomorrow.