Well, I think the pills are starting to have an effect. This morning after I got home, I considered err... relieving some tension, and discovered that even my over-active imagination could not make the old soldier salute, as it were. God, that is such a relief.....

Well, today started well, and went downhill. I had my daughter, we had a good day. But my gf Kylie is down, and by the time she went to bed, I was a worried for her. Then, I happened to read the most recent chapter of "you meant it for evil" After I read it, I started shaking and couldn't stop. My brother was committed after my dad died, and after I visited him there, I had nightmares of being committed myself, especially because I thought my gender issues meant I was crazy. Thank God for some online friends who held me together until I got my breath back.

There are occasionally, stories one shouldn't read in certain moods. I loved it, but Randalynn's story "Case Closed" hit me hard. The trouble i have is how much I feel like Paul:

"what do I have to look forward to? Years stretching ahead of me, all alone and in pain, tormented by all the real people? That’s the clarity you gave me this morning, by the way. I know now that I can’t be anything but what I am — the human joke. It’s not going to change.”

“You could — ”

Well, I had a doozy of a nightmare last night. I was behind a person, who had his back to me. I tried to get his attention, and his head snapped around without his body turning, while a deep note played like from a soundtrack. It was very frightening.

Particularly those of you who have stories at Crystal's.

The creator of the Spells R Us Universe, Bill Hart, had his yesterday.

To all of BC's Christian readers and writers. May you have a blessed day.

I was hoping someone at BC could answer a question or two about the section known as 'The Rocks' and whereever Sydney's main business district is.( Where the big banks are. Is it the Rocks or another part of Sydney close to The Rocks. ). If someone can help me out, I'd appreciate it. Please PM me or leave a comment here.

Thank you.

I am fighting a serious temptation right now. To put it in simple terms, I want to give up, to surrender. I am not talking about killing myself, but just shut down again, like i did as a kid. I have even considered finding a dom/domme and just be a slave, so I dont have to think or feel anything again. I will resist it, but i could use help, and prayers

When I first started this journal, the only real rule I set for myself was that I was going to be as honest as I possibly could, and I think i am succeeding.

Mostly, it really hasnt been much of a struggle, other than the difficulty of finding the best words.

I have talked about good times, bad times, and all the times in between, and most of the time, I have felt no hesitation.
Indeed, most of the time, i have been anxious to share.

But today, I find myself struggling to write this.

I want to just babble on about my writing, or whatever.

Lana Lawless wasn't suing for the right to play on the LPGA Tour but instead so she could obtain LPGA Teaching Professional Status.

Had another series of flashbacks yesterday, and thank God for the friends who chatted with me online as i worked my way through it. I am finding all kinds of ironies in my struggles, both with the assaults and with my gender. For example, I realized that i owed to my abusive step-father a thanks, because by forcing us to move when he did, I was able to escape from the monster who was using me. And despite his other flaws, he never touched me sexually, which gave me some opportunity to heal enough to function.

Well, it has been an interesting day, to say the least. I am still fighting a bit of a cold, so I chose to stay home and not go to church today. I went on a chat site to talk to some friends about my depression, and while we were talking, I started having a pretty strong flashback. One of my friends there has my phone number, so she called me, and listened while i cried to the point i could barely talk. Feeling slightly better after i unloaded, i fidgeted, played video games, and made lunch. Then, some remnant of my flashback nagged at me, and i started to write.

May everyone here at BC have a great day tomorrow.

I have a new story that will be published either today or tomorrow. It's a one part Spells R Us tale. I won't say much except it is gentle and not very long tale.(A one-parter) You could also describe my plot as what would happen if you mix the SRU Wizard and Groundhog Day together.

For my Duty Honor Country Family readers, the next chapter will be published next week. I took a couple of days off from DHCF to write the Spells R Us tale. It been rolling around in my head for at least two months.

I would like to take a moment to talk about how the story "Choices" evolved. Like some other ideas i have had, this one came to me while I was struggling to sleep, and originally, it was a lot darker.

At the time, it was going to be about a straight male who is presented with horrible choices, of which slowly transforming into a woman is the least objectionable to him, even though he is not transgendered. Everyone believes this transformation is his own idea, and is totally supportive, which he finds frustrating.