fighting temptation

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I am fighting a serious temptation right now. To put it in simple terms, I want to give up, to surrender. I am not talking about killing myself, but just shut down again, like i did as a kid. I have even considered finding a dom/domme and just be a slave, so I dont have to think or feel anything again. I will resist it, but i could use help, and prayers

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Oh Sweetie

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Girl,
All I can offer you is words of encouragement and the wisdom of trying to end my life 3 times in the past year. The doctors are amazed that I am still alive, and on finally asked me if I was done with this foolishness and ready to admit I have something that I must do with my life, as I should not be here. It was a refreshing and humiliating talking as I did not have the where with all to see the gifts given to me.

LITTLE steps, nothing spectacular will get you through this crisis, you just have to believe in yourself. I know that is the most difficult part, believing in yourself, but you are a special person, with special gifts. You are here with us, reaching out and touching so many people. Trust that if you just take little steps you can get through this and keep your head held high. What you are feeling many feel. Remember to communicate and if on meds Take them!!! I would suggest getting sunlight, as this is the most difficult time for those suffering from lack of sunlight (I know I am one of those persons). Additionally, if not on meds can you get on anti-depressants? Remember to drink your tea warm, and that if you have someone, or a companion animal, cuddle with him or her. Most of all, know you are loved by us, and that if you shut down we will miss you.

So little steps, talk with us, and keep that beautiful head of yours held high.

Kendra

Kendra Manderscheid

(One step at a time is working)

Never give up.

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Never, never, never give up. Going forward, even if limping or crawling, is my only way of 'defeating' my abusers who are, I suppose, all dead now or so incredibly old as to probably be 'ga-ga'.

Hey you! I'm still alive! Look you bastard, you could not kill me! In your face you bastard! BEVERLY LIVES!!!

SO MUST DOROTHY!!!

I can't do prayers, in youth they failed me then and I forsake them now!

Anyway, who is there to answer them???

I'm thinking of you and would dearly like to talk some more, if you're prepared to share hope and determination with another abused soul.

PS. You really should learn to SKYPE, it's brilliant way to communicate and it's free.

Love and hugs.

Beverly.

Growing old disgracefully.

bev_1.jpg

It may be a common phase?

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When I first came out, I lost my whole family, wife, job, friends, church ... everything.

The days stretched into months and eventually years. There was a time when I actually DID try to sell myself to a Dom, and do 24/7 Total Power Exchange. There was some interest before SRS, but when I did that all my suitors just left. I even had several men approach me about my being their Mistress. Wait a minute here, I wanted to be the slave. I was ready and woulda done it.

Thankfully, there were no takers. I do think it is pretty common for us to get so worn down by lonliness and pain that we could sell our souls to have companionship. I really do know how you feel, and I empathise with you.

I have been fortunate enough to find that as I reach out to others, to offer them compassion and help in any way that I can, I feel better. Are there volunteer organisations that you can work with? Hopefully, you can find yourself a GBLT friendly church or other organizaton. I have spent a lot of time helping set up for concerts, banquets, and all sorts of events. The people often need the help and it provides social contact.

I hope that this helps you some. Believe me, I have been where you are now.

Much Peace

Khadijah

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