Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 39 & 40.

Chapter 39

The rest of my day ad my classes is pretty good. I actually spend a good deal of it thinking about my date with Emily though. Despite Neela the being with girls is still pretty new to me and it’s dating so it sort of doesn’t apply to Sasha or Alex times.

And I’m the one that asked her out and that to me at least makes it different.

I run into one of the girls from earlier at the coffee kiosk and she’s staring daggers at me.

I raise an eyebrow looking at her. “Problem?”

“Yeah, you think you’re hot shit don’t you?”

“Not really but honestly I don’t think I’m the problem.”

“No? You’re a fucking tranny, you’re nothing but fake…queer bullshit.”

“I don’t lie to people about who or even what I am so how’s that fake?”

“You’re not a real woman.”

“You go ahead and think that.”

“What the fuck does than mean?”

“It means I really don’t care what you think.”

“I’m not the only one that thinks that either y’know!” She’s getting mad and raising her voice.

I look at her and get a Yerbe Matte for a change and a packet of brazil-nuts, my fave after pecans. “Good for them I still don’t really care. I’m…like I told you and your friends before not in high school. I don’t have to care who likes me al that much. It’s not that important.”

“Bullshit.”

We’re getting some looks. I pay for mine and hers since she ordered and leave a good tip and me doing that has her brain-stalled. I gesture for her to walk with me.

“Look what’s your name.”

“Amber.” She's looking at me suspiciously.

“Look Amber, this is college, no one honestly cares who was popular in what school. The ones that are worried about it are wasting their time and their lives.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay I’m going to call bullshit this time. Are you taking an arts or business degree?”

“Business and how’d you know?”

“Okay, you’re hot, you’re really hot but the plan is get a degree and then into someplace where you can meet a guy with enough scratch and marry him right?”

She’s staring at me, turns red and sort of between mad and embarrassed. “It’s not like that.”

“Really? So what is your plans then.”

She’s quiet then glares at me. “Okay so what if that is the plan? You don’t have to make it sound so bad. And being popular is important it’s who you know in life.”

“That’s true to a point Amber but it’s also how you were remembered. And I’m not the one making it sound bad, it just is a bad idea.”

“No it isn’t look at me, look at how I look. Guys don’t take you seriously they just want you to suck cock and put out and shut the fuck up.”

“Then don’t deal with guys like that. You don’t have to.”

“Right and what go out with some nerd?”

“Sure go out with anyone you want to, it’s college that’s the point. It’s not just about the degree or snagging some guy. It’s about not being home, not having to go through that bullshit you grew up with and actually start being a person you like being.”

“But…”

“Scary shit yeah I know.”

“How would you know?”

“I started the year as a metal head guy that was drinking way too much and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I had a life changing encounter and after a good chunk of soul searching went ahead with being myself.”

“I can’t see you as a metal head.”

“Yeah, well I wasn’t built of buff, hated sports and the jock guys so I was one of those all in black kids that hated the Emo kids and the Goth ones.”

“But you’re so….”

“Yeah, I know. Like I said Amber life changing. I think there was some of those sort of lingering things going on when I was younger but this was really one of those things that just screamed “Me” to my soul and instead of running from it I embraced it.”

“But you’re a tranny…that’s got to be hard. Why would you choose to be something that’s so…hated?”

“Well honestly it wasn’t a choice. I mean yes it was but after thinking about it a lot and really taking my time with it I realized that I hated who I was, and when I was like this even to start. I was happy.”

She’s looking at me and really looking at me.

I lean over and give her a hug. “Look Amber we’re cool as far as I’m concerned.”

“But…you said those things…and I was…”

“You were being a mean self absorbed little cunt. And that’s okay as long as you can see it. All those people you hang with won’t mean a thing when we graduate; you think they’ll be there once they get theirs? Be someone you like, be someone you respect and make friends that are like family.”

“Jamie…”

I give her my card. “Just think about it Amber. I gotta run I’m taking Emily out on a date tonight.”

“Emily?”

“The young lady you girls were being bitches to.”

“Oh…you’re dating her?”

“Tonight.”

“You date girls?”

“I date people.”

“Oh…uhm…have a good time…?”

“Thanks.” I kiss her on the cheek and head off. I’m not sure how much of what I said will actually get through to her. Beautiful and popular is hard to fight especially if that’s been your life. They start to believe the hype.

I know I look good, I work out and train and have had work done, surgery to look the way I feel matches me but lording it over someone is just…eeew.

The trick is to work twice as much on whom you are inside than outside.

Hopefully though Amber will take a look at herself. I meant what I’ve said. University no one cares who you thought you were in high school. As good looking as you are you’re one face in way too many….no one cares.

And the same thing after we graduate. You can social climb all you want in college too but it really means shit in the long run.

Unless you make real friends, be someone people can actually like and respect. Popularity fades….

That’s why we have elections every few years.

I head home and grab my bike first thing and give him a really good wash and a polish. And I do my helmets too. Then it’s upstairs and a shower and getting done up for my date, defuse myself, lotion and powder and my favorite perfume in nice places…opium, like Sasha wears and I dab some between my shoulders since Emily will be hanging onto me.

I go for some of my better lingerie red lace panties and garter and thigh high dark stockings too. I choose a pair of sexy jeans and boots, I have a pair with a nice platform heel that look great but are very easy to use on my bike. I go with a red satin and lace off the shoulder corset as my top it’s the overbust type so it’ll be nice and sexy and I cinch myself nice and tight and then braid my hair and do my make up last.

I take a medium cutch purse with me and add my lube, small vibe, condoms, my little blue friends and a few other knick knacks plus my wallet. I wear it under my leather jacket and I go and gas up the bike and I hit the ATM while I’m there too and take out some money.

Screw two girls going Dutch. I asked her out so I’m paying. Dutch is for just hanging out I’m on a date.

I make sure everything is good and I get back on my bike and I drive to Turner House just off campus, it’s not a sorority we don’t really have one but it is a apartment building that’s one of the off campus but still owned by the school dorms.

I pull up to the front and park and slip off the bike and head inside. There’s a couple of girls there in this downstairs living room watching a movie and they’re looking at me.

“Evening is Emily here? I’m picking her up for our date.”

They’re really looking at me. One of them blinks and the gets up pretty fast. “I’ll uhm…I’ll um go get her.”

“Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”

She leaves and the others are still staring at me and they’re all girls since it an all female dorm and another one actually raises her hand.

I smile at her. “Uhm you’re not in class but…yes?”

She blushes looking at me and well probably from actually raising her hand but she does ask. “Are you Jamie Blake?”

“Yes I am and you are?”

“Uhm…Anne.”

“Well Anne what can I do for you?”

“Ah…well are you actually uhm friends with Emily?”

“Well I’d like to be friends with her, she’s nice.”

“Yeah uhm it’s just that…”

“Just?”

“You kinda have a reputation…I mean there’s people saying that you’re like a guy.”

“I’m not a guy.”

“No uhm that you were a guy.”

“I was.”

Silence they look a little stunned. I hear a couple of them whispering no way…

I look at them. “Yes way.” I smile at them.

Anne is looking at me up and down and all over. “But you’re so pretty?”

“Thank you! I had a lot of work done really and I’m on hormones too.”

“So it’s true?” Anne asks me again.

“Pretty much.”

“Do you still have your….”

“Anne!!!” Several of them exclaim.

“Yes I do and I’m keeping it.”

Silence again….

I see Emily coming down and I smile at her. She looks good with a nice pair of dress slacks on and a matching black top that is actually decently low cut enough to show off her boobs. She’s carrying a girl’s varsity high school jacket for rugby I think and I smile at the thought of her being more of a jock than people think. Her make up is really light but she actually has a nice amount of jewelry on and a whole bunch of those are bangles.

I love bangles, not that I own a lot of them yet but it’s something I find attractive at least on her and I offer her my arm.

“You look nice.” I offer.

“You look amazing Jamie.”

“Thank you I took a bit of extra time to look pretty for you tonight I’m glad it worked.”

“You…oh it definitely worked.” There’s this look in her eyes both excited and uncertain both.

She stares at my offered arm a little and takes it shifting her jacket to her other hand with her purse and I lead her outside to my bike. I help her put the spare helmet on so it doesn’t mess up her hair and then get her on my bike first and then I slip on ahead of her.

“Hold on tight to me okay?”

“Oh…definitely I’ve never been on a motorcycle before, I’m a little scared.”

“Good they are as dangerous as they are fun if you don’t respect them…Ready?”

“Uh-huh.”

I start it up and pull away I’m not going too fast or too slow but I am keeping an eye out. The most dangerous thing about motorcycles? Motorists, way too many of them don’t give you the respect or the space you need sometimes. And I’m driving with a passenger; my first passenger so yes careful is exactly what I’m being. I do open it up a little closer to the full speed limit as we get on the main way to Richmond.

I feel her tightening her grip a bit but I can here her saying/shouting as we’re going. “Okay this is pretty cool I was really scared of this.”

“I’m glad that you’re having fun I don’t get out enough to drive it as much as I should.”

“You really should! Motorbikes are sexy!”

I laugh and slow down as we get to the parking garage and I get a ticket for my bike and I give them my helmets. Most good parking garages will do that and they’ll have the bikes closer to their booths to keep an eye on them. Motorcycles cost a lot of money these days more than most people not into bikes have a clue about.

Then again a lot of people don’t give two shits about bikers at all either pedal or motorcycles. Well motorists really and heaven help you if you run across an SUV driver too self absorbed to even be a red neck with a truck they’re just like the name they’re “sporty” sorry I’m not a fan of these people or how they drive.

They’re just really bad drivers.

I open the door for Emily and she sort of blinks at me and sort of smiles. I can get that since it looks sort of like two girls going out when it’s really two girls on a date.

And she’s not really mentally in that place maybe?

“So…we can go to the early show and grab a bite later or we can grab a bite and see the late show.”

“Well we won’t buy as much junk if we eat something first…?” She sounds a bit unsure of herself and I nod.

“That sounds like a good plan though I’m still getting popcorn.”

“Oh…but if you want to.”

“Emily relax okay?”

“Uhm…okay.”

“Hmm…yeah that’s convincing.”

She blushes and I take her hand which surprises her again and we go looking for a place to eat together settling on something really different than what we’re both used to eating so we decide to try out the Bourbon Street bar and grill. We’re too young to drink but I’m driving instead we just try some of the Cajun food they have here and we order a bunch of the appetizers to share and we both go with the blackened spice pacific salmon as the main course.

I like the appetizers there’s black eyed peas that are spiced and fried and are kind like peanuts in a strange funky way and then there’s these little pots of soup that gumbo and that’s spicy and we get the little Cajun sausages with bread too.

The salmon was good actually and while I’m not used to the flavors of the blackening spices the crisp they got on the skin was really amazing.

I pay for supper making Emily blush and I leave a decent tip too since we actually had pretty good service and we head out from there and to the theater.

“Jamie you didn’t have to pay for everything.”

“Why not?”

“Well it just we’re both…”

“If you were out on a date with a guy and he paid would this be a big deal?”

“No…”

“Well I asked you out so I’m paying and if you asked me out I’d expect the same thing.”

“Okay but no guy is going to ask me out…and honestly I couldn’t afford to go out like this.”

“Who said I needed something like this?”

“But you took me out like this.”

“And I wanted to. Emily I’d be cool with us just going for a walk and hitting a video store and snuggling up under a blanket as a date or going to something on campus.”

“Really?”

“Yeah really I’m not one of those high maintenance kind of people.”

“Oh…sorry…” She’s blushing and I take her hand again and smile at her. She shyly smiles back.

It’s very different that this is the kind of date that I’m on now after I’ve changed this much. But it’s kind of nice. I like the balance that seems to be settling in me tonight. I love men, I love sex and I like women too but this is another side of that and that’s sort of kind of my male parts of my soul touching base.

No I’m not a guy and I don’t have any regrets but I’m keeping…I’m staying as is and that’s a part of my life that I don’t want compromised anymore than my femininity.

We get tickets to see Fast Five that Vin Diesel movie and I don’t really go for the junk food and we both get water over the pop they have there and…okay that’s a rip off since if you order water they won’t pour you water from the pop fountains they sell you a bottle of water…and it’s over three dollars.

Sorry I don’t usually buy water.

It’s something I don’t really believe in.

But I do get us the biggest tub of popcorn to share and we get some good seats and those I like. It’s a pretty new theater and it has really comfy seating and stuff.

It’s a good movie and we both munch away and we sort of dish about the men in the movie. The Rock and Paul Walker are my faves I like Vin too but he’s just not my type sexually though he’s got that edge in this that I like in movie stars.

Emily admits that there are some nice looking girls in the movie and that the german girl is hotter than the one playing Dom’s sister but that none of them were as hot as Michelle Rodriguez.

We both so have a crush on her.

Which came out as a topic right around the credits and she’s sort of blushing and looking at me and I smile and look at her and I lean over the seat and slide my hand to Emily’s face and I kiss her.

The first one’s a bit slow and tentative and I get a little stiffy and nipple hardening at the way she takes the whole surprised sexual intake of breath and then we kiss again and she’s much more into it.

We actually kiss until the film stops rolling and the house lights turn on and when we break the kiss there’s a few people that stayed behind too apparently watching us making out.

Both of our breasts are sporting very pointy and hard nipples and we are getting looks all the way through the place and while there might have been a few semi dirty looks there’s more just didn’t care…or grins and stuff.

Seriously I love Canada and the west coast, as much as Ontario thinks it’s cool really outside of like Toronto and maybe Ottawa and a few other places it’s kind of racist and redneck in a lot of places. I went to school in one of the smaller cities/towns and I grew up hearing fag or dyke and chink or kyke or paki…paki was big home, any one of middle eastern or further eastern decent got paki.

The only think they seemed almost afraid to say was the N word.

And heaven help you if you were Native American…That meant that you were dirty and lazy and either a drunk or on drugs or all of the above.

I’m not saying that doesn’t happen out here but at the same time it really doesn’t happen like it does home either.

And the fact that we’re holding hands got looks from a couple of other same sex couples at the show as we were leaving and they joined hands too well two other couples did and that was kind of cool.

We get back to the bike and it’s late but I take us for a drive just to go for a drive and its nice driving at night on a motorcycle as long as you’re careful and its right around midnight when I get her home.

I help her off the bike and walk her to her door.

“Thanks Emily this was a really great night.”

“I’m the one that should be thanking you Jamie that was actually the best date that I’ve ever been on.”

“Good.” I smile at her and she blushes some but she looks me in the eyes.

“I mean it. I wasn’t really expecting to have a date like this…the kind of guy that’d ask me out was one I’d either settle for or wouldn’t do stuff like this.”

“Don’t Settle Emily; please just never settle you’re worth more than that.”

She’s staring at me really intently and her eyes have that almost tearful shimmer.

“Really…? I’ve never felt like that….”

“Yes really you’re smart and funny and pretty.”

“I’m not pretty.”

“Yes you are, I think you are and that’s what matters to me not some bullshit that no one can be.”

“You can.”

“I’m had surgery and I work out and I wear make-up. Trust me Emily I’m not anywhere near perfect there’s mornings that I roll out of bed looking like a skinny troll doll.”

“I’d still take it.”

“If you did you wouldn’t be you and I like you.”

“I like you too…” She bites her lip and I wait until she stops and I lean in and I kiss her again.

It doesn’t take as long to get back into the whole groove of us kissing and we even get to the whole light touches and petting and even slide down to sit together kissing on the porch of her house and we touch each other…soft places, breast teasing touches and hips and waists and she’s rubbing my definite stiffy and we’re doing that for a long while until we hear giggling behind the front doors.

We break the kiss and Emily is really blushing but getting up.

“I should, we should…”

“Okay, you have my number and I have yours so I want to stay in touch okay?”

“Okay…and would you really be okay with just home and a movie date?”

“Definitely.”

“Okay…I’ll call you.”

“Good.”

I kiss her lightly yet sweetly one more time before she slips inside and I hear the place burst into girl talk and giggles and I think someone squealed.

They might be up awhile.

I get on my bike and wave to the house and start off again and head home but I stop in at the local Boston Pizza and I send a cheese and a veggie and a pepperoni pizza to their house and I write myself on the boxes.

“Have fun dishing with the girls, thanks for the awesome date….and I sign my name.”

Yes there is part of this that wants to give Emily something to brag about. Even make the other girls jealous a little?

I head home and yeah it was a good night, not we didn’t hook up but it was worth way more than just the sex with her tonight. I’m actually really good with that too and I wipe down the bike with a shammy before I lock up and head upstairs and…yeah a bubble bath would just be the right thing tonight after all of this.

Chapter 40…

*Alex…………

I had a lot of thinking to do.

I mean I knew what I had to do but then there was how was I going to go about telling everyone?

I ended up walking around some of the afternoon on campus and I still went to my classes because Jamie and Sasha wouldn’t be remotely happy about me not doing so or me doing my best. They were really big on that sort of thing which was kind of cool since stuff like that was one of the things that I did need to work on.

If I was good at being a student then I wouldn’t have needed to get here by a sports scholarship.

I even walked through some of the shops and stuff near campus and window shopped. I was honestly interested in a lot of the things in some of the shops that sold stuff for women.

I really do want this.

I skipped out on supper at the food hall and went back to mine and Jeff’s room and I longed a bit and I went online and played around at world of Warcraft and started making new characters. I hadn’t played in awhile and now starting over I was making a couple of female characters this time around I made a paladin to tank around with for the alliance.

I just kind of messed around until I got bored with things and then went and lay down on my bed and just listened to music until Jeff showed up.

He came in and looked at me and I looked at him and he gives me one of his smiles and drops his stuff here and there then sits on the bed beside me.

“You okay? You weren’t around at supper.”

“Yeah I think so I just had stuff to think about.”

“Oh?”

“I wasn’t going to do anything before talking with you though.”

“With me why?”

“I wanted to give you safe distance.”

“Huh?”

“Safe distance so you could get away from me?”

“Why would I want to get away from you?”

“Because I’m going to come out.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah a very big Oh.”

“Yeah….” He’s gone quiet and he’s chewing at his lip.

“Jeff?”

“Uhm…yeah?”

“You don’t have to stay; I’d more than get it.”

He’s looking at me.

“I’m not going to stop being you’re friend but maybe we better stop.”

It…it hurts, I knew it really could happen I mean it’s sort of gay sex and he doesn’t want that label on him when I come out. But part of me was really; really hoping that he’d…yeah what the hell was I thinking right?

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying and I nod a few times until I can find my voice. “Yeah that might be a good idea Jeff I mean there might be a lot of fallout from this.”

He nods but he gets off the bed.

I knew that this might happen and we were good or I thought that we were good but good sometimes doesn’t cut it when it comes to society and what people will think of stuff like this or people like me.

I really thought that I was prepared for how much that this would hurt but really I was nowhere close to actually getting just how bad that this would feel. I’ve known Jeff for a couple of months, we’re room mates and we got along really great and then I discovered myself and came out to him and we started sleeping together. It was more than just having sex too…or it was for me and honestly this was the best relationship of my life even if it was in the closet the whole time.

I’m just hurting to bad and it’s just now too awkward and too quiet to stay here and I get up from my bed and….

Fuck it I grab my bathroom bag and some clothes to get changed into and I go and take a shower.

I’m not hiding tonight since I’m coming out. I turn some music on my phone some Nora Jones and I shower but I go through the whole thing as I get rid of what little stray hairs there will be with some Veet. You don’t need the skin searing full blast amounts to just do maintenance I wash and condition my hair and I towel it up and I come out of the shower and I get a seat on one of the chairs after drying off and doing some lotion and powder.

A communal bathroom in a college house is sort of like a mini locker room minus the lockers and everything has a couple of stalls and a big set of double sinks with make up mirrors and stuff we’re co-ed and usually guys don’t spend too much time here. Usually but there are the preening types though.

Two different guys come in and they give me numerous WTF? Looks and stuff but they don’t say anything as I do my nails and my toes and there’s a couple of girls that come in too and Tara Sweet is the first one to say anything to me.

“Alex?”

“Hi.”

“Costume party?”

“Nope I’m coming out.”

“Really!?”

“Yeah I just can’t keep living as someone I’m not.”

She’s looking at me. Looking me all over and my things all over. “You’re transsexual?”

“Yes, well close enough…I’m a girl.” I pat my chest over my heart.

“You’ve been acting different now that I kind of think about it.”

“Different?”

“Actually quieter and maybe more thoughtful acting?” She’s sort of wincing as she’s talking in that cringe of I don’t want to offend kind of way.

I give her a smile and a nod. “I’ve had a lot to think about.”

“I bet, I mean it’s not like I can really imagine what it’s like so…”

“Well you’re not screaming at me and calling me a pervert or a faggot and stuff so I’ll take it as a win.”

“Hey just because I’m a straight girl doesn’t mean I’ll be a bitch to people for being different.”

“Honestly Tara that’s kind of a relief.”

“Need any help?”

I look at her and while I’m learning things from Sasha and Jamie this is more than just lessons this is an open offer form a genetic girl and one of the cuter girls actually in the house to hang out and get dressed up.

“Sure.”

“Bring your stuff and come to my room we’ll have more privacy there.”

“What about your room mate?”

“Penny’s pretty cool I think she’s friends with a whole bunch in the LGBT thing here on campus.”

I’m nervous seriously nervous but I nod. “Okay.”

I get my robe on around me and I go with her upstairs getting looks from everyone that we pass in the halls on the way and Tara’s giggling and laughing at me and my attempts to go up the stairs with my toes having the cotton between them.

“Alex just forget it we’ll redo it once we get to my room.”

“Oh good because I am not ready for this yet.”

“Alex no girl does the pediwalk gracefully.”

We both get a laugh out of it and we get to her room and we stop. “I’m just going to give Penny a heads up okay?”

“Yeah…that might be a good idea…” Tara looks at me and she bites her lip and slips in and I can’t really hear what’s being said inside but it takes like a whole five seconds so I’m not thinking that it’s a really bad thing.

Tara opens the door and lets me in and her room mate is sitting on the end of her bed in UBC seat pants and a over sized tee-shirt with her hair wet and these big glasses on and I sort of know her to see her around.

“Hey Penny.” I say slipping to my femme voice which makes Tara’s eyes get a little big.

“Hey.” She doesn’t really look up as she’s playing Halo and she’s right in the middle of kicking butt.

Tara’s like. “Oh whoa so that’s what you sound like normally?”

“No…yes, it’s supposed to be my normal voice but I’m unlearning stuff and learning how to say things right.”

“Wow…well I suppose I’d never be able to convincingly speak guy so…”

I nod.

“Okay c’mere and let’s get started girl.”

That makes me smile.

She sits me down at her desk which is closer to her make-up table more that anything she’s using for classes and we start going through my things and I get dressed. The panties are the embarrassing part and getting the tuck just right and slipping them on in front of them.

Tara’s watching sort of fascinated and Penny doesn’t even pay attention really both Tara and I might as well not even be there really. Not that I blame her I still sort of play video games and she’s really good way better than me and it’s sort of cool that she is.

I guess that seeing her sort of shattering a stereotype too actually makes me more comfortable.

My bra isn’t as big a deal though I’m getting points for matching undies and I slip the inserts in and already I feel better more me. I know it’s just clothes but girl-Alex is pretty new so she needs, I need all the support I can get even if it’s just from the clothes.

We go over my stuff and my make up and Tara’s doing a running commentary on my cosmetics and most of it is very approving.

“Well I had help.”

“Oh who?”

“Jamie Blake.”

“Oh her.”

“Oh her?”

“No I didn’t mean anything by it. I just don’t really know her passed all the rumors.”

“Don’t believe the rumors Tara, Jamie’s actually really nice and sweet and a real stand up person.”

“Actually that’s what I heard. There a bunch of people that really don’t like her but a whole bunch of those are jealous chicks.”

“I know, she deserves better.”

Tara nods. “She’ll not likely get it though…some people just want to hate.”

Penny actually pauses the game to get herself a bottle of water and now she’s looking at me a little. “She’s popular and just being herself and that makes the douche-bag crowd scared. They’ll try and tear down anyone like that because if the attention’s on them then they might not notice just how fake the haters are being.”

She looks at me again. “You’ll get shit too Alex people get squirrely over stuff like that.”

I’m sort of looking down thinking about everything to come and about Jeff.

“I know…I was seeing someone and we just broke up because I told them that I’m coming out.”

Tara actually comes and sits with me and hugs me. I lean into it and let her, it feels good to be hugged and I can’t actually remember the last time I was….oh…yeah in bed with Jeff. (sniffle.)

She shakes her head. “Assclowns….” And she goes back to her game. “Look Alex you seem good enough a person to me so if you want someone to back you up just give me a shout.”

“You’d do that? You don’t know me really.”

“Like I said you see okay, prove me different then I’ll treat you like you don’t deserve respect. Be cool and we’ll be cool everyone deserves that.”

“I might need it. I was planning on coming out to the house since I have to live here and stuff….and I have to do the same thing with the team.”

Tara looks at me. “Oh…yeah you’re here on a sport scholarship. Are they going to let you keep it?”

“Yeah they can’t take it from me because I’m trans, but it’s only right to come out to the team and stuff and give them the chance to get used to it and stuff…hopefully they won’t freak out and not want to be on the ice with me.”

Tara hugs me and she looks at me. “So what was the plan tonight?”

“Actually I was going to take my laptop and just go somewhere for coffee and surf the internet for awhile.”

“You tell Jeff?”

“Yeah…he knows now.” I’m not going to out him with the fact that we were together.

“He freak out?”

“No but it just got too awkward.”

Tara’s looking at me and then at my clothes and smiles. “Okay, well that’s not too bad but how about we get dressed up and go out and just hang out for awhile and stuff.”

I look at her…swallow. “Okay…where?’

“In town, maybe get something to eat maybe some movies to watch hit the student union.”

“I…I don’t pass.”

“Pfft.” Penny says and turns off her game after saving. “Passing is bullshit I know girls that don’t ‘pass’ all that passing shit is just you getting caught up in the standards of beauty that the rest of us are stuck with.”

Penny looks at me kind of critically. “Dressed you’ll look fine actually I mean you’re not going to be looking for a guy tonight right?”

“No…definitely not I don’t need that right now.”

Tara kisses my forehead. “That’s my girl right there you’re just like the rest of us!”

I blush and we hug again.

Penny’s opening her closet. “We’ll all go there’s safety in numbers and not just from the physical bullshit but it’ll burn in pack acceptance with you being with us.”

I nod and look at her. “Anthropology?”

She grins. “Yeah shows does it?’

I nod just a little.

We get dressed and we’re not getting dressed up fancy but I’m wearing some nice girl jeans from American Eagle and a nice sort of dusky yellow top with a scoop neck and Tara lends me some girly odds and ends like bangles and bracelets and a necklace and a ring or too nothing major but I am totally without even the girl’s simple mall jewelry.

It actually makes quite a difference and so does the ballet flats too that are popular here with the girls for just going around in.

A little make-up and I’m looking way less guy that I though I would and actually the pretty side of girl plain.

Me…not all lace and silk and stuff like when we’re doing lessons or some of the other things but just me Alex, the real Alex.

Tara wears close to the same thing but she goes with a top with a plunging neckline to show off her great boobs and her lacy check out my boobs bra and Penny she pulls off her top…she was not wearing a bra and she has a very, very nice pair of big full D-cup breasts and she get’s a bra on without freaking at all about me being there and being… and then she sprays herself down with secret deodorant and puts her shirt back on and combs her hair out before putting it in a pony tail and that’s it she slips her feet into sneakers and she’s done. No make up and just herself.

My heart went a little dubstep though.

We head out as a trio and we’re getting looks and oh…Penny has a car. It’s an old red Kia but we all get in and we just start driving around…that’s more fun than I thought…and I’m surprised since I did this with friends as a guy in high school but I never really thought of what girls would do while they drove around.

Okay the music is different with Penny playing a CD she burned but I like the songs even if I never really listened to the bands.

I never knew that girls sang along to stuff like that 500 miles song by those brit guys.

It’s more fun than I expected that I would have had after stuff with Jeff.

We eventually go someplace first to Tim Horton’s for drive through coffee and then stopping at Kodiak Video and we go in to check out if there’s anything to rent.

But outside of the house?

I’m not getting that many looks.

Okay…just maybe okay.