Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapter 36.

Chapter 36

Alex…..

He walked from the dorm towards the gym to get in some time before classes on the machines. He had just got a decent sweat going on when he saw them. Rick who he was on the hockey team on back in high school and Tommy.

His boyfriend.

Not his but Rick’s.

It really didn’t compute either here was Rick a well built and decent looking guy and he was with another guy. Hell he’d moved in with the dude and was now a full on card carrying member of the cocksucker club.

And they were really kissing.

Part of him wanted to flip out and yell at them to stop but he really didn’t want to look like an asshole. Instead he watched. He watch Rick leaning on this Tommy guy and this Tommy guy had his arms just resting relaxed and stuff on Rick’s shoulders and they were slowly kissing.

The truly fucked up thing was Rick looked kind of…no he looked happy.

He kept watching and the Tommy guy left. He heard things, mainly that Tommy had some kind of monster dick. And that he was with that Jamie Blake…girl.

Well they we’re a girl but they were a tranny… hell he might just cross that line to fuck that sweet ass. He shook his head a bit. Rick had been with her too and he’d come out of it a fag….queer…gay…that was something scary. No it scared him and a lot of guys too because she was so damned fine. If she’d been a real girl she’d have any guy she wanted.

It was near enough like that right now. Slender waist, nice hips, great ass, perfect tits…like big but super perky and a sweet face with killer lips. The thing was too she was a nice person, a really stand up kind of girl with the way she so turned the other cheek with the girls that jumped her. She was also rumored to be really polite and nice to guys, and she never resorted to bullshitting a person.

It’s why he avoided her. If he really liked her, then the other stuff might not matter and then what if he ended up like Rick?

But Rick looked really happy and he was smiling and stuff as he started working out.

And that was another disturbing thing. Rick didn’t come off as a fag. He just seemed well like Rick except for well… the gay thing.

He realized that Rick was looking at him.

“Hey s’up Alex?”

“Huh…what…why?” He checked out his own crotch to make sure he wasn’t sporting wood.

Rick laughed. “Dude, chill…I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Shit, sorry…I…”

“I freak you out, I do that to some of the other guys too.”

“Yeah…I guess.”

“That’s okay I’m freaked still too.”

“You are? You’re gay, how can you being gay freak you out?”

“Hey, I’m technically Bi but I’m in a gay relationship.”

“Oh you still like chicks?”

“Sorta, I mean I kind of still do, I can appreciate them but I’m in love with Tommy.”

“Dude how can you be in love with another dude?”

“Well liking dick really helps.” He grinned and Alex rolled his eyes.

“Dude I’m not gay?”

“I never though I was either, but Jamie showed me things.”

“Jamie so she did turn you gay?”

“You can’t be turned gay, no she showed me things about myself that led me to get over my hang ups and admit my turn ons and introduced me to Tommy.”

“Oh…and you’re really into him right?”

“I’m in love with him.”

“Really? How?”

“Okay, sex aside he gets me, I get him there’s no bullshit we’re just us with each other and no games or macho bullshit posturing.”

“Macho bullshit?”

“Alex, c’mon we both know there’s as much bullshit piled on guys to man up and be a guy as women have with their stuff. Tommy and me we’re done, we’re past that stuff and we’re just us.”

“But you’re getting fucked by another guy.”

“Yeah and it’s fucking awesome.”

“It is?”

“You kinda gotta like cock though.”

“No fucking duh but how do you know?”

“For me Jamie woke me up to it. I’m not giving her special make you gay powers but she really, really knows her way around a cock and inside of you too. Honestly though she’d be the first person to say though that by the time she would be done with you you’d know. And some people it’s just not them?”

“But it is for you?”

“Hell yes, I a rampant cockslut.”

“Rick! Jessus!”

“Ah…okay…I’m a whore and I love it but I’m exclusively Tommy’s.”

“I though gay guys slept around a lot.”

“Some do and aside from maybe us being with Jamie again…maybe, I don’t really want to be with some other guy.”

“Tommy’s that hung?”

“Well yeah but it’s not that, It’s love and loyalty, we’re exclusive.”

“But Jamie.”

“Jamie’s special and even then a maybe only.”

“So you wouldn’t with me?”

Rick gave him the queer eye look over. “Alex you’re cute, blonde, blue eyes, cute dimples and a nice body even a pretty decent dick but no…Not even tempted.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really…Tommy…Tommy is a person I’d marry.”

“Really, that’s so…”

“I know, seriously screwed up but it’s the way I feel.”

“Cool I guess…”

“Oh thanks…no, actually thanks Alex you really could’ve been a real shit about all of this.”

“Oh hey just kinda curious y’know. Freaked but curious you’re the only gay guy that I actually know.”

“Well there’s lots on campus and in the city, it is Vancouver.”

“I’m not like gonna approach a dude Rick it’s…it’s too freaky.”

“Well uhm…here there’s a number I know and she’s like Jamie but she might be able to give you the whole experience that you want with no strings.”

Alex took the business card offered. “She’s a tranny?”

“She’s Sasha and Sasha’s about as close to being a tranny as I do fitting the whole gay stereotype.”

“Huh…”

“Alex she’ll get your head on right one way or another I know the woman and respect the hell out of her, you’d better too. She’s not a game player and doesn’t tolerate fools either.”

“Uhm…okay.”

The finished working out and showering which again and not for the first time took note of who seemed to be cock watching and who wasn’t. Rick might have lingered more than a straight guys over the bodies of other guys but maybe not…it was honestly hard to tell.

There were some other guys that were definitely checking other guys out and they seemed to watch Rick a lot too? Did Rick have something that attracts the gay guys? He sorta had a nice butt, he must wax it or something because it was smooth in the shower.

“Hey, Rick you’re getting stares from some of the gay guys.”

“Yeah, I know some straight guys too.”

“Okay……”

Rick sighed. “I’m with Tommy and they’re trying to figure out why and what I have that they don’t.”

“Huh?”

“Tommy’s got a really big cock, it true and all over campus, he’s got a decent apartment, a good paying part time job, his own wheels and he’s going to be an architect.”

“So he’s a good catch?”

“Yeah and a whole lot of people thought he and I were straight. But I’m a first year so I can sort be seen as coming out but Tommy had never taken and one up on so much as a blowjob and after his first year his dick got a bit famous.”

“Famous?”

“He broke up with his using bitch ex-girlfriend and he banged a lot of girls last year.”

“And people don’t get why you’re with him so they’re looking at you?”

“Looking, hating in some cases. Jealousy can make some people into real bitches.”

“Okay….sounds like liking dick’s complicated?”

“Not just typical drama but the whole thing’s kind got no point now.”

“Oh? I mean I saw you guys and you’re not broken up not with the PDA I saw.”

“No, but I went to his families place for thanksgiving and we’re out…open a couple.”

“Oh…like people home know?”

“Yeah, mine was over the phone explaining to my family of why I wasn’t coming home this year was because I was with my boyfriend at his parents house.”

“Oh…wow people are gonna freak.”

“People are already freaking, you should keep that in mind.”

“Yeah I’ll do that talking to folks from home.”

Alex left and spent the day in his classes or just staring at the card he was given. Would he really call them. This trannygirl, guy whatever?

It was on his mind actually the rest of the week. Quietly in his dorm room he’d surf the porn sites and there were ads everywhere for these she-males. They where even on Facebook with links to other places that showed more…if not all.

He was starting to get into these strange and alluring creatures far more than he was curious about how two guys could be together. And girls? Well he had always been into girls but there was also the thing that they were hard to get, and really girls didn’t seem to get guys much either. Unless you were with a doormat kind of girl…Most girls he knew used sex and ran the relationship.

But the stuff some of these girls wrote was either sexy as hell or heartfelt in their own ways.

He eventually on Friday night picked up the phone and dialed. He was nervous as it rang. “Hello?”

The voice was soft, sweet, but had this depth like the promise of more.

“Uhm, Hello…My Name’s Alex and Rick gave me your card.”

“Alright, but why?”

“I was looking to learn?”

“Learn what?”

“Why Rick could change like that? Why he seems happy with being with a guy?”

“Oh well easy he and Tommy are in love.”

“I know that but he was straight and now.”

“Alex dear Rick was just living straight, it’s not the same thing.”

“Oh…”

“You want to test the waters but you don’t want to hook up with a real man right?”

“Yes…sort of.”

“I usually don’t entertain these kinds of things, I’m usually with partners that are very sure of themselves one way or another. Guys like you get scared and angry and that can be dangerous.”

“Oh…no, shit I’d never…”

“No you don’t sound like that type.”

“Oh…thank you?”

“You’re welcome. Please then come over and we’ll explore yourself.”

“Thank you Miss…”

“Sasha, just call me Sasha. My address is on the card. I’ll see you when you get here.”

She hung up and he paced and worried and paced then left. He wasn’t even sure he was even going to go until he found himself outside her door. He saw a very big, older but nice Victorian styled home with three floors and shutters, turreted windows and a nice front yard and flower beds. It was a really nice house, better than the split level house he’d been raised in.

He went up and rang the bell.

It took a minute and she open the door and he was taken aback.

Alex was not expecting this tall leggy, raven haired, jade eyed beauty in front of him. She wore a silk robe with a bamboo print and dark green lingerie and deep glossy sexy red lipstick and he just stared rocked at her beauty. He was hard in seconds. She looked at his crotch. “Alex? Well there’s a good start.”

He blushed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t expecting you to be so beautiful.”

“Thank you I’ve been taking the time to look this good for you. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“For me?”

“Yes, well for myself first since I’m the one getting the salute from you’re instinctual half. Please come in.”

He came inside and she closed her door and locked it and with a ouch of her hand to the small of his back she led him into a library looking room with a really old style big couch and leather furniture and books everywhere. She glided to the bar that was there.

Garter belt, stockings and no panties and her cock was hard and bobbing freely barely hidden by her robe. Alex’s mouth went dry. God he’d seen cock before but he couldn’t take his eyes off of hers.

“Drink Alex? You look like you could use one.”

“Yes please.”

“What do you drink?”

“Oh anything I’m not fussy, usually.”

“Oh, yes college guys, whatever does the trick?”

“Uhm…yeah.” He should’ve thought about that. Women like her drank classy stuff. He had drank like she said, beers and whatever was on hand or cheap.

He kept staring as she made a drink for herself and what looked like a whiskey drink of some kind for him. She swayed over with a grace that a guy shouldn’t ever have. Okay on a fag it’d be like maybe swishy but on Sasha it seemed natural, a glide…sensual as any woman…no better, Sasha was better at being a woman than some natural women he’d seen.

The drink was strong alcohol mixed with alcohol but had the full flavor of good whisky and something nut like that smoothed it out. He liked it, it strangely reminded him of her.

Sasha sat and drank her odd greenish drink on the edge of the couch. “First thing’s first Alex I want you to know how feeling how good anal and oral sex can be.”

“Okay…”

He was nervous this was getting to be fast and scary.

“Here.” She offered a little blue pill, he had no doubts what it was.

“I thought?”

“In time, first I want you, I want to show you how both should feel from my side but also the best way to teach you is by example.”

“Teach me?”

“Yes, it’s so much more really then you sucking a dick or getting fucked….that’s too random for me.”

“Oh…”

“Yes, and I want you clean, inside and out.”

“Oh…”

“Problems?”

“No just….”

“I’ll show you, take that and bring your drink.”

“Okay.” He popped the pill and took his drink and sipped as she gave him a quick tour of her house. He was impressed. Everything in Sasha’s house spoke to a well educated and well traveled woman with very nice tastes in everything. She finally led him to her big bedroom and the very large spa like adjoining bathroom.

“Here, you can shower and use this body cream to take off all the hairs.”

“All my hair?”

“I like all my men I’m going to make love to nice and smooth.”

“Oh…okay…”

“Then we’ll get you cleaned inside.”

“Okay….” He took another swallow and was getting really uncertain until Sasha disrobed. “I’ll join you.”

Outside of her robe and taking off her lingerie she was still stunning. “How’d you get like this, you’re damned beautiful and your waist…is so small.”

“Hormones will reshape you somewhat, targeted area exercises, corset training and some good genes helped of course too.”

“Oh it sounds complicated.”

“You’re completely changing yourself into another person, of course it’s complicated.”

“You never got it snipped?”

“No, I like this part of me. I like having sex like this too. I’m Mahu ,Alex like a ladyboi but more like a third gender than just the sex trade worker types, I prefer to exist and live in a very female way.”

“Oh, not a lot of people do that huh?”

“Tens of thousands actually Alex, binary gender is a very Western culture like thing.”

“Oh…”

She smiled. “Yes oh…a very big oh when you realize things like that.” She looked him over as he undressed and took his clothes folding them. “Nice, I like the swimmers build.”

“Runner, I used to be pretty good at Track but I'm here for Hockey.”

“Sports scholarship?”

“Yes but it's mostly family money. My mothers family is into building sailing boats and there’s been a lot of them sold out here so friends of friends recommended me to go out to school here. I’m taking business courses here because dad want’s me to maybe get my feet dug in out here for the family business.”

“Hmm, we’ll have to go sailing sometime. I have several boats friends would lend me.”

“If we did I’d like to go with them first a few times, it’s always good to get to know the water with a local before going out on your own.”

“Good to know, I’ll see about arranging that I wouldn’t mind learning the basics of sailing.”

“You could take lessons?”

“No, I’ll learn from you.”

The way she smiled at him made Alex blush and he slipped into the spacious shower stall with her and she washed his body hairs away and he washed her body…he couldn’t believe how hard holding and stroking her hard on made him while kissing her soft lips and her beautiful breasts were pressed into him. His cock hurt from the pressure…ached…

Good god this was so erotic, she was so erotic.

“Now we get you clean inside…” She kissed him again and led him from the shower to the counter and passed him a kit for…well the contents were… “Five times, just to be sure.”

“Okay…uhm…okay….”

She left and it was the strangest thing he’s ever done…hurt…sort of, the pressure…he felt very strange and vulnerable…empty…achy…but charged and he slowly and shyly made his way into the room. She smiled at him. “I know…It’s okay .”

She rose naked and swayed towards him and took his hand and guided him to the bed. He sat and she kissed him and the awkward strangeness soon was being replaced with her cock touching his. He moaned and she moaned and French kissed him.

“First Alex I want to show you, I want you to feel what real oral lovemaking is.”

She slipped to her knees. “Remember it, all of it’s important.”

Alex moaned as Sasha touched him and stroked him gently and smelled and nuzzled his cock with her face and her lips and them parted her lips and took the head of his cock inside her mouth. This wasn’t just a girl trying to give head Sasha was this amazing…she wrapped her lips around him and she did just suck but she suckled, savored those lips kissed literally kissed and pleased and pleasured him.

She pulled off his head. “To really truly love doing this, is the only way Alex…there’s no point sucking cock that you don’t like, don’t wish to honor. It makes it amazing for both of us….learn baby, pay attention.”

Pay attention…

Oh Jesus……

He’d never been so mono-focused on anything in his life…and it was amazing…from the sweet way she nursed on his cock and balls even and every detail was being slowly and sweetly engraved into his brain. But with that pleasure was the thought he knew she was trying to teach him. If you’re going to suck cock them you should treat it like a lover…not just some fuck.

Then he felt her put something to his butt and there was this sensation of cool, wet but not wet…lube? He though…oh…then Sasha slipped a fingertip inside. It didn’t hurt just shocking and really, really odd. She kept sucking his cock soooo perfectly white that finger went deeper and he could feel more now…the finger moving around…exploring his insides…touching rings of muscle…massaging his insides until he felt like he was melting …it was so good, so gentle and then she touched something that made him gasp it felt so good…she massaged it and Alex whined and his eyes rolled back in his head from the pleasure until he couldn’t hold back his orgasm….

She sucked the cum out of him so hard and greedily that he hurt….hurt in the best possible way and the hardest and sweetest cum of his life as her finger kept massaging him inside over that spot and he was sure it made him have a couple of extra spurts.

He laid there and panted and tried to respond…to recover…She added another finger and massaged more…moved her fingers in and out….he was soon hard again from the little blue pill. But the slow deep penetrating fingering had started to become this amazing sensual thing.

Then she was up and sliding up his body and kissed him deeply French styled with a salty sweetness that he knew was his own cum. And he didn’t care…he didn’t mind it at all.

Then there was the sensation of her cock at his butt…all the while Sasha had continued to move those fingers in and out like he was her little lesbian fling…It was so seamless her fingers slide out as she guided her cock along them and inside of him.

Alex gasped and grabbed at the sheets instantly knowing and feeling the difference…inch after inch of her shaft sunk into his body and he could feel so much body heat inside of him…and the thickness…it was such a whole rounded shape stretching him inside in the best fucking way and filled her brain with sensation.

Oh…her brain…?

“Good…easy…you like that?”

“Yes….” Oh he whimpered or simpered but Alex didn’t care.

Sasha kissed him remaining still inside of him. “Good…just breathe, breathe and feel it…enjoy it, that feeling of being filled and warmed and desired…”

“Mmm….Oh….d..desired?”

“Of course I want you…I’m hard for you Alex and I’m no kid…I only make love to people I want to.”

It made a difference…he knew that it did and made it different too, this wasn’t him experimenting with some she-male…this was Alex…having a first time with this beautiful, caring she-male that was strong too.

They kissed some more. “Listen…I want you to feel this right Alex, anal sex isn’t just pushing…it’s amazing and can be so perfect and powerful…I want you to feel that. Now I’m going to move sweety and I want you to inhale as I do…tighten up inside…like you do when you flex inside for you cock kagel.”

“Cock kagel?”

“When you clench and flex your cock honey….”

“Oh…”

She pulled out and he did what she asked and could really feel the cock inside him so much more…the hardness…the heat…the way her head pulled through touching all his most sensitive insides until. “Okay baby…exhale and relax…”

Alex exhaled and relaxed and Sasha’s cock sank into him so smoothly and sweetly and oh god deep.

So deep.

“Good, good …”

They did it again and again as they slowly made love and Alex fell deeply into the savor of both sides…the pull out was just something that made his senses wake up, be anally alive and aching because she was pulling out and the sinking in became so much more…hot massaging relief…pleasure at getting what had been so obviously now made for him.

Or he’d been made for it.

Oh god yes, as Sasha’s cock changed angles and she pressed her beautiful cock into his prostate over and over of god…god …god so good over…..he knew he was made for cock.

And letting go had never felt so good…

Right now as Sasha slide into and against his boy-spot driving him into these deep depths of some hidden part of his soul he was leaving behind the old hates and prejudices and fears.

Every touch inside drove pleasure jolts through him until e reached the point of not being able to stand it any more and never wanting it to stop. “Aaaah…Sasha!, fuck me, fuck me harder!, harder!…ugnh!…deeper!” Alex heard his own voice, higher, more girl and it wasn’t something he was trying to do in fact it’s the opposite of usual…A lot of boys were told to talk like a man…project, yell, be loud…the cries he was crying out begging for more weren’t too girl but they were coming from a voice he had choked off long ago.

Something tensed up snapped inside him.

Eyes closed and a voice. “Stop talkin like a damned sissy.”

He cried…whatever broke inside had lots of tears behind it.

“That’s it Alex let it out, be yourself. Close your eyes and feel that spot I’m touching, feel it, feel it, feel it…” Sasha’s voice was warm and soft, and it made it so sexy easy to just drift into that realm of feeling and sensation. He lost track of his cries and moans and whimpers until it became too much all over again and he came….and as everything contracted inside to squeeze out his boy juices he felt Sasha inside of him his insides molding around her cock so profoundly that there was just that sensation whipping through him like a storm. Then she was cumming too inside of him…and Alex felt this sense of joy…of being completed…in this whole new way as this other feeling of pleasure rocked him…like he came like a girl.

……………………It was a few hours maybe before he woke and she was snuggled to him. He knew he had cried, bawled even at everything that had come crashing down.

(Sniffle.) “Shit…I’m gay?”

“It’s okay Alex, it’s fine to feel this way.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“It’s alright for you, you’re beautiful I’m just me.”

“You’re beautiful too Alex.”

“Not like you Sasha.”

“You want to be like me?”

“I…” He didn’t know he just knew that he couldn’t just go back from this point.

“I could teach you. You have the body where it’ll work.”

“No, I’m too big too much muscle.”

“Hormones, will do a number on that honey.”

“Oh…”

“Yes, but you really need to seriously think about this Alex, this is a hard life, there’s nothing really simple about it.”

“Okay….”

“Two weeks at least.”

“Okay…”

“Good.”

They slept some more and Alex left and returned to his dorm room.

……………………………….......................................................It was maybe three days after when he had seemed to have recovered when he noticed he was watching other guys. Sizes and shape and condition and even crotch watching….sometimes his mind wander to what they’d feel like…inside.

He watched girls too…they were getting more and more interesting and he actually started to watch how they did things and why? But sexually?

He wanted cock.

They couldn’t really hit that thing he needed now.

He was stewing over the whole thing and his room mate Jeff came in and fell on his bed. It was late and he let out this frustrated groan into his pillow.

Alex looked over from the human sexuality stuff he was reading. “Rough night?”

“Yeah, Dina…she wasn’t in the mood.”

“Sorry.”

“Man I’m trying, took her out, was doing the nice guy and this is like the fifth time we’ve been out and she always ends up not being in the mood.”

“Maybe she’s looking for more? I’ve heard that there’s a lot of girls want a guy to hook up with that’s a catch or going to be.”

“Yeah, she’s always into the whole… “Why don’t you change our classes Jeff.” thing lately.”

“What’s wrong with you classes I thought you were doing good.”

“I am just she’s got this thing against an arts degree.”

“Isn’t she taking an arts degree?”

“Yeah, I just don’t get it.”

He watched Jeff adjust himself. “Jeff?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m….”

“You’re?”

“I’m available.”

“Huh?”

“I’m available….If you wanted to you could fuck me tonight.”

Jeff sat up. “Dude what the hell!?”

Alex held his hands up. “Chill…I’m just offering.”

“Dude, you’re a fag?”

“No, gay maybe but I had an experience Jeff and I like guys….”

Jeff looked at him and he looked like he was on the edge of freaking out. They’d been great roommates up until this point, not close but as room mates went they were very decent to each other. Jeff went and locked the door. “I’m not into dick Alex…”

“I’m not offering to fuck you…I’m…I’m more of a bottom…”

“Really?”

“Yes, I’d rather be the one getting fucked.”

“Oh…but why me, there’s lots of gay guys to hook up with?”

“And I’m scared of them, heck I’m scared of the whole gay life scene.”

“But you want me to fuck you.”

“I’m just saying I’m available…”

He set his lap top aside. “Come here Jeff.”

Jeff walked over and Alex reached out and ran his hands over his bulge. “You’re still hard, the idea of this hasn’t washed out the need?”

“I..uhm…”

Alex unzipped Jeff’s jeans and pulled Jeff’s cock free of his underwear and stroked it. Jeff gasped… “Alex…jeeze…Alex…”

He took Jeff’s cock into his lips….yes…it was the first cock he’d tasted but he was in love with the feelings, the way it felt and the way it was making him feel. He wanted long fingernails and lipstick…he wanted more….

He took his time, tasted and savored and made appreciative noises over Jeff’s seven inches. Jeff moaned as he slowly sucked on his balls and then smelled the length like a fine cigar and then took him into his mouth.

It was harder than he thought but not either…he knew intimately what this was like and loved actually returning the favor Sasha had paid him. He didn’t deep throat it but he sucked, sucked and stroked and licked and then sucked some more getting a good seal with his lips over Jeff’s cock and got ready as Jeff was whispering over and over that he was going to cum.

When he did Alex was ready and stroke Jeff off as he was cumming and sucked hard guzzling Jeff like a party beer so not to choke on the load of thick, salty man juices. He kept going like that until he was sure Jeff was done. He pulled off Jeff’s cock and nuzzled it and kissed it. “Thanks Jeff…”

He meant it, the whole experience was amazing and sexy enough he came when Jeff did.

“Holy fuck Alex you can really suck cock.”

Alex smiled, the praise felt good. “Thank you, you’re my first Jeff.”

“Your first?”

“Yes, and you have a wonderful dick.”

“God, you’re…maybe you are gay.”

“I think so maybe….can I have some more?”

“Uhm…sure?”

Alex knew he wasn’t ready for anal again, he wanted to be a clean partner for Jeff but the rest of the night he sucked and nuzzled and drank all of Jeff that he could.

It was amazing when Jeff slid into his bed with him after Alex had swallowed Jeff’s fourth load. “Jeff?”

“Quiet, you…you were amazing…fuck…I’m not gay, I don’t want to do the things you did for me Alex but you were amazing and it just doesn’t feel right for me to just get laid and sleep I my own bed.”

“Okay, this is nice though.”

“Just shush okay.”

“Okay.”

………………………………........The morning was a little awkward but there wasn’t any complaints when Alex sucked a morning load out Jeff. In fact there was a lot of tenderness in the way Jeff played with his hair and his ears and his face.

He headed off for classes and practice and to do a little shopping too. They acted like the night had never happened and Alex found himself thinking about that for a good part of the day and between trying to take a good long look at himself and his wants and his needs and the changes that he’d have to make. School was going to get expensive when he lost his scholarship, and he knew his family wouldn’t back him…not even if they could. His family had a fair strong view on faggots and those like them.

Money without resorting to the sex trade would be rough…there was some he could handle, some he’d have to look up the costs for but to stay in school…he’d need money once he lost his scholarship and changed classes…It’s not like they’d allow for a trans hockey player.

While shopping though he knew what he wanted there so at least that was easy. He even was able to look the clerk at the drugstore in the eyes as he bought things most guys didn’t buy. It was on the credit card his parents gave him but these could be explained b him having a girlfriend, especially the tampons.

He even went for some groceries for their room. Dorms had the no cooking rule other than microwaves. So he looked and bought one of those folding closet organizers and two cheap sets of plastic shelves that you snapped together.

He had to take a cab home with all the bags ad he got looks from some of the guys in the dorm. Jeff was in classes for awhile yet so he wiped down the walls with a spring scented cleaner and used a swiffer to wipe everything down and even clean the floor.

He unrolled the decent floor rug he’d bought at Wall-Mart and he hung a few pictures since they didn’t have anything on the walls. Nothing gay or girly, though he tried looking at those with new eyes just to expand his tastes.

No there was one he had that was a raging surf taken at night he liked and that he put over on Jeff’s side and another night shot one of wild horses running under the full moon at night taken from a close ground angled shot.

Then he took out his new sheets and the roll of bedding foam ad remade his bed. He adjusted his closet with the organizer in it and added in his toiletries and a Rubber made bin for his more private things he was storing in in a new shaving kit along with other things.

He set up the one set of the shelves to stand beside the mini-fridge and their microwave. He added in the cartridge cup coffee and tea maker and then he put away their groceries. Microwave ready soups, mac and cheese, chili, but there was also peanut butter, granola bars, bottles of water, puddings, and even treats like Snickers bars and microwave popcorn eve some cases of on sale pop.

He put the pita breads and the packs of hot dogs and the buns in the mini fridge along with their milk and creamer.

Last he tackled the other set of shelves and used them in front of their window after covering it with a heavy fuzzy blanket that would shut out the light. They were on the third floor anyway without much of a view so they really never used it anyway and there he took his Desk top his grandparents bought him for school and finally set it up and the speakers and the connectors and finally his old CD’s and DVD’s and set up their entertainment center/study spot when they needed a computer.

Done he made himself a coffee and settled in to watch some of his DVD’s.

It was a few hours later and Alex had relaxed enough to just be lounging on his bed thinking of what he wanted. What his life would be like after everything or once he made the decision to go ahead with this.

Jeff came in and he looked around. “Whoa, cool what the hell happened you get rich?”

“I decided to put a dent into the credit card before I’m cut off.”

“Cut off?”

“Yeah, it’s just a matter of time before they find out.”

“That you’re gay.”

“I’m not sure I’m gay Jeff.”

“But before, and this morning?”

“Yeah, I loved that.”

“See gay.”

“No, female.”

“You’re not a girl Alex.”

“I think I am, in here.” He tapped his temple.

“Whoa… like a transexual?”

“You know what a transexual is?”

“Yeah and transgendered , I might be a jock but I’m not stupid.”

“Sorry…”

“So how do you know?”

“It’s partly the sex…I…I like cock…men…and I…I’m not all that into doing someone else.”

“So, you’re a bottom.”

“I guess.” He shrugged. “But it’s more than that, I want the feelings…I want breasts and smooth skin and…I want to be pretty….” He blushed and looked away. “Sorry…it’s just so hard to explain…I…”

“It’s okay Alex, you said I was your first so you’re still all new to this right?”

He nodded. “I know a guy and he turned out gay and I couldn’t get it. He was taking dick and all of that stuff and he’s happy, so fucking happy. I wanted to try…I mean happy was happy right and he told me about this trans woman and she took me to this place where it was like this whole light bulb moment for me.”

“So you never knew since you were little?”

“No, not that I know of but really I haven’t thought about why I feel the way I feel like from my past and everything. It’s just since that time with Sasha I found this thing in her that’s had my insides screaming that this is you Alex.”

Jeff looked at Alex then hugged them. “Hey, you have me backing you girl and not because of what we’ve been doing.”

Alex shook a little and pressed to Jeff and sighed. “Thanks Jeff.” They snuggled in a bit and they just sat there for awhile. Alex was actually pretty surprised at the way that Jeff was being pretty cool with things. They looked at him after a bit pretty close together.

“So, how are things with you and the S.O.?”

“Over.”

“Over?”

“Yeah….She was just. I’m so tired of bending over backwards ad doing things for her just to make her happy with whatever she feels like doling out in bed. “

“Women want to be appreciated Jeff, even me…”

“Where’s the line though? Where does it become the point of it’s not me doing a dozen different things every time before we’re together?”

Alex frowned a bit. “That’s not right.”

“I’m just sick of her BS so I told her we’re done.”

“Was she passed?”

“Yeah guess what? She wasn’t. She gave me this shitty look like I was worthless and she got up and left and was on her phone before she even left the food hall.”

“You think…”

“She’s been seeing other guys? Yeah I do.”

“Sorry…”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Alex looked at him. Then rolled them over until Jeff was on his back. “Alex?”

“Yeah….?”

“What are you doing?”

“Cheering you up…you really need some TLC.”

“Alex…you don’t have to.”

Alex leaned down and actually kissed his, they tried to do it sweetly and softly. “Jeff, I want to. I like you, I like you and I trust you and I like your cock.”

“Alex!”

“What? I do, you have a nice cock, I’m just being honest about it.”

Jeff bit his lip. “Okay…”

Alex pulled Jeff’s shirt up and kissed down his bare stomach to his pants and then unfastened his belt and pants and pulled Jeff’s semi out and kissed it slowly, then stroked him, nuzzled it as he grew becoming hard. They took Jeff’s hardness into their mouth and suckled, not just sucking but oral lovemaking. Taking her time and making Jeff writhe and moan saying things like. “Oh fuck, oh baby, Alex oh god…”

The fingers in Alex’s hair and massaging her scalp with gentleness was taking her into that place where she felt right. She knew in her hearts that this was her and she was going to change, she was going to make this happen.

When Jeff came he came really hard and she let it fill her mouth before looking up Jeff’s body and locking eyes with him and slowly swallowed. He was sweating and staring at her. She pulled off his softening cock and shyly smiled at him.

“Good?”

“Good, god you’ve amazing Alex.”

“I was told that you have no business sucking cock if you don’t like it.”

“Makes sense.” Alex smiled he looked a little stunned still. She took his cock in her hand and stroked him.

“Alex…”

“Can I have you tonight Jeff, can I have you deep inside me?”

He nodded, staring and gulping a little. “Yes…damn me yes.”

Alex smiled. “I’ll be back okay…”

They went and got their kit and slipped out to the bathroom and very carefully used their things to get cleaned using the shower stalls to fill things after getting their body clean and the bathroom stall to be clean on the inside and then lubed.

Still being careful they slipped back into the room and locked the door and said. “Just give me a second.” Alex even tried to talk lightly, femmy whisper soft.

A little touch of female stick deodorant, a brush though their hair the scariest part a pink plain cotton camisole and panties.

Almost nervously she went to their bed. “Jeff…?”

He’d been watching her but this was different, it was suddenly not just sex it was opening up to someone a part of Alex that even as Alex had barely seen the light of day.

Jeff opened the sheets and made room for them. Alex sliding into the bed with Jeff and couldn’t help but stare quietly at him.

Alex blushed after a few minutes. “I was so good with this when it was about the sex.”

He smiled and touched her face. “Alex…relax we’re really new to this…we have all night.” He kissed her and it was so different. Strong, the way his lips felt, the way his hand touched her face and cradled it the feeling of stubble and muscles under her fingers.

And Alex couldn’t really put it down to why they kissed or even why they kissed for so long but it helped and Jeff’s touch, it was different…like he wasn’t touching a guy. He was actually trying to be gentle and it really helped and soon the desire returned.

“Jeff…please…I want you…”

“Are you sure Alex?”

“Yes…please…”

Jeff started gently again with kisses and he even spent some time on Alex’s nipples and while underdeveloped from her old life it was still pleasing and very erotic and like a present…it was the thought behind it that counted.

He used a condom and they added lube to it and some more to Alex before Jeff slowly pushed his way inside Alex. She gasped at the feeling the opening and then the heat and then exhaled slowly remembering those things that Sasha had told them exhale and relax on the instroke…inhale and clench on the outstrokes.

Jeff gasped… “Oh…oh Alex…what was that…?”

“Lessons…”

“Lessons?”

“Yes…The woman that showed me that…she’s the same one that showed me, me…and some of her showing me was like lessons…” she lowered her hands to the bed to get a grip and then rolled her hips and relaxed at the same time to meet Jeff’s thrusts.

This, this felt good…better than good it felt right…moving together, the way Jeff felt, the thick stave of body heat sinking in and out of her. It felt right…it felt natural actually in a way more comfortable way than erotic really.

But then again when you’re finally being you. When you’re finally feeling comfortable that can be intensely erotic too.

Jeff released fairly quickly and he kissed her and more he actually snuggled and kissed and looked at Alex intensely.

“Jeff…what?”

“I see you.”

“What?”

“I’m seeing you…her…the girl you…”

“I told you…”

“No…I mean I know but this is different. I really am seeing you Alex.”

“Jeff…”

“Alex.”

“Jeff?”

“You’re beautiful.” He kissed her again and slide his fingers in with hers and sort of held her like that, sort of pinned her to the bed until he grew hot and stiff and thick again and the second time he made love to her was longer and slower and this time Alex Came first…moaned and called out his name in a hushed femmy whisper.

*Jamie……………………………………. I’m feeling very relaxed after my time with Jax and happy even. He called and left me a message before he had to head off on the boat for most of the week. I managed to get off a few messages back and told him to be careful while he was out there and that I looked forward to seeing him again.

Then it was the morning usual with Sasha coming over and me getting things ready and heading out to work out with her and my ribs are feeling a lot better enough that I can breathe as I run and even the stretches during my Tai-chi class aren’t as bad or doing my Yoga. Actually both are helping me get better faster, each of the teachers has worker with injured people before and I get a little reiki touch from my Tai-chi instructor and a lesson in healing chakra breathing from my Yogi.

It’s pretty much normal actually for a few days just classes and hanging with my friends and spending my times with Sasha which is always good always intimate and always caring. We’re even getting past the sex part of us more and the personal bond is growing. We explore things together me with my cooking lessons with her and even trying new things with her that way for each of us to try. Me I have my languages, I listen to my tapes and bounce my lessons off of her with the ones that she knows.

It’s a really big thing for me too to have that as part of me. To me if I’m going to be lady like and smart and polished and the best me that I can be I just see being as good and as educated as possible as part of that.

Sasha does that too…I’m cooking or learning a recipe to make curried lamb last night and Sasha was practicing the cello. And it was practice…it’s the first time really that I’ve seen her not be stunning at something. I can honestly say thing she has every ounce the shy, sweet, sexy Japanese thing going on when she’d muff something and end up blushing.

My lamb and curry? Meh I seriously need to change something really before I think about serving that up to anyone. I will say however I’m not half bad at making rice now and I think I like jasmine rice a lot more that some of the other kinds. It has a nice smell to it even when you just cook it plain.

Food’s another thing I’m trying out. I want to learn to cook a few good dishes out of a lot of types of cooking so when I have company or am invited over…I can be a good host or guest.

I’m waiting in line at the coffee kiosk when the girls join me. Me I’m getting my macha tea and some fresh Madeline cookies and the girls are getting their orders and Dina has this really deep frown going on and sour expression on her face.

I clear some cookie away with a sip of tea and look at her. “You okay?”

“No…fucking men.”

“Something fall through?”

“Yeah me and Jeff broke up.”

“I didn’t know you were seeing a Jeff.”

“She’s seeing a lot of people.” Victoria supplies sipping her tea and smiling.

“Nothing wrong with that, I’m open myself to new relationships.”

Dina looks at me. “Actually you’re where I got the idea from. Why should I limit myself to one guy at a time? If I’m going to find Mr. Right then I should be taking it seriously enough to see all sorts of guys to find the right one.”

“Jeff wasn’t the right one?”

“He had potential he had a sports scholarship and stuff but he was getting an arts degree.”

I tilt my head. “Uhm Dee? You’re taking an arts degree.”

“That’s different.”

“Why? Most jocks end up taking their B of A.”

“Yeah and that’s a waste, guys should be taking stuff that they can y’know get a job with and support a family with.”

I look at her. “So women should go to college and guys should be in trade schools.”

She frowned. “No it’s not like that I just think a guy really should think ahead to his future and stuff.”

“Everyone should.”

She looks at me again. “Anyways it was going south he wasn’t even thinking about listening to me and I’m not about to sleep with a guy that doesn’t have the brains to listen to me.”

“That’s not really fair Dee, if you’re not in a serious relationship with him you really don’t have the right to be putting demands on his life.”

“Actually I do, it’s how you tell if a guy’s actually serious and not just into you for the sex.”

“Well we both admit that we see sex a lot differently. But I’m sorry that you guys couldn’t make it work.”

She’s looking at her phone checking stuff and she looks at me. “Yeah, me too. Normally guys actually do try and do the stuff I suggest once I point it out to them. But some guys are just too effing stubborn for being in relationship material.”

I actually bite my tongue on that. To me that’s almost the polar opposite to the way that I want to see guys being treated. Yes I say the way I see guys being treated. Oh I know men are assholes…blah…blah…blah feminidiot stuff.

But to me the thing is there are REAL assholes and then there are the ones that women make. You assume the worst and treat a perfectly decent guy like he’s the last seven assholes you went with he’s going to eventually after enough kicks to the heart by enough girls get it.

It doesn’t pay to be a nice guy.

I really could go on at length about it and I get this hate on for the times I see women being abusive like that.

I am NOT saying men are angels or that abuse doesn’t happen and violence against women doesn’t happen but I am saying that there are too sides to the whole system and far too often men don’t get to say anything. My mom and my sister Kate are great examples. They’ll drain a guy dry as much as they can and use all their weapons to do it. From looks to sex to female scorn…you’d be sick to your stomach at how some guys get abused by that. It’s really not hard to hit a guy where he’s concerned about the kind of guy he is. You can’t really do that that much to women, well it happens but these guys are pretty obvious jerks and abusers…but women get away with that kind of stuff a lot more.

Hell ask other women…women are really good at emotional abuse. Just look how they/we generally treat each other. I test flown a set of steps because three of them thought that hurting me physically was easier than socially.

And yes I used Feminidiot.

You demand respect…give it back.
You want equality…then be thankful when manners are shown to you…it’s no longer a matter of course.

Yes I see myself as a feminist. I believe we’re just as capable as men in OUR own ways not they’re ways and we shouldn’t be competing with them. Not the way some of these hard cores like the one’s that Karin knows are like.

There’s NO point to feminism if we use it to just be estronigized men.

But I’m TG by their broadbrush and I don’t get to have an opinion.

Okay Jamie deep breath.

“Well hopefully you’ll find a nice guy that you like that fits what you’re looking for Dee.”

“Oh I will, it’s just a matter of time. Besides I’ve a few prospects already.” She’s smiling as she adjusts her top and bra. Dina has a really great set of breasts actually killer curves and great hair too it’s just her looking at guys like a resource first that I don’t like.

I kind of get it’s cultural, she’s Greek and from a Greek family so there’s a serious cultural thing with getting married and stuff but I just…I could never do it. But she’s not my mother or Kate and demanding stuff all the time from their guys. But even as much as I don’t like Dee’s methods, she’s a huge cry from the type of women that they are.

And I’ll hang up my purse and my pumps if I ever become like that.

She takes a drink of her coffee and looks over the courtyard. “That’s him over there with his roommate Alex.”

I look and check them out. Jeff’s decent enough looking but Alex…Alex is someone different than other people think. There’s just that feel the way that their hiding things like movements the way that him and Jeff are close together like really close but at the same time trying to avoid the gay thing.

I have a good idea that they’re more than just roommates, there’s a lack of personal space issue between the too even if they’re acting like there’s nothing going on.

I lock eyes though with Alex while I’m looking at them and he’s looking at me with very keen interest. That’s interesting because he’s interesting too. I can’t quite put my finger on what’s so interesting about them but there’s something for sure.

I get my things together because my phone’s playing some classical music I downloaded that’s my ten minutes before my first class warning and the girls go with me but I can feel Alex still watching me.

I think we’ll have to have a talk at some point.

In someplace public enough to be safe. I’m just being careful but you never know.