Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 9 & 10.

Chapter 9

I can’t help but to pant and exhale/moan “Sasssssssssha….” I almost a hiss/gasp as she works her magic on me and I’m shaking because while I’ve had some really great sex, and really great orgasms there is nothing as…sexual and powerful as she is right now.

I’ve got this Chinese woman with just enough Native America mixed in there to drive the sexy exotic thing She has on over the top. And her looking up at me with those exotic eyes, the thick lashes, those shiny lips wrapped around my cock as she’s looking into my soul and there’s this earnest almost slave like can I please you thing just coming off of her like smoke…and oh gods the sweet sounds and loving words she uses.

I feel oddly super empowered by the way that she’s acting and sounding and yet I’m fascinated and entranced by the things that she’s doing to me and I’m soaking in the experience…I want to do that, I want to make my lovers feel that…this…

Honestly the sexual part of this is so much more…because of this, the way she’s doing this, being and acting but she’s not acting because I can just tell that…that she is really doing this, feeling like this for me…over me…about me.

I can’t hold back…not with the things, she doing with her tongue, her throat, vibrations from the sounds she makes and her hand up my panties and moving my plug grinding…oh fff…ff…grinding it into my pleasure spot up inside of me and she has to turn us around and guide my to her sofa as she makes me Cum and my knees go weak.

I’m clutching the sofa and humping her face and Sasha’s got this look like she a vampire sucking the life in this hungry and sexy, sultry way right out of my body…It was like just by this feral sexual look she was screaming at me with this demand for me to give her every drop of cum in my body…It hurt…I swear she made me cum so hard that my balls ached from cumming and it was this freaky kinky kind of good hurt.

She was finishing sucking me while I was panting and my heart was racing with her face transformed again with the expression of a woman eating chocolate and lost is her foodgasm.

Sasha stands up and leans over me and kisses me with what’s called a snowball and that soon becomes this tongue kissing, thing of cum, and kissing and my lipstick on hers. I’m not sure how long but when we broke she was staring deep into my eyes.

“I want to see how far, you’ve gotten on your own Jamie.”

She leans back but sinks her fingers into my hair as she does and pulls me to her. I undo her yoga pant’s and her beautiful hard dick is there stiff and stuck in her panties I wait until she steps out of her Yoga pants and I pull her cock out of her panties and hold it, stroke it and face rub, smell her like it was a cigar. I take her into my mouth and try to pleasure her, I do all those things that I do with Tommy and before too long Sasha’s got a hold of my hair and fucking my face…it’s easier with her than with Tommy, Sasha’s got a wonderful eight inch dick but she’s Asian and there’s a bit of sleek slenderness to her’s compared to Tommy’s ten inches of thick monster.

I get rewarded for my efforts by Sasha filling my mouth with her cream and I hear her tell me. “Take it all…slowly, taste it, savor it Jamie. You’ll learn to love the taste.” I do and close my eyes and as much as some people can get grossed out by the whole idea I’m not…I’m going to be me and live like this and be like Sasha and just not some she-male then…I savor it, slowly drink it down and look up at Sasha and pull my lips off her dick with a pop… “More.” Then I go for more, I return to sucking and French kissing her cock until she’s hard again.

Sasha pulls out of me. “Turn around, on your hands and knees.” I move and she pulls my skirt all the way off and my panties down to my knees and wriggles the plug, presses into my prostate and even turns it inside of me. “Uhnngn Sasha, please…please it feels so good, please more….better than more…please fuck me…please…”

She slowly pulls the plug out which hurts in the slow stretch but once it’s out she sinks herself into me. I cry out at the mixture of invasion and satisfaction…Toys are great and their fine but I still like the real thing better. I hear her. “Come on Jamie, come on show my what you got, work that beautiful ass.”

I love this, I love it and I fuck with Sasha for god knows how long getting into my reptile slut brain. Bareback…I cum extra hard and unexpectedly when Sasha coats my insides with her hot sticky seed. She pulls out and the plug goes right in and she spoons with me awhile on the couch.

“You’ve gotten better, You’re a born cocksucker, but I can show you a few tricks, there’s a lot I can teach you.”

“S’good.” I sort of mumble trying to not to fall asleep. “I’m sorry Sasha, it’s just this after classes…”

“It’s okay, sleep, take a nap, you’re safe here.” She’s pressed against me her breasts into my back, her cock semi hard into my butt and she’s got an arm idly over my hip and she kisses my neck and I drift off to the scents of sex and Sasha’s Opium perfume.

…………………………. I wake up or rather I’m woken up by Sasha kissing me. Sasha looks at me. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Feeling better?”

“Yes.”

“Good, here.” She passes me an Absinthe in a martini glass. I drink and actually missed the taste. She kneel down and starts to suck me off again…pulling off and looks at me. “Lips first, a good lipstick or a good lip-gloss.” She goes back to work with her majik mouth…. “Lips are next, you pull your jaw in when you do this…the trick is to use your lips and that curl on the inside you feel when you run your tongue over your teeth…like this.” She goes back down and I can feel, her lips starting with that inside curl settling in just over the edge of my head and the rest of the head of my cock help by her sexy lips…she tilts her head back and forth driving me crazy and when she pulls her lips off my cock there’s this soft, full, flesh perfection sliding over my head.

Those few things and her stroking me drives me to this really sensitive cum. I’m panting and draining my drink. She kisses me again sharing cum again. She slinks to the bar and I notice she’s changed, she’s in this all matching stockings and garters, panties, one of those corsets that’s a bra and all in this light green with frosted green trimmed lace.

She move’s like a goddess in her four inch fuck me pumps and makes us another green fairy and another drink of Japanese green tea and something else that turns out to be sake we do two shots each and drink our second Absinthe.

There’s a bit more kissing and then she smiles. “You’re turn.”

It takes me a few tries to get it right, but all the while she’s stroking her nails through my hair, moaning and cooing at me when I do good and telling me things like. “Oh Jamie, yes honey that’s it, that so good, you’re so beautiful looking sucking cock, purse your lips more…use the tip of your tongue…swipe my head from up and under as you pull your lips off and over me…”

I’m eventually rewarded with more sweet cum. And Sasha and I kiss more and more sharing more cum and I feel my lips so much, the friction and they feel swollen from it but that just makes me feel more girly. I’m so turned on by thinking what this’ll do to Tommy…

“Sit..” I sit and she moves her panties aside and guides herself onto my cock and she leans on me making this “ooohaaah….” Gasp of pleasure as I sink into her and then she hugs me, presses into me and her insides enfold around me in this sexual perfection as she lets out this cooing sound…

I want to know that, be her, but at the same time as much as I’m a girl, I’m a cock loving sexy little slut in my head she’s still able to make me feel ten feet tall and more of a man lover wise than I’ve ever felt…

I don’t know what she’s doing but on the down sinking of her onto my cock she slides like silk and the upwards pull as she rides up I’m caught, trapped in her perfect ass and it’s so good, I feel like she’s milking the cum right out of me and she every once in awhile does this salsa like dancing roll of her hips and belly that just seems to be reaching past my balls and it’s like she trying to suck my cum from my brain via my spine.

And the wild thing is we kiss, we talk, She want’s to know about my week, my classes and Tommy and Neela and we’re fucking and making love and I’m getting her talking all these points about my lessons and my love life and sometimes it’s this glide, clench, glide all perfect and slow and others like when I’m talking to her about Tommy and what we do to each other, the way he makes me feel and the things going on in my head that I get about him because I’ve been there.

Sasha smiles. “Exactly, just because you’ve found the truth to your soul and you’re not the guy that you imagined it doesn’t mean that when you didn’t know the truth that you didn’t try to be a good a guy as you could. I didn’t know, and I still look back to that time with great fondness.”

“Y..you do?”

“Yes, I had nice girlfriends, I was middling popular, I wasn’t really a failure as a guy by any means but the first real time dressed, that first cock I sucked, the first time I was fucked I knew I wasn’t going back.”

“But you’re so beautiful, perfect.”

“Oh there’s no one that’s perfect Jamie, I wouldn’t want to be perfect anymore than I’d want to really become a woman. I’d likely make a good one but I really wouldn’t be happy as one. I’m a two spirited being in my own eyes and in order to really be myself I have to live in between to be happy, for my soul to breathe.”

“Oh…oh..fuck, yes…I know, God Sasha that’s it…that’s exactly the way I’ve been feeling and I didn’t ever know it.”

“I know, you’re a lot like me for being a blonde white girl.”

“Yeah but you’re so exotic Sasha. I want to be like you so much…”

“I can teach you honey, but you’re exotic too. Just in other places in the world. Hot and blonde is very big in other parts of the world.”

We keep gyrating and moving in this amazing rhythm and this way that it’s not just fucking, but not being in love but us being lovers I’m actually pushing into her and the plugs inside me so there’s those clenching muscles of my male side of my anatomy trying to do their push but it makes my insides seize up around my plug and take me even more out there.

And the lipstick on lipstick kisses, and Sasha pinching my nipples until the get sensitive and then whining is relief and pleasure as she sucks on them. I didn’t know that I’d get anything from that and the buzz from the drinks I have a bit of a fit as she takes me over the edge into orgasm land. And she’s cries out in this sound of pure girl but somehow more joy as she showers the space between us with her own.

I’m panting and looking at her and we kiss some more. “Oh God Sasha, that was incredible, teach me…please show me that…please…”

“Oh course I will, silly girl. Now come on, shower time and more lessons.”

“More lessons?”

“Oh yeah, practice makes perfect Jamie and you’ve got a lot to learn. Besides you owe me five hundred dollars.”

“What?, Five hundred dollars I thought…” I though she wasn’t a hooker.

“No shithead, I bought you some things you need. But are you having money problems?”

“No, I’m good I’ve got a trust that covers my education and gives me a decent amount as a weekly stipend. I’ll give you the money tomorrow?”

“Fine, I’m in no rush…C’mon.”

She pulls me along with her to the shower where I get cleaned up with her and she teaches me the finer ways and points around a woman’s breasts and as we dry I’m told to service her again and practice my cock-sucking skills.

It’s so strange that she’s using a towel and drying my hair while I’m on my knees drinking her cum again.

Then it’s a new plug for me…bigger and I moan as she lubes me up and inserts it into me. and she shows me the rest of the things other corsets she bought me and the gel inserts a nice modest middle B-Cup and some cheap but nice shoes…heels.

I get cinched into an new corset and nice panties and stay up stockings and a nylon slip and a bra, once I’m in the shoes a pair of red open toed three inch heels I click-swish sway my way over to the full length mirror….

“Holy shit…Oh…Oh….wow…”

“You like?”

“More than, this…this is me…”

“How’s it feel?”

I stare at myself in the mirror, turn this way and that and try to picture me like this everyday, and it’s right there. I mean it’s not even a sexual thing or zing with me this time but it’s just.

It’s that you know when you looked in the mirror and there’s you there but you don’t really know what’s wrong with you, while you feel off. This is looking in the mirror and just feeling this hey you feeling.

“It feels like, I’m me. Like the person who’s under the skin matches the outside finally.”

“Yeah I so get that. C’mon Jamie girl more to learn.”

Chapter 10.

Lessons for the rest of the night was walking like a woman, gestures and dancing. And cooking.

Sasha’s a firm believer of the way to a lovers heart if through their stomach, and we’re both hungry actually starving after our love making and she teaches me a dish I can make for Neela but it’s just plain good too.

It’s diced carrots cooked in a can of coconut milk and with a can of chick peas with ginger, turmeric and cumin until they’re soft. Then you add in a dollop/heaping tablespoon of peanut butter and blend the whole thing. We garnish it with a diced red chili and bagged coconut we roasted off in the oven and we’re using pita with it but she tells me about Nan and some simple side dishes too.

Apparently I’m a natural at least in walking in heels but getting used to doing things in them is another. I’m a decent dancer insofar as I’ve never really done it and before I leave she gives me another chance to practice my cock-sucking skills again.

Sasha kisses me at the door. “G’nite Jamie, I want to see you here in the morning around six.”

“Huh, I though before this was after classes?”

“Oh yeah but you don’t have classes until around nine so I thought we’d get in some jogging and get you into a rhythm of things. You trust me right?”

“Of course I do, I…I love you Sasha.” I bite my lip and look at her, I don’t know how she’s going to take that.

She gives me this long slow kiss. “I love you too Jamie, now go home I’ll see you tomorrow.”

There was love in the kiss, love in her eyes and in her voice but it’s that mature I love you love. Not that take your breath away I’m IN love with you love.

No, I’m not disappointed, I’m doubly relieved because I’m not sure if I’m ready for that all out IN Love thing yet. But I do love her, she’s hugely special to me. I’m happy she loves me back.

I get home and slip into my night corset and put my new things away and go to sleep dreaming sexy, lusty, little girly dreams and smiling.

***

I pant out after the little Injun-Chinese so and so. “You know I hate you right?”

Sasha bubbles out this laugh and turns around backwards while I’m running or puffilly jogging with her.

“Life is pain princess, anyone who says something else is selling you something.”

“Fuck off.”

I’m wearing a bra and my boobs and it totally changes the way I’m running and so is the plug inside me. It’s such a heady, freaky feeling but a good one and accented by me in a real girls style pony tail. I love the swish of the hair the sway and bounce of me.

I’m on my third bottle of water and sweating like a pig when she’s finally done running me. It was only four kilometers but it took me an hour. She came home with me and we go upstairs to clean up.

Sasha takes me from behind and start undressing me. “On the bed Jamie…bend over…” It’s that thrilling kind of commanding tone she gets. I do and the plug come’s out as she sinks in after a shot of lube inside of me. My body and my muscles react, I react sex mixed with the endorphins from the run…

“Easy, Jamie easy…I want you to relax, exhale and just let everything go…” she’s sliding out. “Okay, just relax and…” She sinks in hard slick fast…hitting my yay spot… My response was a “Ughn…!” in a good way. “Good now clench, tighten up…” I bear down and feel her hard cock inside me so much…Sasha pulls out and …”Oh…oh…” comes out of me as I really feel her cock0head and feel it dragging it’s way through my inner core. She’s almost out. “And relax…exhale…” I do and she sinks in hard, but not hard it’s this perfect stroke through me. Sasha talks me through getting the rhythm and oh…this, this is what she was doing while riding my cock last night.

The pleasure of this builds so good, so much sweeter and so fast…that relaxed thrusting into me is the sex-electric thing and soothing too after her cock drags through me…I get through maybe twenty, twenty-five thrusts before I cum and explode hard…

The first one was just powerful and the next had less volume but more pleasure as I’m getting more sensitive inside and my third comes when Sasha coats my insides with her cream.

She kisses me after. “C’mon lets get cleaned up.” She stays and showers with me and leaves saying. “I’ll see you tonight.”

……………….Classes are interesting, even fun actually and the morning see’s me getting some looks and I see Tommy in passing and we wave to each other both busy. We text for a few minutes and I tell him about jogging and he LoL’s at me and I send him a happy face icon giving him a raspberry.

After lunch I have some free time so I actually attend on of the LGBT student meetings and there’s some campus staff there and I register both as a member of the campus’s LGBT group but get the stuff for the notices and e-mails and stuff traded off too. There’s some faculty there and I get myself registered there too as a transgendered student.

The guy there looks at me. “You have you’re carry letter yet?”

“No, what’s that?”

“It’s a letter from a qualified therapist or mental/medical professional that legally says that you’re in transition.”

“Oh, do I need one?”

“No…but it really helps and it’ll keep you clear of a lot of bullshit if something does happen.”

“Oh, but if I don’t?”

“I’ll still put you on the campus list but your student file will note you don’t have the carry letter. But it’ll help that you sign a declaration.”

“A declaration?”

“Yeah it’s a paper we have that say’s you’re choosing to transition into your real gender and it gets witnessed here and we can go by this and the date you signed it in case something does happen.”

“Oh, okay.”

He gives me the declaration forms and I sign them out and he gets me to give him my social insurance, Medicare and my drivers license he photo copies them and he gives me copies of the declaration for myself and another set of papers with a copy of my Id’s.

“What’s this for?”

“This is me signing off on your declaration and with those you can go to the office of admissions and get your student ID as a transgendered girl student.”

“Isn’t that kind of outing me?”

“No it’s a designation number on the card that only some of the faculty and campus security know there’ll be nothing on there but your real gender for people to see.”

“Oh, cool thanks so much.”

“Hey, no problem.”

I leave and head straight to the office and I get my student ID right there and then without barely as look from the woman behind the desk. The funny thing was her pressuring me in to getting a student meal card for the dining hall and a campus debit card. I didn’t know you needed one of those to use stuff like the photocopiers and stuff.

I ended up jogging to my first afternoon class. I was really happy too with this proof of this is me. Ms. Jamie Blake. That I’m starting to be who I really am and everything now.

Even the leg cramp I got three quarters of the way through the class wasn’t that bad.

…………………… saw Neela after the last class of the day. She was texting again on her Blackberry and in the courtyard near where I met Tommy. She’s drinking something and I take out my phone and text her.

[Hey Neela, It’s Jamie what’s up?]

[Nothing just going over my schedule, and checking things online and ordering a few books to download.]

[So would you like to get a cup of coffee?]

[I’m having one now.]

[Would you like a refill?]

Yes, I’m stealing Tommy’s line. I smile and wave at her when she looked up and around then she smiled when she see’s me.

[How long have you been there?]

[Five minutes, I’m getting a tea myself, can I really get you anything?]

[Another medium soy milk cuppucino please?]

[Coming right up.]

I get her coffee and my Japanese green tea and walk over to her table. She’s looking me over as much as I’m looking her over. Black hair, that skin like toasted spices, long lashes, big eyes and dressed in this power suit again but no blouse of bra just this thin but beautiful hindi patterned camisole that just drives home the hot and the exotic look she has.

“Here’s you coffee, my god you look beautiful do you know that?”

“Thank you for the coffee Jamie, but you don’t really need to flirt so hard.”

“I’m not, I’m stunned and confused again.”

“Again?”

“I think you look drop dead gorgeous and half of me wants to ask you for tips and the other half of me really wants to be closer…”

“Closer?” she looks at me and does that coy eyebrow thing.

“Yes, closer…” I smile and look her openly in the eyes and lick my lips after a sip of my tea.

Neela looks at me, breaks eye contact band smiles. “You really don’t beat around the bush do you?”

“I like you, I like you in a whole bunch of way’s I can’t really articulate and I want to go out with you maybe, if you’re not seeing anyone.”

“I’m not, when?”

“Saturday night?”

“Okay, where are we going?”

“I have no idea, I’m new to Vancouver and I don’t know what you like to do? You’ll be the first girl I’ve ever gone out on a date with since coming to B.C.”

“Okay then, dinner on me, movie on you and then maybe we’ll go out dancing?”

“Sounds good. What time?”

“Six thirty, you can pick me up.”

“Indian food?”

“No…I really don’t do the cliché. No, I’ll surprise you, I’ll give you directions.”

“Okay I’ll pick you up?”

“You have a car?”

“Motorcycle.”

“Great, I love bikes, I’ve never dated a girl with a bike.”

“Good. Then I’m a first for you too.”

“Oh you already are Jamie. I’m really not into guys at all, I’m really going out on a limb here.”

“Oh Neela, I’m so not really a guy.”

“I noticed nice breasts.”

“Thank you they’re what I’ve got until I get my own.”

“Really, you’re not getting snipped but you’re getting breasts.”

“I hope so, I really want my own.”

“You’re an interesting person Jamie.”

“Thank you.” I smile at her.

“Well I should get going I’m done for the day.”

“Me too, can I walk you somewhere?”

“Okay, my car’s over in the far parking lot.”

I get up and take my books and head with Neela over campus to her car. She must have money because she’s driving a BMW. She unlocks the car. “Thanks for the coffee Jamie.” She steps up and kisses me on the lips. I kiss her back but not like I’d kiss Tommy but like the way I kiss Sasha.

It’s get’s a little deeper. It get’s a bit hotter and her hands slip to my sides and mine to hers and there’s more kissing. Then I’m touching her through her silk camisole and my hands very gently glide over her breasts with the silk and just fingertip traces, gentle grazes of my nails…her nipples harden…. “Oh…Jamie…you…oh…girl…”

I smile. “Told you so.”

We keep going and she opens the back door of her car and slides inside and so do I. It’s darkly tinted windows make it nice and private in here. I sink to my knees on the floor and slowly undo her pants and pull them and her panties down around her ankles.

“Oh…Jamie…”

I lower my face to her shaved sex and lick, and moan pressing my face into her pussy. “Ooooooh…Neela, I’ve never seen something so pretty…God….you’re beautiful.”

I lick, I lip her lips and her folds and she gets wetter and wetter and I kiss it, trace those sensitive lips first with the smooth back of my fingernail, then the pad of my finger and then my lips and then my tongue over and over until she’s squirming. “I’ve never done this Nee…tell me if I’m doing things wrong…” I look up at her with that worshipful please let me please you look and she’s staring back at me hands massaging her breast nodding and messing up her dark hair into this wanton sweet exotic look.

“Oh…Okay…” her voice is panting and small and breathy. I rest my forehead on her pubic bone and kiss. I say with this quiet wonder in my voice. “God Nee you’re so beautiful…”

I sink my face back down gently pulling her open and slipping my two index fingers into her on either side of her hard little clitty and use my thumbs to hold her open very gently …the rest of my hands cupping each side and I suck her clitty like it was this perfect little dick.

My lips do that trick Sasha’s been having me perfect on giving head and I…I…I suckle on Neela like she was a ring pop. The entire time my two index fingers that are holding her clitty I use to rub the other off shooting parts of her clitoral organ and I soon feel her crying out as she comes, and she runs her fingers through my hair and she pulls me closer by handfuls as I keep going. I stop in between her cumming to just licking with the tip of my tongue while I stare intently up her body until that long stare into her eyes seems to get her off.

The third time I’m looking up and she’s playing with her breasts and crying out, panting and sweating her fourth cum I think. I stare at her. “I really wish I could do that, I really wish I could feel what you’re feeling…” I’m serious and I’m sincere in that and I go back down into her pretty sex and lose myself into it and worshiping her pussy and clitty until I get into this place where I’m doing my own kagel squeezes, feeling my plug and pretending that her cries are mine and pretending she’s fucking me with a strap on and playing with my titties and I use one hand to go into my bra and squeeze my back gel breast and just….hormones…me reacting to her, to the situation, her sounds…I cry out as I bury my face into her pussy and cream my panties.

I just pant right there and I hear her crying, sniffling and giggling….

“Nee? Are you okay? Did I do anything wrong?”

“Nnn..No…I…God Jamie I’ve never been with anyone like that…Never…”

I look up at her and she pulls me up to her and we kiss. We rest our foreheads against each other and kiss and pant and she’s crying.

“Neela…are you sure you’re okay?”

“Jamie, I’m fine I’m just really happy…and really fucking confused.”

“Confused…?”

“Yes damn it. I’m a lesbian, It’s me, I’ve never really liked guys that much only a few relative and friends.”

“Okay?”

“Okay…Well I’m all confused….”

“Why?”

“Because, the best goddamned sexual experience of my life just came from a girl who’s genetically a guy!”

“Oh.”

“No…! Fuck Jamie, No I didn’t mean it like that! I…It…It didn’t feel like we were just hooking up, not like some hook up like my usual…It felt like more than that.”

“It was More than that Nee, we made love.?”

“How? How could we make love we don’t even know each other!?”

I slip over and straddle her like she’s a guy and rest my arms on her shoulders and run my fingers and fake nails through her hair straightening her up. I look her in the eyes.

“You want to know why? How? Because it’s true. You liked me well enough to kiss me, you went further and further with me of your own free will Nee, you don’t like guys and even though I’m a girl of my own sort in my soul, my body’s not but you let go and you trusted me anyway…you let me in…you…didn’t let all that other stuff matter and that showed so much heart and honor Neela that I couldn’t help but respond in kind to it and we went from two people having sex to two people making love.”

She’s crying now and staring at me eyes wide despite the tears.

“Nee, I’m right in the middle of things like you said or I’m on the way there. I was scared too in a lot of ways because with a real live girl you’re my first. You took a chance on me and that’s huge.”

“It was?”

“Uh-huh, very chivalric-Sapphic, very stand up girl full of heart and soul.”

“Jamie….Dammit!” She’s crying again. “No one’s ever said shit like that to me?”

“They should, you’re worth it.”

“God Jamie what am I going to do with you?”

“Give me a drive to my mentor Sasha’s house? Then buy me a nice supper Saturday night.” I smile and kiss her. She kisses me back a bit then get’s dressed. “Sure.”

We get straighten around and the windows are down to air out the car and she drives me to Sasha’s house. She looks at me, stares almost. “This Sasha, she’s your mentor in what?”

“She’s teaching me to be me. She’s like I am.”

“A she-male?”

“Yeah, I guess, it’s not really the term we use.”

“What do you use?”

“Girl, woman…sometimes Mahu will work.”

“Mahu?”

“Guys…sort of guys living as women because we are in our hearts isn’t a new thing, it’s really not. Just think of me as being literally two spirited.”

“Oh and she and you.”

“Are lovers yes.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve got a great guy to as a lover Nee.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, I’m taking love wherever I’m lucky enough to find it. I’m trying just to be myself.”

“So this was a fling. God you‘re such an asshole!”

It hurt like I was punched, no…I’d rather be punched.

“Hell no!” I sort of shout it, well raised my voice. “I don’t say make love when I don’t mean it Nee. I loved being with you. I love being with you and we had something really special but I’m me, and I don’t come with strings, No bullshit Neela…I like, you I like you…I don’t, I don’t…”

I’m crying with tears streaming down my face. I get out of her car and close the door. I don’t slam it but I close it and I give her a last look before going fast up Sasha’s walk having to hug myself because it hurts so bad.

I hear her car pull away with a chirp from her tires and I’m just too…I pound on the door instead of using the doorbell and Sasha opens the door after I don’t know how long and I take one look at her and burst into tears sinking to my knees.

I feel her kiss my forehead my arms around me and she leads me into her house.

I haven’t hurt this bad since my Dad died.