Absinthe, Opium and Honor… Chapters 17 & 18.

Chapter 17.

The girls and I go through classes together having such a good time. There’s a lot of just girl talk about hair and make-up, clothes and I’m actually able to hold my own. But as much as I can relate and hold my own there’s this great feeling of getting immersed in the world of girl in a way outside of the things Sasha was teaching me.

Oh and they really enjoyed the coffee’s that Tommy bought us.

We eat together in the food hall and I spot Tommy heading over and I finish and get up. “I’ll see you later girls.” There’s a smile on my face then I walk over to him and kiss him deeply. I notice a few girls looking our way. More than a few actually and there’s a couple that really don’t look at me with friendly looks.

Yeah, he’s more interested in me than you. Get used to it.

“You’ve got some time?” He asks after the kiss.

“Mmm hmm, I’m done for a couple of hours you?”

“I’m done for the day.”

“My place it’s closer.”

“Definitely.”

We leave me first but I have Tommy’s hand and we get out of there and head for the truck. I notice Neela watching both of us leaving and Karin too, Karin’s got a really stormy look as she watches us leave.

It takes no time to get back to my place and get upstairs while we’re kissing and his hands are all over me.

I absolutely love the feeling of his big strong hands running over me and the feeling of his hardening cock through his jeans. Once we get to the bed we undress each other and he sucks on my nipples enough to make them feel really good and make me make these little cooing sounds and there’s an ache though…God I want my own breasts.

I sink to my knees and like Pavlov’s dog the sound of unbuckling his jeans and the zipper almost has me drooling. I love cock; I’m completely serious about that too. I really have no doubt about that part of me.

I stroke Tommy’s cock and love as it blooms to hardness and wrap my lips around the head and twist my head rubbing the fullness of my lips around the head and that sensitive line of man where head meets shaft. Yeah, I’m good at this; you should be good at what you love.

I love Tommy’s moans and my body responds my skin getting flushed and I get hard and my little boy nipples get pointy and I’m clutching around my plug. He lets out this long slow deep. “Ooooooohhh….. J…Jamie…”

Fuck…Oh…fuck I love that…

It just does something and I shove forward taking Tommy down my throat and once his pubic bone is rubbing my nose.

The first thing I do is this sort of throaty muffled laugh moan around his cock of having his sweet cock inside me, It’s not really an act but something I do…well because guys love it, love the thought of it.

I know I get harder than hell knowing and hearing how much Sasha loves sucking my cock and she loves it when I return the favor.

I mean who does want their partner going down on them in joy.

I swallow clench and close my throat muscles around him and pull back. His moans pushing me to do more to do better…then his fingers are running through my hair, massaging my skull then holding me fast and tightly as he starts to move his hips and fucking my face and I don’t panic, I take short breaths and let him take me that way, I use my tongue though pushing my tongue to the underside of his beautiful cock letting the bumps of my taste buds drive him wild.

Just by the sounds he’s making I know he’s close and I reach up and hold his dick, and cup his balls and wait…He cries out and the first spurt hits deep then I squeeze off his cock squish swallow while looking at him…

“Jamie…!”

I jack stroke him while looking at him let him release another two spurts…close him off, swallow again… “Jamie!”

And do it again… “Jesus fuck Jamie!!!”

Then I suck, suck hard…that guzzling something kind of sucking with all that pressure I let him Cum the rest of the way and I’m stroking him off really fast and it’s only two more spurts but they’re powerful and thick and yummy. And I cry/muffled by cock moan hard around his dick as I’m so excited I cum too.

But the way his whole body shudders and the sweaty sheen that he has just breaking out all over him and this whining crying sob like I’m killing him of “Jamie….!” I actually have to turn him lose as he flops down onto my bed.

I’m still swallowing his cream slowly and lick

Then move over to him and cross my arms on his thighs and rest my head on them as he’s panting like a race horse. He stares at me after a few seconds of breathing in wonder and I smile. “God Tommy I love you y’know that right?”

“Oh… Jesus Jamie, I love you too holy…holy fuck…”

“Oh good boy…I really, want that…please Tommy, please…I really want you.”

I reach and start stroking him again slowly still leaning and lounging on him. Then start sucking on his cock enough to get him hard again. Once he’s hard again I take out my plug and crawl up the bed and over him and kiss him deeply. I keep kissing him and lubing myself and him then I sink onto him.

“Oh…Tommy, oh…oh…god…”

It feels so good…It really, really does. The sensation of being filled is amazing, the steel sheathed in velvety flesh of his cock and the literally heavenly feeling of his body heat sinking into me. So good and really, really I could close my eyes and tilt my head back and cry.

I roll my pelvis and move with him inside of me and his hands are on my hips and then sliding up over my sides and my corset and I get into my routine of relax as he enters clench as he moves out.

I get to this point where as beautiful as this is I need more…and more…I move off and turn around and sink back down facing away from him. “Tommy, Tommy, take me…pin me down…take me…please, please baby…”

He gets up onto his knees and takes control I’m on my knees but arching into the mattress grabbing the sheets. I feel him moving in and out of me and he hits my love spot inside and I cry out. “There! there! Oh fuck Tommy there!”

He starts to hit that spot more and more and I get vocal…really vocal and crying out. “Ooooaah!…..Ughnnn!….More…Please Tommy More!, More…make me yours…take…me…take…meeee!”

I relax myself inside band let him glide through me as much as possible as he pounds my love spot inside until I’m moaning almost steady and I’m….. I…I can barely think because well honestly Tommy is fucking my brains out.

I know that sort of a bimbo thing to say but I hit this wall where my pleasure just totally overrides my active day to day brain…Tommy’s the same way, I really doubt he’d be rational while he’s doing me like this.

Then it happens Tommy takes me to blast off, to with so much pleasure running through me I don’t get the build up of my own orgasm until I cum, and I cum hard…on moment I’m moaning and then I’m…girly screaming/squealing out “Ughnnn!!!…Tommeee….!” As I pop like a champagne cork all over the bed and myself…Then the best part…He knows, by now he knows and as I’m vocally cumming He buries himself into me and My body seizes up in that inside clench as I’m coming and I seize up around his hot huge cock and vibrate because I’m coming that hard and that feeling of Tommy so huge in my so pronounced from my body tightening around him is so….

But there’s more as my body going through that is enough to vibrate and squeeze and drive him over the edge and I get take over in that overload I’m having as I feel him flood my insides with his hot cream.

I nearly faint…I go limp in his arms as I have a massive orgasm but only shoot a bit…it’s a very inside, girly-boy orgasm. It’s as close to a female one as I’ll ever get and feels more like an implosion then me exploding in the male way…only to me it’s twice as strong.

I’m panting and Tommy’s collapsed on top of me. I enjoy the feeling of his weight on me. My insides are still twitching and reacting to the super intense lovemaking we just had made and despite our sweaty panting breathing state I can feel him going again from semi-soft to hard inside of me…I love his endurance…Tommy moves some of my hair and kisses my neck.

“God Jamie…Why, why are you just so good at this? None of the other girls are like you, y’know that?”

“I know, I think it’s because girls like me try more. I love making love with you; I get to really be me when I’m intimate with you. I get to say to myself…he’s with me. I am pretty. I am good enough.” My voice is kind of small and there’s a lot of stuff that’s part of me in that, of how I feel. Tommy wraps his arms under me in this big hug even as he’s fully hard again and takes a long slow stroke through me. I push back, gasp a bit.

“I didn’t know this was the real me Tommy, not until things happened but there was something really wrong and missing inside me…oh…mmmmm…but I grew up in a house with the most entitled bitches in the world and even went to school with a few more. I’m a girl too, a woman but I’m me too and I just want to be different than them…have to be…sniffle.”

Tommy pulls out then turns me to face him before sinking into me but it’s not as him touching my face and combing back some of my hair with his fingers. Looks me really deeply in the eyes and kisses me. Not the sex kissing but the sweet tender kisses of a caring lover, of someone who cares about me. It makes everything better, sweeter; he’s such a beautiful guy.

“That’s one of the things that I really, really love about you Jamie, you’re just you…no bullshit, no drama, no games.”

“Oh there’s drama in my life Tommy, sometimes…Mmmm…I…I just don’t go chasing it or try to make it.”

“Exactly, I feel like I can breathe around you more than I can with some of the other girls.”

I kiss him this time deeply.

“Thanks Tommy, I needed to hear that. I needed to hear all of this.”

“See…see…most girls I know wouldn’t say that, just wouldn’t….they wouldn’t thank me for it.”

“I don’t get that, I hate that…My sister, my Mom were those girls that were those entitled girls…those tell me what I want to hear but you have to read my mind types…I need to be me…I need to be a girl but just not one like either of them….”

“You’re not Jamie, You’re not…You’re you and that’s why I can’t get enough of you, I love your soul.”

Okay, that makes me cry these happy tears and I kiss him over and over and we make love a lot slower and longer this time and I cry but the good cry, and we kiss and we smile at each other… God do you know how much that makes a difference, just smiling at your lover…real smiles all the way into your eyes smiles.

It makes all the difference in the world…

We cuddle afterwards and I look at the clock and snuggle into him. “I really don’t want to move but I’ve got to…I’ve got two late classes.”

“Mmm, when do you have to be there?”

“Four.”

“Okay that’s in about two hours.”

“Yeah but it takes girls longer to get ready.”

“Okay…C’mon.”

Tommy gets up and pulls me up with him and we kiss and make our way into the shower and take a hot shower together. No sex, but this just really nice shower, kissing sharing of intimacy.

“It is really nice, better than nice to have someone wash your back….just that, just having someone touching you right?” I’m smiling as I say it as he’s washing my back and I finish with a wistful sigh.

“Just one more thing I love about you Jamie, you just get it.”

He leaves me to getting “Cleaned” then re-lubed and plugged then made up and lotioned and powdered as well. I hear him in my mini kitchen doing stuff and I slip into new underwear and matching bra and my inserts a nice camisole under my corset and exhale re-doing my ties a bit tighter and I look good in the mirror. I slip into a nice dress it’s fall so pretty soon it might be too chilly for that.

I love this, I feel pretty and girly and sexy and I look the part too.

Tommy’s smile at seeing me just tops it all.

I smell this lovely smell. I walk over and smile at him and hug him as he’s cooking. “What are you making?”

“Soup.”

“Okay?”

“Potato soup.”

“Potato?”

“Yep, I nuked the potatoes then browned them in the pot here with a bit of olive oil then added a bit of your onion and then milk and now…”

I watch him just take some chives and a bit of fresh rosemary both are things he gave me and then so salt and pepper and he takes my stick blender and puts it into the pot and buzzes it up over the heat. The smell is amazing…He pours it out into two soup cups and takes some toast with herbs out of the oven. He cleans up fast too; he didn’t use a lot of dishes.

I sip mine and it’s creamy and savory and herb flavored but the browned potatoes really let you know it was potato. It’s even better when I dip the toast. “Damn Tommy this is really, really good.”

“Thank you beautiful I stole it from a place downtown and really it’s cheap and easy to make too.”

I laugh. “So you though about cheap and easy when it came to me?”

He grins and laughs a bit too. “No, but like you its simple and great.”

I lean over and kiss him. “Thank you, that’s really sweet to say and I love that you cooked for me.”

He kisses me back and we finish and he drives me to my late classes and I get out with him and he walks me to the little coffee spot and we kiss a bit while waiting in line. I’m getting looks again but I don’t care. I have every right to be me. I get a tray of coffees for the girls and get him his large cappuccino. “Hey I could’ve bought…” I kiss him to shut him up then slowly break it. “You drove me around and you were so…just awesome this afternoon and you cooked…Just let me buy you a damned coffee.” I smile and kiss him again the sway off to my late classes.

…………….. Classes are good even if there’s a few looks from the prof’s as a whole lot of my afternoon is really girl talk and play by plays of me and Tommy even though Noel’s all “Ick!” about the “Het sex.” but I can tell Dina’s getting a little hot and bothered by the talk and Henna’s got this goofy grin and blushes a lot and Vic, well she’s all worldly and stuff about it but happy for me too.

I tell Noel I’ll tell Tommy she want’s some of his recipe idea’s. Apparently in Lez world the way to a lot of girl’s pussies is through their stomachs.

It was a fun afternoon all in all.

……………… I met Rick getting two large Macha tea’s one for me and one for Sasha.

He was in line and he was looking at me. I tried to ignore it not knowing what he wanted but at the same time I really noticed him. Short cute brown hair nicely cut, green eyes, clean shaven in a high-school hockey jacket and big broad shoulders. He was wearing a UBC t-shirt and jeans and was equipped with a nice bulge.

Yes, I looked, girls baskets watch as much as guys boob surf.

He came up to me as I was ordering. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I’m Rick and you’re Jamie?”

“I am…we haven’t met have we?”

“Uhm, no it’s just I’ve seen you around and asked and stuff.”

“Oh, am I that interesting?”

“Well uhm….I’ve heard things.”

“What kind of things?”

“That you’re uhm not a girl….” He’s quiet and blushing.

“Oh I’m a girl but just not born as one.”

“Uhm Yeah…” He’s really blushing.

“So you’re curious?”

He nods.

“You like chocolate?”

“Uhm yeah?” He’s confused.

“So are you curious about me as a girl or are you curious about me with you as the girl?”

“Uhmm..uhmm…you…”

“Why?”

“I…I…I…heard stuff, and I mean I seen stuff uhm online…” God he’s all nervous and whispery and cute. I order a small hot chocolate and a brownie too as he’s sort of studying the ground.

“Rick?”

“Yeah…?”

“I’m scared to but excited too, not a lot of guys are brave enough to come up to a girl like me in public. But I need to get to know you before we do something more personal.”

“More…?”

“More.” I put the small hot chocolate in his hands and shove the brownie in his mouth gently then kiss his cheek. “Ask me out, I’m free this weekend.”

I leave and swat out of the courtyard and notice some girls staring at me from their tables with this sort of angry and sort of confused look. Like Rick being around me was all WTF or something.

…………………………….. Sasha’s was Sasha’s what can I really say? I had our tea and we talked about stuff and it was more lessons. Not really the whole sexual stuff either, cooking, talking in my language lessons and girl voice and enunciation…it’s a lot of practice and vocabulary, not just sounding like a girl but sounding like an educated girl.

We do make love, though in our favorite place the fireplace room of hers and on that big beautiful couch of Sasha’s. Us being together, it’s a completely different thing way more of a lesbian experience.

I snuggled and we curled up talking together my head on her chest and idly sucking one of her nipples while I played with that breast. “I wish I had breasts like yours.”

“I know but they’re expensive Jamie and there’s a lot to being like this.”

“I know that, but this is me now. I can’t just go back to the way that things were and I really would like to have more of the shape and features that I really want to have.”

“I’d still like you to be really, really sure about this and see a therapist and make sure that you’re really, really sure about all of this.”

“Okay…do you know someone?”

“Actually yes I know a few people that you could talk to but you should maybe look for one yourself and see who you’re going to like.”

“But the one’s you know would get it.”

“Yes but I’d feel more comfortable not being a part of your therapy.”

“Really?”

“Yes really it’ll make me feel that you’re doing this because you really need to more than any connection to me.”

I look up into her eyes and we stare at each other then I get up and get my clothes and kiss her on the lips. “You’re right, you’re always right aren’t you?”

“Oh no, I not always right Jamie I’m just older than you and I’ve been through my own versions of things. It’s just life experience.”

“So you had a mentor too?”

“Sort of.”

“Where is she now?”

“Dead, let’s just say that people when I went through this we’re as tolerant as they are these days.”

“Oh, sorry Sasha.”

“No you don’t have to be sorry Jamie. A lot of us have gone through hell so the next generations didn’t have to.”

I can get that, even when I was in school we had a sort of sociology class and we talked a lot about the civil rights movement but not just the race thing but the LGBT stuff to like that Harvey milk guy.

“Thanks for being here Sasha and for helping me through this.”

“It’s okay Jamie, I’m sorry for how we met and tying you up and all of that stuff.”

“No…don’t…I like being tied up…I wanted what we did, I loved what we did. It’s alright.”

We kiss and she walks me to the door and I head home and crawl into a long hot bath after I make another pot of that cream of potato with rosemary soup I take a big mug of it to sip with me into the bath.

Chapter 18

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ignore the stuff in my life that’s been ordinary. I did my usual for the rest of the month with my classes and hanging with the girls and Vic and Henna had so far bought rounds of coffees for us in out classes.

I’m still slowly getting better at jogging and swimming and I don’t look like I’m totally out of sync with my Yoga and Tai-chi groups. I’m actually liking both of those because I just can sort of feel more centered after those classes and stuff.

I really apply myself in my self defense classes and I’ve got good reason for it too.

Neela still looks at me now and then and Karin still glares at me but I’ve been getting some looks from the hard core lez crowd the real man haters.

Why?

Oh I still have a dick.

And I’ve been talking with some of the more laid back lez girls and even flirting with a few and then there’s been Amy.

Amy is this little cute pixie of a red head with really short hair and an almost elfin quality to her and she’s very, very hot. Just tiny and perfect in this skater girl non-goth artist kind of way. She’s got all the single and not so single Lez girls drooling over her. She’s also a friend of mine recently. No, we’ve never gone down the whole sex route or we haven’t yet but she likes my clothes and she had actually came over to my place and knocked one day and we just talked as she looked over my stuff and bought like five hundred dollars worth of my stuff.

A hooded black wool sweater-knit styled long coat with a built in hood and she got gloves and leg warmers too. Plus two of my purse-laptop case combos.

But as much as anything people are assuming that we’re having sex. We’re not but Amy likes to give me a long sweet kiss in the food hall when we part our separate ways. Actually I think she’s into Noel but its funny Noel’s not really showing her any interest.

Probably why Amy likes her.

………………… And there’s been some stuff with some of the straight girls too. I’ve been getting some more attention from some of the regular guys and the straight guys with sort of open minds. They don’t get why at all that they talk to me, they don’t like that they talk to me. That we’ll flirt kind of sometimes and have coffee together and stuff or even just wave at me or pass me by and say “Hey Jamie.” Apparently that’s not supposed to happen in their worlds. I’m expecting trouble from both camps actually. The thing is with the guys except for a few blatant haters of all things LGBT the majority actually likely barely know I exist, or don’t care what I do with whom.

Fucking girls and their fucking need for drama.

And yeah, that’s likely one of the reasons that they do talk to me as much as they do. I don’t like the drama. I’m honest in who and what I am and if they can deal then cool if not there’s lots of places they can take a hike off to.

Honestly most of them have just heard things and come up and talk to me just to be curious and wow…they find out that I’m a person. But not just that but they’re people too. I never, never treat a guy like he’s his wallet. I don’t judge his clothes, or his size or even how handsome he is. Yeah there are some guys who are really better looking that other guys but I’ve never met any of them yet that I couldn’t smile around and just be nice to and stuff.

I have rules. I try to always say something back when I’m talked to, even if it’s just a “Hi.” I don’t ig-fucking-nore people because they don’t fit some magazine checklist.

I don’t make fun of people in a mean way ever.

I refuse to sat shit or even listen to someone talking shit about them behind the other person’s back…I leave if I can.

I thank people who are mannerly towards me. One of my biggest pet peeves really, they want equal rights, but pamper me, treat me like and equal but treat me like a whore?

Someone, any gender holds the door open for me and I thank them. Them doing that isn’t my rightful due.

Do I sound pissed, a little freaked…sorry, I think I’m hormonal.

I don’t hate girls, I love women but just like all the asshole guys out there, there is this group of women that just completely wreck every bit of respect and beauty and shine about being a girl for not just me but GG’s even.

I know Vic and Dina have both said because they’re good looking and the way other girls have acted there’s a lot of guys that just assume by looking at them…Bitch.

Anyway…Rick asked me out the weekend he came up to me and he’s still shy and no we haven’t had sex yet.

I’ll get to that in a bit.

But me dating another hot straight guy isn’t sitting well with the entitled GG straight bitchy crowd.

Rick asked me out three days after we’d met in the food hall for Friday night and I said yes and he picked me up at seven that night and he took me out to the movies and we had a good time. He was pleasantly surprised when I wanted to see Fast Five and we shared popcorn and had a good I didn’t talk through the movie and we talked about it when we left and he’s not really a car nut and neither am I but we had a good time and he was pretty impressed that I had Dad’s bike. I showed it to him while we were at my place and we had a coffee.

But at the end of the night I walked him to his car and we shared a nice really long kiss. I think he was surprised at that.

Tommy and I have gone out more than a few times just simple me and him just being us dated and doing stuff we’ve never done before. Like bowling. I’ve never been bowling and he didn’t have a bowling alley in the town he grew up in. We went and he paid for the game and I got us slices of pizza and he bought the beers and we just had a good time.

Another time we just drove around town and stopped where we seen something interesting and just got to know Vancouver and the areas that make it up. That time we ate at a real crab-shack and got really, really messy but neither of us had done anything like it.

The best night though was the time that we did make love and all we did was stay in at his place because it was raining like crazy out and we watched stuff on TV and made supper together Hamburgers and French fries all homemade and snuggled in and just had a normal night and that was the only time I slept with him once since last time.

I’ve only been with Sasha a few times too lately but she’s really actually good with that.

Why?

Because the next day after her and I had that talk. I went the next day after classes to the LGBT center and I talked to some of the councilors there about where I am in my head and what I’m doing in my transition, they turned me onto a couple of people who are therapist for the Trans/Genderqueer types like me who don’t fit into the guidelines of the regular LGBT setting.

I’ve started seeing Dr. Lyonnes and he’s pretty decent, kind of laid back and we’ve been talking for about three weeks.

I’ve told him everything except for names and that. “I’m a little worried about my sexual activities. I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me wanting sex so much.”

“How many people have you had sex with?”

“Well, three…”

“That’s not a lot of sexual partners.”

“Well, one of those was just the once…but I’m having sex all the time!”

“You’re not having sex right now are you?”

“No.”

“Do you want to have sex with me?”

“No, no offense.”

“None taken, but Jamie you told me that you had a sexual and gender identity awakening with your mentor right?”

“Yes.”

“But you were a virgin before that?”

“Yes.”

“And did you have sexual fantasies as a teenager?”

“Yes.”

“But you had pushed them back and suppressed them.”

“I guess.”

“Jamie, the problem isn’t the sex. Or even the way that you’re seeing yourself it’s the fact that this is happening very quickly. You remind me of a middle aged patient that has come out of the closet and they dive in full steam ahead into the gay and lesbian lifestyles and get in over their heads or are just too way over the top in being the stereotype.”

“Huh?”

“You’re coming out and while you’re not sleeping around with a lot of people you’re putting yourself in the role of she-male that you’ve seen in the ads and on the internet and everything else. You need to tone it down and stop wanting to be the sex object all the time and just figure out who Jamie is and where she fits in the world.”

……………… Needless to say once I thought about that over a few sessions and stuff the more it really made sense. I found out too that my really big issues with my mother and my sister we’re all just because they’re greedy little self serving bitches. And they are but that part of me growing up was jealous because of the fact they got to be who they really were. And that I had fought it for so long as a way that I’d not betray my father’s memory. That his only son wasn’t so much his son really.

………………That was really hard to hear and accept and brought up a three day crying jag and fit of depression with me questioning whether or not I was really dishonoring Dad by being this way, being girl Jamie.

Sasha came over and she stopped me in mid-purge as I wasn’t just tossing out my stuff but I was going to light it all on fire.

Looking in the mirror that night as old me but old me post the real me wasn’t a pretty sight.

…………………But that was about a week ago. My Therapist has given me my carry letter, I’ve gone to a reputable Genderqueer friendly Doctor, Liz Winters and I’ve started on the female hormones and I’m taking them, I had the shots to start me off and I even signed onto a “hormone patch” local experiment for the University. It’s not what you’re thinking the amount follows my prescription but they want to see if a patch applied to the breast area will increase the speed of development because of placement and the slow release versus injecting the hormone doses into the breasts.

So far nothing breast wise except a bit of tingle now and then but it’s early yet. I’m noticing two things though.

My moods are sort of all over the place. And I’ve been really, really into my art and there’s a texture difference starting in my skin.

I’m kind of excited by the changes.

Anyway that’s kind of it, lately Ian called me the other night and he asked me to clean out his fridge and use up some stuff in the freezer because he’s going to be in Peru another month. I missed him leaving the first time so I said sure.

I’m going to have Sasha over for a big cooking lesson thing and then cook for Tommy and then maybe for Rick and who knows.

But my life is definitely starting. It’s been an interesting October.