Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 27.

Chapter 27

……………………………………..I hate them, I mean it I really hate them and it’s because he’s not a woman, not a girl, not a real female. I think that them saying that these Trans people have the soul of the wrong gender in the wrong body is bullshit.

Gays mostly but a few way out there lesbians.

Honestly it makes me kind of sick

I’m a lesbian and honestly I love that about myself. I love women I love everything about them. And to have these freaks lessen what we are, to try to steal our rights and our powers from us that we have fought, cried, bled and died for just makes me fucking sick.

Jamie makes me fucking sick.

He shows up and he’s not just one of the Trans freaks but he’s calling himself a woman and stealing from us. He’s stealing our imagery, our mystery and our power like a fucking leech.

And the worst thing about him.

He’s so damned good at it. I don’t get it. I mean I can see it because disgustingly he’s so convincing that I’ve even reacted to it. Yes I said it. But I know what Jamie is and I can make that soul saving leap from falling for his bullshit.

But others have fallen for Jamie’s shit.

Why am I so angry? Why do I hate men so much? Why the hell not? What fucking good has a man ever really done this planet or this race? I wish, I really wish that we didn’t even need them to have children. All they ever do is hurt people. And these ones like Jamie are like vipers waiting to strike.

They even take our words at wreck them.

Hir, wimen, wymen, womyn…I hate all that Trans bullshit!

It’s Her, She, Woman. Women…that’s it!!! They have no right to fucking steal from us what is exclusively ours and….

That little faggy cunt Erika had been slinging those terms around in my women’s studies class. His name is Eric and he faked his way into letting himself being classed as a woman and took a deserving real woman’s right to that spot in our class and then “she” is slinging those terms around like that have some kind of legitimacy!

And that’s when I saw Jamie.

And I was going to rip the bastard a new one and maybe tear off a fake fucking tit while I was at it.

Then I saw these three girls come out from behind one of the pillars and they rushed Jamie and I saw then push her yelling. “Die you fucking whore!”

Jamie wasn’t even close to knowing they were there and it happened too fast for me to yell a warning. And I don’t know why I felt this sick lurch in my guts but I did as she was shoved a good ten feet straight out front the top step of the outside staircase for the liberal arts building…

Its three landings high.

There’s no guy, no man that I’ve ever known that made that sound….

You get scared, you get angry who you are comes out. I’ve seen trannies and fags and stuff lose it and yell and it’s not this sound that came out of Jamie.

Jamie sounded like a very real girl.

Shocked and scared and terrified even and then the sounds she made falling, hitting those steps…bouncing and falling down more.

Like Mum…..

Like Mum when he’s throw her down the steps of our apartment…

I’m running down the stairs and I’m going as fast as I can but there’s this whole feeling like my world just got plunged into slow motion and black and white all except for the color red.

Why can’t I block out the red?

She’s cut up from the concrete, and she’s laying face don’t and she’s not moving…one arms twisted at a horrible angle. And Jamie’s not Jamie the tranny thing…

God…all I can see is the battered girl, woman there in front of me bleeding.

“Jamie?! Jamie can you hear me?”

Nothing.

I check.

She’s breathing but it doesn’t sound good. I take out my phone and dial 911.

“Help, I need help a woman’s been assaulted on the UBC campus outside the liberal arts building! She’s taken a three story fall down concrete steps! Please hurry, she’s not good!”

I feel a finger touching my leg. I look down at Jamie and she’s staring up at me…her eyes don’t look right.

“Karin?”

“Yeah it’s me…” I bite down on the instinctive need to say something shitty to her.

“I’m sorry…”

Sorry? For what…

“For what?”

Nothing she’s passed out again…I hope.

Sorry…sorry…sorry… that just keeps playing through my head until the EMT’s come. I get in the ambulance with her. “We need to call the police, this was an assault…I saw the girls that did this.”

I want to be sick the entire ride to the hospital with them trying to talk to Jamie and checking her eyes and having her on oxygen full tilt.

God I’m such a shitty person!
Why didn’t I try to stop them?

*Jamie…………………………………………………………………………..

I remember the parts that I was conscious for in perfect clarity. The feel of the hands on my back and the violence of the shove. Then that sick feeling of nothing underneath me and being so high up.

I hit part of the railing and the last two steps on that top set of steps.

Then everything was a tumble of chaos and my breath got blasted out of me and then my arm too like the worst cramp ever and then felt like it was on fire from it being broken. I broke my leg in the eighth grade trying to jump my bike on a very unsafe homemade ramp with a few friends. It’s sort of the same feeling.

But not being able to breathe.

That was scary.

And so was Karin being there when I sort of came to the first time. I remember her talking to me and I remember trying to tell her that I was sorry. I was sorry for whatever that I had done that made her hate me so much.

Then the EMT’s I remember them because of the shouting at me. And the blinding light in my eyes and…

Getting fully packaged.

That was scary as hell too.

They strap you to a backboard in case you have a spinal injury then they put you into these blocks made of coated foam to protect your head and the whole thing leaves you unable to move and unable to see except for what’s right above you.

That really sucked hard.

I come too with some serious cotton mouth and Sasha looking at me from behind a copy of Newsweek. And there’s that lovely part when your breathing changes from sleeping to being awake and when your lungs aren’t in the best of shape…you cough.

Oh holy hell that hurts.

“Hey…easy…easy…” She’s up and soothing me.

I’m taking in some breaths trying to get some air in and trying to quell the pain as it spreads through my ribs. Sasha’s rubbing my back. I slow myself down taking big slow deep breaths until I’m able to nod. “Thanks okay…I’m better now.”

“Yeah you sound like it.”

“I’ve been better.”

“You got jumped by three hater girls.”

“How’d?”

“Karin, she saw them do it and reported them to the cops.”

“Karin…I remember she was there sort of.”

“Yeah for one of the people that hates you a lot she’s been really upset and as been sticking really close by.”

“I think that there’s been a lot more to her having a hate on for me than just her hating men.”

“There usually is.”

“Is she here?”

“She’s out in the hall waiting room, she has been for the last two days.”

“Two days?”

“You’ve been out for awhile.”

“Well I have been busy, I was bound to be tired.”

“You took a bad hit to the head.”

“I figured, I still feel so of fuzzy but it could be the pain killers.”

“More than likely but you’re going to be on the mend for awhile.”

“Mmm…yeah.” I look at the cast on my right arm. “It’ll be interesting to paint with this.”

“Try using the other hand, maybe your profs’ll give you extra credit for trying.”

“I’ll have to. Can you send Karin in?”

“Sure.”

Sasha get’s up but she leans over and gives me this long sweet passionate kiss that’s really nice. Then she sway walks out of the room and I sigh watching her leave. I’m there for awhile feeling…antsy? Nervous….Being alone sort of feels kind of awful at the moment.

I can’t help but feel sort of relieved when I see Karin come in.

Wow…she looks like hell. Reddened eyes, some dark circles under them too like too little sleep…but it was sleep in the same clothes.

But she’s here.

And there’s this look of relief in her eyes and not those spikes of hate and fear she usually has for me. Here’s another thing girls, when you look like that, when you’re wearing your heart more than you clothes or make-up.

No woman is ever more beautiful.

She’s shy coming over like she’s scared to talk to me. Avoiding my eyes, biting her cheek nervously. “You’re awake…”

“Yes, thanks to you Karin.” I wince as I’m trying to get more comfortable but there’s a smile in my voice. I can’t help it really.

“I…I just…I mean we had our issues…but I never wanted you to get hurt…that wasn’t right.”

“Life’s full of not right sometimes…” I sort of try to hug myself a bit but nothing doing it just aches too much.

“I…” She hangs her head and her hair has this fall and there’s tears. “God Jamie…I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I’m been such a bitch to you….”

“Karin, come sit here.” I pat the side of my bed.

She comes over and at first she’s nervous, and she won’t look at me and she fidgets. I sit up with some effort and pain and take her hand in mine and I use my good hand to reach up and move the hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. Tears leak out as she looks at me.

“God Jamie, how can you even look at me?”

“Kare…I just see someone who’s been hurt before…I’ve never felt the anger that was between us. I don’t feel it now. I’m just grateful really.”

“Grateful?”

“Yes, I’m okay, you’re okay…three of them if you got involved they might have turned on you too then where’d we be?”

“I dunno…”

“You called 911, you stayed with me when you never had a reason to other than under that anger and all of that pain there’s a really great girl there with more heart than she knows what to do with.”

“W...what..?” She staring at me and it came out like a sob and a question and tears are pouring from her eyes.

I look up into her eyes and smile at her and use my thumb to wipe away some of those tears.

“I said I see this amazing woman that’s been fighting something horrible all her life but she’s been so strong that she didn’t let it drag her down and she fought her way to actually getting out…going to a good school no matter how much it hurt…I see this woman that when the chips were down she didn’t let whatever had hurt her so bad twist her up to where she’d walk away from someone hurt, she was strong enough she still had her sweet heart…scars and all.”

“J…Jamie…” She’s staring at me more, my thumb can’t keep up with the tears and then she leas down quickly and kisses me and her hands are shaking like leaves as they come up to hold my face.

It’s a good kiss, a great kiss and soft that soft that only a woman can be but hard and desperate…that kiss that you get from someone where you can sense the hurt and pain and the need and the loneliness and it’s you…they need you and whether it was God or the Goddess or something in between you get to be there…to be that person that she’s shakingly putting her wounded heart and soul in the hands of…

I’m crying too because that’s such an overwhelming feeling…such a huge thing and I can feel the anger and hate blowing off of us like we just walked out from smoke into a clean breeze.

I’m crying because deep down I hated that feeling of not being good enough with Karin.

I’m scared because this could backfire if she balks and retreats behind her razor wire wall she’s built.

I’m crying and scared because…I’m just scared from the attack and it’s sinking in….

But…

I pull her up some more despite the pain onto my lap and into my arms and hold her…we slowly stop kissing and while I’m holding her in my arms I start sobbing just everything starting to hit me as I bury my face into her chest.