Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 783 by Angharad

Both of us were like wet rags the next morning. Simon had more bruising on his face and delighted in telling everyone I had hit him. He very nearly collected another bruise for his troubles.

I struggled to take the girls to school while Simon snoozed with Mima – he snoozed while she played with her push chair and dollies, watched more by Stella than her foster pa.

On the way home my little Golf was passed by a large 4x4, which nearly forced me off the road. I was so shocked by it, I failed to get the number. Naturally, there were no other witnesses. I pulled over and sat there shaking. It was similar in colour to Mrs Browne-Coward’s, but was it the same? I couldn’t tell, but it seemed to come from nowhere.

I’m not exactly new to having people trying to kill me, but it had been a while and this took me so by surprise. Was it an accident? Or was someone trying to kill or injure or scare me? Either way, I was still shaking when I got home and it was bad enough for Simon to notice.

“You alright, Babes?” he asked me.

“No,” I said and burst into tears.

“Heh, wassup?” he said hugging me tightly.

“Somebody tried to run me off the road.”

“Where?”

“I was coming back from the school and it happened about a mile up the road.”

“From here?”

“Yes,“ I sniffed and snorted and held on to him as if I would fall down without his support.

“What sort of vehicle?” he asked.

“A large 4x4, I didn’t see the make or the number.”

“Anyone you know who owns one?”

“Mrs Browne-Cow.”

“Anyone else?”

“Not as far as I know.”

“Was it deliberate or just poor driving?”

“I don’t know,” I said, bursting into tears again.

“Want me to call the police?”

“We can’t just on my suspicions, can we?”

“Not unless they cause another accident, in which case we know they were driving badly, perhaps under the influence. What time was it?”

“About ten minutes before I came in here.”

“Hmm, about half an hour ago. Stell, make Cathy a cuppa while I make a phone call.”

“Yes, Oh great master,” she gave an exaggerated curtsey.

“Oh grow up you silly bitch, and make that bloody tea.”

She muttered something under her breath and slunk out to the kitchen, Mima came up and took my hand and led me to the sofa. “Is you aw-wight, Mummy?”

I held her to me and said, “Yes, Darling, I am now with you to look after me.” She put her arms around me and after kissing me on the cheek hugged me.

“Did sumfin’ nasty ‘appen, Mummy?”

“I nearly had a car crash, sweetheart, it frightened me, I’ll be alright in a little while.”

“Do you want me to get Twish and Wivvie?”

I wanted to laugh and at the same cry at her generosity of spirit. “I think, Gramps might go and get them if I ask him, but thank you for your very generous offer.”

“’Saw-wight,” she said and hugged me again. I was close to tears I loved her so much.

“Tea for modom,” said Stella, camping it up as a nippy. Then just before I took a sip, she added, “I’ve put in five spoonfuls of sugar – they say it’s good for shock.”

“Then I can’t drink it, Stella.” I offered it back to her.

“Only joking, cor, Cathy, when you’re upset you’re no fun at all.”

“Sorry about that, I’ll try and do better in future.”

“From what I overheard, you might not have one.”

“Gee thanks, Stella, speculate in front of my child why don’t you?”

“Sorry about that, but hopefully it was oblique enough to not be understood.”

Mima was looking very thoughtful, almost as if she was trying to make sense of Stella’s oblique comment. Were it Trish, she’d have understood as quickly as I did – that child is phenomenally bright and Livvie isn’t too far behind.

“So who was it this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s kinda everyday stuff for the Woman from Dormouse, da da da da-da,” she sang.

“Woman from dormouse?”

“Well I couldn’t say uncle could I?”

“Oh God, that dreadful sixties series with Stephanie wossername?”

“Stephanie Powers and Simon has both series on DVD somewhere.”

“The nineteen sixties? So how do I know it?”

“Dunno, Cathy, unless they did repeats.”

“Could be, but it’s like twenty years before I was born.”

“So, think about Gone with the Wind, how many times have you seen that?”

“Once I think maybe twice, but I don’t give a damn.”

“Yeah, very clever–I always thought Frankly was a funny name for a girl.”

“Eh?”

“Well wossisname says to her, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. So her name must have been Frankly.”

“You silly moo, her name was Scarlett.”

“She wasn’t a captain was she?”

“What?” I felt completely bemused by her, then the penny dropped, Captain Scarlet a puppet thing from way back. “Oh very funny, Miss Teron,” I threw back at her.

“Very clever, Lady Penny-Lope.”

“That was the other one, the international rescue one.”

“Ah, but which one?”

“Thunderbirds – didn’t they do a film of it a year or two ago?”

“And here is your next starter for ten, who starred in it?”

“I have no idea – wasn’t Tom Cruise was it, he’s about the same size as one of those puppets?”

“Ooh, he’ll love you for saying that.”

“Look, if he can pretend to be serious about the L. Ron Hubbard stuff, he’s got to have a wonderful sense of humour.”

“Either you are making a very sophisticated joke here, Missus, or you are extremely ill-informed.”

“Probably the latter, why is it, Mission Impossible?”

“For you, probably.” She smirked as she replied, “how many more puns can you come up with?”

“Puns? What Puns? I suppose you think I was born on the fourth of July, or a top gun?”

“Very good.”

“The police have made a note of the incident, I’ve written down the number. They’re not aware of anything else happening, which means it could be something or nothing, but they did advise taking another route to school tomorrow.”

“Oh you’ve spoilt it now, Si,” complained Stella.

“Spoilt what?”

“I was getting Cathy to make puns on Tom Cruise movies.”

“She was having an interview with an umpire,” I said and he looked completely baffled but Stella laughed uproariously.

“Best one yet, girl,” she said laughing.