Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 690 by Angharad

“I think the people in your Sunday school, might have been a bit extreme in what they taught you, Livvie.”

“They said it was all in the Bible, so God musta said it.”

The whole concept bridled within me and felt like saying to her, ‘Look it’s all bollocks, there is no God, so stop believing all this nonsense.’ Instead, I said,” No one is sure who said what, Livvie, it’s all lost in the mists of time, and people tend to interpret it as they wish. Can I give you another creed?”

“What’s a creed?” she asked looking perplexed.

“It’s basically what someone believes, comes from the Latin, credo I believe.”

“Gosh, you are clever, Mummy, speaking Latin.”

“No I’m not, and I don’t, I know a few words. My creed is not to hurt anyone or anything, if I can possibly help it, and to show love wherever I can.”

“I like your creed, Mummy.” Livvie squashed my hand tightly in hers.

“I think I do, too,” said Sam, smiling.

“I think it’s better than wishing awful things on people.”

“Is that what I’m doing, Mummy?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart, but let me run an idea past you. If you were angry with Laura, and Tony for not doing what you felt they should have done as your parents–and I’m not suggesting that it’s wrong to feel angry or hurt by them–then, part of you might link on to the Old Testament stuff from your Bible study at Sunday school, and want to send them to hell, because part of you thinks they deserve it. And that might be right as well. However, part of you loves them and doesn’t want them to be harmed, so you have this conflict inside you. I know how this feels because, I felt the same once, about my parents.”

Livvie looked at me as she processed what I’d said. Then tears began to flow and she hugged herself tightly against me, hiding her face in my clothing. I held her and stroked her back and head.

“I’m a bad girl,” she sobbed.

“No you’re not, you’re a lovely girl, who needs to work through some tough feelings.”

“Will you help me, Mummy? To stop being bad?”

“Hey, listen to me, will you, you aren’t bad, you’re good.”

“I want to be like you, Mummy,” she sobbed against me, “You’re a good lady,”

If only you knew, sweetheart, if only you knew. “I’d like to help you, sweetheart, but I think there are people who are better at it than I am. Would you allow Dr Rose to make arrangements for you to see someone?”

“I don’t know, Mummy, why can’t you do it?”

“I’ll come with you, if you want.”

“Why can’t you do it, Mummy?”

“I’m a biologist, Livvie, not a psychotherapist. I had to see someone to help with my problems.”

“You did?”

“Yes, that’s why I know a little bit about it.” Sam Rose stood watching us, nodding every now and again.

“Why don’t we dry your eyes and go and find the others, and Dr Rose can give me a call when he’s found someone to help us?”

“You will come with me?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.” I wet a paper towel with cold water and wiped her face, then gave her a fresh towel to dry herself.

“Sorry about that, Sam.”

“Not at all, I know you love your dormice, but you missed your vocation.”

“I did?”

“Yes, I think you should seriously consider training as a psychotherapist, especially a paediatric one.”

“No way, José. I have too many demons of my own to worry about without thinking about dealing with those of others. I’m not going to screw up other people’s children, because my childhood was a mess.”

“I’d have thought the fact that you are aware of that, would make it very unlikely.”

“Please don’t put ideas into my head, Sam, it’s full of dormouse fluff and that’s how I like it.” I took Livvie’s hand, “Let’s go and find the other two, and perhaps get some ice cream.”

“Oh yes, Mummy.”

“Which? Finding the other two or the ice cream?” I teased her.

“Both, Mummy, let’s find my sisters and get some ice cream for everyone.”

“Including me?” I said pulling a face.

“Yes, Mummy, ‘cos you’re buying it.” There I was, outmanoeuvred again by a five-year-old, and Sam Rose was chortling away behind me.

The rest of the day was relatively quiet but before bedtime, I took Livvie aside and we wrote a letter to her parents.

’Dear Mummy and Daddy,

I do love you and I don’t want you to go to hell. Mummy Cathy, has explained some things to me and I don’t feel so cross anymore.

Good bye,

Love,

Livvie xxx

When she had signed the letter and sealed it in an envelope the two of us went up to a quiet place in the orchard and we burned it.

“How do you know they will get it, Mummy?”

“Trust me, sweetheart, they will.”

We walked back to the garden and the other two joined us, “What y’doin’?” asked Trish.

“Livvie had something private to do.”

“Oh, does that mean you won’t tell us?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it does,” I answered.

“Why? I told her about my funny fanny?”

“That was your decision, and in time Livvie might tell you what we did, but tonight, I want you both to promise that you won’t badger her to tell you, because if you do, I shall be very cross with you. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Mummy,” said two dejected voices. I didn’t like laying down the law, but at times it was necessary.