Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 688 by Angharad

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I lay there with the two sleepers, feeling hot and bothered and really wanting to get up and make a cuppa. The storm had abated but it was still very warm and humid. I was tired to the point of exhaustion, but my mind was playing over what Livie had said.

Okay, it’s natural to be nervous of things bigger than us, and thunderstorms can be dangerous, some young lad died this week after being struck by lightning. Was her mother’s visit just a dream? It had to be, dead people are dead–aren’t they? All this mumbo jumbo rubbish, ghosts and gods–it’s all superstitious nonsense. Even this business with Puddin’ and the blue light Trish could see, pure imagination, the baby just responded to my voice and touch, which she received in loco parentis.

Then Sunday school–what sort of brain-dead moron would tell children, and very impressionable ones, that God was cross with them? Isn’t JC supposed to have said, ‘Suffer the children to come unto me?’ Where in his gospel is there this hatred and bigotry, so frequently associated with the religion of love?

I’d fail the interview as a Christian, can’t believe in the fundamentals; but I do agree with the socialism supposedly preached by the ‘Teacher of Men’. As a teen, I did some extra lessons in school, trying to understand what my parents believed, so maybe I could believe too. Then they might have accepted me as well, which was all I wanted. As a kid, all I wanted was to be loved and accepted by my parents. I suspect that Livvie may know the feeling all too well–so at least I could do something to help her.

I sat up in bed, and Simon sighed. Livvie turned to cuddle up to him. I watched the two of them together–he had all the makings of a wonderful dad, I just hoped I was a passable mum. I sat there, watching them in the gloom of the bedroom, for several minutes, a blissful domestic scene. I let my mind drift onto all sorts of things for quite a little while, I might even have dozed for a few moments. Then, Livvie turned to face me, and Simon turned behind her and put his arm around her, protecting her in his sleep. She seemed to be searching in the bed for something, feeling around with her hand.

“Mummy, MUMMY, MUMMY, WHERE ARE YOU?” she was shouting in her sleep, still fast asleep. Was she calling for Laura or me? I touched her hand and told her I was there. She grabbed my hand and pulled it towards her, then drifted off to sleep again. This time I lay down and eventually slept myself.

I awoke some hours later, a bath of sweat, a hot little body clamped to me like a giant limpet. I tried to move away a little but she was really stuck to me, and moved with me. I tried to wriggle free but she began to whimper and I stopped. Why couldn’t she have clamped to Simon, why always me?

Thankfully, the other two overslept or something, because when the radio came on at seven, they were nowhere to be seen. Simon swore and got out of bed and into the bathroom. Moments later the shower was heard. Livvie was still hanging on to me, like I was a life raft of some sort. And she was a drowning girl. As soon as Simon came back I’d ask him to pull her towards him.

He didn’t come back, only to dress and then he went off downstairs to get his breakfast. The other two heard him and followed him down. Livvie stayed asleep and clamped to me like a ball and chain. Finally, my bladder forced me to move and she grumbled and complained as I wrenched myself free.

I left her complaining in her sleep while I emptied my bladder and switched off the radio. She was curled up in a foetal position. I sat on the bed, and stroked her hair, she began to sob in her sleep. This completely threw me.

After a moment of panic, I stroked her hair again and spoke to her, reassuring her that she was safe and loved by us all. I told her that she was wanted and that she could stay with us as long as she wanted. She gave one of those stuttering sorts of sighs, part sob, part hiccup and part sigh. Her whole body juddered and she curled up tightly again.

I got into the bed and pulled her to me, stroking her face gently and cooing to her, she grabbed my hand and began suckling on my thumb, using it as a soother. For a horrible moment I wondered if I’d remembered to wash it after using the loo–I had, so it probably tasted of liquid soap.

I sat there for maybe fifteen minutes before Simon appeared with a cup of tea and drink for Livvie. I looked at him and then at her. “Hmm, looks like she needs to talk some things through with someone,” he said looking concerned.

“I’ll speak with Dr Rose and see if he can suggest someone.”

“I doan wanna talk to anyone,” said Livvie yawning.

“You can’t go on like this, sweetheart, we need to understand what is worrying you, so we can put it right. You’ll like Dr Rose, he’s a lovely man. Trish and Mima think he’s wonderful.

“I want you to come with me, then or I won’t go.” She whined at me, which made me feel as if I should have said, ‘You’ll do what I want, missy,’ but then maybe she had her problem because her parents did just that, took no notice of what she wanted.

“I’ll come with you, of course I shall. I’ll ring his secretary later on, see when he can see us.” Livvie cuddled in tightly to me. “Can I drink my tea, sweetheart?” I asked and she released some of the clamps she had on me. Simon gave her a fruit flavoured milk drink, which she accepted and had to sit up to drink. Suddenly in doing so, she transformed from a baby into a young girl again. I needed to get up before she reverted again and trapped me for another long period. I would support her and protect her, but not encourage her babyish behaviour unless it was sanctioned by someone more knowledgeable than I was. Sam Rose, was possibly that person, at least I hoped so. As a paediatrician, he would have to know quite a bit about the psyche of children. He had to know more than I, as an inexperienced parent, did.

“Come on, kiddo, let’s be having you, into the shower and get dressed, then I’ve got to do the same with the other two.” What a lovely prospect–but that is what happened, and it took an hour too long because the other two played up because I was giving Livvie too much attention. I nearly sent ‘em all back to the dog’s home.