Wuthering Dormice (aka Bike) Part 656 by Angharad

“Do you mind if we talk about this for a moment?” I said indicating myself and Erin.

“No, go ahead, I’ll find us some tea,” said Meg.

“Wonderful, I could murder a cup,” I said, ‘and Erin’, my mind added on.

“Problems?” asked Erin as soon as Meg had removed herself.

“Yeah, I don’t want to do any of this.”

“I thought you were doing it before anyone else did it to you? At least this way you have a modicum of control.”

“I know, but I don’t want to do the other stuff.”

“So? Don’t do it,” Erin snapped angrily at me.

“I don’t want to be away from the girls.”

“Okay, okay, I understand. Look, offer to do the others from a studio link up in Portsmouth. If they can’t organise that, they should be shot. Just make sure you can park there.”

“I could always cycle there,” I said triumphantly.

“Sure, if you want to appear a sweaty blob, carry on. I thought part of this was to show how much an ordinary woman you are.”

“Okay, that’s implicit, I guess.” I blushed, it looked like I’d have to do them. At least it was radio not television.

Meg returned with the drinks and we each grabbed one. BBC tea, it was okay I suppose, I preferred my own brand. “Well, can we consider the four shows for a contract?”

“Not just yet, Cathy and I have been talking and she’s concerned about baby sitting cover for her two girls.”

“Oh, I suppose we could pay something towards it,” said Meg looking down at her notes.

“That wasn’t what we had in mind, why couldn’t the radio programmes be done with a studio link?”

“Part of the magic of Midweek is the interaction of the guests, I mean a couple of months or so ago, we had someone who had transformed from a man into a quite attractive woman, are you alright Cathy?” I started to cough, having been halfway through a swallow at the time.

“I’m fine, “ I said coughing some more.

“Well, part of the magic of the programme was for everyone there to agree with the presenter, that, oh I can’t remember her name, but that she was now an attractive woman.”

“I hope you’re not implying that Cathy used to be a…” said Erin quickly, I was still coughing.

“Good lord no, Cathy is obviously all woman, but a very lovely one, and that’s part of the point. I feel that the powers that be would love to use her again, and the dormouse programme is being repeated on BBC 2 in six weeks time, and with some publicity.”

My stomach flipped over. I wasn’t sure I wanted any of this, well, I quite enjoyed doing the film, especially when Des was about. He used to say things like, “Go on make love to the camera,” it didn’t work, I always collapsed in giggles. “Go on pout sexily,” he’d say, and I fall over laughing. “Cathy, you’re supposed to seduce them, purr at them, you want them to buy this film and its message–get ‘em going, seduce them.” In the end I did. I hated it, but apparently, the viewers didn’t.

“I shall do these radio programmes from Portsmouth. If you want me, you’ll organise it. Oh, and I want seven fifty. I have to go.”

“What about the news and local news?”

“What about it?” I asked standing up.

“You agreed to do a slot on both.”

“How long is that going to take?” I asked brusquely.

“I’ll get someone to record an interview.” Meg got up and practically ran out of the room.

“You prima donna!” exclaimed Erin.

“I’m sick of these bastards pushing me around. I won’t be making any more films while I have the children.”

“You have to.”

“Says who?” I snapped angrily at my agent.

“Says me for one, so do the BBC, you are such a natural. Attenborough is the consummate professional, but he’s been doing it for forty years. You’re a rank amateur and yet better than most of the presenters I’ve ever seen. You have to do this, it’s what you were born to do.”

“I always thought I was born to raise a family and live in the background somewhere with peace and quiet. I could study a bit, write a bit and look after my kids. Is it too much to ask for?”

“Yes it is. Don’t give me the bullshit about staying out of the limelight–you absolutely love it. That film is a seduction, you are seducing the men, women, children, camera crew and even the sodding dormice, until they are putty in your hands. They can’t prevent themselves from hanging on your every word.”

“Well I could, in fact I couldn’t bear to watch it.”

“Yeah, so? Unless you’re into either masturbation or narcissism, that’s hardly surprising is it?”

“What? Are you crazy?” I said loudly and Megan came through the door.

“Is there a problem, ladies?” asked Megan.

“Nah, Cathy was telling me that until she discovered dormice, she thought Wan King, was a town in China.”

I blushed as what she had said got processed. I looked at Meg and she looked confused, then blushed and finally roared with laughter. Reluctantly, I began to snigger as well. Erin chortled, it was an old joke, but it got us all going.

“Meg, will you tell this woman, why you are so eager to hang on to her, as a presenter, I mean?”

Meg looked a bit embarrassed, then said, “You’re brilliant and sexy.”

I nearly collapsed. “You are joking?”

“I wish I could be half as sexy, and no, I’m not joking. Okay, so the dormouse is your subject and you show that in your film. But you also pass on the enthusiasm to others. We’ve had to put up a thing on our website about the dormouse, because viewers keep phoning or emailing us. They want to see one.”

“Do you know how long it took me to be able to find them?” I said almost rhetorically.

“No, how long?”

“Two years of field work.” It was a fib, I was studying something else at the time and began to notice dormice occasionally, then with a bit more practice, I found them more often and so on.

“Oh wow, so just looking at our website, isn’t going to help?”

“Thankfully, no. They’re protected because they’re endangered. I don’t want would-be David Bellamys going looking for them.”

“You might get all these sexy girls out searching for them, trying to emulate you.” Erin was taking the proverbial.

“We want to hang the story on the fact that, on the Isle of Wight, they’ve been increasing in numbers. As the expert we want your take on it.”

“Alright, let’s get started,” I said, with little enthusiasm.