Staci’s coming home with Rhonda, Jenn and me; Ma Adams already said it would be okay, but I hadn’t expected it already today.

I didn’t know when we got home that Jennifer and Staci had already talked. Staci changes in Jenn’s room, while I change out of my clothes into a jeans skirt and threw on a T-top. It’s then Staci knocks and comes in with one of Jenn’s stuffed kitties and a doll I hadn’t remembered seeing. Jenn’s with her and both ask me to sit down.

Staci says “We want you, Elaine, to do two things. One is to become comfortable with yourself and to help us know you. You’re a wonderful person but it’s hard for us to know you if you won’t know yourself. You keep Bryce’s stuff like you might be expecting him back. Other times you act like a brother trying to protect us.”

Jenn says, “We’re not even around you at the same time. But I also find it awkward, when you act more like who you were. I think you’re cute as Elaine but you don’t always relax to be a girl.”

Last week you were in my room playing with this kitty as you want it. When I said something, you didn’t hug it like today. You became embarrassed because you acted like a girl. You threw it down and left my room without saying anything.”

Ma Adams came home and tells them. “Instead of telling Elaine, help her. Help her to know how you think like girls. Help her in being a girl, by being yourselves. She doesn’t always get it. Like now she should take a quick shower and refresh herself. You two already have already taken showers and are ready to redo your look for tonight.

Once she’s showered, and as long as Elaine’s wearing her gaff. She could be down to her panty and bra with you helping her. Discuss simple things like if you’re making sandwiches before you go. Jenn doesn’t like most of the food at the basketball games and comes home starved to death. Help Elaine know what other hairstyles might look good on her.”

Jenn turns to me, “Elaine, it isn’t enough to change your clothes and then dress again for the game tonight. I guess there’s no easy way to say it, but you need a shower and take care of yourself like other girls. It would be bad enough if you were a guy, but you’re not.”

Staci laughs as does Jennifer. Rhonda comes in, “I don’t care if Elaine goes after me but I’m first.”

Ma Adams asks, “Staci please use our room and the master bathroom to get ready for the game. Then please help Elaine.”

I shower using the body wash Grams had bought me to replace what I’d been using. I can’t believe I’ve kept using Bryce’s stuff as much as I did. Oil of Olay has a wondrous scent. I knew I had used some girl things before. It was after Karen’s accident that I had changed back. But why?

Jennifer and Staci help me with my hair, braiding it with blue, silver and white ribbons. They go well with my miniskirt and silver blouse and new tights. The others even change the laces of my Sketchers.

Rhonda takes us to the school but it is early so she can suit up for the girls’ basketball game. Since we’re early, Staci has me watch the cheerleaders practice. “Learning the cheers and movements will help you to get into the spirit. And don’t make excuses about what you don’t know. It’s time you learn, don’t let little frustrations stop you.”

Someone’s little sister or niece looks adorable in following along. Staci’s right I get frustrated and want to quit. Marcie on the freshman squad has me stand with her, opposite of the varsity squad. We practice like that until they need to freshen up and be ready for the games. Karen’s friend Mikayla compliments me on my efforts.

Karen is soon there with Brock. I forget about being jealous for a moment. I’m too delighted how far Karen has come. Her walking shows she’s back closer to being her old self. Karen is upset as there will be no more cheerleading for her this year.

Karen comments, “You know I have my cheerleader sweater in the top of my locker. You’d look even more beautiful in it than after that game you won! You know Elaine that if you’re coming in early when Rhonda and Jennifer have band or chorus rehearsals; you could be walking with me for exercise.”

I say, “But you’re dating Brock and not seeing me as a girlfriend.”

She says, “I have backed off because you dated someone when you were at Stronghold, you said that yourself. And you and Staci are still serious. Truthfully I enjoy you much better as a best friend, I don’t want to lose that.”

“I guess I agree with that except for a long time I’ve dreamed of us dating. It meant so much to help you as well as when you stood up for me.”

Karen says, “That describes best friends better than many I’ve dated.”

It is now time for Staci and me to go watch the game; Karen, Brock, Jennifer, and Travis sit away on their own. Friends Madi and Carrie sit with us. Madi enjoys hassling me about my short skirt. She obviously sees me still as a boy or knows I easily embarrass. But I’m enjoying the fact that I look good in a miniskirt and this outfit.

It’s getting more and more fun to be at school or going shopping as Elaine. I will get out of school at 1:00 o’clock Friday to get to Jesse’s Salon. Wednesday evening Jennifer and I practice making up our faces for Friday. Jenn actually enjoys me helping with her eyes. It is then that we find ourselves enjoying the other in a new way. I’m guessing it is not as much a discovery for Jennifer.

I fall asleep in her room tonight; it’s more I couldn’t say goodnight and fell asleep there. I awoke around five in the morning and make my way back to my room. Mom Adams sees me and I’m embarrassed. But she already knew before she went to bed what had happened.

Thursday, I go with Staci to her home. We’re supposed to be studying but little of that gets done. I know Mrs. Harms is uneasy now with me being a girl. When we’re both together, she says, “I hope when the Prom comes it would be okay that Staci goes with a boy or is invited to be in a larger group.”

I say, “That is months from now. I would like if we could at least go looking at Prom dresses together.”

Mrs. Harms says, “You know I think you’re a fine person and that it’s alright that you’re friends and date some.”

Staci is upset with her Mom and she starts to explode, but I talk her into going into another room with me. “Staci, it might stink but I want to be able to go to the Winter Ball with you. Please don’t ruin that by exploding and getting yourself grounded.” She’s still steaming, but is at least she’s quiet about it for now.

Staci takes me to her room to show off her gown and I can now tell why others are staying her gown and my dress is ideal, complementing of each other. Her mother is soon in, “Isn’t that a beautiful gown. I am glad you didn’t try to compete with a lavish gown of your own.”

“Mom, you should see Elaine’s dress, it is very pretty and we’ll look fabulous together. I showed you a picture of her in her dress.”

Her mom says, “Yes, it is beautiful on its own. I’m surprised your parents would spend that much money.” Neither Staci nor I were ready to tell her of the imperfection or discount I received. But I give a prayer of thanks for the wonderful job Ma Adams did in correcting the flaw.

I’m able to stay there until 6:30 p.m. I was even invited to stay for dinner, but that was after I called for a ride.

After dinner, Jennifer asks me to go with her to Karen’s but because of school work, I shouldn’t. I do go and it’s fun. I pay for it by staying up late to finish two assignments.

Ma Adams says, “I’m happy you went and had an enjoyable time.” Mom doesn’t know Brock and Travis were there and that Maynard was kind of with me.

Maynard has been recruited by a second large school and that package is the best yet. There is even a clause if he gets hurt and unable to play he can keep all the scholarships. It would require a decent grade average which he should be able to maintain.

It’s odd the two times we dance I kind of shudder that I’m dancing with a football teammate. Maynard says, “You have it easier, I’m still a guy.” That may be but the dances we had were slow and Maynard didn’t seem to have any trouble holding me close. Like with Tyler, there’s little chemistry but it still felt nice to be dancing as Elaine with a guy.

Friday morning comes early but a nice shower revives me. My clothes to school are casual, one of my rare days of wearing slacks. I’m afraid I don’t look like a girl, but others say otherwise.

I take notes for my morning classes, but otherwise, I’m not able to hold my attention to school work. I am to the salon thirty minutes later than Staci. Jennifer, Rhonda, and Karen are all at another salon. I receive a facial and a half hour massage, and they feel wonderful to me. It is another thing I need to save to experience again.

I sure wish I’d have a part-time job, but with track practice already started I can’t do both. I’ve been doing extra help at the Adams so the hair extensions are now part of getting my hair done. Most extensions are to 18” but they get trimmed down to fit the hairstyle. It is the first time I get highlights as well.

I am down to shorts and a towel for my top as I lay face down. The feeling of warm oil and hands over my back and down my legs is precious. Five minutes in a sauna and a refreshing shower, leave me ready for my hair as well as the beautician.

I rinsed my hair in the shower, but they still shampoo my hair again and this time used a conditioner to add body in my hair. It is now lush. Still wet, Riana starts to section it off and cut for the style we’ve agreed to.

She thought I’m kidding her about this being new to me. She becomes more and more delighted with my reaction and watching how she’s doing things. Her children go to the parochial school and she doesn’t know who I am. Which is refreshing for me, and I am hesitant in telling her about me. Michael another stylist tells her when he learns she doesn’t know.

She smiles at me, “My eleven-year-old daughter, says you are a good girl. She told me about you once and told me Elaina is very nice. I will tell her your name is Elaine. Would it be okay if I tell her you are one of my clients and Ooo so beautiful?”

Staci is back from under a dryer and is being combed out. I am excited to see her hairstyle being combed and brushed out. I have the advantage of seeing her hairdo unfold better than she can.

She’s happy to see what Riana is doing with my hair as it is cut and rolled. She can also tell my hair is being highlighted. Staci is not sure what to think of that, though she loves the extensions. Riana has a computer-generated image of what I should look like, so I am relaxed, kind of, mostly.

I kind of like the experience of being under the hair dryer. I have to read Seventeen as I cannot follow conversations or the TV. I thought I was having my face made-up there, but Ma and Grams decided to have it done at home so Staci gets more of a surprise.

Ma Adams younger sister Tami has been a beautician and has come to do it.

Dad Adams picks me up from the salon and I coax him into giving five more dollars as a tip. I’m disappointed that Mom isn’t there but as he says, “My wife owes it to Rhonda to be there in her senior year.” Riana is happy that she can take my picture with my phone and hers. Malena quickly texts her mother back giving her approval. She does put in two curly ribbons at her daughter’s suggestion. We both like how much they add to my hair.

I haven’t met Tami but know she is six years younger than her sister Ruth Adams. She says her oldest daughter is just becoming a teenager. Before and after pictures are being taken by Tami to show how everything looks. Mom has Jennifer’s pictures from her time at the salon.

I have on my dress with towels around me so my dress stays color and makeup free. I want long eyelashes, but as Tami does my eyes, she says, “No. If Mrs. Harms is not sure about you, long eyelashes won’t help your cause.” She makes sure my makeup goes to the top of my dress. That is something I don’t always watch closely.

I am the last of us girls to be finished and I am nervous because I didn’t think my shoes had been picked up. Luckily Mom had remembered to get them. They glimmer as they match my dress, with the exception of red roses on each shoe to match Staci’s gown.

I am tickled with how I look. Rhonda is most beautiful and Jenn is gorgeous as well. I never thought I would look this great as a girl. I am fighting tears and fortunately, don’t cry. Aunt Tami says to cry would make me late. Grams has rented a new car that Dad Adams will drive to pick up Staci with me. Pictures at Staci’s and at the school go well.

When we get to School, Principal Mercer assures me, it will be a peaceful night and encourages Staci and me to enjoy ourselves. I think it took a half hour for us to fully relax as I was sure people are looking at me from time to time. The comments I received are all good. Though a few compliments like Staci parents could have been better said.

Staci and I focused on the faster dances where no one needs to lead. When we relax the slower dances become more fun. The one flaw of the night was my lipstick did smudge when I kissed Staci. The fact that she quickly went to the restroom to correct it, let me know she’s uncomfortable with that.

We did not kiss again at the ball and she’s uncomfortable with my kissing her when we take her home.

I enjoyed myself so much that I did not realize my feet hurt until I’m taking the shoes off at home.

I’m in a little trouble as it is near midnight when I got home. I guess Ma Adams heard there was some incident at the dance and assumed it involved me. She remained very nervous until I got home.

Dad had called her once he knew I was okay, but it took getting home to calm her nerves and confirm it.

Sara and I enjoyed seeing and watching each other at the dance. We even had a professional picture taken at Grams request. Grams too was nervous about me but had been too tired to stay awake. She had seen a picture of Sara and me from Rhonda and was very happy for us and how “beautiful you both are.” Her words, not mine.

It is good to stay here and not go back with Grams when she leaves. Though I miss her. I am also nervous about my father coming out of the treatment center. My understanding is, he’s getting a glowing report from the treatment center. They are recommending he receive community service, not jail time. He’s also to be attending AA meetings a minimum of four times a week.

He will be home a week wearing a monitor, before appearing before Judge Hewitt. The rehabilitation center recommended he not use his old Lawyer Nash Cass. They cited the lawyer as being among people my father needed to stay away from for now. Mom is really irritated, but Dad is supposedly content with the change and recommendations.

I have been invited to appear at court, but I am hesitant to go. I sent a message to my court-appointed advocate Marie Tull. I want my father to have more time after his treatment before I say anything about my wishes.

I do know as I get anxious about him being out, my attention deficit is acting up and I am having more trouble at school. It is bad enough, I am to begin seeing Dr. Akers every other week for two months again.

I go with the track girls who are picking up their orders for shoes, leggings along with the girls' uniforms. The girls have fun with me trying on the leggings and shoes. Fortunately, there are extra uniforms for ten freshmen girls and three others along with me trying to make the team. Making the team is not much of a problem, but being competitive and helpful is seen very differently. I guess there is some pressure from those who have previously lettered in the sport or on the Cross-County team.

I am in reasonable condition from football and running since with Jennifer or Rhonda. The girls’ basketball team has tournament games left to play. Rhonda will need to wait to workout with the track team. Track and Cross-Country are her favorite. She is not a star basketball player, but she does make a contribution to the team.

She’s best at running relays and the 200 hundred meter sprint competing for the track team. It is possible that we could run in some of the same races. The 800-meter race and longer relays are what I hope to run.

Trevor White a long distance runner has invited me to run my shorter distance with him in the morning for his training purposes. And to build up my endurance as well. He says I could push him to time for the first 800 meters if I ran seriously. I am not excited about running fast early in the morning. I suspect he has another motive; my hope that it is positive and not to cause a problem for me. Trevor is generally known as a good guy. I’m not too worried.

My Coach is encouraging me to try it as she wants me in running condition sooner than later. Trying to push a boy as good as Trevor is a good challenge.

Sara tells me Tuesday night, she’s over to the Adams visiting Rhonda, “Elaine, Dad wants to make a new start with you. He asked me to find out if you’re willing.”

‘Wow, this is heavy. I’d love a new start too, yet I’m tired of being hurt. Even the idea of the possibility meets with so many past disappointments. I ask Sara, “Does he want or expect an answer right now?” Sara’s excited, but now sees she’s asking something hard of me.

She says, “Well I guess, but you need to be honest. If you need to wait and see how he does that would be understandable. Do you have any idea how long it might take to consider? Is it likely to be days or weeks?”

I get enough courage to say, “Honestly Sara, the judge or someone said it could take up to six months of being sober for him to be able to work through his stuff without me. I don’t think I’m comfortable enough with him and have it blow up in my face.”

I can see Sara’s disappointed, a fairytale ending would be wonderful. “Sara, I think for now Dad’s sobriety and the good relationships he has going that will be big enough.”

Sara and I hug, both with tear-filled eyes, and I have a lot of feeling for her. It is good to have a hug from her.

I stay hidden in my room after that. Which is unusual for me. I won’t be surprised if Mom Adams or Jennifer came looking for me. It isn’t fifteen minutes and there’s a knock at the door. I say, “Come in.” and the door opens with Dad walking in.

“You probably expected Mom, but she’s preparing dinner. She hopes you’ll help after you share what’s the problem.”

I tell him “Sara says, my dad wants to start things out new. I’m in here because I told her I’m not ready. And I don’t want people to talk me into trying to get back together with him or my Mom right now.”

Dad has a puzzled look, “And why would you expect anyone here to try to push you to do that?”

I say, “Because it sounds like a good thing.”

“Your Mom Adams told me that wasn’t going to happen for a half a year or so. That’s if he doesn’t run into any problems setting him back. We love you too much to pressure you into that. We’re more afraid you’d want to do it too soon.”

He continues, “We don’t have any legal clout one way or another. Your Grandma does, and I think if she errs it’s going to be on the side of you not getting hurt again.”

Dad opens his arms for a hug if I’m willing. He tends to be safe and leaves it for me to come and hug him. I step forward and we hug. He has no way to know how I enjoy and hate being in his arms. It hurts that I’m comforted by a man not my father.

Dad says while I’m in his arms. “I am hoping your father will make it in staying sober and hold onto his recovery from alcoholism. My understanding is it takes him getting his whole act together. My guess that is why he wants to try the whole thing right now.”

He smiles at me as we turn for the door, “Your responsibility right now is to get a good education like my other girls. But you have the added responsibility to get used to being Elaine and not Bryce. I think you’re doing a fantastic job, I’m very proud of you Elaine.” As we head downstairs his male humor gets the best of him, “You’re one of the top three girls in the house.”

I say, “There are four women in the house.”

He says, “Oh women, then you’re in the top four women.”

“I’m having trouble with your humor right now Dad. The hug was hard enough.” With that, I leave him and go into the kitchen to help Mom and close the door behind me. Dad comes in and sits at the kitchen table anyway.

Mom says, “I have a simple pork roast in the oven. Decide what vegetable you want with it and get it out of the freezer. Mom has sweet corn she froze last summer. I’m sure she knows what I’ll choose. Dad loves Mom’s gravy with potatoes. I’m guessing that’s what Mom is already checking on the stove. And without being asked I get the fresh lettuce and makings for a salad. We have cherry tomatoes, onion greens, grated cheese and carrots, and olive slices.

Mom asks, “So are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

I grab some silverware and plates. “Let me tell you later, I don’t want to spoil my appetite.” With that, I’m through the door to the dining room where I see an extra chair. I’m guessing my sister Sara is staying for dinner. I need another plate and serving. I also decide to tell Ma Adams why I was staying to myself.

It was that or Sara and I would be acting like we have a secret all during dinner.

Come morning I’m up early and to school by 6:30 to run with Trevor white. He laughs because I warm up different from him. We both jog two laps around the school to warm up. It is cold enough that I wear tinted running glasses, protection for my head and neck. Trevor calls me a sissy but stops when I threaten not to run with him.

Today is not to be a fast run but fast enough to help condition both of us. I’m expecting a shorter route we can run a number of times. It is ten blocks out and he’s still running further away from the school. I wait until he looks over and I take a left turn. He tempted to say something, but even with glasses, I guess my glare said enough.

We run a few blocks before I head back toward the school. It is then Trevor adds speed and leave me behind. I did speed up, but not nearly enough. I get back to school and I’m walking inside to cool down instead of quickly stopping. Trevor comes to walk with me. He says, “Thanks, I didn’t expect you to still be in that good of shape.”

I’m heading to the private locker room and shower when I pass Rhonda and Jenn coming in for their rehearsal. It helps me to think Karen is probably walking on the floor above me. I go find her and walk awhile before my shower and changing.

Karen’s happy and I feel good that I might be making a schedule all my own. I get a text from Ma Adams, “We’re talking to your Grandma about sharing the cost of renting a car so you can have something to drive when needed.”

Story to be continued…