It is 10:30 p.m. before Chase calls and Sara is still in my room. He asks, “I’m sorry, but my parents are upset with me. They can tell I’m anxious but they’re sure it’s about the bullies identifying me with you. I figured you had your own problems with Sara wondering why I talked to you instead of her.”

“Chase…”

Chase continues and won’t stop to listen, “I liked playing with Sara and Cousin Heather, but I’d always act like I was bigger and tougher. When you started to say you’re a girl, I disliked you because you kept going out football. I was awfully upset when you began playing as a quarterback. I knew no girl would really be a quarterback.”

I try speaking up, “But I was trying…”

Chase says, “I thought a real girl would rather… I don’t know. You kept trying to please your father and I didn’t understand that. Then when Johnny kissed me I thought I was in denial about being a girl and liking him. I’m not a girl, but I always like being around your sister. It helps me enjoy girls better and I like the colors they have. Their clothes are nicer.”

I said, “I’m not sure about Johnny and me. I don’t have feelings for him, but I did like the kiss. I should have talked to Sara. How am I going to tell her now?”

Sara says, “Elaine’s been trying to tell you I’m here. I don’t see you as a girl either, but I don’t worry about those things.”

There is silence from Chase, and Sara and I begin to worry. Finally, we hear Chase before he starts talking. “Whew… That’s a relief.”

On our way to my doctor’s appointment with Dr. Anne; Sara asks, “So did you like your date with Tyler?”

I say, “It was interesting, I kind of enjoy being with a boy. It felt gross as well as exciting that I could excite a boy as I did. Right now, I’m going to date just Staci and Karen, if one of them don’t dump me.”

Grams speaks up, “I am thankful you two talked to Chase. His mom says he’s talked to his dad and her and he’s back to being himself.”

I get a text as we arrive at the clinic to meet Dr. Akers. “Grandma, can we go look at dresses before you take us back? Staci has bought a nice gown hoping I’ll take her to the Winter Ball.”

Grams asks, “Sara are you going to the ball?”

Sara smiles big, “Yes, Travis decided to ask me after he heard I went out last weekend. I already told him, if he isn’t going to treat me right, I’m open to dating other boys. Mom helped me look at dresses last Wednesday. I already know which one I’m buying. Saturday morning, Travis asked me to the dance.”

Instead of being called into an office to meet with Dr. Anne, she comes out to meet Sara. She says, “Sara, it is nice to see you and Elaine can get together again. I think Elaine sees her big sister as very important.”

I go back and have a very good session with her. She is surprised I am content where I am, and not pushing for surgery like usual. I say, “The gaff isn’t as uncomfortable, my boy part has gotten smaller. I find it more important that my breasts and body are maturing. You should know that Dr. Owens says I can’t have the medical surgery. It wouldn’t be allowed yet unless it became a medical necessity. She’s more interested in knowing from you how I’m handling my adjustment so far.”

“I can’t talk to Dr. Owens yet,” Dr. Anne says, “Someone, namely you, has not yet signed the release for me to talk with her professionally.”

I say, “But you two are an item, surely you’re talking about me.”

She says, “This is just the place someone is likely to presume we would short-cut our ethics. It would be wrong for us to jeopardize you moving ahead by unethical behavior. If Dr. Owens decides to move toward approving things medically for you. She wants to make sure it is a professional decision. The only thing I know about you from Dr. Owens is she likes you a lot.”

Dr. Anne waits until my appointment is over to ask me what I think of her ring. I’m surprised that I hadn’t noticed it. “Does this mean you are engaged?”

Dr. Anne says, “Yes, we’ll probably get married this summer and I am planning to move and live here with her. Hopefully, we find another house.”

My appointment with Dr. Owens isn’t until 2:00 p.m. I did sign a release for the two to share medical records and to make recommendations to each other.

I think it’s funny when Dr. Owens says, “I talked with your Psychologist and she thinks you’re handling the changes in your life well.”

I giggle and ask, “Dr. Patti, did she tell you that she told me of her engagement to you?” I had seen her glow before, but that was when she was happy for me. She is blushing and doesn’t know for sure what to say or do. I hug her and hold her. She steps back, saying, “Thank you, most people are happy for us, but they’re being so cautious about saying anything. No one gave me a nice hug like that.”

We’re driving back and I’m sharing the news of Drs. Patti and Anne. Grams says, “I know a few people who might like the idea of throwing them a reception.”

We’re on our way back when she asks if Macy’s would be okay to look for a gown. Sara suggests another store. Grams says, “We can look there, but the reality is Elaine can’t afford what you can.”

I say, “I have pretty nice clothes but the truth is that I couldn’t afford the miniskirt given to me last Friday. I will find something nice, but it won’t be as expensive as what Staci or you buy. The truth for me is this is a wonderful dream come true, but it is not an extravagant fantasy.”

Sara knows the store where Staci bought her gown and we even have a picture of her red gown. We are soon there and the only gown like hers is on display. I tried three dresses when the saleswoman brings a shorter white satin dress. It tiers down the back with a delicate lace over the satin dress. She says, “It has an irregularity that makes it affordable. It is barely noticeable unless someone is looking for it.” Sara and I agree it's the ideal dress to compliment Staci’s gown.

I soon get a text from Staci, “Elaine, the dress is beautiful.”

Quickly I get another text, this one from Rhonda, “Mom and I love your dress and Mom says she can fix any flaw. You’ll make Staci happy to have you in that dress.” I look to Sara who sent the pictures.

She asks, “Does that make you feel better?” She’s correct that others liking the dress, especially Staci is great news for me. Sara says, “I have heels from last year’s prom. If you can deal with 3” heels and you can get them dyed, they’re yours.”

Grams says, “I’ll pay for your trip to a salon.” I know better than to ask if I can have the extensions put in that I would like. I'll check my savings account to see if I can afford them.

When we stop at my Mom’s to let off Sara, Sara goes to get the shoes. Mom asks me, “Are you proud of yourself?” When I ask about what, she says, “You’re going to act like you’re not responsible for there being an interim-principal?”

“I can’t say I’m disappointed, but I’m as surprised as you are.”

Mom says, “I don’t think everyone is going to be happy with you because of it.”

Grams says, “But Elaine didn’t even know anything about it. How can they blame her?” I have well over a dozen people that my email kicked over to spam. I am consistent in not reading those messages. None of my friends had said anything.

Mom does tell me that Dad is due to be home come Saturday. I’m happy he’s getting out, but I'm hoping he won’t come to the dance.

Grams tells me on the way to the Adams, “Your father won’t be getting out until Monday.” It is kind of good news, but it hurts that Mom said it. I am used to not trust what they say. The surprise is that it still hurts.

I am no sooner in the Adams’ house, bringing in my clothes and Rhonda is pushing me to my room. “You need to model both your new dress and then the miniskirt that you received.” Rhonda is sorting out what is to go to dirty clothes, what’s clean and what I am to be changing into. I’ve taken off my blouse but I’m waiting to take off my skirt. Rhonda says, “I’m staying in to see if you need help with your zipper. Don’t you go getting modest with me?”

I’m changing when Rhonda asks, “How does your doctor like how Elaine is coming along? Did she notice how your breasts are growing?”

It’s a silly question to me, ‘If she’s noticed’ of course the doctor noticed. It does give me the chance to acknowledge my breasts are growing. “You know she did and she says they are becoming responsive like other girls as well. Does that make you happy?”

I ask, “Is it true that the Principal has been replaced with an interim?”

Rhonda finishes zipping up the back and hooks the top of my dress, with that she pushes me toward the living room. Ma Adams and Grams exhale, I’m feeling very good as I’ve not taken the time to make myself look exceptionally nice. I ask, “Ma Adams, do you know about dyeing shoes?”

She begins saying, “Every girl your age should know that.”

I’m sure every girl doesn’t, especially one with my lack of experience. My eyes look down and I’m feeling bad. Ma Adams, “I’m sorry, these are the things you will enjoy experiencing this year and next. They’re part of the joy of being a girl at this time in your life. Jennifer, Karen, and others in your class have been watching sisters and cousins for years. They know of it, but unless they got to go as underclass girls last year. This becomes the year when their dreams become their experiences.”

Grams says, “The difference for you. You were dreaming last year, but you didn’t expect it to ever happen. You weren’t watching and listening as closely as you would have if Elaine believed it would happen this year.”

Mrs. Adams encourages me to sit next to her as she cuts a tag and a small plastic thing from my dress. She says, “See this material in here it’s what we call a swath. We will take it to where they’ll dye shoes and they will use it to match the color needed for your shoes. If Staci wants we could use a swath from her gown to make small bows or flowers for your shoes.”

Rhonda says, “Mom, do you want to see the miniskirt on her that she was given?” I guess it wasn’t a real question as we’re on our way back to my room without me hearing an answer. Rhonda and Jennifer are both with me, helping me to undo my dress as well as to hang it properly. We put the plastic bag back over it and gently into the closet.

I am eager to put on the skirt when Jennifer stops me and hands me a pair of light gray leggings. “You need to take off what you’re wearing and put these on.” I’m upset as I’m only putting them on to show them and their mother. Rhonda has out my silver satin blouse. I put on the leggings and slide the skirt up against my legs. I enjoy the feeling of it sliding up into place. I’m in front of my mirror as I begin buttoning up the blouse. I had gotten out a bra that would make me look better. It now looks like other winter outfits that I’ve loved on other girls.

Rhonda says, “I dare you to wear that tomorrow to the school’s basketball game.” She already knows my opinion, “It takes an exceptional girl to wear a skirt like that walking up bleachers. That and some of our classrooms kind of put a girl on display. Two months ago I would not have thought of wearing such an outfit. I’m now excited about the idea.

Grams has already has seen the skirt and top; she and Ma Adams now see it as a winter outfit I could wear. Mom Adams says, “You can wear that with a blue blouse you have for school or that outfit if you’re going to the basketball game.”

Jennifer says, “If she wears the blue top she has a pair of leggings with a design that would work with it. She should come home and refresh herself anyway.”

Seeing Jennifer causes me to wonder about Karen. I had been longing to go to something special with Karen. I feel poorly about having asked Staci first. “Jennifer, is Karen going to be angry at me for going to the game and the Winter Ball with Staci?”

Jennifer says, “I think Karen still wants to go out with you, but she and Brock, from the senior class, are going to the Ball. She’s looking forward to seeing you back at school tomorrow. I don’t mean to burst your bubble but the hots she had for you has cooled. Well, they were more for Bryce.

“Brock danced with her last week and caught her by surprise when he asked her out. No, offense but I think she hopes you’ll like him too.”

I ask, “Why does she hope I’ll like him too?”

Jennifer says, “Don’t worry she asked me too. She sees us as her girlfriends; it’s important to a girl that friends like us like who she likes.”

“So I’m a friend, not a girlfriend?”

Jennifer says, “We’re not just her friends, we’re BFF; best friends isn’t that special to you?”

I tell her, “Sorry, but it’s not like I want to be approving her boyfriends.”

“Elaine, it’s not like she’s saying she loves him or that it’s romantic like you’re probably thinking. She has more feelings than that for you, but you also have feelings for Staci. I bet you think you’re different.”

I frump down on my bed, she’s right yet I don’t quite see it the same. Rhonda puts an arm around me as she sits next to me. “Elaine, I feel for you; none of us has gone through anything remotely like this.”

Grams had left without saying good-bye; Ma Adams says, “Your Grandmother didn’t want to say good-bye and get caught up in your sulking.” Mrs. Adams begins to giggle when I ask, “Was Grams able to notice I felt bad?

Ma Adams says, “Come help me in the kitchen and we can talk.”

I change out of the miniskirt and other clothes and put on some casual clothes. When I get to the kitchen Mom gives me an apron and says, “Please get the wild rice and then some water boiling. There are a few things you need to finely chop: onion, peppers, and herbs for the dish.” I’m watching her cook and asking questions.

“Elaine, I told your Grams I would talk to you. She and I have the feeling that you’re trying to grow as Elaine. Yet, you’re trying to hold onto Staci and Karen as though you’re their boyfriend. We’re not suggesting you to let go of them as friends. You might even be seeing them as romantic interests, that’s good if it’s as Elaine. I think you and Staci should have a great time at the Winter Ball.” I begin to tear and sit as I’m listening, but we’re both quiet.

Not wanting others to hear, my voice is soft. “I find myself tense, I want to be me but I'm so used to being a boy that I act like one. When I’m unsure of myself; I revert back to my old thinking and things become awkward.”

Ma Adams suggests, “Maybe, come Wednesday or Thursday, maybe both days you should go to Staci's house after school or she can come here. Use the time to be friends and get to know each other as you are now. You already know you’re to treat this as your house; she’s always welcome here.”

“My Jennifer can be awkward, trying to be the person everyone else wants her to be. Like between you and Karen she wants to be your sister and your friend. She’s afraid she has feelings for…” Ma stops like she said too much.

I say, “Are you saying she has feelings for Karen?”

Ma shakes her head no and tries to change the subject reminding me to fluff the rice and add what I’ve chopped and let it finish cooking. Jennifer sticks her head in, asking, “Is it alright to come in?”

Not heeding Ma’s ‘No’. I say, “I’m sorry Jennifer, I didn’t realize you have feelings for Karen.”

Jennifer begins to choke, “I, I… you gotta be kidding.” She looks to her mother and realizes I’ve misunderstood. “Did my mother share that I have feelings for someone?”

Considering I’m wrong, “Yes and I assumed it had to be about Karen. Your feelings for your boyfriend seemed to be quite obvious. I guess I don’t understand. She said things can be awkward for you like they are for me.”

Jennifer says, “I’ll share about that sometime, but you have enough to think about already.” I wonder but let it go for now.

Afterward, Jennifer tells me, “Mr. Stanley gave an unannounced quiz today.” Then she asks, “Did you hear Ms. Mercer is now the Interim Principal for the remainder of the year?” She’s been a school psychologist for two school districts.

I ask, “Are students blaming me for Principal Forktongue being fired?”

“Some kids yes. I think he pissed enough people off enough people that more people are happy he’s gone. Ms. Mercer made it quite clear you and other students like you aren’t to be bothered.”

“Like me, there aren’t any?”

Rhonda says, “There’s a Jackie Gibbs in ninth grade who’s actually a boy. Someone said she’s been a girl since fourth grade. She’s been attacked a few times lately along with some gay boys.” Rhonda sees my surprise, “You’d probably know that if you were part of the LGBT Club and saw passed yourself.”

“But I’m different,” I say. “I tried to join them when I was a freshman but I was beaten by my dad then. I had forgotten about them.

Rhonda says, “I bet you’d hear something and learn from them, things you won’t learn from me.” Jennifer and is quiet as we all get ready for dinner.

I laid out my clothes for the morning shortly after dinner.

I’m anxious when I get up in the morning. I wash my face to help wake up and gaze into the mirror. I love how my complexion has improved the past three months. I am down to a minimum of makeup for school. That little makes a big difference, as does brushing out my hair. I put on my leggings, bra and my robe for breakfast.

Once we’re fully dressed and ready for school Rhonda takes us early. She and Jenn both have early band practice. I need to wait outside even though it is below freezing. The leggings are not only stylish, but they also keep me relatively warm.

Jarrod a friend of Marsha Winters comes over to hassle me. Max Sievers is soon there in case he’s needed. He says, “Hey, Jarrod are you sure you want to cause trouble and test our new Principal. She’d probably like to have someone to set an example.”

Jarrod steps away saying, “Elaine should do away with herself and solve the school’s problems.” Max asks and two others besides us acknowledge hearing what he said. Jamie, one of them, is willing to tell the Principal if I’ll go with her.

Principal Mercer called the Superintendent as well as Jarrod and his parents to tell them his actions would result in an automatic two-week suspension. Their lawyer says, “Jarrod was misheard. All he said was Elaine should move away. He and others think the school just needs to put this in the past.”

It took Jamie being called back in and sharing the names of three others who heard Jarrod’s comment. Jarrod’s parents readily agree to the suspension, saying Jarrod might be transferring to a private prep school.

It’s the third period before I’m to my classes. Mr. Stanley gives me a makeup quiz that helped to get my focus back on schoolwork. Out of the fifteen questions I missed two answers.

Come, gym class, Coach Higgins has me meet with him. He’s wanting me to begin lifting some weights as I’m to be invited to play in an honorary football game after the school year is done. It is usually just for seniors, but since I’ve announced I’m not playing next year the program has made an exception. That and the star senior quarterback from the conference does not plan to play.

I’m ready to say no, when Coach asks me, “I want you to think about it and what it could mean for other girls.” He then asks, “If you haven’t heard yet Mrs. Purcell, the track coach wants to talk to you about starting to practice for the girls’ track team.”

I go over the women coaches’ office and Ms. Purcell confirms for me, “Yes you have been cleared to compete on the women’s team. I’d like you to be practicing for the 400-meter distance and some relays. You’ll need to get special shoes. If you’re going to wear tights for meets we ask you to wear our particular brand and colors. It’s not officially the uniform, but it helps for us to look like a team and keeps your legs warmer on cooler evening meets. The boys have a darker blue, so make sure you do not get those.”

Coach Purcell compliments, “It will be great to have you on the team. I know you have practiced with some of the girls last year. As a side note, I like your outfit today, it looks very nice on you.”

It is between classes Staci sees me, “Is it alright if I go home with you after school and come back for the basketball game?” I already know it will be alright with Rhonda.

I do get a few comments about Jarrod and the Principal who was fired, but I’m comfortable with that.

Monica, captain of the girls’ track team asks, “Would you go with us track girls Saturday to pick up our leggings at the sports store? We can show you, which are the ones you want to choose from and help you select track shoes.”

Monica adds, “If you haven’t walked up and down the bleachers in your shoes, you might want to do so before you go home tonight. It's not that difficult, just different enough you’ll want to know what you’re doing.”

Sara texts me, “Hope to see you tonight at the game. I hope your girlfriends won’t mind you turning boys’ heads.”

Story to be continued…