Just before we enter the courtroom, Marie Tull receives a message that visibly dampened her spirits. When I ask what happened, all she'd say is, “Things will be alright.” When we stood for the Judge to enter the Bailiff said, “Everyone rise for the Honorable Judge Clay Hewitt.” I was all but certain Marie told me it was to be a woman judge.

I look at the other tables and know things are different, my parents and their Lawyer, Mr. Cass, are happy with the change. I was not at all pleased, in fact, I was quite shaken.

After we’re all sworn in as a group and seated, Judge Hewitt addresses us. “It is very unusual for the docket of the judges to be changed like this. This is difficult for us as judges as we care not only for justice but one another. Judge Melanie Turner and I both have high regard for this court and the young lives and their cases that we preside over.”

I was asked to the stand, reminded of my oath and then asked to explain my request for protection and my seeing myself as a girl. Having done so, Dad’s lawyer Mr. Nash Cass rose to question me. “Your honor and the court, we have great respect for others here and their specialties. The Royces’ don’t have fancy titles but they do have the wellbeing of their son Bryce’s best interest at heart. If they have been too zealous in defending the long term interests of their son, they are sorry. We believe well-intended people are wanting to see things how they are used to see them.”

“Doctors Owens and Akers specialize in treating patients with gender dysphoria and the Court Advocate also leans heavily in support of such people. When they do their job well they are probably very important. But in this case, we believe other doctors and advocates could just as well have seen things differently.”

Judge Hewitt interrupts, “Do you have a question for young Royce?”

Nash says, “Bryce, I saw you yesterday and shared with you I come as a friend. I know you might see that differently right now. I ask, ‘Why after agreeing to go out to breakfast with your Father, did you all of a sudden leave and take-off without warning to your father or your broken-hearted mother?” Before I could answer he said, “I don’t think that was a fair way to treat one’s parents. Your Dad wanted to celebrate how well you played the night before as a quarterback and became the game’s hero.”

“Mr. Cass, I would appreciate being called Elaine Royce. I ask in answering your question that you note the larger ring on my father’s hand. Imagine how it felt after I played so hard to please him; to be hit hard over the back of my head with that stone turned inward for maximum effect. That was what I felt just before I left the restaurant. But it is minor to the hurt my father inflicts upon me because I see myself as Elaine.”

Mr. Cass says, “Well that is convenient to say, but why did no one else see it like that?”

I say, “My teammates have seen it time and again, as well as the community. But people who have spoken up in the past were ignored as was I.”

He says, “I did not really ask that as a question. The judge would you please have that answer stricken from the record?”

Judge Hewitt says, “I believe Elaine heard it as a question and she gave her answer. If you want the stenographer to read back your statement for clarification, I am willing.”

Nash asks, “Bryce are you a typical teen who at times sees things differently from your parents?”

“I guess, but I think I have worked hard to honor their requests and do as they usually say.”

Nash Cass says, “You were truthful that you sometimes differ with your folks. What you do not acknowledge is that you are often belligerent in defying your parents and we have people who can testify to that. Saturday was different in only how far you went and the accusation you made. Is that not right?”

“I see it differently, Friday and Saturday I went the furthest in playing hurt and trying to please my Dad. I played the game as a dedicated team member. I am proud of what I did and who I am.”

Nash sarcastically asks, “And how many quarterbacks defiantly put on a cheerleaders sweater and someone else’s bra on in celebration?”

“I do not know how many other quarterbacks are androgynous and have breasts that are bruised by wearing shoulder pads and being hit as a football player. But I happen to be such a person, whether or not you accept that I’m a girl.”

Judge Hewitt says, “This is not a regular court and young Royce is not here like a criminal. I would like to give a chance for others to ask questions or offer evidence in relation to Elaine. Would the Assistant Attorney please address the court and Elaine Royce?”

“Your honor I would like to offer records as exhibit A to support Elaine’s statement of the hurt she sustains as a football player in being androgynous as some breast tissue has developed. And I offer exhibit B to support that she is sustaining injuries not consistent with football injuries but that of abuse.”

Shelley Lamb the Assistant County Attorney asks, “Elaine can you indicate with how you are dressed where the shoulder pads come on you? …That seems to indicate they hit part of your breast area while leaving part of it open to direct hits. Is that true or false?

I showed them where about halfway across my bra. “Yes, it hurts as I get hit. Whether it is in the padded area of the shoulder pads or not, my soft tissue takes a beating. I’ve wanted to quit football the past three years but my father says I can’t. He said with others around that he didn’t want his son prancing around as a cheerleader, because I’m a football player.” Lawyer Nash Cass objected for some reason but was overruled.

Ms. Lamb asked, “So when did you say you wanted to be a cheerleader?”

“I didn’t, but I did say I wanted to run girls’ track and cross-country.”

“How long would you say your father abused you and blocked you from seeing yourself as a girl?”

“Well, this is the fourth year my dad got abusive because I say I’m a girl. But he has been on me since I was a younger person; saying that I was a puny sissy. …I didn’t know I was androgynous until I was eleven. But he and my mother said they knew since I was a baby. They knew when I was younger that I didn’t develop muscle tissue like other boys.”

Judge Hewitt asks my parents, “Is it true that the discovery of the past few days; confirms what you had known for years? Even since early childhood?”

Judge Hewitt reminds them they are under oath. Mr. Cass rises, objecting that they are not on trial. Judge Hewitt says, “You are correct they are not, so they should not object to answering the question?”

My Mom answers, as Lawyer Cass tells her, they don’t have too. Mom says, “Even androgynous children can develop strength and muscles with enough exercise. Richard proved that with Bryce. And Bryce knew he would develop more muscles if he lifted the weights his Dad insisted on. The punishment he received was when he wouldn’t do as his father demanded. His father was told not to hit him with the ring or anything else that would injure him. And he has not done so since Bryce was eleven or twelve. Bryce stopped complaining about that because he knew before this football season began that I no longer believed him.”

Judge Hewitt asks, “So are you saying your son still complained up to this football season, but you did not believe him?”

Mom says, “You make it sound like he might have. But I’m telling you it was because my husband didn’t do anything more like what Bryce said he did. Bryce had just become insistent he wanted to change and become a girl. We already have a girl, he’s our boy."

The Judge asks, “What is your response to findings saying Elaine had been hit three times recently. And that the markings left are consistent with that ring turned as was stated?”

My Dad arises and forcefully says, “Bryce must have done it himself.” Richard Royce speaks up, “I am sure I wasn’t even wearing the ring Saturday.”

Attorney Lamb asks, “You swear that to be true?”

“Are you accusing me of lying, I won’t put up with that!”

She asks, “I just want to verify that you know that to be the case.”

Dad says, “Of course it’s true, but we’re not going to get this settled if you waste time focusing on me.”

Ms. Lamb says, “Your honor, I have a photo taken Saturday morning at the restaurant that I want to place as an exhibit.” Cass has to check the photo as well as the judge and Marie Tull. Cass says, “Gosh, Richard.” Dad not only had the ring on, but the photo showed is was turned around improperly.

The hearing went for over four hours, not counting lunch. I felt sorry for my Dad at one point as the Assistant Attorney stated often in these cases a father has also sexually abused his child or given him over to others to teach him a lesson. I cringed and turned to Marie, “Does my case require things like that be suggested if I know they’re not true?”

Marie rose and waited to be acknowledged by Judge Hewitt. “Your Honor, there are enough issues that both Elaine and her parents probably need to work through. Elaine has confided to me sexual abuse is not one of those concerns.”

Once the hearing was ready to conclude each party got to present their recommendation regarding me, about whether I am seen as Bryce or Elaine, with whom I am to live and where I will go to school. Finally, the Judge asks if I am comfortable with him deciding between the recommendations.

I say, “Your Honor I don’t know how these this usually works. I guess you handled it pretty well and everyone’s side was heard. But what if things aren’t so neat, like me being either Elaine or Bryce. I am not sure of everything. One thing not mentioned is I would ask that my dad not to be near me for now. I am scared to even when nothing is happening.”

Judge Hewitt says, “I’ll take that into my consideration. I hope to make a decision tomorrow or Monday. It will be at least Monday before it is written up. I remand Elaine to Mrs. Joan Newton’s custody as soon as the hospital releases young Royce.”

I’m riding back to the Stronghold Medical Center when I’m startled and yell, “Move it.” I saw a pickup was obviously running a red light. Fortunately, Marie avoided the car from hitting my door; the pickup truck did bump the back of her car but then it kept going.

Marie stops and asks if I am alright. I say, “I am but he scared the life out of me!”

She says, “I think that was the point. I think if he was going to really hit us, he would have done so. I think the point was to scare us”

I say, “The driver looked like someone I know.” It takes me a while, but the face and name of Jack Winedort came to mind. That recollection sends shivers through me. I believe he even has a blue pickup like that truck.

Marie asks, “Can you say that with a surety? Did you recognize him or get his license plate number?”

“Ms. Tull, I suggest we get us to the hospital and then you can call it in. The pickup was a dark blue Chevy that’s all I can say.”

I wanted to get back to the hospital, and be released; Marie waited for the police. When I tried to tell the police officer about Jack. I was told I watched too much TV. But his partner ran the information. Before we left for the hospital; the partner was back saying, “A Jackson Winedort has a vehicle matching that description.”

It wasn’t until we were back in my room that I went to pee and began to cry.

Before I could get packed and signed out, Grams had called Deputy Tiffany Reed. Grams says, “My community is protected by the Sheriff’s Department. Deputy Tiffany’s got permission to escort us home and make sure we’re safe.”

It is only then that Dr. Owens is comfortable signing my release. She was of the mind to order another test or x-ray to keep us longer if it was needed to keep us in a safe environment. She did give me a low dose hormone supplement, saying “That will be enough for a two-week trial. Hopefully, we will know early next week, if we will get to continue to work with you.” She gave me a handshake that I turned into a hug. Dr. Patricia Owens says, “I have enjoyed coming to know you, Elaine. I would love to work with you, whatever is decided.”

Grams and I thank Dr. Patti Owens, Marie and the staff of nurses. Going home with Grams is nice but not enough for me. I now have to wait for a judge to tell me what lays ahead. Waiting is hard for me, especially when I am not in control. I am glad Grams knows someone like Deputy Tiffany Reed. I am not sure if I’m embarrassed that she’s riding ahead of us or that her lights aren’t flashing. I’d like to be special to someone. I still didn’t realize I am.

It is helpful after Tiffany checks the house that she accepts Grams invite to have a Pepsi and visit. I don’t remember anything in particular that she did or said. But she pointed out how special my Grandma is and reminds me that friends came to see me. Tiffany says, “I’m glad it was Dr. Owens who saw you. Your Grandma told me Dr. Akers is even your counselor. You probably don’t feel lucky at this point, but I am quite happy for you.” She says, “You know, I’m not just a Deputy. I could be a good friend if you ever want me. You could even be my teacher.”

I’m now puzzled by her last statement, “What do you mean, I could be your teacher? Like what do I know that you might be interested to learn?”

She says, “Elaine, I first want to be a friend. But yes, I think I can learn a lot from you by just being your friend. You are not the only boy seeing herself as a girl.”

I ask, “Does that mean, you’d also help me be a girl? I would like that. I am sure Grandma will get tired of me if it is just us.”

Grandma lightly laughs, “I wouldn’t mind some help. I’m going to need to get her some more clothes. We probably could use a younger woman’s help.”

Deputy Tiffany said, “I have tomorrow and Saturday off. I have been shopping with some of my nieces, so I know a little that might help.”

Grams asks, “Would tomorrow morning around 10:30 work for you?”

Tonight as I’m lying in the bed my mind is wandering as it has the last few nights. I pinch myself to make sure this is real. I am getting the opportunity to be me. I have longed for it but really did not expect it ever to happen. I think of my sister and Rhonda and smile realizing I will have the opportunity to be a girl like them.

Part of me is disappointed that I do not fully look a girl yet and that I am not as attractive as them. Another part of me is excited, thinking of having a bedroom with pastel pinks and yellows. Instead of a teddy bear, I want to get a kitten and then some posters appropriate for me.

I go online to order a Kim Petras poster and CD before we’d get a chance to go shopping. I knew finding a poster and music of Taylor Swift would be no trouble. I looked at several of her pictures trying to visualize how some of her outfits might look on me.

Tiffany is over by 10 a.m. and she is a lot cuter than she is in uniform. Her younger sister Tedra is with her. Tedra is sixteen and fun as she speaks up and shares her mind. “Do you think you’d really like to have the pains of having a period?”

I said to her, “No more than you, but if it meant I’m fully a girl yes. Can you understand that?”

Tedra sees my list with Kim Petras name on it. She asks, “Is she like your patron saint? You know she’s legitimately a good singer and can stand on her own.” I am glad, I won’t have to explain myself to Tedra. She teases me about liking to wear skirts and introduces me to nice fitting designer jeans. I only get two pairs of jeans. The crotch area feels and looks great as I pull up one pair that gives me a snug fit.

We go to eat at a local Italian restaurant. After a woman recognizes me from the courthouse, I am reluctant to use the women’s restroom. Finally, Tiffany gets up saying let’s all go to the women’s room to help out Elaine.” It is so embarrassing; I’m sure people are looking at me in a different way from the others. Tiff says, “Get over it, you’re making it out to be bigger than it is. Someone might come in to see if you’re doing your own makeup.”

It was funny when a girl somewhat younger comes into the restroom as I’m fixing my face.

It is five after four when my phone rings; it’s Marie Tull, “Don’t get too excited but Judge Hewitt is finding for your right to be living as Elaine Royce. He suggests you finish this year at your school, living with the Adams family during the week. Grandma Margaret Newton is to be your legal guardian and where you’re to be living on the weekends.”

“I tell you not to get overly excited because he expects your parents to appeal the ruling. You are to finish this semester and continue meeting with Psychologist Dr. Anne Akers. You can decide with her help and mine if you’ll attend your school for the second semester. You and your grandmother can pick up your copies of the decision from the Clerk of the Court Office Monday noon or after. …Temporary identification and medical cards will also be provided then.”

Everyone with us gives me a group hug and people nearby are wondering what our special news is.

I get a text from Dr. Patricia Owens, ‘Congratulations from Cancun, Mexico! We are happy for you! Yes, I’m Marie’s my special friend. More than significant other, we’re lovers. It’s not a big secret, as we tell people we’re close to.”

It is nine o’clock in the evening when my phone rings again and it’s Rhonda. It dawns on me that the Chargers are playing their second state play-off game. “We’re playing a decent game and have scored two touchdowns. But Jack Rivers just threw an interception that went for a touchdown against us. Until then we were still in the game. It is fourteen points for us and now thirty points for them with four minutes remaining.”

It is twenty minutes later when Karen calls me, “Did you hear, we lost the game, 14-37. They returned another interception. It was actually a closer game. But Coach Higgins said, your injury tipped the scales.”

She says, “When Coach was asked who his most valuable player for the season was? He said, ‘It was a tie between my brother Maynard Hart, Jim Jeters on defense and you at quarterback. Did you hear that you at Quarterback?”

It is close to midnight when I’m visiting with Rhonda and Karen. Karen says, “My brother wants me to thank you for getting him in a playoff game. He scored one touchdown and helped set up the other score. He thinks that will help him secure several college offers and a better scholarship.”

I tell them both of the judge’s decision that I remain as Elaine. “I am to return to school for the remainder of the semester. I have already called your mother Rhonda about staying there this coming week. It will be Tuesday before I am actually back taking classes. I thank you for keeping me up to date on assignments.”

Karen says, “Then tomorrow we better be shopping for some school clothes for you. You should also find a good salon. A good perm will help make it easier to take care of your hair and keep its style.”

It is a little after 7:00 in the morning when Grams wakes me up. “Grams it’s Saturday morning, why aren’t you letting me sleep in?”

She says, “Marie anticipated the decision and I have a salon appointment for you at Teresa’s Hair Fashions. Do you anticipate any of your friends coming this way today?”

I say, “Yes, but what made you think of that?”

“Your cousin Heather says she’s excited for you. She suspects those closer to you would be seeking to catch up to you if their schedules weren’t too busy. She says, Cathy is a new beautician at Hair Fashions, but she’s very good.”

Come eight thirty there’s a knock on the door and someone is letting themselves in. “Grams, I’m here; does Elaine know I’m coming?” I barely recognize Heather’s voice. Her appearance has also changed as it’s been over a year, may two since we saw each other. Heather was then a late blooming teenage girl. Now she looks like she emerged from a cocoon and is now a butterfly. I smile with delight as I see her.

I say, “Grams is in her bathroom I think. Wow, Cousin, you’ve really blossomed.”

Heather sings, “Where is the boy cousin I knew? You haven’t transitioned already, have you? I think you are going to enjoy my salon. Have you ever been to one before?”

I say, “Only in my dreams.” Heather and I share a hug. I am glad she is not repulsed by me wanting to be Elaine or my breasts bumping hers.

Heather says, “Sara sent me a picture of you. It didn’t do justice, but it did help me to recognize you. You’re already attractive enough to be a regular girl. Grams says you have a couple of pretty outfits. I am glad you decided to go with the jeans for now. Can I help how you with how you look up top?”

I look down, wondering what’s wrong. She asks, “Did you have more than that when you went to court the other day?” I’m guessing she saw a picture from then. “You should try to be close to how you’ve presented yourself before.”

“The pictures I saw, you looked like a high school girl, and now you look like a girl who’s in middle school. Please don’t do that. People will remember and some can be cruel enough without any help.”

I say, “Grams said I should be casual.”

Heather lightly giggles, “I am not sure what casual means to you. You do not accomplish a casual look by pulling out half of your stuffing.” We are both laughing as we walk past Grams on the way to my bedroom. It’s not hard for Heather to help me achieve the look I had. “See just a little help and making sure you’re in your bra properly.”

I thank her and she helps to make sure my purse is properly filled as we go back out to Grams. We are to the salon by 9:00 and Cathy is a cute woman, probably 23. Cathy says, “You have a nice head of hair young lady. Would you mind if we add some highlights and shape it more?” She pauses and Heather speaks up, “Would you like tighter curls or bigger curls, more wavy hair?”

Grandma had a hair styling book at home and Teresa’s has the same one there. I turn in at least fifteen pages, “Would this one work for me?”

Heather shows the book to Grandma, saying, “She does have an image of the girl inside, I’m impressed.”

Cathy agrees, “Yes that will be a nice look on you. But what’s about this girl inside?”

I respond, “They think, I’ve been too boyish in my appearance.”

Cathy says, “We’re saying good-bye to that boy look today?” I acknowledge, yes.

I am in the salon chair and recline back to have my hair shampooed. It is the first time since I was a little boy that I feel someone shampooing and massaging my scalp. My head of hair feels like it has grown and becomes bigger as she conditions my hair. When she rinses it out I cannot help but feel my hair. I am amazed it is mine. Its touch and texture is like I hoped. But I’m disappointed as I sit up. There’s no indication of the highlights. Cathy combs it out all around, cutting in some place, more as she is putting in curlers. She uses foil or strips as she rolls some areas and brushes on a solution. She says, “This is the highlighting.”

My eyes tear, “You thought I forgot didn’t you,” she asks? “You are like a little girl here aren’t you?”

I answer, “I’ve never been in a salon, before. I’ve dreamt being in the cosmetic section of a store and someone asks me to sit down. I dreamed they made up my face to make it pretty.”

Cathy says, “You won’t need to use a lot to be pretty. You have a very nice complexion.” She pauses, “You do know you are already pretty don’t you?” I can tell Cathy is moved when I shook my head ‘no’. She looks at Grandma and asks, “I probably shouldn’t ask or say anything. Does she have one of those fathers, who don’t value the daughter he has?”

Cathy turns to me again, “Well young woman, I’m not here to sell you a product as much as I hope you will come to know how beautiful you are. You don’t need much if any makeup for that. I want you to grow to respect yourself. That will be the greatest help for most to see you’re beautiful.”

I am under the dryer for maybe twenty minutes. Cathy unwraps where my hair had foil over it. First, she brushed that hair out and then brushed it in with my other hair. When I saw the different waves, curls and the highlights in my hair a big smile came over my face.

Heather and Grams are behind me as I look into the mirror. Heather is saying thanks to Cathy and Grams says, “It’s adorable. Do you like it?”

“Not only do I like it Grandma, but it’s totally for Elaine.”

Grams asks, “What does that mean?”

I say, “It’s my look as Elaine, even if I brush it out. There’s no way it looks good for Bryce.” …Someone text me, ‘I might be up for first team conference quarterback.’ I shake my head, no; “I don’t really think I’ll get it. But if I do, I’d receive it as Elaine, aka Bryce.”

The rest of the morning, we’re shopping. I purchase my first pair of heels when Rhonda comes in with her sister Jennifer and her friend Myrna. “Can we see what you bought,” Rhonda asked? Jennifer adds, “Now can we see you trying them on again?”

Cousin Heather introduces herself to them, “Why don’t you help us to find her a nice skirt outfit? She can put them on then and really show off her new self.” We soon leave here and go to New York and Company. Grams suggests everyone pick out one outfit for me to try on with the exception I’m to pick two.

Rhonda quickly notices a striped duster sweater and skirt. She says, “I think this is either mismarked it or it’s on the wrong set of racks.” The regular price is $89, but above the rack, it says $34.95 and the skirt is marked twenty-five dollars. There is a bright blue coordinated blouse. I am not sure if the blouse is a pullover or if it opens at the back, but it is listed at $25.00. The ones she picked for me are blues, black and red in a zig-zag.

Grams says, “She needs a size 10.’ which Rhonda soon has set aside. Jennifer picks out a similar outfit of greens, black, and a bright gold stripe. Rhonda says, “You should pick something different for her.”

Jennifer says, “I will, but if Mom says yes, I’m getting this for me.” Jennifer picks a Campbell plaid skirt and sash for me, suggesting a white or red satin blouse. Heather picks a camel tan three-tiered skirt she’s picked two camisole tops and a print top to be worn over them.

Marcy says, “She needs a good basic blue skirt but my first choice is this mini-dress. I like what I see of her legs.” I knew a few bruises leftover from her football days needs to heal.

My first outfit is a knee-length red skit with an off white sweater. I choose a long blue skirt with a red shell top and medium weight winter sweater of snowflakes and snowmen. I’ve wanted a sweater like this since I was eight or nine. That was before I knew about being androgynous or transgendered.

Thanks to gift cards from the Harts and Adams along with three hundred dollars awarded me through the county court and Grams. I am able to put together a nice wardrobe to begin as Elaine.

Everyone is spending the night at Grams and pizza is scheduled to arrive a half hour after we got home. Grams had been hoping I will go with her to church before she knew Heather and my friends are staying the night. Rhonda says, “If your Grams doesn’t mind how we’re dressed; we’re all willing to go to church if it isn’t too late.”

We are all ready for bed around 11:00 o’clock when Rhonda and Karen lead a tickling attack on me. I am beginning to break when I feel the bodies of different girls against me. One of my hands feels Rhonda’s breasts. My left leg is between Karen’s legs and I can feel she is hot. Heather and Jennifer are tickling me and I begin to cry.

Soon I am lying back against Grams, and Grams asks the others to kneel around me. “Don’t be afraid, I’m told this happening is an unusual surprise… Elaine knows this is who you are. There is a frustration giving way to a long-sought joy. In simple words, you’ve touched her. You are friends she has long wanted to be another girl.”

Rhonda brings my hand back to her breast and Heather brings my other hand to my breast. Heather says, “You’re like any other girl, but we’re all different. I hope Elaine is excited about going to school…”

To be continued…

Bryce Royce - a junior, starting quarterback
Elaine Royce- Is Bryce as she appears to be
Sara Royce – Sister
Audrene Royce - Mom
Coach Higgins
Hadley Ford, Johnny James, Maynard Hart - football players
Karen Hart – Cheerleader and Maynard’s younger sister
Pam Hart – young cousin to Karen and Maynard
Jack Rivers – new quarterback
Dr. Anne Akers
Deputy Tiffany Reed
Grandma Margaret (Peggy) Newton
Nurse Cathy, Nurse Sandra Collins
Dr. Patricia Owens
Rhonda Adams, her sister Jennifer and friend
Ms. Shelley Lamb - Assistant County Attorney
Nash Cass – Parents’ lawyer
Cousins Heather Newton and Chase White