Sara says that Thursday morning Dad received from the court a request to stand before Judge Hewitt and answer why he should not be found in contempt of the Judge’s order to keep away from his daughter Elaine Royce. Sara felt like Dad was ready to explode, but joked instead, “My Lawyer says they’re afraid they can’t prove anything or else I’d already been in jail. They don’t have the courage to tell Elaine what she needs is a good spanking and to have those clothes taken off her. And I’m too smart for them to prove anything against me.”

New Year’s Day was on Sunday, and Monday was still a school holiday. It isn’t until I’m at the school Tuesday morning that I hear Karen was in an accident Monday late afternoon. Many rumors swirl around the school until I am going crazy not knowing anything for sure. It is 11:30 a.m. when I finally go to the nurse’s office feeling sick to my stomach. Nurse Marie suggests I call the hospital and see if I can talk to her family.

I had called Karen’s home before, using her mom’s cell number; so I tried calling her mom’s number. It was the oldest sister Carla who answered. Carla says, “We’ve been trying to get a hold of you, but no one has your number.”

I’m already crying as she doesn’t say how Karen is. “Is she all right? How badly did she get hurt?”

Mrs. Hart has taken the phone, “Elaine, Karen is out of immediate danger but she did get badly hurt. Can you get to the Somerset Hospital, she has asked for you?”

I’m not sure if Mrs. Adams can drive me there as she has a job. I am reasonably sure the bus going west would get me there. I dared to tell Mrs. Hart, “Yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Tell me how badly she’s injured?”

Mrs. Hart says, “Don’t worry about that until you get her. Just know she’s safe and wants to see you.” I am soon off the phone and hitting numbers to call Ma Adams. “Mrs. Adams,” I say through my tears, “”Karen Hart has been in an accident and I need to get to the Somerset hospital, can you help me get there?”

Ma Adams voice is caring as she tells me she had heard and was hoping I would call if needed. She says, “I have permission to reschedule my work and treat you as my own daughter.” Ten minutes later I am called to the school office. Mrs. Adams has signed me out and I’m given permission to go with her. The hospital isn’t even twenty miles away but it takes most of an hour to get there.

I’m extra worried as we’re directed to the Intensive Care waiting area. Mr. Hart and others are down to the cafeteria, but Mrs. Hart has stayed there in hopes I would arrive. We exchange tearful hugs. Mrs. Hart is forcing herself to smile as she greets me. “Elaine, we’re sorry for not calling you but Karen’s phone was lost in the accident. All we had was your parents’ number.”

Mrs. Hart told me, ‘Karen had been in an accident with friends the previous night. She was coming home from an outing as a passenger. Someone’s tire blew or an animal came onto the road, people aren’t exactly sure. It started a chain reaction ending up with multiple cars in the accident. The vehicle Karen was riding in was hit by a car coming at them. It was hit from behind and then on Karen’s side after it had spun.

‘Karen has broken bones, bruises, cuts, and internal bleeding as well as a concussion. The big thing in her favor is she’s young and in good health. The extent of the injuries will not be known until the swelling goes down. She’s sedated but conscious.’

“Mrs. Hart, can I see her?”

She said, “Yes, but I’m not sure if you’ll want to. With all the tubes and wires she’s hooked up to, along with the injuries, it is not very nice to see.”

I say, “I thought you said she was asking for me?”

“She is, but I don’t want you regretting later that you saw her like this. It’s hard enough for me but I’m a Mom and an adult.”

I hear them announce visiting time for the Intensive Care Unit. I ask, “Would it be alright if I go back with you now?”

Mrs. Hart says, “Come along Sweetie, I’d be very happy to have you with me.” We have to wash hands and even put on gloves and a mask over our nose and mouth.

I’m on one side of the bed and Karen’s mom is on the other side. Her mom cups Karen’s hand in hers and Karen responds.

Karen begins to open her eyes, looking next to her mom, she's saddened. “I was hoping someone else would be here.”

“Look to the other side of the bed, see who else is holding your hand.” She turns and with my mask and gown, she wonders. Like me, she is not sure who she is looking at. I am slow to speak as Karen to looks like someone else. But I heard her in her voice, and I am seeing features that tell me it is her.

I smile though she probably can’t tell. “It is me, Karen, I didn’t know you were in an accident until I got to school.” I lean down and move my mask down to give her a kiss on the tip of her nose. Karen squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. “I feel so bad that you’re hurt. Your mom says you will get all well.”

Karen says, “Thank you, but my Mom doesn’t know that yet. We have to…” she squints as though the pain has a hold of her. “We have to wait and see.” She is tiring as a nurse comes in, “She needs rest, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Karen asks, “Can she sit next to me and hold my hand if she says nothing?”

Nurse Jan says, “Is this your special friend?” Without waiting for a reply, the nurse turns to me. “If you sit, don’t move and can remain quiet, you can stay for now. If the doctors or anyone needs you to be gone, just quietly go to the waiting area.” Karen drifts to sleep and Nurse Jan comes back in.

“I need to take care of some personal things with Karen as well as clean her. Please show me you’re a mature young person.” She begins by emptying a bloody urine bag. She checks different sites that are bandaged, taking off and replacing some. Some wounds are gruesome and hard to look at. I grimace but don’t say anything until Jan asks. “Are you shocked to see your friend like this?”

“The wires, tubes, and injuries I can see; make it hard to know it’s really Karen. I know I can’t be sick here, but it’s hard not to be.”

The nurse asks, “So why are you still here then? You could go out, I’ll tell her if needed I sent you out.”

I say, “I think it would be harder on me to leave and not be here with her.” I stroke part of Karen’s hair and I kiss her fingers. The time seems long and short at the same time. Several doctors and internists came and looked at her. Talking like she nor I were there. It is her left side around her hip that they’re worried about bruising or bleeding inside. A woman doctor comes and looks her over better than the others.

I now know it’s her catheter that is draining bile and blood in with her urine. The nurse tells me, “It is clearing up which is a good sign. Her vital signs have been good with you at her side. She’s comfortable with you with her.”

‘I’m feeling so frustrated, Karen is hurt and could be hurt a long time. And I can’t change that. She has been there for me as my friend.”

Nurse Mikayla says, “And you are sad because you can’t help her?” There’s a pause until I shake my head in agreement. “She is going to need her friends to help her. You can help her but you might want to think twice before volunteering. If you help her, she might not want you as a close friend later?”

I look at her mother who is back in the room. Her Mom says, “I know her younger sister doesn’t want to do it, though I will make her help when needed. It can include cleaning her up if her catheter comes out or she gets sick or messes herself when she eats. That includes helping to change her clothes, maybe bandages.”

I pause and think why she might not want me to help. “Oh, you wouldn’t want me to be doing that because I’m a boy to you.”

She says, “Karen’s already accepted and grieved you’re her girlfriend. No, she and I would be comfortable with you helping. As Nurse Mikayla said, ‘After this is over and she’s well, Karen might see you as a person who remembers her in unfavorable ways.’”

“I’d try to be a normal friend, but if needed I wouldn’t have trouble cleaning her and doing what would be needed.” I thought Karen was unconscious, but my hand is squeezed by her. I look at her and Karen grins.

Her voice is weak, “Would you really be willing to help me. I think we will always be best friends.”

Her mother smiles, “You two are special, but I am also going to see if we can get some others to help instead. It will be closer to when Karen’s ready to go home.” Mrs. Hart approached me. “Several moms have agreed to take a turn helping Karen during the day when school is in session. But I still need someone to be here afterward until I can get home. Are you still willing to help her?”

She should be home about ten days before they try to figure out how she can attend classes at school. It is in fact quite humbling for Karen and me as I would help clean her up if she went to the toilet, bedpan, or makes a mess when eating or drinking, even grosser if she gets sick and needs to be changed. The nurses request I help them the last day Karen is at the hospital. She has a cast on her left leg, brace on her right ankle and another for that knee. The left arm to has a cast while her right arm is in a sling with a special wrap around her right wrist and fingers. Seemingly she tried to brace herself during the accident with her limbs. Fortunately, her sprained neck and the rest of her body would recuperate from bruises and abrasions, with no lasting injuries. Her internal bleeding stopped and they won’t do the test until later when she’s well.

She came home from the hospital on a Wednesday. It would be the next day before I would begin to watch her.

Ma Adams has laid down requirements for me: I had to keep up my grades, do my school work and make sure I do not act inappropriately. When I joked I did not know what she meant; she told me in no uncertain terms, “Even if you would joke about doing something I don’t like; you will be grounded here and not be able to help her. Do you understand?”

Bulky shorts went over Karen’s right leg, snaps between her legs and on her left side helped her to be able to use a chair where she could relieve herself. But she could not clean herself, I had to help her. Snaps around her left hip made it easier to change if needed.

Karen and I review my day at school and do class homework for the four classes we have in common. The following Thursday made it a whole week that I helped her. Her Mom would be home soon though her Aunt Beth came to watch her that evening. It’s the evening of the Fall Sports Banquet for the Patriot Conference.

I was very apprehensive about going, being afraid my father would be there and make things difficult for me. Entering the banquet hall, I stepped in and looked all around before I went any further in. Coach Higgins welcomed me, “So you didn’t believe me that your father would not be here.”

I said, “It wasn’t so much I did not believe you, but yes I worried my father would be here.”

I had decided to attend as Elaine. My dress is simple and not as decorative as many girls who are present and have taken part in various women’s sports. Nor did I use much makeup, just enough to help show a fair complexion. I considered getting the black pigment football player sometimes use under their eyes with blue eyeshadow above my eyes.

I could have gone with the Harts as Maynard will be receiving several awards, hopefully including the most valuable player in the conference. He’s, in fact, the only conference member to have been voted to the All-State first team in our division.

I instead I have chosen to go and sit with Rhonda Adams and the other girls attending from our school. Rhonda had finished first in Cross-Country for our conference and the district, and then third in the State Cross-Country meet where our team was second. Even my sister Sara had come along with Grandma Newton. The girls’ sports are honored and recognized first, then other sports and football are to be last.

It was the first time in years Coach Dan Higgins is given any special recognition in our conference. Coach Dan receives high praise for becoming innovative this year and getting his team into the state playoffs. Finally, they’re acknowledging the All-Conference team which includes which quarterback is to be named as All Patriot Conference Quarterback. Craig Stanton and I were presumably tied for first before a tie-breaker or decision was made.

We were both called up and standing side by side, I automatically congratulated Craig for a very good season. It looked funny to have him who looks like a quarterback and I being dressed as Elaine to be standing together. I guess as they are ready to announce the name my hands went up to my face with a girl’s handkerchief ready to cry either way.

It is then that noise came from the back of the banquet hall and soon I recognized my daddy’s voice. Soon I knew it was his drunken voice saying, “Give it to the real guy up there, not that pretentious *** calling himself a girl.”

I called out, “Dad don’t, you’re not to be here! Don’t get yourself arrested, just go!”

Dad had spotted Sara sitting with the other girls; staggering toward her he said, “You’ve even set your sister against us, have you no shame!” I stepped down from the stage to plead with my father.

“Dad this is who I am. I did not set Sara against you, she just wanted to be here for Rhonda and classmates.” That was true, though I knew she was also here for me. Finally, we were as close as I dared get and my Dad lunged for me. He staggered and fell before a security person took hold of him. I called out, “He’s not bad; he’s an alcoholic he needs help, not jail.”

Dad yells a bunch of profanities as they talked him into going with them.

I sat down and put my head on a table, but I am called back to the platform. The speaker finally said, “We had a tough choice in calling this one as one had a very good year statistically but the other has been voted the Most Valuable Player in the conference. We have decided they will remain the top quarterbacks for this past season. Craig you had a great season, please come forward and accept this honor. Craig is invited forward and spoke to the crowd. He’s not only an athlete’s athlete, but he’s also well-spoken.

As I wait my emotions are getting to me and tears filled my eyes. Finally, Mr. Chandler Richards, the Conference Director is asked to present the final award. He says, “During the season we called you Bryce Royce the undersized quarterback who somehow stayed on his feet and found ways to win ball games. You captured the imagination of so many hearts. Bryce/Elaine Royce, we are honored to call you co-top quarterback and Most Valuable Player of the Year for the Patriot Conference. Please come and accept these awards and tell us a few words.” There was applause that started and ended with many standing. But there was also a growing number who voice their disdain for me receiving the awards.

Harvey Ives stepped forward booing, as others quieted and sat down. He remained standing as I approached the microphone. Finally, before I spoke he said, “You’re not even first in your family. You were a freak who others protected on the field and now a freak here.” He quieted as he was being booed, but he remained standing.

I said, “Just over two weeks ago my best friend Karen was in an accident. Her grit to recover has shown me what is truly important. Since I was a kid my Dad forced me to play and learn the game of football. In an emergency, I was put into a losing game and we nearly pulled out a tie or victory. I was the quarterback against our top defense in practice. I was in because I knew the plays and the game of football, backward and forwards. I credit my Dad for that. My many bruises finally cleared up weeks after the season. I did not seek to be our quarterback, I did not seek these awards. I believe Craig to be a great quarterback.

“However I will accept this award because as a quarterback I worked hard to unite our football team. I threw underneath the coverage because my arm is not the strongest. I worked hard to find ways to win. I not only had one of the top receivers in the state, but I also had teammates that played beyond our potential. I was an unlikely quarterback. I am glad Coach Higgins allowed me to come tonight as Elaine and to show my makeup colors for a girl helped our team to win. My thanks for the awards, by praise to the Cheerleaders especially Karen for encouraging me.”

A news reporter stood and asked if I would play again the next year. “I am thankful for the season I had, but no I will not play another season. I am not willing to put on another twenty-five pounds and build up the muscle that I think I would need. Possibly I will be back here as a cross-country runner.”

Several women in congratulating me asked if I was on hormones. Stating, “We notice changes since the end of the season. You are noticeably becoming one of us.” I too had noticed changes in my strength, even in my hand grip as I was meeting others. Rhonda spoke saying, “Look and see the emotions you had before the announcement, you’re girlified.”

Sara is one of the last to give me a hug and congratulations. She says, “You know if Dad’s charged with an offense or made to seek treatment; your name will be mud even more with the family.”

I said, “That is not because I’m a girl. But if Dad has to acknowledge he’s an alcoholic; his family might be forced to admit it runs in the family. Dad’s sobering up is my only chance of him accepting me. Otherwise, I’m already lost to him. The rest of his family means much less if I or we lose Dad.”

Sara asks, “Are you still hoping to please him?”

Going to school Friday shows I’m not accepted by everyone. Grandma allows me to attend the basketball games being played tonight and to go out with my friends. I returned home with Grandma and came back early Monday morning. I was enjoying school more because studying with Karen prepares me better as a student.

Monday, while I was in school, Dad appeared before the judge. He was given the choice to attend a program for alcoholism and possibly have a deferred sentence. Or to stand trial and risk a longer jail time, for defying a court order and something that was not revealed. Surprisingly to his family he chose to undergo treatment for alcoholism to be followed by counseling.

It would be ten days into his treatment before I was asked to go and confront him with other family members. My Mom was already softening her position with me. Unfortunately, her acknowledging me now to be Elaine, didn’t change her blaming me for my Dad’s problems. Sara and Grandma told me something about Mom being codependent. Grandma says, “It is something your Mom’s not yet admitting to.” Grandma says, “It is where someone tries to rescue other people from their problems when it isn’t in her power to do so.”

Monday afternoon, I resume helping to watch Karen after school. Later in the week, I will accompany Karen to school. Her cast on her left leg was being changed to a limited walking cast. I’m with her Thursday and we are talking about her going to school the next day. We had just had a snack and a drink. It is the first time Karen got sick with me. She lost all of her snack, drink and more. Then began to cry and might get sick again.

It’s my worst nightmare. I have helped clean her bottom before after using the adult potty chair. I had quickly prayed, it had not gotten through her clothing. The prayer was not answered to my liking. I do not know how but more than moisture had gotten into her panties and skin. Yuck and gross yuck!

I got water for her to gargle with and then about 3 ounces of seven-up to lose the taste in her mouth. Undressing her of her clothing at first was totally disgusting. It is work to get her clothing off without messing her or where she is sitting even more. Even when I’m now to her panties and bra the mess is still there. Warm water and a washcloth work wonders but it is not easy for me. There are creases between her body and her legs, somehow some things are even under her right breast and every crease I check.

Once I get her fully clean, then it becomes a thing of beauty. Like wiping her breasts and drying them. She looks very beautiful to me, especially as another girl and the one I love. I find myself envious. Once I get a lacy bra on her and then a blouse she’s ready to lift herself using a bar so I can get a thong panty around her cast and up her other leg. Now she’s embarrassed as she usually does not wear or like wearing thongs. It is, however, easier to get over her cast. She does have panties that snap on the side which would have been easier. Unfortunately, those were all in with her dirty clothes.

Just as I was getting the thong on properly I made a crude kissing gesture and then heard her mother behind me at the same time. “What are you doing young woman; get away from her.” I had a wrap-around skirt on my arm to put around her, which I did. Her mother raised her voice, “How dare you be doing something like that. Get out of here!”

I backed out of the room repeating, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” With tears running down my face I ran out of their house and made my way home. I had forgotten my coat and boots until I was outside, but I wasn’t going back. It was cold and dark outside. Only the snow on the ground and occasional street light or car lights helped me to see where I was going. To add to my troubles I had walked two blocks toward my house before I remembered I have to go to the Adams house. Because of that, I had to walk ten blocks slipping in the snow and on ice.

Mom Adams is at the door to greet me, “O Honey, come in and out of the cold you poor girl.” I tried to tell her what happened but I started to cry again. Mrs. Adams said, “No need to tell me, Mrs. Hart told me what happened. She says, she is sorry she yelled at you. She or Maynard will bring over your boots and coat in a little while. Karen explained to her what happened and how you cleaned up the ugly mess Karen made of herself.”

“But Mom what she saw was me being crude and rude. I was kind of joking but it was really stupid of me. She has every right to be angry with me.”

Ma Adams said, “I heard Karen got nervous and sick about going to school tomorrow. It sounds like she made a big mess that her Mom would only be cleaning up now if you hadn’t cleaned her. Her younger sister surely wouldn’t have and Karen was not willing to have Maynard’s help.”

I ask, "Ms. Adams when you were a teenager. The first time you saw another girl completely nude, what did you think?”

Ma Adams stared out like she was seeing someone. “I was embarrassed because Julie saw me staring. And I thought she was more beautiful than any statue or picture that I ever saw.”

“Yea, and even her… she was so beautiful. It isn’t but it was. I’m sorry, but it wasn’t Bryce it was me liked to see her. But I got excited as Elaine, I know her Mom knew that.”

That is when Ms. Adams has me sit and she helped to take off my knee high nylons. Then I felt the pain of my toes thawing out. Jennifer and Rhonda both came to see what the noise is about. Jennifer's asking, “Where’s your coat and boots? You look a mess, what happened?”

Rhonda’s hugging me from behind. Mrs. Hart rang the doorbell and is soon in the house apologizing to me. “I’m sorry Elaine.” I tried to speak and we’re soon crying in each other’s arms. “The way I saw it was repulsive. Hearing what happened, I understand a lot better the need to be light-hearted. …You should have come back to the house for your coat, boots and called for a ride. I know you were scared to see me at that moment, but I would have understood. Maynard could have driven you home.”

Karen’s back at school and getting grief from some girls who didn’t like her. She went to the girls’ room without me. There wasn’t a handicapped toilet in there, so she got in the stall without her wheelchair. Two girls took the wheelchair away, leaving Karen stranded. When I heard what happened, come lunch time I crossed the cafeteria and slapped Marsha and pulled her hair as I yelled at her.

Needless to say, I got in trouble. Marsha and I both were sent to the Principal’s office. The Principal said I am lucky, I’m not being suspended. I would fail my classes for today and have five service days in school.

I hear Marsha got away with a warning as she’s in her senior year and carrying a 4.0-grade point. But I couldn’t get anyone to verify it. Ma Adams called the school office and Mrs. Hart also complained, but each was told our actions were addressed individually. "Because each person is a student the discipline is confidential."

Word came the following week, I was being asked to attend a session at my Dad’s alcoholism rehab in another week. We are to go and share before my father, anything and everything we wanted to say and about problems we have had with him. I was getting angry and sick just thinking about the request…

Monday is extremely hard on Karen and me as Marsha is hassling Karen anytime teachers and school staff are not looking. I’m already on probation and Karen is ready to ask to go home, all because of the teasing. I went to the office near the end of lunch and settled down after my counselor talked to me. But then came the next to last period of school and Karen needed to use the toilet. I helped her into the restroom and helped her into the stall; again it is not handicapped accessible. Karen is in and it took her a long time to be able to go.

Marsha enters and began teasing and tried to get the wheelchair away from me. I try to hold on, but Marsha began to hit me and pull the chair away. Marsha finally has a hold of me and hits me. She says, “I dare you to hit me back. You know who they will blame.”

I ask, “Why would they believe you over me?”

She says, “Because you’re a boy trying to be a slutty girl. Don’t you remember what the Principal say, ‘I’m a 4.0 student and I don’t get into trouble?’ Anyway, your Dad’s an abusive drunk. You’re a stupid son just like your dad except you cry like a girl.”

I say, “You might want to take that back before you get in big trouble.”

“Oh, oh are you threatening me?”

“No, but you should look behind you before you say anything more.”

Marsha says, “I’m not falling for your tricks” She throws her books at me and screams, “Help Elaine is trying to hurt me. Help! Help!”

Ms. Brook, my counselor, speaks up, “Marsha stop what you’re doing and behave. You come out of the girl’s room with me and we will wait for Elaine to help Karen. And then the three of us can go visit the Principal.”

They left the girls’ room as Karen opens the door. “I didn’t know how to record with my phone, so I just made a video of the door. I am sure it recorded the conversation.”

Marsha complained, “Principal, I was set up. I was attacked by Bryce and his Counselor is taking its side. They don’t have any real proof, just accusations.”

Holing up Karen’s phone, I say, “That’s not quite true….

The Story is to be continued…