Sing a Healing Song, Chapter 10

I woke up, and walked over to a mirror that was above my vanity.

And was shocked to see that I was once again Mathew, and not Fiona, but still walking.

But I was still wearing the nightgown from last night.

Before I could process this, Mom came into the room, and said, “Its time for you to put on your dress for church.”

“But ...”

“No buts! You promised, and a promise is a promise.”

I numbly went over to the dress, and then I was wearing it.

We drove to church, but it wasn’t the one we’d been going to for the last year, but rather the first church I had ever attended, an old-school style Baptist church. The pastor was there, and he glowered at me, and said, “Boys shouldn’t wear dresses. Especially not to church.”

“A promise is a promise.” Mom said, and he let us in.

Everyone was staring at me. People laughed behind their hands, or pointed in my direction in disgust. It was torture, but eventually the service ended, and we left the church.

I thought we were going home, but then Mom said, “We always go out for brunch on Sundays.”

“Can’t I change first?” I whined.

“A promise is a promise.” she said, and we drove to a buffet place. We went in, and once again everyone snickered or pointed at me, or jumped away when I came too close like I had a disease they could catch.

We ate, then Mom said, “Time for you to go to your new school.”

“Like this?” I cried.

“A promise is a promise.”

So I went to my new school still in my dress. When we got there, the principal said, “We don’t normally let sissy boys wear dresses to school.”

“A promise is a promise.” Mom replied.

He let us in. Everyone, even the teachers, called me a sissy. Then I saw Andrew Parker, the boy I had bumped into jogging. He came up to me, and said, “You had me fooled. I thought you were a real girl, not a sissy. To think I had actually considered asking you out on a date. I even thought about kissing you, yuck!”

I tried to explain, “But ... its not my fault.”

“Whatever, sissy. Just go away, and stay away.” he said, and walked away.

Then I realized I had to pee, so I went to the girls washroom, only to be met by a group of girls who said, “Perverted boys in dresses can’t use the girl’s room.”

The some boys came out of the boy’s room next door, and said, “Well, sissies aren’t welcome in the boys room either.”

I turned, and there was a teacher, and I said, “Please, I just want to pee. But the girls won’t let me use the girl’s room, and the boys won’t let me use the boy’s room.”

“Not our problem. Go outside and pee, sissy freak.”

Then the boys and girls surrounded me and chanted “Sissy freak! Sissy freak!”

I got away from them, then I tried to take off the dress, but I couldn’t. It seemed to be stuck on me. Then out of nowhere my mom appeared, and I begged her, “Please, help me take this dress off. I can’t wear a dress ever again!”

“You cant take it off. It’s part of you now. You promised, and a promise is a promise.”

“Nooo!”

“Fiona! Fiona! Wake up!”

I opened my eyes, and there was mom and dad in my bedroom, shaking me.

I tried to speak, and croaked out a “What ...”

“You were having a nightmare, sweetie.” Mom said.

“A nightmare?”

“That’s all it was, hon. You’re safe.” Dad added.

I started weeping, and they both held me until I could stop.

Finally, Dad said, “Come on. I’ll make you some warm milk, then you can go back to sleep for a couple of hours at least.”

“What about church?” I asked, blearily.

“Its only four in the morning, hon.” Mom said as she steered me towards the kitchen.

I tried to digest that information while waiting for Dad to give me the warm milk. When he gave me the cup, I realized he’d added a little chocolate sauce to the milk, and I smiled.

“Just like when I was little. Thanks, Dad.” I said.

He smiled, and sat down beside me, and Mom sat on the other side. Both of them waited until I had finished the milk in silence, Dad with a hand on my knee and mom with a hand on my back.

Finally, I finished the milk, and sighed.

“Okay. You want to talk about it, Fiona?” Dad asked, gently.

“Not really, Dad, but I think I have to.” I responded.

“Its always better out than in, sweetie.” Mom said.

I sighed again, and recounted the dream to them, fighting back tears as I spoke.

“I was a boy again, but I had to wear dresses ‘cause I promised, and everyone called me a sissy freak and ...”

“It was all just a dream, sweetie. You’re not a sissy or a freak. You might have been a boy, but you’re a girl now.” Dad said.

“That’s right, dear. And boy or girl, we’d never ask you to do anything that would get you hurt, no matter what promise you’d made. You’re our child, it's our job to keep you safe.” Mom agreed.

“Thanks. I guess this gender change hit me harder than I thought.”

“And I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it finally hit you how much you’ve changed.” Dad said.

“But the good news is that you now know you were having a problem, and can work on it.” Mom said.

“I suppose.”

“You can wear pants to church tomorrow, hon. We’ll save the dress for another time.” Mom offered.

“No.” I said, “I think I have to do this. I was fine at the mall, but maybe it really hadn’t sunk in yet. But I have to do it, or I’ll have it hanging over me until I do.”

“I think you’re right, hon.” Dad said.

“Now, why don’t try and get some more sleep.” Mom instructed, taking me back to bed.

I hugged them both, and said, “Sorry I woke you two.”

“Nothing to be sorry over. Just a bad dream, they happen.” Dad said, and then the two of them left my room once I had crawled back into bed.

I sighed, forced myself to relax, and within a minute I was back asleep ...