CHAPTER 50
The beer flowed, and folk relaxed. About eight thirty, we were joined by Aunty Gwen’s two, Karen and Elspeth. Ellie was straight to the point.

CHAPTER 48
Invitations, guest lists, it’s so much easier for a young girl to get married, she isn’t running a bloody household and someone else does the planning. My parents, for a start, needed reminding. I rang them

CHAPTER 47
That left us caught between two stools: whether to celebrate the arrival of Enid, or to explore Alice’s problems further. She steered us neatly away from that one with a seemingly flippant comment about water under the bridge, and we got on to planning the disposal of a sizeable proportion of her worldly goods.

CHAPTER 45
Alice was pensive as she drove us home. Bev had agreed to call at the office the next day to have the deed poll sworn, and we would make the round of the banks as necessary. Margaret already had things in hand with head office, so it was now a matter of making a list for Alice to work through, starting with her driving licence.

CHAPTER 43
“What the hell is this?”

I decided to push her delirium a bit more. Just keep it as normal as possible, and leave her isolated. “It’s coffee, Anne. You drink it. You know how I take mine, Alice, that would be lovely”

CHAPTER 41
I looked at the two culprits. “Does Alice know?”

CHAPTER 39
Alice had sat quietly through the discussion up to then. She drew in a long breath.

“That settles it, then. If she is off on that little journey, there is nothing we can do that will change her mind. In which case, I will start thinking about a day to come out.

CHAPTER 37
I finally got the last of the crowd off to their respective homes at about two thirty. Jim had been allowed to stay up to see and hear the Big Ben Bongs, and he was already asleep as Tony carried him upstairs. No story that night.

CHAPTER 36
Elaine and Siá¢n had to work before New Year, and, in fact, my sister had drawn the short straw of THAT night shift, so it was off with the four of them on the 27th for the long drive back to West Wales.

CHAPTER 34
I keep saying it, but, oh shit.

“Hello Andy, happy Christmas to you too”

CHAPTER 32
Christmas was on us far too soon. Arris and Steve were doing the full extended family thing in Reading, so we had plenty of room for once. This was going to be a big one.

CHAPTER 31
We followed the congregation into the church hall, where I laid out the fruits of my visit to the supermarket, the traditional mix of mince pies, sausage rolls and blueberry muffins for Jim. Anne spotted us, and came over, all smiles and sharp-dressing.

CHAPTER 30
Tony was in at eleven, and we were still swapping stories about gathering clothing, near misses, school days and all the other items and incidents that scarred us or brought a smile.

CHAPTER 18
It smelled green, so logically it tasted green when I was sick, and said vomit was green as well, as my empty stomach dredged deep for something to chuck up.

CHAPTER 17
All too soon we were back in the UK, and once again I had no problems with entry. My passport went under a little scanner, I was asked to pull my hair back a bit, and that was it. Once my details were sorted, those little dangly details, I would still get a new passport as soon as possible. Mum and Dad collected us at the airport.

CHAPTER 27
About a week later, just as we finished tea ,there was a knock at the door. Alice, who was unusually in drag as Alan, leapt up to answer it. I heard a muffled conversation, but could just pick out a couple of ‘Alans’

CHAPTER 26
I went down the High Street an hour later and called in at Borders, who happened to have a copy of “Conundrum” on their shelves. I had a stroke of luck, too, as they actually had one of Caroline Cossey’s autobiographies in stock, the second one, ”My Story”

CHAPTER 24
Enid was down late that evening, and to no great surprise from anyone settled herself into the attic. I had to blink at that one. I had been quite a fan of H.P. Lovecraft as a child, and attic rooms normally involved semi-batrachian half-breeds, or amorphous creatures of darkness from beyond….well, mothers-in-law.

CHAPTER 15
The next morning, I made a valiant effort to outdo my mother’s breakfasts, but even with Dad’s present of ’decent’ black pudding, I was doomed to failure.

CHAPTER 22
Enid was waiting for us, as she had house sat for our holiday, and after we had squeezed our luggage into the car we set off for Dover, Jim actually getting excited as he got nearer home.

CHAPTER 13
That was effectively the end of Abi’s crusade against me.

CHAPTER 19
A couple of days later we left the gorgeous city in a hired estate car for our trip out into the country.

CHAPTER 18
The rest of the evening was fun, especially when the nutter, who turned out to be called Stephanie, was carried out onto the dance floor by the prop I had been lusting after.